It mostly happens when she talks about her succes, friends etc. She's going to graduate high school and be a student this year, and I will never be able to experience that.
You know, "what people think" about autism does not have to limit you. This thing you believe you will "never experience" is something that can be had in so many shapes and forms that it's hard to imagine you can't find a way to make it possible. Who says you can't? Why would you believe them?
You can think for yourself. You can communicate in writing here very well. I'm sure you have other useful inner strengths and external abilities, too. Of course you're not going to live like other people--you wouldn't have done that anyway, because everyone is unique--so what can you already do? What are you interested in? What are you learning? What do you enjoy? Maybe there are things you're good at
because of having autism. Maybe your unique perspective is one others need. Maybe you are creative in a way that others (maybe not family, but someone out there) will absolutely love.
What if you could make a life others might envy by developing and using the gifts you have right now?
What if the only obstacle isn't "not being your sister," "other people's opinions," or "having autism" but just noticing that what you can already do is a skill that others need, and then some hard work and determination to develop that skill into a business or calling to make your own and other's lives better?
Please, live a life nobody else can copy, and don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Everyone has things they "can't" do (or never bothered to learn how to do), but they do what they can and make amazing lives out of it. I bet you can create a future beyond your current ability to imagine,... so imagine what you can, as big as you can and start making choices that will take you in that direction. Once you accomplish a few smaller things, you'll be able to dream even bigger.
It only takes planting a seed to eventually have an oak tree. So start planting seeds and see what you can grow in your own life. Don't store them on a shelf and assume they won't grow for you. Do you see?
I used to think I could never be "as good as" the people I admired. I thought I was worthless, a waste of space, and should be dead.
But one day I dared to start smiling at people in an attempt to encourage them. When they started looking for me because they knew I'd smile and make them feel a bit better, I began to think maybe it was worth daring to talk to people and encourage them. It turned out they really appreciated me, and I wasn't "annoying" like I thought (or at least not to the ones who needed someone like me in their lives).
Now I write articles that are read by thousands of people and have many, many messages from people who say I helped them, encouraged them, or gave them a new perspective on life. Not only that, but some of those people even pay me to help them work through their fears and choose the best of themselves. My future dreams are so big that my past self would have nearly passed out at the thought of them. I'd never have believed me if I dropped in from the future and told myself what I'm doing next. I know I can do it, though. I write books, create art, even talk in front of people, and I'll be there for many, many more individuals from around the world and help them value who they are so they can transform the world with their gifts and skills.
Your seed of potential can be as small as a smile of encouragement to start with. All you have to do is plant it to see what kind of future you can create for yourself over time. I still struggle with seeing my potential and believing that what I do is worth all the energy I've put into improving my skills and adding new ones that help me reach more people. It's hard work choosing to value the best of yourself instead of focusing on the things you can't do, sometimes. But I can tell you it's so worth it!
I'd love for you to feel this kind of hope and anticipation and see what you can create out of your life, too.