Shades of Blue & Gray (American Civil War)

[landsend]

I'm tentatively coming forwards with some interesting experiences I've had regarding the Civil War in America. I can't say I recall this period with crystal clarity (compared to my most prominent memories during Vietnam era), but I've had enough happen to me to warrant further exploration.

Here's my story in a nutshell:

First had a dream when I was around 17 (similar time frame to my dream of being shot in Vietnam era lifetime). Here's the dream:

The room was square and decorated in a 'Victorian' style with dark furniture and dark wall paper. It was definitely upper class for the times. I don't know who I was, I was just watching the scene as an observer. There was an older lady opposite me, who had her grey hair swept into a tight bun. She wore a navy dress with a high collar framed with white lace. Her face was wrinkled and cruel. There was a young man, who I think had blond hair and he looked about 20. Then there was a younger lady, who had brown hair.. can't really remember much about her accept I think we called her Mary. And lastly, there was a stocky man who had wiry hair and a brown wiry beard (he might have been balding). I think he was standing up. Anyway, we called him 'The Singer' or something like that. Singer proposes to Mary. And we all congratulate them as she accepts his proposal gleefully and embraces him. After that, I remember seeing the reason he wanted to marry her... because she owned a lot of land that was worth loads of money.

Could never figure out what 'The Singer' aspect meant, and reasoned that it may have been a last name, or symbolic aspect of the dream. I'm usually very bad at hearing names in past life memories for some reason or other. In general it wasn't like a dream at all, it was like re-experiencing a memory from a third-person perspective.

Fast forwards to 2016/17... open to my memories of Terry. Am researching prominent reincarnation cases and come across a video on YouTube of Jeffery Keen's very interesting reincarnation experience of General B. Gordon. After watching it, went to bed and for some reason it stuck in my head that I might've been there during that time. Woke up in the middle of the night. I say woke up, but it was more like being 'awoken' by something. It ran through my head, very clearly, a statement: "I'm Major Jim. B White, Confederate soldier". Then with that statement comes very rapid scenes of an up close battle that involved horses, mud, you name it. See a horse land on its side near me, shot dead.

I sort of have a conversation with this aspect of me. It sounds a little odd saying this, but that's how it was. Can even hear 'his' voice, which was more refined than I recall Terry's being. It wasn't quite an English accent, it was a Southern American accent but not like the ones you hear today. I asked this part of me why I don't recall more about his life. He said it wasn't really needed right now. Things were left pretty resolved in that life and we closed the chapter.

After that closed my eyes, fell back asleep and pretty much dismissed the whole thing as you do. Definitely have a screw loose somewhere is what I thought, and besides dealing with Terry's life plus my own was quite enough thank you very much... still, the next day decided to type his name, rank into Google, not expecting much.

Browsed around a short while, it didn't take me very long to come across him because the guy I immediately recognised was the Superintendent of the Cadets (The Citadel). His name I'll leave for now, I'm still not entirely comfortable putting this out on the internet, but his initials were 'Major J. B White.'

More later. Feel free to add your own experiences of the Civil War, would like to connect with anyone who recalls from either side.

Cheers,
Landsend

 

[landsend]

Some more snippets of memories that have come to me over the last couple of years, up to last week. These have come to me a variety of different ways, sometimes randomly for no apparent reason, other times after researching aspects of J B White's life. The other day a snippet came to me whilst I was relaxing having a coffee after looking at photos of the civil war. Apparently these memories want to push through regardless of how I feel about it.

26 Dec 2018 -
'I am on horseback, stationary, holding onto my rifle with both hands. Can feel my legs in the stirrups, and how the horse every so often sways beneath me. It's raining heavily, pouring buckets. I'm aiming my rifle at something. As I focus, I can feel myself breathing heavily, there's a feeling of disgust in my throat, bile, sickness, disgust. The rain pours down, and blurs my vision, soaking me from head-to-toe. There, I see what I'm aiming at. It's a young guy, wearing a grey coat, he's running across what looks like a battlefield, or a field of some kind with dug in trenches. He's zig-zagging, trying to get away, I would have guessed he was about half a klick away. It runs through me then (like the rain), I have to shoot this kid -- he's deserting the battlefield, and orders were to shoot deserters.'

---

Another flash also came to me -- nothing in particular. I recall staring at two bedraggled soldiers who were resting, both wearing a similar greyish uniform, siting against what looked like trenches/a mound of dirt. They had a long brown rifle either side of them, one of them was perching it against legs. It was very clear. Both these men did not seem very old, but their faces were lined with worry, the war had aged them. One of them had brown hair and long whiskers along the side of his face.

Awoke from that snippet rebuking myself, thinking it looked too 'modern' but then I realised that really what happens is that for me, back then, they would have appeared modern to my eyes. The Civil War was not really that far back from WWI.

Again, another thing came to me when I was reflecting on J B White. He had grown up in a colonial house, his family had owned slaves. A dark wave of feeling came to me -- one that showed me I only know a finger nail of information of what it was like to be him. I've not seen his dark side, but it was there.

 

[Eva1942]

Were you Confederate or Union? I was a Confederate Soldier in the Battle of Gettysburg.

Eva x

 

[landsend]

Hello Eva,

He was a Confederate, Superintendent of what was then known as the SCMA (South Carolina Military Academy). He lead a Battalion of Cadets into various battles around there, most famously he was part of the battle of Tulifinny. But in general The Cadets were called upon to defend various key points along South/North Carolina. It certainly doesn't have the fame of Gettysburg, but in the little research I've done (as in what few paragraphs I've read off the internet), the men he lead were barely men at all, they were known as the 'Boy Battalion', most of them fresh out of college... that certainly made sense to me as to why in every single memory I'd had I would note that the men were 'boys'. They engaged in one of the first battles of the war, and were one of the last to disband. They never formally surrendered.

What do you recall of the war?

 

[landsend]

Whilst dropping off to sleep one night, this came to me:

18 Jan 19
I'm on horseback, the horse seems agitated/moving. There's tension in the air like we are preparing for battle. It's either first light or evening, most likely first light. I see myself explaining something to someone using both my hands as reference. Can see from looking at my hands my cuffs. Seem to be gauging the distance/gap between either a person/people or location.

Last week whilst drinking a coffee, this all came to me. Note, some of these memories have repeated to me several times (notably the imagery of the woman and the bed which I'll explain later.)

28 May 19

Can see a camp, a war camp. I'm standing, getting an overview of the situation. The air is pungent with smoke, camp fires. There's horses beside makeshift tents. The tents consist of poles made from wood (straight wooden poles, cedar wood came to mind but any wood that was straight without knots will do). The tents had a top made from a strong cloth/hemp, shipping material comes to mind, the sails of old ships were used for this purpose. Why old sails? Guess money and supplies was tight, we were not far from the sea. The tent acted as a temporary shelter against wind, rain and sun. (The tent I was focusing on was 'open', the men were outside it, it seemed to be mostly as a shelter against the sun than a tent.)

Men are underneath the shelters/tents, sitting, eating, talking amongst themselves. They also tend to their weaponry. The atmosphere is relaxed.
Horses are tethered to posts, nickering. It seems to be about mid-day.

The lads in camp -- can see a lad wearing a cap and white undershirt, it was sort of open at the collar, probably because it was fairly warm. He was sitting with his rifle. The lad looked no older than 16, merry and naive.

Looking over my left shoulder I'm aware of my side whiskers (whiskers grown out of my sideburns), my hair is tawny brown peppered with white. I have on my left shoulder something gold, perhaps an insignia (rank?) or epaulets. I'm standing about 5ft 7 - 8. I'm aware of a blue-ish cap on my head, framed with a gold piping and a gold emblem in the centre of the cap. My jacket seems to be a similar colour to cap. Jacket has wide shoulders.

ANOTHER SCENE

Hands covered w/ blood. Trying to stem a wound. Not on myself but another. Seems like a young lad, not sure if the same one from camp scene. He's young, though. They come with a canvas stretcher. Blood in my nostrils. It's unmistakable, that stench.

ANOTHER, RECURRENT SCENE
Walking on wooden floors. Open a door, turning the door handle. A room, a bed. Light streams through the curtains. The word 'Marion' comes in my head, repeating, not sure why at the time but realise later that J B lived in Marion SC (this I did know from research but forgot). I go to the bed, see her lying there. Take her hands in mine but they are cold, lifeless. She is gone.

ANOTHER SCENE
Marching back and forth on horseback, trotting too and fro across the lines of soldiers. Holding my rifle in the air, the reins of the horse with the other. Do not care for my life. This is not bravery, but indifference for my own life. Using this indifference to rally the troops.

 

[landsend]

A bit of research from the above.

First of all, I found that the canvas used for the tents was indeed a strong material known as ‘duck’ — this is the stuff used for sails. Had no clue about that one. I’ve not been able to find a reference to using old sails for the tents as of yet.

Usually a large strong stick or even a rifle was propped up either end to make a pup tent.

Here’s a few photos of some civil war era tents, though I recall the lads were using them to shelter mostly from the sun. No one was inside the tents from what I briefly saw and it seemed they had joined several sticks/canvas together to make larger set ups.

 

[landsend]

As for my cap found one very similar, including the colour which was a blue grey. This is a beautiful example of an early Confederate officer kepi.

 

[Eva1942]

Hello Eva,

What do you recall of the war?

I only have some fragments. I’m trying to work on them right now.

From what these fragments show, I was a Confederate Soldier. Leaning towards Infantry but not sure. Not sure whether I was from North Carolina or Northern Virginia ( or maybe even somewhere else completely). Most likely was ( but still not sure, keeping open mind) involved in Pickett’s Charge on Gettysburg, and perhaps only saw battle on the last two days. Was injured twice, first time was minor, second time was severe.

Have memories of what seems to be Camp Letterman Field Hospital which was just outside Gettysburg, but yet again still not sure. I know for sure it was a field hospital with tents and not anything else.

According to my memories, I survived the Gettysburg battle and was taken prisoner of the Potomac Union Army. May have been incarcerated in Fort Delaware (had reactions to photographs of it. Apparently, I said I likened it to ‘Alcatraz’ ) and returned home to a frustrated wife. Suffered from PTSD and drank whiskey to self medicate myself. Often fell asleep in my ‘drinking chair’ according to my memories. Dwelled on the fact that my brother and best friends were killed at Gettysburg.

That’s all I got. My starting point for research seems to be these field hospitals which is how I came across Camp Letterman. Currently watching the film ‘Gettysburg’ .

Eva x

 

[Eva1942]

A bit of research from the above.

First of all, I found that the canvas used for the tents was indeed a strong material known as ‘duck’ — this is the stuff used for sails. Had no clue about that one. I’ve not been able to find a reference to using old sails for the tents as of yet.

Usually a large strong stick or even a rifle was propped up either end to make a pup tent.

So that’s what the tents were made of!! I was trying to work it out! Do you recall any tents that looked like Teepees?

Eva x

 

[landsend]

No, in my vision of the camp they were pup tents like the ones I've posted above. Will write more tomorrow, I'm off to bed for now.

 

[SeaAndSky]

Hi Landsend,

You mention a "dark side", but I've seen nothing so far you need be deeply ashamed of in the life of Maj. White. Perhaps you will find something later, but we all have something, and war seems to breed acts that one looks back on with dismay from the vantage point of peace. That would include having to shoot one of your own (probably teen-aged cadets) for desertion. This has got to be one of the most painful things you ever had to do--if you followed through. However, considering the situation and the general pressure people are under in these circumstances . . . . Forgiveness of ourselves is as necessary as forgiveness of our enemies.

Also, it appears to me that this lifetime may indicate a possible pattern. There are some who seem to follow the soldier path over the course of multiple lifetimes, sometimes with an occasional break. Whether you fit that pattern is something you will have to determine.

Hi Eva,

My great grandfather fought on the side of the Confederacy at Gettysburg. He was severely wounded and had to have his leg amputated while the battle still raged. Also, like you, he had to be left behind to the "tender mercies" of the Union army when Confederate forces withdrew. After a stint as a prisoner of war he was eventually exchanged as he was too injured to take up arms again.

Cordially,
S&S

 

[Eva1942]

Hi Eva,

My great grandfather fought on the side of the Confederacy at Gettysburg. He was severely wounded and had to have his leg amputated while the battle still raged. Also, like you, he had to be left behind to the "tender mercies" of the Union army when Confederate forces withdrew. After a stint as a prisoner of war he was eventually exchanged as he was too injured to take up arms again.

Cordially,
S&S

I believe that I do not know when the Confederacy withdrew, because I seem to have memory of being on the battlefield fighting and then I woke up in a field hospital and staring at the ceiling of the tent. It was quiet around me which made me look for General Hospitals/Field Hospital still near the battlefield but some distance from them. That is how I discovered Camp Letterman. Although in saying that, I could have been at a battlefield hospital and the quietness I had heard was a break in the battle., so it may not be Camp Letterman.

That was the time I was severely wounded, as I remember frantically feeling around for my legs, then once I realised I still had them, I realised my injuries were in the chest/abdomin area ( but then again I feel I had lasting walking difficulty). Also I remembered the 'floor' of the field hospital tent that I was in being nothing but grass.

In my regression notes I seem to have that I noted that things were 'pure white and very clean' a validation I found in this link here about Camp Letterman:

http://www.thomaslegion.net/camplettermangeneralhospital.html

One volunteer for the US Sanitary Commission recorded the task of caring for the wounded:

"The surgeon in charge of our camp, with his faithful dresser and attendants, looked after all their wounds, which were often in a most shocking state, particularly among the rebels. Every evening and morning they were dressed. Often the men would say, 'That feels good, I haven't had my wound so well dressed since I was hurt.' Something cool to drink is the first thing asked for after the long dusty drive, and pailfuls of tamarinds and water, 'a beautiful drink,' the men used to say, disappeared rapidly among them.

"After the men's wounds were attended to, we went round giving them clean clothes, had basins and soap and towels, and followed these with socks, slippers, shirts, drawers, and those coveted dressing gowns. Such pride as they felt in them! Comparing colors and smiling all over as they lay in clean and comfortable rows ready for supper, 'on dress parade,' they used to say. And then the milk, particularly if it were boiled and had a little whiskey and sugar, and the bread, with butter on it, and jelly on the butter- how good it all was, and how lucky we felt ourselves in having the immense satisfaction of distributing these things. Two Massachusetts boys, I especially remember, for the satisfaction with which they ate their pudding. I carried a second plateful up to the cars, after they had been put in, and fed one of them till he was sure he had had enough. Young fellows they were, lying side by side, one with a right and one with a left arm gone."

Eva x

 

[Eva1942]

Landsend,

This might have been only a Battle of Gettysburg thing, but do you recall seeing any hats that looked like this? I seem to have this impression that I wore a cowboy hat instead of a kepi. (Ones on the bottom) Probably explains why I might dislike the Aussie Akubra.

Eva x

 

[landsend]

Hello Eva

Just seen your post and I’m due to reply you in full (life is busy!)

I recall wearing a kepi and seem to remember that is what the Cadets wore to battle.

I don’t recall much of the other hats, if I do in the future I’ll let you know. However looking at photos of the civil war, the slouch hat to rings a lot of familiar bells. Especially the ones with a tall peak like this.

 

[AlteSeele]

Beehive hats were also popular among Confederate soldiers

But I don't think any of these hats could top what was worn by Val Giles of the 4th Texas Infantry:

 

[Kalos]

I just can't stay away from a topic like this one..

Would honestly recommend you watch the movie "The Colt" if you can find it https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416654/

For me it's the most accurate representation of the civil war era, seen both through the eyes of Federals and Confederates. The detail is just amazing, down to the uniforms buttons. Wasn't able to find a single mistake in it. Full of small but important details like when a cavalry trooper is about to ride off in a hurry to pursue an enemy but first spends a moment to check if his carbine is loaded - just like one would do in reality. Needless to say it's a legit cavalry carbine and he even holds and handles it like one would do. You just don't get that kind of stuff in movies as they would just hire a random actor who has no idea of such details and nobody would bother to teach him.

In comparison, the famous "Gettysburg" movie feels sloppy to me.

Might also be that the former has to do with a cavalry trooper from Michigan who fought in Gettysburg. Can relate..

But anyways, I really feel this movie might help you guys recover more memories from that era if there's indeed something there for you. I'll be glad also if I can help in any other way. Have the curse of carrying more memories than I can handle from back then.

 

[Eva1942]

Kalos,

I’m watching Gettysburg because it’s where my memories start. Pickett’s Charge was part of the Battle of Gettysburg, but like with all past life research, it is easy to fall down rabbit holes and get things wrong.

What most intrigued me was that I had a taste for whiskey it seemed. In this lifetime, I prefer port or schnapps. Also too, the fact that I remember the hospital tents.

Eva x

 

[Martin Luger]

I have a friend who had a very vivid dream of being a Conferderate soldier. He had lost his whole platoon and snuck out of the battle only to hold up in the loft of a barn, crying in fear and saddness at the lost of all his friends.

He said it was as real as life gets. Another one he had was riding on a tank in a German Panzer Division WW 2.

Myself? I haven’t actively pursued the past. I am more focussed on the future but my most previous life was being a helo co-pilot in Vietnam. KIA. I found him on the Wall of Honor after dreaming about being him. He really did exist after all and wasn’t a figment of my imagination.

 

[AlteSeele]

The Gettysburg movie is a bit sloppy but what it does do well, IMO, is that it tells the story of the battle. It's a good starting point for someone not familiar with the battle. I've always said that whoever did the makeup needs to be shot for getting away with those awful beards, especially Longstreet's.

Kalos, are you saying that you were a Cavalry Trooper from Michigan? If yes, then you need to visit Monterey Pass where the Michigan Cavalry played a major role.

 

[Kalos]

The Gettysburg movie is a bit sloppy but what it does do well, IMO, is that it tells the story of the battle. It's a good starting point for someone not familiar with the battle. I've always said that whoever did the makeup needs to be shot for getting away with those awful beards, especially Longstreet's.

Kalos, are you saying that you were a Cavalry Trooper from Michigan? If yes, then you need to visit Monterey Pass where the Michigan Cavalry played a major role.

You're absolutely right, I was in fact a bit too harsh on the movie. It is an excellent reenactment and they didn't spare people and resources while filming it. It's just the details on what's depicted there that, how to put it right now, "alienate" me from the events shown. Like a trooper firing his musket without priming it properly or an officer trying to use his revolver like it's a magazine pistol. I know things can get hectic pretty fast in such situations and people would fire their rifles with rammers still in the barrel, load their muskets twice not noticing the rifle failed to fire the first time, you name it. It was even hard sometimes to keep your fingers from trembling so you apply the percussion cap instead of dropping it. Especially when you got someone with a bayonet charging at you 30 feet away.

I tend to believe I was, indeed, a Union cavalryman from Michigan. I had to lookup the battle of Monterey Pass though, I admit. Didn't ring any bells. I kinda knew the name but not the fight. Makes sense, seems after all it commenced on July 4. I wasn't around anymore since the evening of the 3rd of July.

I'm also not very educated on Longstreet's beard tbh just to give a lighter tone to my post - but I trust you on that!

 

[AlteSeele]

The Battle of Monterey Pass took place on the Confederate retreat from Gettysburg. There actually were two retreats: the wounded took a different route while the rest of them made their way through Monterey Pass. The battle took place on both sides of the Mason-Dixon Line and across three counties during a raging thunderstorm. At night.

I don't have any memories of that battle either since my Civil War self met his demise on the Triangular Field on July 2.

Tom Berenger's (Longstreet) beard was by far the worst one in the movie. It also changed, depending on the scene. LOL.

Knew the reincarnated Pickett -- Stephen Lang's performance used to drive him crazy.

 

[Kalos]

It's pretty interesting what you said just above, knowing Pickett - or at least the one who used to be Pickett back then. If I may ask, how did you come to meet each other in this lifetime and, more importantly, how did you open up to each other?

Ain't doubting you, I'm really interested and honestly intrigued - for a reason.

 

[AlteSeele]

It's pretty interesting what you said just above, knowing Pickett - or at least the one who used to be Pickett back then. If I may ask, how did you come to meet each other in this lifetime and, more importantly, how did you open up to each other?

Ain't doubting you, I'm really interested and honestly intrigued - for a reason.

I met him through a mutual friend. We all spent some time together in Gettysburg and have had some good, long chats about the battle and about past lives. He had detailed memories of his Civil War lifetime, as well as his WWII lifetime. It was easy to talk to him about past lives because he was very open about them. Really lovely fellow to be around and a lot of fun. Sadly, he passed away a few years ago due to some health issues. I think he was in his late 50s when he returned to spirit.

 

[Eva1942]

The Gettysburg movie is a bit sloppy but what it does do well, IMO, is that it tells the story of the battle. It's a good starting point for someone not familiar with the battle. I've always said that whoever did the makeup needs to be shot for getting away with those awful beards, especially Longstreet's.

Yeah it’s pretty cheesy with the makeup, but what makes it probably better IMO is the fact the storyline is so well written.. already had triggers from it already.

Eva x

 

[landsend]

Something that happened to me yesterday which I've no explanation for. I'm rather fond of the old confederate songs, Oh Susanna, Lorena, Dixie Land, etc. Although apparently now YouTube likes to censor some of these songs...

Was singing along to the latter, and in my head kept hearing myself sing 'Hurrah' as opposed to 'Hooray' as said in the popular version of the song. Turns out the 'war' version of this song is indeed 'Hurrah' as compared below.

Dixie Land

I wish I was in Dixie, Hooray! Hooray!
In Dixie’s Land I’ll take my stand
to live and die in Dixie.
Away, away, away down south in Dixie.
Away, away, away down south in Dixie.


To Arms in Dixie

Advance the flag of Dixie! Hurrah! Hurrah!
In Dixie's land we take our stand, and live or die for Dixie!
To arms! To arms! And conquer peace for Dixie!
To arms! To arms! And conquer peace for Dixie

 

[Kalos]

That, just that.. Scrap the "heroes" part, keep the rest..

"We are heroes of the homeland, American remains
We live in many faces and answer many names
We will not be forgotten, we won't be left behind
Our memories live on in mortal minds
And poets pens

We'll ride again"

("The Highwaymen" - "American Remains")

 

[SeaAndSky]

Hi Kalos,

Why scrap the "heroes" part? Just curious.

Cordially,
S&S

 

[Kalos]

Hi Kalos,

Why scrap the "heroes" part? Just curious.

Cordially,
S&S

Speaking for myself, my dear S&S
I just don't feel like one. Far from that in fact. I guess heroes don't cry in despair "I'm not ready yet" as their last words. Also don't shoot helpless 15yo "enemies" in cold blood. Among other stuff.

 

[SeaAndSky]

Hi Kalos,

Aaah. I didn't know what you were referencing. That makes sense. OTOH#1--we all got "stuff" like this in our pasts--including "heroes"--you're just unlucky (or lucky?) enough to remember yours. OTOH#2--I've never heard of someone referred to as a "hero" who actually felt like one.

So, "hero" or not, you're in good company . . . or at least, you have lots of company.

Cordially,
S&S

 

[Eva1942]

Landsend,

I always was fond of 'Oh Susanna'. Never was able to work out why or where it was from. Now I have established that it possibly ( or most likely) stems from my Civil War lifetime I thank you for this!

Eva x

ps. here's a link with the original 1848 lyrics