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Why this life?

Jim78

Jim78

Probationary
Here are some excerts of some more poetry I wrote as a teenager:

"A Tricolour expanding over fields of blood
Dragging innocence along its trail.

Will they wake to a dead Republic
And leave guilt to its citizens
With a bigots eye left to their children."

That quote was about the Irish Troubles which was still ongoing at the time. The first part was a reference to the Irish civil war. The second part was a reference to the generational sectarianism in the North of Ireland.

After I remembered reincarnation I realised that my views on the troubles didn't come to me independently. They were a result of a life being lived during the war of independence and the civil war.

As a result I was always in opposition to the terrorism of the provisional IRA. I refused to support it and I viewed anyone that did as being foolish.

I was also against the Iraq war. I went on all the protests and signed all the petitions. I knew it wouldn't change anything but again I took an anti war stance.

Then I had dealings with a powerful sociopath. That was much simpler. Sociopaths are shamelessly evil after all. I fought for years. It never entered my head to take an "anti war" stance with a sociopath. They were evil after all, not bigoted or misguided.

Then I discovered that I was wrong about them and that "evil" was simply an erroneous perception I had of them. Again I took an anti war stance on a large scale but I still fought my private war.

I fought enough wars in my past lives to know its futility but it never entered my head not to fight for love. I didn't see a real war in my current life yet I've learned the most profound lesson on conflict out of any life that I remember.

Why have I lived a life without grand scale conflict only to learn that all conflict is wrong?

Also here are more excerts:

"Beware of the black soldier,
A warrior impaling forests of expendable skulls,
Touching everyone.

He longs to wage the bloodiest war,
Battering the morals of peacemakers
And comforting his Generals."

I wrote that also as a teenager with the idea of an entity that encourages men in conflict and feeds off of their misery. I thought I would be just another soul entrapped by this entity. Yet since remembering reincarnation I wonder if I am the black soldier. Incarnating again and again to enjoy the organised chaos of battle and being lionised by others who don't understand my true nature.

Is my soul living such lives as an expression of my nature or did I simply have to endure all aspects of conflict before I realised its futility?

My current life gives me hope that I don't have to be the black soldier because I found a generally peaceful solution this go round.
 
Jim78 said:
or did I simply have to endure all aspects of conflict before I realised its futility?
My current life gives me hope that I don't have to be the black soldier because I found a generally peaceful solution this go round.
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You probably will feel much better if you see it that way. To me, it makes sense. It took you many lives, but you have learned something. And you do not have to be the "black soldier" ever again if you do not want to.
 
Thanks SeekerOfKnowledge. I talked about the battle between good and evil in men in the week leading up to my first pl memories.

Since remembering my mind has been in a struggle between light and dark and part of that is not knowing if I'm a positive influence or a negative influence.

It creates tension in me.

I have learned though and I did make a correct choice before I learned so maybe I was heading for that awakening. I just wish I knew where to go from here.
 
Hi Jim,

I have usually found that I have an idea of where I want to go or would like to go "from here" (in an ideal universe with an ideal me), but realism usually makes me discount my ideas as it seems impossible to me after looking at all the "facts".

Cordially,
S&S
 
Hi There and back again.

I have anger and rage at times. Little bursts of anger that it seems like other people who have been involved in conflict haven't gotten to the point of seeing the wrongs in combat.

I have rage at myself at times for the way I've behaved.

I also get defensive about my experiences around disbelief.

Then I chastise myself for not changing immediately.
 
Hi S&S.

Yup. Reality is always a slap in the face but I'm totally lost. It seems to me that God expects people to behave with utter powerlessness in the face of evil and trust in Him that everyone will be alright.

That seems to me to be an impossible goal without cutting all ties to friends and family and locking myself away in my home. Suppose something happens to someone I care about? According to what I've learned I'm meant to do nothing about it.
 
Hi Jim,

You say, "According to what I've learned I'm meant to do nothing about it." What did you learn, and who did you learn if from?

Cordially,
S&S
 
Hi S&S.

I've talked about it in other topics. I made a moral choice where I realised that combating an evil would have created a greater evil, so I stopped fighting the big fight.

Then as I said in that demonic topic I had an encounter with true evil and all it had to do was shine a light on the evil that my souls done.

Then my old love rejected me because I hadn't realised the hell I'd put her through by refusing to stop fighting evil.

Its a very long and complicated story with many details I wouldn't post in a public forum but its enough to say that my life lived and my utter powerlessness in the face of true evil illuminated for me the futility in combating evil. One never beats it, its just perpetuated.

If every man refused to fight evil evil would have no power. Even terrorists think they are fighting an evil, a belief system, a heretic, whatever.

https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/a-salute-to-michael-collins-1.1092808

How many young men have been inspired to violence by my past selves? In my opinion when we stop building men of violence up as heroes our children may have a chance to live in a peaceful world.
 
I have respect for what you’re sharing. I tried to reply in a helpful way but deleted them all realizing I just don’t know enough of the answers to the issues with which you grapple. I just couldn’t get the words out right. You sound weary and I’m sorry for your suffering but also appreciate that you reject evil and I try to do the same to the best of my ability. I wanted to show my support and wish you rest and peace. You’re not alone, though your suffering is substantial.
 
Hi Jim,

You seem to mix, without distinction, the life and pursuits of a violent Social Justice Warrior (SJW) with the much more limited right of personal and family self-defense. I'm not sure where the exact dividing line is, but to my mind there is a big difference between the person who undertakes to change society by violence and the one who is minding their own business and is attacked. The ordinary SJW (of whatever type) is, so to speak, invading public space and often other people's personal space to facilitate some change they believe in. He/she is taking the battle to the infidel of whatever kind, and when non-violent methods do not succeed, some proportion of SJW's resort to violence. That is a far cry from the father who shoots an armed intruder in his home threatening his wife and children.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--I use the term "Social Justice Warrior" though it is a modern invention, as it is descriptive of a "rallying cry". They may be fighting for one thing or another, but their rallying cry is always based on some idea that they are advancing the cause of Social Justice. As I use the term, it could include the ones I agree with as well as the ones I detest. I.e., the Founding Fathers of the U.S. as well as the wild-eyed bomb throwing anarchist (or Jihadi). In my day, the SJWs included the Students for a Democratic Society. The SDS wasn't radical or violent enough for some, and we then got the "Weathermen" and the "Symbionese Liberation Army", etc. There was a lot of bombing and violence. It hasn't quite come to that with the current iteration of SJWs in the U.S., but it is rapidly heading in that direction.
 
What you learned through experience was told through stories/tales when I was a youngster. It is a shame that political Correctness and Racial Issues reduced the availability of Song of the South because that lovable Uncle Remus helped my understanding of what you are expressing on a couple of different levels perhaps. The "Tar-Baby" tale came to mind while reading your post and I recognize that the wisdom I found there reappeared as a reminder at a number of times in my life - Remus was a hero to me at the time because of the understandings the tales brought.
 
Hi S&S.

For me there is no distinction anymore. Don't forget that in my current life I didn't set out to change a country or fight for everyone's freedom. I fought for my freedom and the freedom of the woman I loved. It was a deeply personal fight.

Its because of that that I've lost the distinction between an SJW and a man protecting those he loves.

I'm reminded of the AA steps:

"We must practise those principles in all our affairs"

Or Captain Jean Luc Picard:

"How many people does it take before it becomes wrong?"

Doing evil for any reason is wrong. We can justify it. I used to justify it.

"There are necessary evils"

"You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs"

Its a slippery slope.

There is precedence for this thinking...Jesus. He could have ran, he could have fought, he could have sold his disciples out. He didn't. He let evil happen to him and trusted in God.

I'm aware that man says man has the right to defend his home but what do people say that the Almighty says? "Trust in me"

I'm paying in my current life for millennia of sacrificing morality for a greater good and I've learned that committing evil for any reason is wrong.

My own "rallying cry" has become a trauma to me. I only hear myself inspiring others to do evil.

So I ask again, why this life? Why did I have to learn such a foreign concept?
 
Hi Ken.

All the stories and tales I read as a child were of heroes fighting evil. I figured since it had most peoples approval surely it would have Gods approval.

My own last life death is the "Tar Baby" all over. I didn't have to fight. We could have driven on.

But what of those times when you feel you have to fight? Such as when a sociopath is abusing someone you love? That turned out to be the "Tar Baby" too. Life can be very deceptive. If I'd my way I'd retire from life completely.
 
Hi Jim,

I think you are basically an old fashioned Quaker at heart. Whether you would find their theology palatable or not, you have definitely come to the place most of them occupied. After the carnage of the English Civil War and the seemingly never ending internecine battles of religion that continued after (and in which the Quakers were viciously persecuted) the world and the causes and results of violence looked the same to them as it does to you (from what I can make out). They adopted their Peace Testimony in the midst of persecution and violence, and have largely been non-participants and conscientious objectors in all conflicts and wars since then. They remain as a whole, however, tremendously active "do-gooders" and SJWs in the peaceful sense. The current variety have my grudging admiration, though I do not necessarily agree with all of the stands taken by their modern sons and daughters on various issues. (Plus, the modern variety--in the U.S. anyway--has abandoned the theology and religion of their founders, though they still adhere in most cases to the Peace Testimony).

Anyhow, it seems to me that most modern Quakers, like many others in this latter day, have abandoned their first love, and become something quite different from what they used to be. This is unfortunate from my perspective, as I find their initial beliefs to be quite revolutionary, insightful and positive. That doesn't mean that I agree with all of them, but still . . . . I can't help but be a bit wistful about what has been lost there. Modern is OK as far as it goes, but Quaker faith and practice at its best (in the past) was legendary.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--There is a charming movie available on Youtube: "Friendly Persuasion" starring Gary Cooper about a Quaker family trying to live their beliefs while the U.S. Civil War is going on around them. I think it is about $2.99 U.S. to watch.

PPS--You can also look at a free version over-dubbed in Russian if you like. Interestingly, a copy of the movie was given by a U.S. President as a gift to a Russian Big-shot at some point. So, this is probably what was done with it over there.
 
Hi S&S.

I know nothing about the Quakers. All I know is that I fought my way to understanding.

I'm also not a conscientious objector. I'm a soldier whose seen enough fighting to realise the futility in it.

What I don't understand is why I was given this lesson when most of humanity is walking around oblivious though.
 
Hi Alex.

Your right. I didn't stumble on a belief system or a theology. I learned a hard soul lesson.

Your quotes speak to the mirroring that I saw in my vision of Hell and the abyss certainly gazed into me. It was a very traumatic experience.

I wouldn't bother going out and preaching what I've learned though. Man has to arrive at the same conclusion by himself or he will not fully integrate the lesson.
 
Jim78 said:
What I don't understand is why I was given this lesson when most of humanity is walking around oblivious though.
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Hopefully so that you gained the understanding from the experience, maybe find a good outlet for the energy you had/have to share that understanding.

Jim78 said:
I wouldn't bother going out and preaching what I've learned though.
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I don't know if I'd call it preaching. Surely the sharing of your understanding would be useful for those willing to accept it - isn't that what you have already been doing?
 
How can I share my understanding beyond a reincarnation site Ken?

I know Mick Collins means little to you but here he's a icon and that's just ONE of my lives. Past life knowledge and my life's lessons have torn down icons for me but in my current life Jim isn't an icon. My saying Collins was wrong would fall like a lead balloon.

I can draw a line between Collins and myself for a fellow reincarnationist because they understand about soul journeys but my trying to illustrate to others outside of the reincarnation community what I've learned has always fallen on deaf ears.

The only instance where my lesson was digested by a fellow Irish person was when I was at a tram stop and a lady who looked just like my old love sat two feet from me. I had PTSD flashbacks in front of her. I didn't mention reincarnation or anything to her. I just relived my fight. The only thing I think I said was when I flashed back, stunned, to "combating evil creates evil". The lady saw the results of my fighting for a woman like her. I guarantee that if I had of said I felt traumatised by the Easter Rising in 1916 or guilty about Bloody Sunday 1920 she would have thought me mad. As it stands all she saw was guilt and trauma in me...because I didn't explain anything to her.

The only way I could share my lesson is not saying how I arrived at that lesson yet the lesson wouldn't be fully understood without that explanation.

Besides, given my past lives a layman or a shrink would probably dismiss me as suffering from a hero complex. They wouldn't listen to my experiences.
 
Jim78 said:
Hi S&S.

Yup. Reality is always a slap in the face but I'm totally lost. It seems to me that (1)God expects people to behave with utter powerlessness in the face of evil and trust in Him that everyone will be alright.

That seems to me to be an impossible goal without cutting all ties to friends and family and locking myself away in my home. (2)Suppose something happens to someone I care about? According to what I've learned I'm meant to do nothing about it.
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I don't believe neither (1) nor (2). You should do what your intellect and intuition lead you to do, without being carried away by your instincts and emotions. Sometimes you'll make mistakes; you're human!

There are (were) "things" in this life I care (cared) so much for that I'd sacrifice (I'd have sacrificed) my current life's progress for, knowingly.
 
Then how do you explain calamity baro-san? If we were caught in a flood or an earthquake the only real option left to us is to trust in a higher power, yet we still might die.

My lesson is that God wants us to take the same attitude to evil. You may not believe it but you haven't seen through the gates of hell. That changes everything.

What goes around comes around.

I'll have to stand before my maker and say that I did it all for love. That sounds like a pat answer to me now. In my experience God doesn't want justifications, He wants faith.
 
Jim78 said:
Then how do you explain calamity baro-san? If we were caught in a flood or an earthquake the only real option left to us is to trust in a higher power, yet we still might die.

My lesson is that God wants us to take the same attitude to evil. You may not believe it but you haven't seen through the gates of hell. That changes everything.

What goes around comes around.

I'll have to stand before my maker and say that I did it all for love. That sounds like a pat answer to me now. In my experience God doesn't want justifications, He wants faith.
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It's okay. If that's what you believe, than stand by it, and you'll find out if that was right / wrong / didn't matter.

The same with me: I don't believe in blind faith, I stand by it, and eventually I'll find out if that was right / wrong / didn't matter.

Although I have my beliefs, I keep an open mind. I'm flexible to augment and / or correct when I see the need.

I believe that each one of us builds their own reality, subconsciously, from their beliefs and their emotions. The reality I perceive is somewhat different than the reality others perceive.

As a human, I don't fully master my emotions, but I'm aware that they create thought forms that I might not be able to control, and that is holding back my soul's evolution.
 
Its not my belief baro-san. Its my experience. I don't like it one bit. I've never been a coward. I've always stood up against injustice. I've always opposed wrongs.

What I've learned runs contrary to my nature. I don't like who I have to become. A coward who ignores the evils of this world, yet the other option is to create more evil.

If you had of come to me four years ago with the concepts that I'm explaining I would have thought you mad and a coward. In my mind you would have become less than a man.

I remember being in a van crash once. After it happened all the men let the women out of the crash first ( even the women we didn't like ), yet one man lept out of the van in blind panic, bursting through all the women and running out of the van. I thought him a coward. I thought that I wouldnt want to be in a trench with him. The idea of being a coward in my next life sickens my warrior soul, but I see no other option. Not if I don't want more heavy karma on my soul.
 
Jim78 said:
I don't like who I have to become. A coward who ignores the evils of this world, yet the other option is to create more evil.
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It seems to me that your focus on the extremes leaves you with fewer options and less space to navigate your journey. The more moderate positions allow more movement and accomplishment in many instances, of course the extremes are needed to define the area of moderation, but personally they would seem to indicate the person's position in the cycle of self-importance IMO.
 
Extremes always result in negative outcomes though Ken.

The fact of the matter is, I didn't consider myself important. I simply fought the British or fought sociopaths or whatever. It was other people that judged what I did to be important. Other people were stunned by my maneuverings but I was stunned by their lack of ability to do the same.

What I've learned in my soul journey is that we are all equal. We all have our lessons to learn.

Its been proven, again and again however, that when I fight I change things for many people, for good and ill. That's not my fault. Its just something I'm good at.

All I'm saying is that I've learned not to do that anymore. Its too much karma for me PERSONNALLY. Everyone's left with their own crap to deal with and I'm no different. I couldn't care less about my 'importance'. Its irrelevant spiritually. All I'm concerned with is not creating more evil.
 
Hi Alex/Jim:

I am not accusing Jim of stumbling into a belief system or theology or of consciously adopting any pre-existing ones. I have no reason to believe he knows anything at all about theology in any formal sense, though he is constantly speaking about theological subjects. I am merely noting what his statements related to his own belief system and theology remind me of. My remarks were certainly not intended as an insult.

Cordially,
S&S
 
Jim78 said:
Its not my belief baro-san. Its my experience. I don't like it one bit. I've never been a coward. I've always stood up against injustice. I've always opposed wrongs.

What I've learned runs contrary to my nature. I don't like who I have to become. A coward who ignores the evils of this world, yet the other option is to create more evil.

If you had of come to me four years ago with the concepts that I'm explaining I would have thought you mad and a coward. In my mind you would have become less than a man.

I remember being in a van crash once. After it happened all the men let the women out of the crash first ( even the women we didn't like ), yet one man lept out of the van in blind panic, bursting through all the women and running out of the van. I thought him a coward. I thought that I wouldnt want to be in a trench with him. The idea of being a coward in my next life sickens my warrior soul, but I see no other option. Not if I don't want more heavy karma on my soul.
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We all look at the same things, but perceive and interpret slightly different, and use even more different words to describe.

Maybe I haven't understood enough what you wrote about yourself.

Being critical, and trenchant, about both yourself and others is a sign of youth. I was that way too. Now I think more that I don't know what drives others do what they do, I accept more the others even when I disapprove of something they did, or said. There's also that I crystallized meaningful hypotheses about major questions that tormented me from a certain point in life: what am I supposed to do in this life? what are humans supposed to accomplish during their lives? why are we here? and more of such.

I don't think that not-standing-up-against-injustice is cowardice. There could be many other explanations. The main one is that we're all subjective, even on the most "evident" injustice. What if you're wrong? I dislike activism, vehemence, excessive self-confidence. People react uncharacteristically sometimes being overtaken by emotions, even instincts.

On the other hand, I don't think that we are supposed to wait for anybody else to give us anything, including a higher power (neither government, nor Gods).

Ultimately it is up to each one of us to act the way we, individually, think is right.
 
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Hi baro-san.

I'm far from youthful. I wish I was youthful. Age doesn't make one immune from criticism. Age is irrelevant to reincarnation. We will be a baby after dying of old age after all.

I only learned the folly of my ways four years ago. I'm still processing it. That's why I create topics such as this. I'm still seeking answers.

Any old person that thinks they know it all is an idiot in my opinion. The older I get the less I think I know.
 
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