New to the forum. Can anyone please offer insight

[Catwomaniya]

Am drawn to past life regression, however cannot find anyone who practices here where I live. My problem that forced me to seek past life therapy is- extreme fear of sex. I am married since two years but still technically a virgin. I haven't even had any experience that could have caused this fear. I don't even know what it is like. I just get paranoid and super tensed up. Even visited a gynaecologist. She said that am perfectly healthy normal woman with no medical condition hinting towards pain during intercourse. Can anybody please offer me insight?

 

[fireflydancing]

Hi @Catwomaniya,

Welcome to the forum.

I understand why you are drawn to regressiontherapy. This problem must be hard for both you and your partner.
Having sex and making love is absolute trust and vulneralbility in a love relationship. And beyond that, it is even more spiritual.
In your case, I would advise a really good therapist. I don’t know if someone is available in your country. Don’t do this alone with a video or so. Even if you would discover you were raped and murdered in a past life, you still need couple counseling with your partner in the Now.
Wish you all the best.

 

[Yannovitch]

Am drawn to past life regression, however cannot find anyone who practices here where I live. My problem that forced me to seek past life therapy is- extreme fear of sex. I am married since two years but still technically a virgin. I haven't even had any experience that could have caused this fear. I don't even know what it is like. I just get paranoid and super tensed up. Even visited a gynaecologist. She said that am perfectly healthy normal woman with no medical condition hinting towards pain during intercourse. Can anybody please offer me insight?

Hello, i don't know about you, but i have had fear of STD's and unwanted pregnancies for a long time, so for a while i stayed single. It doesn't necessarily relates to a supposed past life, but who knows. What makes you afraid in sex?
I know i was paranoid about stds and afraid of other people sex lives in the sense that i would see them as chaotic and uncontrolled, but yeah it was mostly stds fears...
Lately it kind of went away because i have finally integrated that it is perfectly normal and part of life, no life without sex.

 

[Catwomaniya]

Hello, i don't know about you, but i have had fear of STD's and unwanted pregnancies for a long time, so for a while i stayed single. It doesn't necessarily relates to a supposed past life, but who knows. What makes you afraid in sex?
I know i was paranoid about stds and afraid of other people sex lives in the sense that i would see them as chaotic and uncontrolled, but yeah it was mostly stds fears...
Lately it kind of went away because i have finally integrated that it is perfectly normal and part of life, no life without sex.

My paranoia comes from pain. The unbelievable part is I have never had penetrative intercourse ever in my life. Still whenever the time comes I get panic attack, I start shouting "leave me" and extreme fear grips me. I have pain related fear of anything coming near my private part. Not even his hand. This is causing a rift in my married life because there isn't any reason why I should fear extreme pain on penetration.

 

[Catwomaniya]

Hello, i don't know about you, but i have had fear of STD's and unwanted pregnancies for a long time, so for a while i stayed single. It doesn't necessarily relates to a supposed past life, but who knows. What makes you afraid in sex?
I know i was paranoid about stds and afraid of other people sex lives in the sense that i would see them as chaotic and uncontrolled, but yeah it was mostly stds fears...
Lately it kind of went away because i have finally integrated that it is perfectly normal and part of life, no life without sex.

Hi @Catwomaniya,

Welcome to the forum.

I understand why you are drawn to regressiontherapy. This problem must be hard for both you and your partner.
Having sex and making love is absolute trust and vulneralbility in a love relationship. And beyond that, it is even more spiritual.
In your case, I would advise a really good therapist. I don’t know if someone is available in your country. Don’t do this alone with a video or so. Even if you would discover you were raped and murdered in a past life, you still need couple counseling with your partner in the Now.
Wish you all the best.

Thanks for the welcome. Unfortunately, there isn't any therapist available over here. This why the issue is lingering since last two years. I have also battled depression for ten years, starting from pre teen till I was 21 years old. My depression was also absolutely out of the blue since I was pretty much loved at home and school. In fact I have the most wonderful parents. But there is something about my life that is odd. Simply odd. Like since from class 1, I had IBS anxiety and would avoid public spaces especially markets.
I don't know how am going to survive the new crisis.
Anyways, even having some one listen to my woes and offer advice has been relaxing.
Thanks.

 

[briski]

Thanks for the welcome. Unfortunately, there isn't any therapist available over here. This why the issue is lingering since last two years. I have also battled depression for ten years, starting from pre teen till I was 21 years old. My depression was also absolutely out of the blue since I was pretty much loved at home and school. In fact I have the most wonderful parents. But there is something about my life that is odd. Simply odd. Like since from class 1, I had IBS anxiety and would avoid public spaces especially markets.
I don't know how am going to survive the new crisis.
Anyways, even having some one listen to my woes and offer advice has been relaxing.
Thanks.

How about a self regression, to see if there's anything there? however it maybe risky.
There is a very good one on youtube by Brian Weiss

 

[Catwomaniya]

How about a self regression, to see if there's anything there? however it maybe risky.
There is a very good one on youtube by Brian Weiss[/QUOTE

Tried. My body leg starts twitching and I snap out of sleep/hypnosis. As if, my brain doesn't want to let me undergo the experience.

 

[Yannovitch]

My paranoia comes from pain. The unbelievable part is I have never had penetrative intercourse ever in my life. Still whenever the time comes I get panic attack, I start shouting "leave me" and extreme fear grips me. I have pain related fear of anything coming near my private part. Not even his hand. This is causing a rift in my married life because there isn't any reason why I should fear extreme pain on penetration.

How curious. Because i don't believe it to be that painful?
In what culture have you been raised? do people around you criminalize sex? Because suggestions of others can influence us heavily.
Maybe some people will say you have had unconscious sex trauma? Maybe you just need to get over it and force yourself.
Or maybe you have an overall anxious personality and you need to meditate on this and learn to balance yourself day after day. I know anxiety, stress can lead to pretty strange and heavy symptoms. It tooks me 10 years to get over my insomnia and anxious tendencies, and it took a lot of self awareness and reflection.

 

[KenJ]

It has been years since I was involved in the field where this was something I felt good at working with catwomaniya, I wish that the woman I liked to co-counsel with was still alive to help.
I hope that you can find an understanding therapist that you can be completely comfortable with. Cultural, religious, early-learning, abuse, past-life, gender issues, self-image, fears of all kinds - it becomes a dismal swamp for some rather than a glorious experience that seems easily experienced by others. I'm glad to hear that your partner is standing by you, that has to be difficult for him, I'm sure that he is appreciative of your active pursuit of a solution. I know, in my experience as a counselor/therapist long ago, that it takes a gradual approach and quite a bit of love and understanding to get to the point where comfort is achieved. Do not give up, also, don't feel guilty.

 

[Catwomaniya]

How curious. Because i don't believe it to be that painful?
In what culture have you been raised? do people around you criminalize sex? Because suggestions of others can influence us heavily.
Maybe some people will say you have had unconscious sex trauma? Maybe you just need to get over it and force yourself.
Or maybe you have an overall anxious personality and you need to meditate on this and learn to balance yourself day after day. I know anxiety, stress can lead to pretty strange and heavy symptoms. It tooks me 10 years to get over my insomnia and anxious tendencies, and it took a lot of self awareness and reflection.

Am from a background where sex isn't frowned upon or considered taboo. In fact I don't remember my frnds or cousins anyone sharing any painful experience. While meditating, I do get weird vision/sensations but I shrug it off to an overactive brain.

 

[Catwomaniya]

It has been years since I was involved in the field where this was something I felt good at working with catwomaniya, I wish that the woman I liked to co-counsel with was still alive to help.
I hope that you can find an understanding therapist that you can be completely comfortable with. Cultural, religious, early-learning, abuse, past-life, gender issues, self-image, fears of all kinds - it becomes a dismal swamp for some rather than a glorious experience that seems easily experienced by others. I'm glad to hear that your partner is standing by you, that has to be difficult for him, I'm sure that he is appreciative of your active pursuit of a solution. I know, in my experience as a counselor/therapist long ago, that it takes a gradual approach and quite a bit of love and understanding to get to the point where comfort is achieved. Do not give up, also, don't feel guilty.

He is indeed very supportive but his patience is also wearing a bit. I don't blame him. My specific problem is only with anything penetrating, just can't even bear the thought. It somehow triggers something in me that it is going to be very very painful. I become agitated, panicked and faint if the act isn't stopped.
God I wish I get some counsel near or I would have to give up on life. Getting unbearable to disappoint the most loved person of my life.

 

[KenJ]

It might also be a good Idea for him to find a male counselor to help lift the pressure from your current situation and not sure of your husband's proficiency/understanding. I learned not to assume that knowledge existed where I thought it was! I was astounded to find that I worked with eighty year-olds that knew less than I had experienced at age fourteen, don't assume anything.
Edit: Of course, I felt that I knew it all at age fourteen!!