I think I had another recall

A few months ago, I had a vision/memory of myself in the 1800’s-early 1900's I think. I was standing in a doorway/opening leaning against it with my right shoulder while I was viewing from behind and seeing through the opening and the back and side of “me”. The casing was a dark wood and I had a black hat of some sort on my head. I was wearing a loose shirt and facing a young slender boy about seven or eight years old. I felt so proud of my son, and felt so much love for him. I also felt as though I was unsteady, something about my legs. The clothing and walls were in pastels. The ‘out-of-place' thing was the slender creased long trousers my son was wearing.

The next image was myself from my right side with my son standing on my left while laying in bed in the same clothes where I realized that It wasn’t a cap/hat that was atop my head, it was hair, and my deep chest wasn’t from what I had thought when I saw the figure turn in the doorway – I was a woman! And that young lad is now my middle daughter. Those feelings of love for that young lad was very strong. It was mainly the feelings thyat were attached that seemed to make this something more than a dream.

A few nights later a name popped into my head while falling asleep – Andrew Bisley/Beckley/Beesley, something like that with no other context.

I found some pictures that seem to fit with what I experienced. My first thoughts were that the lad wore too modern-day trousers, but I found that slender-legged ones existed back then, but none were creased as I saw in that vision. The hair style was similar to this.


Edit: see this continuation post.

Quite a pretty young lady!

Interesting, Ken. I guess this life was in England or the United States?

Hi Ken,

Welcome to a particular type of shock and awe--discovering a cross-gender PL! I entered this "special" realm in 2014, so much of the "novelty" (to put it euphemistically) has worn off at this point--making me an "old hand" . Here is my first post/thread:

http://reincarnationforum.com/threads/memories-of-early-theosophists.5570/#post-85890

I'm still trying to figure it all out. I made some headway in terms of "who", but that is about all. Some mysteries are there for me as well as for others who have a particular interest in people who knew Blavatsky and were part of getting Theosophy started in the U.S.:

https://theosophy.wiki/en/Vera_Johnston

A bigger mystery for me is why this particular PL came up (out of what I assume to be many). I have my suspicions, but no more memories, and not looking for any at the moment.

Your memories would seem to put your PL in her 20s-30s (based on young child and very black hair) somewhere in the 1890s-1910 period. During that same period Vera Johnston (born 1864) would have been around as well. However, it is a large world, so there is no reason to believe that their paths ever crossed. Still it is always possible. I hope you remember more at some point. Have you researched the name? I am not sure whether it goes with the little boy or her husband, but it can be pretty difficult to find out much without more to go on.

Cordially,
S&S

Some clarifications may be in order. The hairstyle was more like side-buns than what I pictured, but the face seemed to fit (or I just liked it), thanks baro-san. And, of course the little boy was my current daughter here where I've known of this special bond for fifty-five years now - it hasn't helped the relationships with my other two daughters though and is beyond the point of repair if that is truly needed - more side-eyed folk at this time.

My wife, who just received recognition from her church the day before for perfect attendance, is still giving me the usual side-eye like everyone else in my area and family except my one daughter who doesn't talk much about it!

Hi Ken,

Wow! I didn't remember that other thread on your daughter existed. I know what I was tied up with one year ago (my daughter's illness), but I can't recall May of 2017. I can only think that I was taking one of my periodic sabbaticals from the board. Anyhow, great thread and wonderful having such a marvelous relationship with your daughter (plus it sounds like she is a truly wonderful person).

I love your reference to the "side eye" Now I have a better word for it. I usually use a more cumbersome expression, but "side eye" catches it very well. I am, btw, also increasingly in that suspect status. Daddy's proclivities for "weird" and "unusual" subjects, plus increasing suspicion that "reincarnation" may be part of the mix become unavoidable in a close family. It mostly comes down to occasional ribbing by my children plus silent disapproval from my wife, but they sense that I am drifting from the old certainties--and think me to be a bit balmy as a result. It's not mean, but I have found myself increasingly in the position of Bilbo returning from his "unexpected journey". They still love me, but I am no longer quite as "respectable" in the eyes of Hobbiton. Oh well. As you can tell, I usually take this with a grain of salt, but it does hurt sometimes.

Cordially,
S&S

Hi Ken,

I had a sudden thought. It may be incorrect, but I'm going to put it out there anyway. I think that "creased" trousers on your little boy had more to do with the love and pride you, as a mother, had for that little boy than anything else. There was no permanent press clothing back then. If trousers were creased it was because they were "pressed" at a cleaner or laboriously pressed with the primitive irons of the day by the woman of the house. It goes without saying that ironing was an extreme chore in the periods being discussed. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ironing). Why would anyone try to put or keep a crease in the soon to be rumpled trousers of a 7 year old bundle of energy and mischief? That doesn't sound like modern technology, that sounds like a very proud and loving mother around the turn of the 19th century.

Cordially,
S&S

I'm thankful that I've had this recent recall as it validates my many small experiences throughout my life, and makes closure much easier. Now if I can get all of the earthly crap set in order I'll feel a lot better!
It has been a liberating experience for me! I'd love to share it with other people of importance to me, but I know it would do no good, they need to be ready to understand - and this area of the US is not a willing bunch of people in this respect.

Hi Ken,

Having read about your second child, I certainly wish we had some type of accounts from her of her adventures in the astral, trips to heaven, etc. I'd settle for hearsay from you if you can summarize what she has told you on these matters. I also have to wonder how your wife fits these accounts from your daughter into her existing paradigm and how her sisters take this type of thing? The family's response to her adventures may be too private, but I'd sure like to hear more about her adventures myself.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--There is not a "willing" area of the U.S. that I know of. Your fellow citizens tend to be pretty stuck in either their own view of spirituality or their own view of materialism. But there are sometimes "willing" people, and they can be found in almost every area.

You summed it up in one of your posts - I'm just a crazy old man! I've mentioned it to my other daughters and gotten the same response.

I need to add that I appreciate the other 'actors' in this lifetime performance.
I think it is a shame that so many people transition before saying that!

Correction: We're just crazy old men! Don't worry. We get the last laugh (for what it's worth).

;-) Am sure there are "willing" and open minded people but they just happen to be elsewhere in a "land far far away", not in Austria, at least out of my reach too. Ken, I love how you put it with the "side eye" - that is exactly how I experience things. My little one, now almost exactly 2,5 years old tells us (core family that is) over and over again how she used to take care of her older sister (now 10 years old) when her older sister was a baby and how she used to drive her to a doctor when she had hurt her leg. She isn´t sure which leg it was, but she drove the car she says, and her sister was in the baby seat. I think it´s amazing that she keeps telling me this for almost a year now. She does have a lot of fantasy too but this sounds quite solid to me.
Ken, how do you feel about the gender switch? I suspect my problem with my switch is based on the fact of a violent and sudden death, as much as on a general male preference, but I don´t know…

Beautiful how you describe the deep love to the lad, that is something that seems to last.
Would like to read more about it, if there are any more details and facts you´d like to share.

Hi Glia,

I think we do have an innate "gender", even if only related to a preference and greater facility with certain roles and ways of thinking and acting. Why shouldn't we? Nonetheless, we're fairly versatile beings, so we can usually make it work either way while incarnate (especially if we have a good and effective memory block in place when we arrive here). At the least, I don't think a basic predilection one way or the other can be discounted. And, for me, the idea that the "spirit" is gendered seems like a very natural concept. However, just my opinion.

Cordially,
S&S

I need to add some things. I've been questioned about the improbability of not having gender issues for having switched as I did, to that I have no answer other than reply that I have not had one in this lifetime. The other thing I have done is to send a link to this thread to some family/previous family members which has probably created some consternation.

Hi Ken,

Wow and double Wow! Well, that took some nerve. If you were "Bilbo" in Hobbiton before, you may now find yourself relegated to being "Crazy Old Maurice" from Disney's version of "Beauty and the Beast". Hopefully, you can avoid being tossed out into the snow (I know it gets cold up there ).

From my perspective, the gender issue is an issue if it is and ain't if it ain't. There is no reason to make up some kind of absolute rule in these matters. I will, for the benefit of anyone who is interested (which may = zero) reiterate my approach to the matter (which you have already seen). BASIC POSITION: I see no reason to believe that some form of gender dysphoria or maladjustment is inevitable after an opposite gender PL. I see a two variable approach or a three variable approach as possible on this issue.

First, if someone doesn't believe in any type of innate gender, then you have a two variable approach and there is the question of strength of PL memories vs. strength of memory barrier. So, a quiet non-conflicted life without a lot of trauma may not get past even a fairly weak memory barrier. OTOH, a very conflicted traumatic lifetime may get past a weak barrier but not get past a very strong memory barrier.

We don't have any way to quantify these factors, all we can do is guess at what will get past an "average" strength barrier. The people on the board seem to typically have a rather weak memory barrier or else very strong PL trauma/issues pushing through whatever barrier they have. Those are the two types I usually see the most. The "Rememberers" (with a weak barrier) who often remember multiple PLs and don't seem to necessarily be conflicted, vs. the conflicted, who have conflicts/issues/traumas that punch through a stronger barrier--and often remember only their most recent troubled PL. Of course, there are others, but those seem to be the most prominent.

Second, from my standpoint, there is a third factor, as I believe we have innate gender, if only in the form of certain propensities that make us more comfortable in male vs. female roles/mindsets. So, I suspect (just from this factor) that a movement into a "cross-gender" lifetime may be accompanied by some dysphoria unless there is a very strong memory barrier in place. Likewise, a movement from a "cross-gender" lifetime into the more natural gender for that person is less likely to be accompanied by any kind of dysphoria. As I think you fit into the last category, I am not surprised that you have not experienced any issues in this matter. (Just my 2 cents ).

However, there is much to be learned in re these matters.

Cordially,
S&S

For my families, it is intended to be a 'wake-up' call that I hope to make clear even though it will probably be seen as some sort of mental problem I'm having. That jolt from going from a long-time 'believer' to 'knowing' kinda pushed me to do that. It is a little strange, something similar to someone becoming a 'born again' Christian or someone coming 'out of the closet' I suppose. Mainly it is out of love for them despite what they might otherwise feel.

I can't express how impressed I am.

Hi Ken,

You're right of course, but I'm still a ways from taking that step myself. Like you, however, my time will come in regard to these matters.

Thanks for the example,

S&S

Hi, brave thing to do, I wished I would dare to do this too. It will be beneficial for them if not for now then maybe in a little while. Love seems to last, and that is an important message.
@gender issue - we´ve had long discussions here about that, about cross gender Pls and such -- Many seem to have a preference, either male or female, but if you are easy going with the switching, that maybe just means that you´re experienced enough to fit both. There is no reason to doubt things because of a lack of gender issue.

Hi Glia,

Agreed. The experience (old soul) approach has also been taken as a factor in terms of this issue. I mainly think of that when I think of Tanguerra, who was definitely a "rememberer" and seemed to have no problem with (or at least no recall of a problem) with her cross-gender lives. So, this could be another variable to throw in. That is one of the problems in terms of analyzing this issue--there are just too many variables that may impact the presence of dysphoria and/or maladjustment in this area . . . . and we actually know so little with any certainty.

Cordially,
S&S

The photo stuck out to me as 1890's. I don't know why but that's the feeling I got from reading the thread.

I feel I may be missing something, so please forgive me for asking, but Ken, what is your goal with talking about this with your family? Is there some concern from them, towards you in this regard?

Are you saying that you are surprised that you don't have gender issues in this lifetime, because of your experience? I take it though that having the experience has made you uncomfortable.

Given that the memories seem to be in the context of taking care of a child, that's what I would expect for someone who changed genders, when that was something they wouldn't normally do under "normal" circumstances. I think if we honestly looked at our loved ones, there isn't much we wouldn't be willing to do for them. Maybe it just suited that lifetime in particular for you to be female and you did it, simply out of love and there's not much more to it than that. Could it be your daughter was they boy in the memory? If so, it's highly likely you switched genders for her, as she did.

Here's a case in point, my friend's (past life husband) mother committed suicide when he was young and in his later years, he deeply regretted not having had a mother. From what I can tell, based on my research, his father from that life, is now his mother in this one. He is single and lives with her, so I think that was the manifestation of his last wishes or unfinished business from that life.

I agree with S&S, I do think we have an innate "gender" and for me, I seem to have an easy time switching even though I mostly feel female. I think my gender issues in this life come from wanting to help my wife in this life, when I should have been female again, to finish my unfinished business from my last life. There's a longing and frustration there, in feeling like I missed out. I think my lesson here is to be less selfless and to focus on my own emotional needs and healing first.

If you read Newton's books he does give one the idea that gender swapping is to learn valuable lessons, but I don't think it necessarily be such a "guided" activity. It could just be as simple as an expression of love for another.

While I'm not 100% sure about your feelings Ken, I would look at your actions as being those of a loving parent and to view yourself with compassion and kindness and without any judgement.

This morning I awoke with my dogs beside me trembling because of the lightning and thunder that I could barely hear, not because it was distant, but because of my hearing (lack thereof). I was then greeted with the feeling of ‘completeness’, the understanding that "all is as it should be”, and the feeling of having both started the thing I was still alive to do and the fact that I had not included some of my family in my previous actions.

I was aware of the fact that there was no such thing as an “Accident”, not that I believe in per-destination exactly, but that they are used for our stepping-stones to our accomplishing the understandings necessary for soul-growth as I’ve long suspected. I was aware of how things fit together, from the experiences in my life, the part my wonderful wives have played, my injury, and even Deborah’s somehow knowing to put me in the position here on this forum – truly a wondrous week so far.

I feel naked and alone in the ‘deep-end’ of the of the pool with the water getting colder where the warm words I’ve heard here have been so helpful. As I slid from Believing into Knowing it was interesting to feel Firefly’s post change before my eyes as I read it, knowing it came from the same place as I now felt familiar with, the certainty.

Today is the anniversary of sorts with a cherished friend as well as the last full day of my eightieth year. I am acutely aware that LOVE is ALL THERE IS and I truly feel that now more than ever before.

My hopes are that my family members and others might open their minds enough to at least look into this reality that reincarnation is not a religion, but is something that is right in front of them and is expressed in writings by Brien Weiss, Carol Bowman, Ian Stevenson, Jenny Cockell, Michael Newton, and others Especially the book “Soul Survivor” by the Leiningers – at the very least to watch (listen to) Richard Martini’s videos.

It was a welcome experience to find Steve Bowman’s Chapter 3 (it has disappeared! Here is a substitute.) that spoke of reincarnation once being in the Christian Bible and other readings - what I’d found with my more than a decade of research about it. I did more research in this area than I did for my PhD by the way which was mostly something to flatter my huge ego and feelings of insecurity after my injury.

It would be really nice if a family member of mine would post something constructive in this thread, but that is perhaps way too much to ask.

Totoro, I posted this morning before reading anything else. I hope that what I wrote answers your questions. It has/had nothing to do with my current gender having issues, just in response to PMs I'd received.

KenJ,

Am very interested and glad to know you've experienced this for yourself. As you know, one thing is believing in reincarnation, another is experiencing it first hand yourself. It really does change you, doesn't it?

Re: the gender issues cropping up on this thread. I'm interested to read it, and some valid points have cropped up. Another point I want to add to the argument is that there are biological factors at play, too, to do with the hormonal cocktail that appears in the womb. Who knows if the incoming soul does influence the hormones on a subtle level -- that's another question. Considering Ian Stevenson's body of research on birthmarks as well as other physical deformities from injuries of the past selves influencing the new body it really shouldn't be out of question in my opinion. All I know is that my mother was sure I was a boy, even after I was born. She knew innately what gender I was, despite my biological makeup not being according to what she felt. As they say mother's know best. And it wasn't a case of wishful thinking, either -- she told me she wanted a girl as she did not want a boy who would 'end up like my dad', but she was fearful I was a boy and felt I would be.

landsend, I wanted to refer to you somehow in my posts on this thread because of the things that you've posted. Your memories and writing abilities are marvelous, I would like everyone to read them. I'll link one.

I really don’t like having to create secondary posts in order to complete a previous post, but it’s hard to unload all that is understood all at once. I was too egger to ‘get it out’.

My reference to there being no accidents; due to a physician tinkering with a medication I suffered some problems while at the same time there were financial and house issues that stressed me badly. I “Accidentally” got a blood test three weeks early and the problem was detected, thus “There are no accidents” seemed evident to me.

My statement that included my ex-wife surprised me as much as I imagine as it did her. We are simply actors with parts to play, and she played her part well, I guess I needed to acknowledge that! I believe that we agreed to our circumstances before we were born with our free-will to learn even more through our choices during the experience itself - and thinking of the timing of things that occurred.

The name became more clear, it is Bezly or some similar spelling with the nick-name of "Beez", but now the first name morphs into Anthony.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now some old geezer talk

Issues – I find a commonality among the many issues that members express that range from family or work to spiritual issues, it makes me wonder how they each can claim understanding reincarnation and yet obsess over something, that doesn’t add up to me – who is in control of your life? It is like my learning about “work”, I seldom worked, I turned the tasks into challenges or fun tests of my abilities, perhaps it helped that I had an “In your face” capability of handling things that I put to myself (i.e. In my own face).

This includes issues relating to gender, that is why I appreciate landsend’s writings, the ability to put ‘flesh’ on the characters and address personal issues in direct yet subdued tone rather than the stick-figures and plodding that I seem to do in my posts. I feel like I'm trying to replicate the Sistine Chapel ceiling using stick-figures!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Getting answers – I have found that I could not push for answers or a past life memory, the harder I tried, the further the prize. I realized, for me, that it was like the ability to dowse, we all have it, but it takes three things, an open mind, intent, and a relaxed state – pushing is not a relaxed state! I did not want to face the horrors of war or suffering, so I asked my guide(s) for help in selecting memories, starting me out in the shallow end of he swimming pool so to speak, and it didn’t take long to get my request to be answered. You have more abilities than you are aware of in this respect.

Hi Ken,

I especially like this:

Getting answers – I have found that I could not push for answers or a past life memory, the harder I tried, the further the prize. I realized, for me, that it was like the ability to dowse, we all have it, but it takes two things, an open mind and a relaxed state – pushing is not a relaxed state! I did not want to face the horrors of war or suffering, so I asked my guide(s) for help in selecting memories, starting me out in the shallow end of he swimming pool so to speak, and it didn’t take long to get my request answered. You have more abilities than you are aware of in this respect.

Click to expand...

I think I'll try this route. It is good to have someone who knows more about what is behind the door and what you can stand making those selections. I can't even "see" the pool myself, much less tell where the "shallow end" is located and how to find the stairs where I can take it step-by-step. Someone to hold my hand makes a lot of sense.

Cordially,
S&S[/Quote]

S&S, you caught me editing my post, I altered it while still trying to get my thoughts together AGAIN.

This morning I had to turn on my cell phone and record my thoughts so as not to forget them. Very interesting experience since I was without my glasses and had NEVER used that feature before.
The swimming pool was just a metaphor I'd used in my first post and carried on to that one.

Hi Ken,

I don't do multi-vitamins, but I do take (everyday) a multi-B vitamin, magnesium, zinc, and--as I feel the need--Ginkgo Biloba--to aid in concentration. If you're not, you may want to try this regimen. However, the fact that you could even figure out how to use that little doo-hickey in your hand shows me that you're not that far gone. (I haven't actually used that feature myself--I tend to not expand my technical knowledge of modern gadgetry until forced, much to my children's disgust).

Cordially,
S&S

You echo my thoughts somehow. This morning I was thinking that I'm an old man trying to be "hip" in an era when the term is no longer understood - like talking about S & H green-stamps and skate-keys!
Concerning supplementation, I've done that for years, that's why it was so funny. That Dr. scoffed at them after being surprised at my health and lack of other medication, truly blinded by the pharma-industry.