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Gender Identity Theory / Reincarnation

The whole basis of my post and the point I was making regarding being transgender was that it is a valid existence. As valid as any other experience. Our society allows us to align brain body without switching bodies, or without ending our life. To me that’s a revelation.

The more I live this life, the more I can see that I chose this experience on a soul level.

As I am transitioning later in life compared to other folks let me add another perspective. The life I’ve lived hasn’t been smooth sailing. Yet I don’t regret my earlier life. I have experienced many things not possible if I had transitioned earlier. That has all been valid for me, both to experience years of not living true to myself and also to experience other aspects. The point I’m at in my life has switched on the irresistible urge to be the man inside me and experience life in a male shell. Medical advancement means that I can achieve that. Now the seed has been sown it’s impossible to ignore. Ignoring and repressing and denial lead to self hate and do not allow me freedom of expression.

In short — Educate yourselves. Being transgender is not a sin, not bad karma, it just is. It’s not a choice to feel you need to align brain and body. That feeling is innate, even if you choose to ignore it or repress or deny. You take whatever steps you need to achieve peace and live a valid existence. For some of us that means aligning the whole body to look and feel our mind gender.
 
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I read somewhere from someone who had transitioned later in life that he felt he had reincarnated within his own life. He felt lucky as he had lived two complete lives. I couldn’t put it better myself. That way of seeing it makes sense to me.
 
Agreed, you've seen the photo's, I'm sort of continuing where I left of in 1945 as I'm the exact image of Alex, that I have another life between then and now seems irrelevant to that

I actually wonder who you turn out to resemble most, a past life or a new you completely, time will tell Brother
 
I see aspects of me in Terrys face as it is. Think I’ll look like an updated me, version 2.0

In a couple of years I’ll update this thread with my experiences and post photos. Maybe I’ll write it in a book.
 
And another article about kids who are pushing the gender boundaries: https://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/whats-so-bad-about-a-boy-who-wants-to-wear-a-dress.html

It’s a long read but fascinating. Their surety about who they are reminds me of the surety of those kids who recall past life memories. It’s us grown ups who don’t get it.

One more article that highlights what intersex means: https://www.todaysparent.com/baby/baby-health/intersex-when-a-baby-isnt-quite-boy-or-girl/

I think it’s important to point out that biological sex can also be non conforming as few seem to understand that.
 
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Adults should in general be more openminded as when they were kids
Kids accept more than adults, what's frequently said within the LGBT community is "if you want to be an unicorn, be an unicorn, people will judge you no matter who you are"
 
It’s fascinating to watch my own kids grown up, CanSol. I’m not putting any boundaries on them but they clearly know who they are. They came into their lives with personalities pretty much formed.
 
landsend said:
Another interesting read for anyone who doubts that gender identity isn’t innate: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-11814300

This highlights the tragic case of a boy who was raised as a girl due to an accident in surgery where his penis was cut off.
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The part that I still hate is that others determine whether you're a boy or girl and are told to behave certain ways
I sometimes read comments on posts or youtube vids (tip Landsend NEVER EVER do that) and read the most stupid, racist and sometimes downright hurtfull things like "she/he isn't old enough to know for him or herself" "he/she can't know that he/she is not a boy/girl" etc etc
They can't know who they are but they can know they don't like broccoli, barbie dolls, firetrucks etc etc? Everyone takes their word for it but a girl that's confident and says "I'm a boy" or the other way around can't know for sure? I knew when I was 4

No outsider, that includes parents and healthcare professionals, have the right to determine how someone should live his or her life
In my early years I often heard "don't do that because girls do it like.... (getting on a bike for example)" "don't sit like a boy"
Me being me, I just ignored everyone by doing and behaving how I wanted, eventually people saw I was a hopeless case and they let me be most of the time, others however will try to comfirm to society's norms of behaviour and will do their best to live like their assigned gender, this comes with a terrible price because many are downright miserable, depression and suicide (attempt) is sky high because it feels like you're living a lie and unless you're in a position where you had to hide who you truly are then nothing that I say can make you truly understand how that feels like
 
CanSol said:
The part that I still hate is that others determine whether you're a boy or girl and are told to behave certain ways
I sometimes read comments on posts or youtube vids (tip Landsend NEVER EVER do that) and read the most stupid, racist and sometimes downright hurtfull things like "she/he isn't old enough to know for him or herself" "he/she can't know that he/she is not a boy/girl" etc etc
They can't know who they are but they can know they don't like broccoli, barbie dolls, firetrucks etc etc? Everyone takes their word for it but a girl that's confident and says "I'm a boy" or the other way around can't know for sure? I knew when I was 4

No outsider, that includes parents and healthcare professionals, have the right to determine how someone should live his or her life
In my early years I often heard "don't do that because girls do it like.... (getting on a bike for example)" "don't sit like a boy"
Me being me, I just ignored everyone by doing and behaving how I wanted, eventually people saw I was a hopeless case and they let me be most of the time, others however will try to comfirm to society's norms of behaviour and will do their best to live like their assigned gender, this comes with a terrible price because many are downright miserable, depression and suicide (attempt) is sky high because it feels like you're living a lie and unless you're in a position where you had to hide who you truly are then nothing that I say can make you truly understand how that feels like
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Agree with you. I’m the example of living that lie — for years I’ve said that I’m lying and it’s affected every single aspect of life. Down to meeting people, I’d always feel they could sniff me out. Never got close to people as a result. Have zero friends into adulthood offline.

I knew from about the time I started primary school (or nursery perhaps). It clicked in my brain back then that I was like the boys in my class, they were like me down to how I thought and felt. I was friends with boys and girls but knew that I wasn’t like the girls in my class.

As a kid you can hide pretty well and no one bats an eyelid. It was the teenage years where it hit me that my body was changing into something that wasn’t me. Lost all my confidence and spark for life in pretty much the space of a year when the hormones hit. Will one day have the guts to post my high school photo here.
 
And I’ve already read those hateful comments ... man it’s nothing new. Have been telling myself those hateful things for years. And now have my well meaning mother and family members telling me the same.
 
I hope that with everything you know now, will learn as time goes on and when the ball gets rolling you an finaly become who you're truly are
You're not alone
 
Thing is I relate quite a bit to the New York Times article. I felt like a boy but wasn’t adverse to all girl things—one of my favourite activity was to sit and draw and colour and that’s relatively gender neutral. So it made it easy to blend in and easier for me to dismiss my thoughts and feelings. I never really questioned how I wanted to express myself unless it was too extreme male (because then I realised people noticed and made comments). Was never allowed a toy gun, also felt ashamed on my fascination for boys things in general. There was shame there. Again there was shame when I went too much to the female side and fulilling that which was expected of me — I didn’t know how to be graceful (ironic if you know my birth name) or how to dance or do any typically female things like putting makeup or doing hair or looking good in clothes. When I tried to fit in it felt like the biggest humiliation and like my limbs were made out of styrofoam. I noticed other girls who moved so well in their bodies and seemed to get things that I just couldn’t. What is wrong with me? Was a question I used to ask.

Even when I got married I felt I was a man in a big dress. Told my husband this is the one day I’m going to be overtly feminine and screw the rest. He always tried to reassure me thinking it was insecurity. Heck I thought that it was too, and told myself on the day that I wouldn’t let those thoughts ruin the day I was marrying the soul I loved — if I had known the truth would I have married him that way? Nope probably not.

Isn’t life complicated?
 
landsend, I've mostly had opposite experiences. The thing I think the hit me the worst, just being on the opposite side of the coin here, was how many things that had no gender connotations attached to them, are or were automatically assigned to "girls" unless they were directly related to sports, earning money etc. A lot of my formative years were in the 70's and early 80's so our experiences may vary, but I've seen this reflected in the students I still work with today.

I think I mentioned the book reading incident with my students somewhere in here and forgive me for reiterating, but the faculty and staff would frequently comment about how almost sweet it was that the girls would read in the cafeteria. When it was the boys, they were loners and needed friends or they may turn out to be the next school shooter. It's like we were saying and all mostly realize that what defines male and female is just a point on a fuzzy gray spectrum. But still, most people only see in black and white and they color harmless, genderless activities as either male or female.

I do have some deep regret about not allowing myself to enjoy activities because of that "coloring" or feeling guilty if I did. I do think that part of is I didn't want to appear effeminate or gay so I can really echo your sentiments.

I was lucky though that at least within my central family, I wasn't treated any differently. Nobody made me play sports, instead I was free to learn the piano, I did needle point with my mom, cook dinners and I spent many happy hours watching shows like murder she wrote with my mom and grandma.

I wish though I had a public "face" that people saw and treated me differently by. The clothes are honestly the biggest thing I miss ha ha. I always wanted to do ballet just for the clothes.. that was 99% of it for me! Although I love dance too.

So while I was denied some of those extra girly things I wanted so bad, I think the biggest thing to me was missing out on those gender neutral things. I think because they're a form of self expression and within, it's how we comfort ourselves and find meaning in our lives. I do all those things happily now, but it's always deeply bothered me that males are still mostly chastised for doing them.
 
Totoro said:
landsend, I've mostly had opposite experiences. The thing I think the hit me the worst, just being on the opposite side of the coin here, was how many things that had no gender connotations attached to them, are or were automatically assigned to "girls" unless they were directly related to sports, earning money etc. A lot of my formative years were in the 70's and early 80's so our experiences may vary, but I've seen this reflected in the students I still work with today.

I think I mentioned the book reading incident with my students somewhere in here and forgive me for reiterating, but the faculty and staff would frequently comment about how almost sweet it was that the girls would read in the cafeteria. When it was the boys, they were loners and needed friends or they may turn out to be the next school shooter. It's like we were saying and all mostly realize that what defines male and female is just a point on a fuzzy gray spectrum. But still, most people only see in black and white and they color harmless, genderless activities as either male or female.

I do have some deep regret about not allowing myself to enjoy activities because of that "coloring" or feeling guilty if I did. I do think that part of is I didn't want to appear effeminate or gay so I can really echo your sentiments.

I was lucky though that at least within my central family, I wasn't treated any differently. Nobody made me play sports, instead I was free to learn the piano, I did needle point with my mom, cook dinners and I spent many happy hours watching shows like murder she wrote with my mom and grandma.

I wish though I a public "face" that people saw and treated me differently by though. The clothes are honestly the biggest thing I miss ha ha. I always wanted to do ballet just for the clothes.. that was 99% of it for me! Although I love dance too.

So while I was denied some of those extra girly things I wanted so bad, I think the biggest thing to me was missing out on those gender neutral things. I think because they're a form of self expression and within, it's how we comfort ourselves and find meaning in our lives. I do all those things happily now, but it's always deeply bothered me that males are still mostly chastised for doing them.
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Totoro,

Thanks so much for writing and being you. Always enjoy reading your posts.

Gendering activities really is nonsense, in general we can see that girls and boys gravitate to certain activities, but also -- if a girl wants to skateboard and play football or run (that was my favourite) then -- what of it? Likewise boys can dance if they wish, or care for their appearance, or whatever. My uncle is a brilliant dancer. Still it doesn't shape our gender identity. You can be a boy who does ballet, or a girl who kicks behinds in karate -- but still fundamentally know if you are a boy or a girl doing those activities. The NY Times article quoted above is a more extreme version of that.

Your post made me smile as my husband enjoys needle point, once he did a cross-stitch for our anniversary, he sat daily on the train to get it done, people gave him stares (he had a full beard back then and is masculine) but he didn't care. He also used to sit & watch the television with his abeula, he was very close to his mother before she passed away and his abuela -- he has three sisters. He has a developed 'feminine' side, is more caring than me -- it comes natural to him to be that way. I think his mother/abuela and sisters did have an influence there-- his dad was often away because he worked as a truck driver. Yet he doesn't identify as female, and also has a developed masculine side. He just is that way.
 
Gendering activities is a really strange thing .. I´m truely happy my kids fit into their biological sex cause I know very well of the difficulties you all described before and which I had to deal with too.
But when it comes to activities I have a very quiet but still self confident boy here who is spending his time reading (his teacher called him deep relaxed :cool:) while his sister loves being outdoors with her remote controlled buggy. I have the impression I knew it quite early that they are okay with their gender. Even the two year old already prefers dresses which I always refused right from the start. Looking at old pics I remember how much I hated to wear a dress (I seldom did) and especially tights - I would cry whenever my mom made me to.
I remember as a very small kid I sometimes played "wedding" and I was always the groom. :cool: My grandfather had to be the bride ;)
When I finally married I still couldn´t make myself wearing a dress. And I couldn´t make myself giving up my surname.
Had some discussions about that, my husband always telling me how beautiful I was thinking it was a lack of self confidence (like you said, landsend, same here, unfortunately, it´s not).
After my boy was born I hated the fact he´d never call me "dad".
That was and still is a deep wound. :(
 
glia21 said:
Gendering activities is a really strange thing .. I´m truely happy my kids fit into their biological sex cause I know very well of the difficulties you all described before and which I had to deal with too.
But when it comes to activities I have a very quiet but still self confident boy here who is spending his time reading (his teacher called him deep relaxed :cool:) while his sister loves being outdoors with her remote controlled buggy. I have the impression I knew it quite early that they are okay with their gender. Even the two year old already prefers dresses which I always refused right from the start. Looking at old pics I remember how much I hated to wear a dress (I seldom did) and especially tights - I would cry whenever my mom made me to.
I remember as a very small kid I sometimes played "wedding" and I was always the groom. :cool: My grandfather had to be the bride ;)
When I finally married I still couldn´t make myself wearing a dress. And I couldn´t make myself giving up my surname.
Had some discussions about that, my husband always telling me how beautiful I was thinking it was a lack of self confidence (like you said, landsend, same here, unfortunately, it´s not).
After my boy was born I hated the fact he´d never call me "dad".
That was and still is a deep wound. :(
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I understand you Glia.

I often did what was expected of me, not really questioning. In my childhood I was never forced to wear dresses or do any of that, my folks let me be. I can't remember when I was very young being adverse to wearing dresses -- I was very shy at that age, and was pretty afraid of everything, I just did what was expected of me -- but then again dresses were only worn on special occasions. More than anything I recall feeling very vulnerable and being attached to my dad. Between the ages of 6-12 I was a tomboy, and felt like a boy, and acted like a boy. My sister was somewhat of a tomboy, too, so for me that just felt the norm. That's probably a blessing and a curse, how would I have reacted if femininity had been forced on me at that age?

In that awkward period between childhood and puberty, things started changing in me that made me realise even further I wasn't a girl. It was so uncomfortable that it filled me with utter shame, from head to toe. There were no words to articulate what it was, just shame. There were experimentations with girls of my age where we would make believe, and I, without fail, played the boy. There were no words. I just was the boy. Instead of accepting this and going with it, I obliterated those experiences out of my mind.

I remember the first time being remotely feminine was after meeting my partner around the age of 18, again thought the reason I never had tried to dress feminine before was because a) folks would make fun of me and b) I was insecure and felt ugly. I could see that I wasn't an ugly person, but deep down the person the world saw just wasn't me, making me feel ugly, ungainly, wrong.

In some ways I grew into femininity. I gave myself permission to be feminine, and, in its own way, used it as a mask to hide from my pain. The woman mask I lived in didn't have to deal with the soul pains that were lurking within. Things were soft and coated in denial. Sometimes it would slip through in bursts of aggression. Despite meditation, and other means of self-acceptance, there was no way out of the daily cloak of depression that filmed my entire life. For years I'd been telling my partner something was 'wrong' with our relationship. He couldn't understand what I was talking about. Yesterday I found the letter that I wrote to him prior to opening to Terry, and these very words were written at the end 'I'm not living authentically'.

The dissociation from life and my body has been so strong that I no longer know who I am any more. Was I living a lie all those years? The awakening these past few years has been severe, sometimes nightmarish. I'm just sorry to all those who are tangled in my lies.

Can I go on regretting my life? This morning I was thinking it all over. I'm not Terry any more, I'm not his sort of man any more. Having lived as a woman, what sort of a man am I, truly? I understand women intimately, what they go through, their perspective, how they are treated. I can't go back to seeing them as a disjointed concept, something to be ogled, or idolised. I've developed respect for women.

Likewise, I understand how it is to be a man. One of my main problems as Terry was not being able to express my emotions, not having that capacity. 'Boys don't cry'. Never once showing I was vulnerable to my kids, to my wife, to anyone who knew me -- that is until I became a POW (but then who knew me?) In this life, I've found ways to express myself that is more healthy than burying, mostly through writing. Would that have been possible if I had not been born in this shell, and given the capacity to express myself?
 
In Lakota we have a word: wíŋkte and it means two spirited, other tribes have their own word for it
In Native American/First Nation societies two spirited are held in high regard because they are unique in understanding, or atleast knowing about, both the male and female world (having said that, I still don't understand women o_O)

Were you or anyone else still in the closet whether LGB and/or T living a lie? Hard question to answer

The biggest lie anyone can live is that of who he or she is, this is reinforced by western society where if you don't fit the required boxes then something must be wrong with you and not the society
If you look at for example Lakota society there members of the LGBT community are not considered outcasts, weird, freaks and so on but are often found in leading roles as medicine (wo)men, councelors etc because we see things literally from a different angle or sometimes can better understand both sides more easily than someone who's born straight and/or cis (non trans, not gonna explain everything, it'll be a novel otherwise)
 
landsend said:
Totoro,

Thanks so much for writing and being you. Always enjoy reading your posts.

Gendering activities really is nonsense, in general we can see that girls and boys gravitate to certain activities, but also -- if a girl wants to skateboard and play football or run (that was my favourite) then -- what of it? Likewise boys can dance if they wish, or care for their appearance, or whatever. My uncle is a brilliant dancer. Still it doesn't shape our gender identity. You can be a boy who does ballet, or a girl who kicks behinds in karate -- but still fundamentally know if you are a boy or a girl doing those activities. The NY Times article quoted above is a more extreme version of that.

Your post made me smile as my husband enjoys needle point, once he did a cross-stitch for our anniversary, he sat daily on the train to get it done, people gave him stares (he had a full beard back then and is masculine) but he didn't care. He also used to sit & watch the television with his abeula, he was very close to his mother before she passed away and his abuela -- he has three sisters. He has a developed 'feminine' side, is more caring than me -- it comes natural to him to be that way. I think his mother/abuela and sisters did have an influence there-- his dad was often away because he worked as a truck driver. Yet he doesn't identify as female, and also has a developed masculine side. He just is that way.
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Aww.. thank you! :)

I agree too, it's nonsense.. however, I think culturally in the US, a lot of it is biased towards girls. They have a wider range of activities they can do and are exposed to and not draw ire. The exception tends to be organized sports. I agree though 100%, you should be able to do whatever activity you want to and also feel grounded in who you are as well. I think the issue is cultural perception honestly.

I think it's possible to be socialized in a particular way from when you are young, because it's natural for the child to mirror and form bonds with the dominate parent, or the one they feel closet too. But as in the case of your husband, which may be supported by the video I posted, it's possible to be cross socialized in gender roles, which may lead to gender confusion later in life.

I tend to be on the side though that says it's a little bit nature, that's where the original programming comes in and a little bit nurture. Things tend to find the path of least resistance, so if you're inclined to something and validated for doing it, you're going to do it, regardless of cultural perceptions, like your husband and hopefully you'll be supported to be an integrated and validated person.

I don't really have a masculine side. The only thing I enjoy doing that's male is playing with guns and playing shooting games on like play-station or something. Like I play airsoft with my son (its like paintball) and I really enjoy it, but all of the people that do it are always in like macho mode the whole time. I can kind of fake it for a while, but I need to turn it off. I definitely like the combat aspect, but I'm just not a guy haha. There's girls that play too and they love the attention, but I'm there because I like working with the kids and teens that play (mom / summer camp counselor type stuff) and I enjoy the game. I'm just not into the rude jokes and other male socializing.

I have really tried hard to analyze myself just being nurtured and I come up dry constantly. I took an honest inventory of myself and I can say that I had to learn I wasn't a girl, I actually thought I was. I've read in many places, that one of the more scandalous things about my past life was that she (I'm using the 3rd person here, because because my family have literally become fictional characters, that people often regard as true fact) had numerous affairs that resulted in a pregnancy and her baby was taken from her. There are other contextual, legitimate reason why I don't believe any of that, but the biggest one to me is I never felt like I lost a baby, but I knew I wanted them; that was my unfinished business from my past life. Before the age of 4, I would put pillows in my pajama bottoms and pretend I was pregnant.

I also have a lot of "phantom" sensations, or I used to. I still have a habit of pushing or flipping my head to get non existent hair out of my face. In my late teens and early 20's, I used to get monthly PMS sensations and my back would hurt. I also had a searing pain in my lower right, from a stab wound (this was my male past life previous to the last). I've read that in my past life, I experienced severe menstrual cycles, so i'm not entirely surprised they would show up again.

Previous to understanding past lives, I had all sorts of blood work to understand what was going on. Nothing could really explain that I just know what it's like to be a woman. There was no satisfactory explanation I could find that would easily make sense of it all, until I learned about reincarnation.

So I've just accepted that my dysphoria is a result of that and I've made so much peace with it. But like I keep saying, it feels so not fair! ha ha. So many clothes and shoes.. and ugh. you understand :) I know I'm here for my wife as well, I've plainly seen that in both our past lives together, so that brings me peace as well. I do often wonder though how much dysphoria out there is caused by people failing to adjust to accept their opposite gendered lives.

I wonder too if mine is cause by the trauma I had in my past life. When I managed my first real break through, I had been denying my past life because I was married to my friend now, in this life. There was so much guilt and shame in this life, from us acting like a married couple and then so much anger and resentment towards him for "ruining" my past one. I really felt robbed of my life as a woman.
 
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Totoro said:
Aww.. thank you! :)

I agree too, it's nonsense.. however, I think culturally in the US, a lot of it is biased towards girls. They have a wider range of activities they can do and are exposed to and not draw ire. The exception tends to be organized sports. I agree though 100%, you should be able to do whatever activity you want to and also feel grounded in who you are as well. I think the issue is cultural perception honestly.

I think it's possible to be socialized in a particular way from when you are young, because it's natural for the child to mirror and form bonds with the dominate parent, or the one they feel closet too. But as in the case of your husband, which may be supported by the video I posted, it's possible to be cross socialized in gender roles, which may lead to gender confusion later in life.

I have really tried hard to analyze myself that way and I come up dry constantly. I took an honest inventory of myself and I can say that I had to learn I wasn't a girl, I actually thought I was. I've read in many places, that one of the more scandalous things about my past life was that she (I'm using the 3rd person here, because because my family have literally become fictional characters, that people often regard as true fact) had numerous affairs that resulted in a pregnancy and her baby was taken from her. There are other contextual, legitimate reason why I don't believe any of that, but the biggest one to me is I never felt like I lost a baby, but I knew I wanted them; that was my unfinished business from my past life. Before the age of 4, I would put pillows in my pajama bottoms and pretend I was pregnant.

I also have a lot of "phantom" sensations, or I used to. I still have a habit of pushing or flipping my head to get non existent hair out of my face. In my late teens and early 20's, I used to get monthly PMS sensations and my back would hurt. I also had a searing pain in my lower right, from a stab wound (this was my male past life previous to the last). I've read that in my past life, I experienced severe menstrual cycles, so i'm not entirely surprised they would show up again.

Previous to understanding past lives, I had all sorts of blood work to understand what was going. Nothing could really explain that I just know what it's like to be a woman. There was no satisfactory explanation I could find that would easily make sense of it all, until I learned about reincarnation.

So I've just accepted that my dysphoria is a result of that and I've made so much peace with it. But like I keep saying, it feels so not fair! ha ha. So many clothes and shoes.. and ugh. you understand :) I know I'm here for my wife as well, I've plainly seen that in both our past lives together, so that brings me peace as well. I do often wonder though how much dysphoria out there is caused by people failing to adjust to accept their opposite gendered lives.

I wonder too if mine is cause by the trauma I had in my past life. When I managed my first real break through, I had been denying my past life because I was married to my friend now, in this life. There was so much guilt and shame in this life, from us acting like a married couple and then so much anger and resentment towards him for "ruining" my past one. I really felt robbed of my life as a woman.
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Dysphoria from my experience seems to have several roots, and biological roots also must not be ignored. What has been found is that when people adjust to living according to their internal sex, the dysphoria lessens. Most folks transition because they can no longer conceive living in their assigned sex. It really is that bad.

For me really there is no adjusting, it's kinda like living in wrong shoes your whole life and knowing it's ill fitting and resigning to that fact because you feel there was nothing that could be done about it. But then someone says: hey why not try these shoes, they might fit better? So you try, and you walk a bit in them for a day.. and holy moly, you realise that you had been living trying to force yourself to be a certain way all this time. It's a bit of a lame comparison but the best I can come up with right now.

For me I'd always had a sensation that I just wasn't living according to my true nature, my true self. For others it might not be as strong. I wish there was a button to switch it off, to make it go away -- but it's always been there, and now I'm conscious and have admitted it I can't go back to living in those ill fitting shoes.
 
I think you're absolutely right.. there are many reasons for dysphoria. I was thinking though that reincarnation isn't widely accepted, so it may be one reason amongst many, many others, for it. I think, like you said, being able to maintain the same place / role in my family, has lessend greatly, the amount of dysphoria I feel.

I hate to say too, now that my wife and I are separated, I better. She was very controlling and wouldn't allow me to do any of the cooking or cleaning and now it's all I do and I feel like I can express myself better, so I definitely agree, there's truth to that too.

I can agree with you too.. I've thought many, many times to myself if I could just be transgender, or at least be that way, things would be easier and make more sense. it took me a long time and a lot of soul searching, but I decided what was the most important to me, was to be able to freely be the caregiver I want to be. I've been tempted, trust me.. I used to cross dress when I was younger (very passable) and it felt amazing normal and so did getting swept away in a man's arms. And yes, I wished many times for an off button too. But.. all in all, I'm glad things are changing in the world. People should honestly be able to take the path that enables them to find the most happiness, without regret.

Are you currently transitioning? If so, how has that affected your marriage?
 
Totoro said:
I think you're absolutely right.. there are many reasons for dysphoria. I was thinking though that reincarnation isn't widely accepted, so it may be one reason amongst many, many others, for it. I think, like you said, being able to maintain the same place / role in my family, has lessend greatly, the amount of dysphoria I feel.

I hate to say too, now that my wife and I are separated, I better. She was very controlling and wouldn't allow me to do any of the cooking or cleaning and now it's all I do and I feel like I can express myself better, so I definitely agree, there's truth to that too.

I can agree with you too.. I've thought many, many times to myself if I could just be transgender, or at least be that way, things would be easier and make more sense. it took me a long time and a lot of soul searching, but I decided what was the most important to me, was to be able to freely be the caregiver I want to be. I've been tempted, trust me.. I used to cross dress when I was younger (very passable) and it felt amazing normal and so did getting swept away in a man's arms. And yes, I wished many times for an off button too. But.. all in all, I'm glad things are changing in the world. People should honestly be able to take the path that enables them to find the most happiness, without regret.

Are you currently transitioning? If so, how has that affected your marriage?
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I am currently transitioning, some family members now know the truth about me, my children know, most people have adjusted how they call me, but have not told the entire world despite dressing and looking like a man. Medical transition here in the UK is a painstaking process taking years, am battling with doctors even to get on waiting lists. It is a nightmare. Why would anyone want to do this? It really is a matter of life, and death.

How has it affected my marriage? Well, things haven't been exactly right for years, hence why I started looking to that pain I'd left in a tidy box which led to this in the first place. We don't actually know how it's going to go. Currently we are together and our situation means separation wouldn't be right for either of us at this moment. We are not even sure we want to separate & taking it a step at a time, seeing how it goes. My love for the soul who is my husband transcends gender, but at the same time we both recognise the right to be happy and desired within a romantic union. What more can be said? I want the best for him and have told him so from the beginning.

As I said in the other post, my husband is more caring than the average man, and often times our energies balance out. Other times it's not as simple, and we both resent the roles we have landed in.
 
CanSol said:
In Lakota we have a word: wíŋkte and it means two spirited, other tribes have their own word for it
In Native American/First Nation societies two spirited are held in high regard because they are unique in understanding, or atleast knowing about, both the male and female world (having said that, I still don't understand women o_O)

Were you or anyone else still in the closet whether LGB and/or T living a lie? Hard question to answer

The biggest lie anyone can live is that of who he or she is, this is reinforced by western society where if you don't fit the required boxes then something must be wrong with you and not the society
If you look at for example Lakota society there members of the LGBT community are not considered outcasts, weird, freaks and so on but are often found in leading roles as medicine (wo)men, councelors etc because we see things literally from a different angle or sometimes can better understand both sides more easily than someone who's born straight and/or cis (non trans, not gonna explain everything, it'll be a novel otherwise)
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Thanks for sharing this, friend. Have heard about two spirited before. Have also heard that many cultures incorporate a third gender. In my case I don't feel in between gender, or a third gender, or genderless. Inside me there feels like there's a little lost boy who doesn't know where the heck he is.

I guess the understanding I have for women now is a kind of empathy more than feeling like I know the inner workings of a woman. I've never made friends with moms, wives, or any of that despite being drenched from head to toe in that scene. I used to think there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
 
Landsend, after all you wrote transition seems be the only right decision for you. You are lucky you can talk to your husband cause I just can't do it. Tried it but can't. But then I don't feel like I fake much either. It is a challenge. And of course there is something just very wrong. In my case this wouldn't improve by transitioning but make things more complicated. He is just great and also more caring than the average, working part time to care for the kids. But very masculine too without having the slightest macho attitude. So overall a good choice for me ;)
 
Thank you all for sharing your struggles. I hope you all are able to find a situation where you can live the type of lives that will make you comfortable and happy with yourselves. I have nothing to add other than my current and past life memories have been limited to one gender. So my perspective is rather limited.
 
glia21 said:
Landsend, after all you wrote transition seems be the only right decision for you. You are lucky you can talk to your husband cause I just can't do it. Tried it but can't. But then I don't feel like I fake much either. It is a challenge. And of course there is something just very wrong. In my case this wouldn't improve by transitioning but make things more complicated. He is just great and also more caring than the average, working part time to care for the kids. But very masculine too without having the slightest macho attitude. So overall a good choice for me ;)
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That's a lot of what I weighed out too and I came to a very similar conclusion. I"m glad you guys are so happy together :)
 
I have got to add something that fits in this thread: I watched a documentation on TV yesterday about trans people in Switzerland and besides this was giving me some inspiration for at least maybe considering transition again some time in the future, one case stood out: it was about twins, monozygotic girls, who grew up looking almost identical. But one of them was trans and he made the transition as a teen or in his early twenties. To me this was especially interesting because of the discussion we´ve had here regarding the womb twin stuff and also hormones. Wouldn´t the other twin have been exposed to the same environment and hormones?
 
Yeah, they would but it's actually not that uncommon for identical twins where one transitions and the other is fine with who he or she is
For the Dutch and those that understand the language: hij is een zij, NPO3 en terug te kijken op de site van de NPO
 
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