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SheSearches

New Member
I am queer and I am from a very unaccepting culture and family. I hate being an outcast and I hate upsetting people. I hate being rebellious and I never really was as a child. Of course, I am closeted right now, but I know that I knew I would be gay in this life. It fits tooooo perfectly in the scenario a person needs to learn self-acceptance maybe, or whatever it is that gives me this complex about having to fit in and not step on anyone's toes.

Can I opt out of this? I just cannot do this. I cannot be gay. I have no lgbt support network, none of my close friends are gay, I am totally alone in this. I cannot do it. Why on earth did I think this would be the best way to learn a life lesson? I absolutely hate this! My life was so good until this point, I've had everything I want. I love my culture otherwise, I like my body, I like my friends and the opportunities I have. I just so deeply detest that lack of choice I feel right now by being gay.

I am eating so pourly and I am so depressed about it. It's something that's always on my mind, I cannot concentrate on anything else. I cannot keep this secret for so long but at the same time I just don't want to be gay.

Can I learn the lesson associated with being gay in a different way?
 
I am queer and I am from a very unaccepting culture and family. I hate being an outcast and I hate upsetting people. I hate being rebellious and I never really was as a child. Of course, I am closeted right now, but I know that I knew I would be gay in this life. It fits tooooo perfectly in the scenario a person needs to learn self-acceptance maybe, or whatever it is that gives me this complex about having to fit in and not step on anyone's toes.

Can I opt out of this? I just cannot do this. I cannot be gay. I have no lgbt support network, none of my close friends are gay, I am totally alone in this. I cannot do it. Why on earth did I think this would be the best way to learn a life lesson? I absolutely hate this! My life was so good until this point, I've had everything I want. I love my culture otherwise, I like my body, I like my friends and the opportunities I have. I just so deeply detest that lack of choice I feel right now by being gay.

I am eating so pourly and I am so depressed about it. It's something that's always on my mind, I cannot concentrate on anything else. I cannot keep this secret for so long but at the same time I just don't want to be gay.

Can I learn the lesson associated with being gay in a different way?

SheSearches,

I totally feel your pain you are going thru at the moment. Every gay person on this planet that has ever come out , myself included goes thru this. Be it with family, friends, neighbors, fellow employees ect. Which is why coming out is such a painful but necessary process one goes thru. This is because part of ones life lesson being gay is learning to live from ones own inner truth without shame or guilt. This place from within must come from a place of unconditional love first with yourself and then eventually towards others. Because as soul we have no gender. Soul in its natural state is gender neutral. And during the coarse of our many past lives we have all lived on this earth being both male and female in various lives. Being gay in a certain lifetime is just another life lesson for soul to learn to love itself and to also teach others unconditional love thru our presences in the world. Because everyone has a reason and purpose for being here including those that are either gay, bi, transgender ect..
As all life is apart of divine love which comes from the source of all that is or what man terms as god. Which is why nature creates diversity even in the human species.

However being gay can be a karmic payback from lifetimes in the past where we were not so kind and understanding to others who loved differently then ourselves. (Which was my case in lifetimes gone by.) So as soul we choose to come back and experience the very thing we hated the most so that we may learn like the old saying goes to walk in another person’s moccasins before I have a right to judge either him or her. This state of consciousness allows soul to realize and experience that we are all inner connected as soul. As very human being deep down wants to be loved, understood, accepted, feel the need that they belong and have purpose in life.

So those that do not understand you my dear are still very young in spiritual consciousness to see and understand that you have much to give and teach them just by
being you. Trust me most of my birth family does not accept me either however you have two families in life. One of fate the other choice. The one of fate is the one we are born into like it or not. Here is where are biggest karmic lessons are faced with head on. However the one of choice are the souls we choose to be apart of our journey in this life with. The are forged out of the bonds of unconditional love and they love and support us just as we are be it the good, the bad or the in-between. Which is why I have always said blood does not make a family. Love does. So it is important to surround yourself with those that love and support you for you. The real you.

Its a big world out there and you have the ability within you to create the kind of life you want from your own inner truth. And trust me this is by far the better chose. I would rather live in the light of truth then in the darkness of ignorance and hate. It won't be easy at first it never is. But in time things will and do get better. And you will be happier for it in the long run. We all have a part to play in this grand scheme we call life my dear which is why we are all individuals. And you are just as special, beautiful, loved and unique as there are grains of sand on a sandy beach or stars among the heavens.

Peace and love to you...

Polaris
 
SheSearches. You are asking about the life lesson. That is something I would like to see happen all the time on this forum. I see a lot random cases of reincarnation here without any clue how the traits transform to another. For example, a selfish liar comes back as a very shy person, and possibly with physical problems. I can't verify the claims, but I am interested in seeing the logic in transformation and life lessons.
 
Personally I'm sceptical about the "lesson" interpretation of life. To me it actually adds to the burden, "Oh, this is supposed to be a lesson, therefore it is supposed to be hard!".

My opinion is that sometimes we need to give ourselves (and others!) a break. Life can be difficult, sometimes all we can do is just whatever we can do to get by. Making it from one day to the next is really what it's about some of the time.

One thing which I gather from the opening post, sounds like the pressure comes from living within a family or social group where one cannot "be oneself". That is a very normal thing, and (forgive me if I'm wrong) can be part of growing up and eventually moving out into one's own path in the world. Time spent in a difficult situation can seem never-ending, but sooner or later we find a way to be among people we can feel more comfortable with. I hope that happens for you, SheSearches.

Don't lose hope - these times as a young adult can be among the most challenging for many people, but the good news is things usually get better as time goes on, things tend to sort themselves out and gradually fall into place.
 
Hi SheSearches,

I have "liked" all of the foregoing posts as I think they all have merit. There are a lot of uncertainties in these matters, and I am about to add another one. I am one of those on the board who believes that the incarnating being does have gender, even if only expressed at higher spiritual levels of the universe as preferences and predispositions. In other words, I believe that designations of male/female; masculine/feminine; yin/yang; etc. go beyond physical sex characteristics and reflect characteristics and archetypes that transcend physical existence. As some have pointed out, even the "gods"--at least those below the ultimate creator/source--have always historically been believed to be, and depicted as, male/masculine or female/feminine. I am not an expert, but I cannot think of a single culture where this is not true, but if so, it would certainly seem to be a minority position.

Anyhow, if this premise is correct, and we have an innate and basic gender as a reincarnating being, there could be a "bleed through" of conflicting gender characteristics/attractions when involved in a "cross-gender" incarnation. In such situations we are, basically, seeking to live and be something that conflicts with our innate inner nature. This type of problem has been noted in the work of Ian Stephenson and other researchers in the field in cross-gender incarnations, though why it happens in some cases and not others is not known (though I have my theories).

In any case, from my standpoint, it is possible that the characteristics you are struggling with are not only a temporary artifact of this incarnation, a passing test and learning opportunity for you deal with a difficulty of this type: They may in fact reflect more truly who you are inside in terms of innate "soul" gender than the temporary body that you currently inhabit. This does not mean that there are not lessons to be learned, as discussed above. But these lessons may be more than learning what has previously been discussed. They may also have to do with learning who/what you ultimately are as a trans-physical being, and realizing that you cannot ultimately flee from it. This does not make your current situation any easier, but it may make it easier for you to embrace your differences and their roots within.

Cordially,
S&S
 
Hi Tanker,

Curiosity question: Was this also true in your "Tanker" lifetime? If so, do you have recollections of how you coped with the situation? It could have been pretty dangerous in Nazi Germany.

Cordially,
S&S
 
Hi SheSearches,

I have "liked" all of the foregoing posts as I think they all have merit. There are a lot of uncertainties in these matters, and I am about to add another one. I am one of those on the board who believes that the incarnating being does have gender, even if only expressed at higher spiritual levels of the universe as preferences and predispositions. In other words, I believe that designations of male/female; masculine/feminine; yin/yang; etc. go beyond physical sex characteristics and reflect characteristics and archetypes that transcend physical existence. As some have pointed out, even the "gods"--at least those below the ultimate creator/source--have always historically been believed to be, and depicted as, male/masculine or female/feminine. I am not an expert, but I cannot think of a single culture where this is not true, but if so, it would certainly seem to be a minority position.

Anyhow, if this premise is correct, and we have an innate and basic gender as a reincarnating being, there could be a "bleed through" of conflicting gender characteristics/attractions when involved in a "cross-gender" incarnation. In such situations we are, basically, seeking to live and be something that conflicts with our innate inner nature. This type of problem has been noted in the work of Ian Stephenson and other researchers in the field in cross-gender incarnations, though why it happens in some cases and not others is not known (though I have my theories).

In any case, from my standpoint, it is possible that the characteristics you are struggling with are not only a temporary artifact of this incarnation, a passing test and learning opportunity for you deal with a difficulty of this type: They may in fact reflect more truly who you are inside in terms of innate "soul" gender than the temporary body that you currently inhabit. This does not mean that there are not lessons to be learned, as discussed above. But these lessons may be more than learning what has previously been discussed. They may also have to do with learning who/what you ultimately are as a trans-physical being, and realizing that you cannot ultimately flee from it. This does not make your current situation any easier, but it may make it easier for you to embrace your differences and their roots within.

Cordially,
S&S

S&S, I Like your post and you are one of the few that see this transition that soul makes when it comes time to experience the other gender. For many of us we tend to incarnate as the same gender over and over. Perhaps this is because soul just becomes use to this and it is easier to incarnate with a mind set you are familiar with. However there comes a time when we must experience the other gender in order for soul to balance out and become more well rounded in its earth plane experiences. So when we do the astral body from the past life tends to imprint upon the newly form ego that is about to manifest into the new lifetimes. This causes a bleed thru (which you explained). As the astral body is about desire, emotion and feeling. And sexual attraction is a desire which comes from the astral plane. So now soul is in the body of the opposite sex but still has the desire (unconsciously from the former past live personality.)

In my opinion this tends to bleed over which on the physical level seems strange but on the astral plane this is quite normal. As soul in its natural state is in perfect balance of both polarities of consciousness as both male and female states of consciousness exist as one. However on the physical we experience duality. So it is only when we incarnate on the physical do we experience gender. So the gay lifetime for many is a transition lifetime between the two polarities of gender within the physical world. It is as if soul is living two lifetimes in one body in way. However this give souls a very unique opportunity to experience this astral consciousness on the physical plane.

We all must go thru this transition lifetime in our many lifetimes on earth. However in mans past many had to hide who they really were on the inside for fear of being harmed, ridiculed, rejected by family, friends or worse killed. Many had to resort to living double lives marrying those they were not really attracted to yet yearning to be someone else that the world would not accept. Trust me I remember those days very well. And it was a living hell! Which is why suicide among those that are gay and young is very high still. More than you may think. Many that are straight don't realize just how lucky they are to live in a world which allows them to be themselves and free in most situations. Be it a bar, a gathering, the park, dance clubs, family get togethers ect.. Plus having the freedom of holding hands in public or sharing a kiss ect.. These little things are taken for granted by many. We as gay people have to hide for the most part only feeling free to be ourselves in certain places where gay people can meet be it a bar, social club, certain neighborhoods ect.. I remember my first experience holding hands with my first lover in SF. I felt so free, relaxed and happy. No one seem to care if we held hands and everyone went about their daily routine without a notice. I thought so this is what holding hands with the one you love really feels like. Something so simply as holding hands in public.

However the world is changing slowly as the human consciousness becomes more open, enlighten and aware. But this takes time. Being open is much more accepted then it was in the past. However there are many parts of the world where being gay is a death sentences.

Thank you S&S for your insightful insight and post.

Love and peace.

P.
 
All that I can say is don't let others decide how you are going to live your life and not allow them to mold your personality ect otherwise you'll be all the more unhappy but my advice would be to talk with others who are on a similar path for advice.
 
Hi Tanker,

Thanks for the info (which may be a reminder, as you probably mentioned this on your original thread). Nope, I was just curious about how many lifetimes you have been dealing with this. Do you know if there were more?

Cordially,
S&S
 
SheSearches, I feel for you in your dilemma, having come from a household that would never have accepted me as gay. I was a coward, but more for the reasons of not wishing to hurt my parents. Same applied to having had a past life. My parents died without ever knowing. So having lived years of a 'double life' in those respects, and now looking back, I'd honestly say I wish I'd been more open when I was young. Living with secrets is hard, and takes a toll, even after the need for it goes away. Only you can decide how you want to live, and unfortunately no-one can really advise you what to do next. And if you'd feel an outcast in your culture and family, that's a big consideration too. But I think at some point you would need to find a way to stop fighting against yourself ... That won't change what you are, it will just give you stress and unhappiness in addition.

As for reasons ... My personal view is that I'm absolutely not here to learn lessons or like this because of karma. I'm just like this, that's how it is, and that's the situation I accept. There's nothing unusual in being gay! We're all on a spectrum, some nearer one end than the other, which is perfectly normal. I hope things work out for you very soon. Take good care of yourself, and try your best to enjoy the precious gift of life itself.


Here, here, tanker my friend, your last sentence should be copy and pasted all over this message board.

There's no evidence for karma whatsoever in all the research done by Dr. Ian Stevenson et al. Nor so we see evidence of extensive life planning and so on. Soul contracts don't exist. We just are here to live, as we are.

Don't take my word for it, start investigating. The best place so far to start that research is the Psi Encyclopaedia. https://psi-encyclopedia.spr.ac.uk/

One article stands out which is children's reports of intermission memories. (https://psi-encyclopedia.spr.ac.uk/articles/intermission-memories) Why is it interesting? For me, children offer the most pure and untainted views of the afterlife process that we have. So, if you check that article out you can get some insight into the processes at hand in how we 'choose' and select our lives. Researchers, by the way, don't only look at one case but at a body of cases before reporting the patterns that emerge.

Then, if you're feeling ambitious buy Dr. Jim Matlock's book, 'Signs of Reincarnation' -- which is so far one of the most put together books on the research done on the reincarnation phenomena.

In Short: Stop punishing yourself, find a way to appreciate yourself and your unique-ness. Life would be boring if we were all carbon copies / cookie cut outs of Mr. Heterosexual and Mrs. Heterosexual straight, two kids in a semi detached 9-5 yadda yadda.

That's coming from a trans dude (lowest on the strata of the LGBT spectrum), so I have something to say on the subject of being unusual and living it.
 
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Hi Polaris,

I think I agree with everything in your recent post except for the key statements in the second paragraph:

"As soul in its natural state is in perfect balance of both polarities of consciousness as both male and female states of consciousness exist as one. However on the physical we experience duality. So it is only when we incarnate on the physical do we experience gender."

This is exactly what I am questioning and have been questioning for a long time. I do not know how far up the chain of being "duality" goes, but I have no reason to believe that it is restricted to the physical, nor do I believe that one of its many manifestations--gender--is restricted to the physical. Sometimes, like Eastern concepts of "karma," ideas of this type (i.e., the soul is without gender) seem to be accepted unquestioningly. However, there are other traditions that postulate an initial split of the bi-gendered or neutral soul into different gendered components that incarnate separately and seek for each other, perhaps for an ultimate merger of some type, across many incarnations. Another simply thinks we are created this way--Yin with a dot of Yang or vice versa--reflecting our place in a universe which at all or almost all levels manifests duality. Physical sex differences are merely the reflection of gender differences in the physical plane. In non-physical planes these masculine/feminine differences would be reflected in other ways that we might associate with gender differences in temperament, thinking patterns, problem solving, feelings, etc. Under either gendered or non-gendered model, occasional forays into the opposite physical sex could be beneficial, even if problematic, for a life or two (which seems to be the PL pattern that Stevenson found). I think that this may also occur not just to increase empathy/balance (the usual explanation), but for reasons personal to that particular person. E.g., because of PL trauma-disappointments-frustrations-etc. associated with life in a particular sex that creates an aversion reaction and/or a sense that life is easier/better "on the other side of the street" (or at least worth a try).

Cordially,
S&S
 
Physical sex differences are merely the reflection of gender differences in the physical plane. In non-physical planes these masculine/feminine differences would be reflected in other ways that we might associate with gender differences in temperament, thinking patterns, problem solving, feelings, etc.

Wow! This is the most original way of thinking that I disagree with.. :p:)
You list all the things that are just characteristic of physical life: temperament, feelings/emotions, thinking patterns... to me they come assigned to the body you occupy.
 
Wow! This is the most original way of thinking that I disagree with.. :p:)
You list all the things that are just characteristic of physical life: temperament, feelings/emotions, thinking patterns... to me they come assigned to the body you occupy.

I fully agree with you, Fireflydancing.

Though myself, in my future lives, I would do anything to remain a male. Just got accustomed to it, somehow.

I am queer and I am from a very unaccepting culture and family. I hate being an outcast and I hate upsetting people. I hate being rebellious and I never really was as a child. Of course, I am closeted right now, but I know that I knew I would be gay in this life. It fits tooooo perfectly in the scenario a person needs to learn self-acceptance maybe, or whatever it is that gives me this complex about having to fit in and not step on anyone's toes.

Can I opt out of this? I just cannot do this. I cannot be gay. I have no lgbt support network, none of my close friends are gay, I am totally alone in this. I cannot do it. Why on earth did I think this would be the best way to learn a life lesson? I absolutely hate this! My life was so good until this point, I've had everything I want. I love my culture otherwise, I like my body, I like my friends and the opportunities I have. I just so deeply detest that lack of choice I feel right now by being gay.

I am eating so pourly and I am so depressed about it. It's something that's always on my mind, I cannot concentrate on anything else. I cannot keep this secret for so long but at the same time I just don't want to be gay.

Can I learn the lesson associated with being gay in a different way?

IMHO.

I think you can, though you can expect nothing nice for you in the karma-debt sense, from doing this.

I guess, in the long run, it's better for you to go on till the end with the actual life (a good part of which you have already left behind). After all, when you were choosing your present life with your Spiritual Guides, you agreed to this life, for some purpose, surely. So, it's better, to be consistent in your decision. Don't accept anything in the future, if you feel you won't abide it in real.

It's no good changing the contract conditions in the middle of a voyage. If you insist hard enough on changing, I think you'll be allowed to do it, but your reputation (or you karmic credit story) would be seriously damaged.

In any case, don't do anything like this again.

For once you'll maybe escape a too severe damage to your karma, but only for once.

Well, and in the practical plane, a gay person CAN learn being straight (and even enjoy it). Only, you should learn little by little, and accept straight traits as NOT INSTEAD of what you have now, but ALONG with them. Broaden your sexuality, don't try to substitute it for another one.

Good luck & best regards.
 
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Hi Firefly,

I'm confused. Are you agreeing with Polaris (what reincarnates is non-gendered) or with me (what reincarnates is gendered)? Also, the fact that there is a preference to be one gender over the other IMO is a sign of gender.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--I'm OK either way, but just seek clarification.
 
It's no good changing a contract conditions in the middle of the voyage. If you insist hard enough on changing, I think you'll be allowed to do it, but your reputation (or you karmic credit story) would be seriously damaged.

(...)

For once you'll maybe escape a too severe damage to your karma, but only for once.

I always wonder where people get their information from. So Cyrus, I hope you can help me this time.

How on Earth (!) can you know this kind of information? I guess you form your opinions by deduction and assumptions but we don't know anything about member SheSearches. We know nothing about their goals in life. You could easily say it's 'in the contract' to doubt, change, and experience whatever kind of decisions.

I also wonder about this concept of 'contract'. This is very vague to me although I know a lot of people use it. I guess we could translate it as a travel guide, once we decided on our main goals for the following life. My personal life has changed radically several times during this current life, so I am not a prone believer that a so-called 'contract' put me on a road without exits or roundabouts.
 
I dunno...this idea I've read for years now on this forum that our higher selves incarnate into a blank slate with chosen characteristics that have been different from life to life runs entirely counter to my own reincarnation journey awakening.

I've found, for myself, that in every successive life my higher self manifested the same traits couched in the same thinking in all of my lives. Only the circumstances and the cultural, humane, moral and technological evolution had changed ( mostly ) and I had always been the same person contextualised differently each time evolving along with the rest of us.

I've also tried to apply reasoning to my search for why I am here.

For me its undeniable that, through the years as I've matured, I have learned and grown and continue to do so. This is an ever evolving concept I've seen through the prism of my evolution from conqueror to rebel to humanist.

As I said to someone this morning, coincidence in life is the mysterious veil that makes many unquestionally follow the way of entropy, marching onward with whatever faith one believes in. Yet with reincarnation awareness I've been privalleged to experience creation as being more wonderous than I ever imagined because, to my way of applying logic, I'm living and learning and I now see a tiny portion of the structure of my journey.

I never saw that before I had memories and lived some of the lessons I had forgotten.

Coincidence overlays the true structure imo and in that structure I've learned from every life experience I ever had, whether its figuring out how to wire a plug socket or to go on hunger strike in prison, that I'm learning at every level, I'm also absorbing others experiences and the accumulation of human knowledge that the mindblowing invention of the written word has allowed me to ingest.

If we aren't here to learn, such as 'fitting a plug socket = learning to have the confidence to trust your own knowledge', then why are we learning?

Why does time run forward? Why do all things decay? As far as I'm concerned our higher selves can only experience the illusion of 3 dimensional entropy whereas coming here, separated, alone, decaying, maturing and learning in complete ignorance ( generally ) of why we are doing it opens up the possibilities for creativity, reasoning, morality, objectivity, brotherhood, sacrifice and so on.

Aside from maybe a life review and an overview of our earth existence coupled with longer memories what exactly is there to learn in Heaven?
 
I always wonder where people get their information from. So Cyrus, I hope you can help me this time.

How on Earth (!) can you know this kind of information? I guess you form your opinions by deduction and assumptions but we don't know anything about member SheSearches. We know nothing about their goals in life. You could easily say it's 'in the contract' to doubt, change, and experience whatever kind of decisions.

I also wonder about this concept of 'contract'. This is very vague to me although I know a lot of people use it. I guess we could translate it as a travel guide, once we decided on our main goals for the following life. My personal life has changed radically several times during this current life, so I am not a prone believer that a so-called 'contract' put me on a road without exits or roundabouts.

There was an "IMHO" in capital letters in the beginning of my message, so it's just my humble opinion.

In one of the books by Michael Newton there is a story of a man who killed himself because he couldn't go on with the life he was engaged in at that time. I learned a lot from reading and analyzing that episode. The rest - I don't remember now where I have got it from. A lot of things I got from what I read on the pages of this forum.

I know nothing about member SheSearches, all that I wrote in my previous message is of a general nature, appliable to (almost) any of us, I guess.
I'd like to change some conditions of my present life contract, too, though not so desperately, as SheSearches, maybe, and I thought about it lots of times.

Well, and in respect of the term "contract" - I don't insist on using it. English is not my mother tongue, so I try to express myself in it as best as I can.
I'm sorry if it's not to everybody's liking. For me, such a "contract" is just a set of a next life's initial settings, that can be and usually are automatically modifed by interactions with the real situations in a real life.

Again, IMHO !!!

Best regards.

 
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Hi Firefly,

I'm confused. Are you agreeing with Polaris (what reincarnates is non-gendered) or with me (what reincarnates is gendered)? Also, the fact that there is a preference to be one gender over the other IMO is a sign of gender.

Cordially,
S&S

PS--I'm OK either way, but just seek clarification.

I think our core spirit is genderless. This is my belief, my truth.

On a personal level, I reckon that I've been reincarnating an awful lot of times as a female lately. And I feel female this time just for being a mother (and for feeling attracted to men), I don't have a female mindset in my way of thinking. I am conditioned to keep myself safe in this world (being a woman), so I can't follow all my ideas and interests.
I am always more than interested in the topic of gender and transgenders despite my belief that our core spirits are genderless. Because... that's the way my spirit wants to experience. I highly believe that in my former life I was male and that I always knew something was 'off' with me. I think I had taken some residues of female life with me that time.
 
Hi Firefly,

One of the reasons I believe as I do is that the only solid evidence I have on the matter is from Stevenson's research, and he found 1 or 2 out of 10 cross-gender lives. So, to me (aside from any philosophical reasons) that indicates a predilection or preference that I see as indicative of gender. I also have ideas in this area inculcated from long study of a wide variety of Western resources. (The latter is one of the reasons why I tend to react to too much of what I consider to be a "hard" karma position--though I do have my own ideas in regard to actions leading to consequences beyond those immediately evident during this lifetime).

Cordially,
S&S

PS--There seems to be a tendency by many to consider certain Eastern ideas derived from Hinduism or Buddhism as a "given"--IMO, these positions are merely data to be considered, not accepted blindly and without examination.
 
Hi Tanker. Hope your well.

I hear you brother. If the way to Heaven is an escalator I wanna hear some Led Zeppelin going up.

Unfortunately, I fear that, like nearly every pub in Dublin, the bouncer says "Sorry...not tonight". Lol
 
So, to me (aside from any philosophical reasons) that indicates a predilection or preference that I see as indicative of gender.

My visions from lives in the very old past are me being male. I even remember my first time on Earth. I think at least from the 15th century I was mainly female. A female cycle so to say.
 
Here, here, tanker my friend, your last sentence should be copy and pasted all over this message board.

There's no evidence for karma whatsoever in all the research done by Dr. Ian Stevenson et al. Nor so we see evidence of extensive life planning and so on. Soul contracts don't exist. We just are here to live, as we are.

Don't take my word for it, start investigating. The best place so far to start that research is the Psi Encyclopaedia. https://psi-encyclopedia.spr.ac.uk/

One article stands out which is children's reports of intermission memories. (https://psi-encyclopedia.spr.ac.uk/articles/intermission-memories) Why is it interesting? For me, children offer the most pure and untainted views of the afterlife process that we have. So, if you check that article out you can get some insight into the processes at hand in how we 'choose' and select our lives. Researchers, by the way, don't only look at one case but at a body of cases before reporting the patterns that emerge.

Then, if you're feeling ambitious buy Dr. Jim Matlock's book, 'Signs of Reincarnation' -- which is so far one of the most put together books on the research done on the reincarnation phenomena.

In Short: Stop punishing yourself, find a way to appreciate yourself and your unique-ness. Life would be boring if we were all carbon copies / cookie cut outs of Mr. Heterosexual and Mrs. Heterosexual straight, two kids in a semi detached 9-5 yadda yadda.

That's coming from a trans dude (lowest on the strata of the LGBT spectrum), so I have something to say on the subject of being unusual and living it.
Thanks for this post. I too am interested in serious research and appreciate the work of Jim Matlock in offering what I consider a balanced viewpoint on the topic (of Reincarnation). I also agree or sympathise with much of the rest of your post, though some of it is simply outside of my current experience and I can only be a bystander in some aspects. Anyway, thanks for posting.
 
Hi Polaris,

I think I agree with everything in your recent post except for the key statements in the second paragraph:

"As soul in its natural state is in perfect balance of both polarities of consciousness as both male and female states of consciousness exist as one. However on the physical we experience duality. So it is only when we incarnate on the physical do we experience gender."

This is exactly what I am questioning and have been questioning for a long time. I do not know how far up the chain of being "duality" goes, but I have no reason to believe that it is restricted to the physical, nor do I believe that one of its many manifestations--gender--is restricted to the physical. Sometimes, like Eastern concepts of "karma," ideas of this type (i.e., the soul is without gender) seem to be accepted unquestioningly. However, there are other traditions that postulate an initial split of the bi-gendered or neutral soul into different gendered components that incarnate separately and seek for each other, perhaps for an ultimate merger of some type, across many incarnations. Another simply thinks we are created this way--Yin with a dot of Yang or vice versa--reflecting our place in a universe which at all or almost all levels manifests duality. Physical sex differences are merely the reflection of gender differences in the physical plane. In non-physical planes these masculine/feminine differences would be reflected in other ways that we might associate with gender differences in temperament, thinking patterns, problem solving, feelings, etc. Under either gendered or non-gendered model, occasional forays into the opposite physical sex could be beneficial, even if problematic, for a life or two (which seems to be the PL pattern that Stevenson found). I think that this may also occur not just to increase empathy/balance (the usual explanation), but for reasons personal to that particular person. E.g., because of PL trauma-disappointments-frustrations-etc. associated with life in a particular sex that creates an aversion reaction and/or a sense that life is easier/better "on the other side of the street" (or at least worth a try).

Cordially,
S&S

S&S I understand where you are coming from. From my experience during conscious OBE's over the years gender seems to somewhat exist on the astral plane as we tend to still keep the same form and personality as we did in our last earth life. However as we transcend beyond the astral into the mental plane (where the universe mind occurs) the aspect of gender starts to blend together as this is the world of pure universal mind. As the mental body starts to reflect more of our spiritual character from all of the PL we have lived while in the lower worlds of duality.

Duality itself ends once soul transcends past the mental plane and into the causal or soul plane. Here soul is above time, space, matter and duality itself. It is here that soul is stripped of all lower body forms as we know it as human beings and is in its pure naked form of pure consciousness itself. So with no define form there is no gender here. There is memory of what it was like to be male or female while in lower form but form is not necessary here anymore. It's hard to try to describe the soul body (which is the true you and is eternal). I guess the best way I can describe it is like a pure ball of swirling light with a 360 degree of consciousness. That is the best I can come up with using limited human language. It is here were we are a total sum of all incarnations we have ever been. Which gives us a unique soul signature or vibration that those would recognize on this dimension of being. I am aware of other dimensions even higher than this but lack experience or awareness of the nature of these pure states of spirit as I have not experience these states of being to my knowledge. I have been told only those that have reach enlightenment or are avatars, guides or spiritual teachers can access these dimensions of reality of pure spirit.

So from that perspective being physical in this three dimensional world is a very unique experience for soul to have despite its limitations it has to deal with. And perhaps why we keep coming back.

Peace and love...

P.
 
I dont want to be rude with all you gay-people in here, but honestly: To be a married hetero with several kids and full-time work is not easier than being gay and coming out of the closet.

I know that stating this does not make me popular in here, but I have met so many sentimental gay-people over the years, thinking their suffering is so exeptional. Well, I tell you: difficulties is not the monopoly if the LGBTs.

Beside of this I also want to tell you all: Yes, it is possible to change orientation in life. Sexuality can not define a lifepath. And you can chose to change it. Orientation is not a destiny, as nothing is a destiny. Your own mind will define your destiny, not sexual orientation. The mind is free and have many possibilities.

Please, I dont mean to be grumpy. But we all need to learn to look longer than our own nose-tip. And the gay-people too, need to do that. We all need to drop that **** sentimentality. There is so much love and help to give of ourselves to the suffering, poor, starving small children of the world - instead of complaining. So why dont we do that instead of feeling sorry for ourselves?
 
Hi tanker.

I WAS a bouncer so I can certainly tackle a bouncer...but its Heaven man...I don't think being contrary goes down as well as Robert Plants singing there!
 
And the gay-people too, need to do that. We all need to drop that **** sentimentality. There is so much love and help to give of ourselves to the suffering, poor, starving small children of the world - instead of complaining. So why dont we do that instead of feeling sorry for ourselves?
Wow, where did that come from? That's not kind at all. Personally I'm happy being gay, and I also give to the suffering, poor, starving small children of the world, so please find out your facts before you start bringing accusations. I'm not aware of having complained about being gay, it certainly doesn't define me, and I don't even know what you mean by **** sentimentality. I'm not sorry for myself, but I'm sorry you feel so hostile when you don't even know people here personally. Whatever's causing you to feel like this - and maybe these difficult times are to blame, I have no idea - I wish you peace and a willingness to accept other people who are different from you. All I can say is that your words really hurt - if that's not being too sentimental. And I personally could well do without unkindness at such a time. I hope you feel better soon.
 
Now Tanker, you know me from both private and public chat. I like you even though we possess different nationalistic pride.

But there is ONE thing I want to point out.

When I was fifteen, in school, being gay was illegal. I slagged 'faggots' ( a bundle of stick's not originally an insult ). It was sociably acceptable.

I just want to point out, and remind everyone, that the march for Gay rights and the resulting social change has been the single greatest thing that has happened in the western world since Martin Luther King.

I no longer hold my childish, bigoted, accepted view of someone being gay that I held as a child.

So, in saying that, I'd like to remind people of how we've come to a place of acceptance of gays and those different than us, and I also ask people to forgive us all our bigotry's. We are only now learning to accept what we once ridiculed and we have the gay community to thank for expanding our minds.

I'm a twentieth Century man living in the future. Do you all hear me?
 
Wow, where did that come from? That's not kind at all. Personally I'm happy being gay, and I also give to the suffering, poor, starving small children of the world, so please find out your facts before you start bringing accusations. I'm not aware of having complained about being gay, it certainly doesn't define me, and I don't even know what you mean by **** sentimentality. I'm not sorry for myself, but I'm sorry you feel so hostile when you don't even know people here personally. Whatever's causing you to feel like this - and maybe these difficult times are to blame, I have no idea - I wish you peace and a willingness to accept other people who are different from you. All I can say is that your words really hurt - if that's not being too sentimental. And I personally could well do without unkindness at such a time. I hope you feel better soon.
As I wrote in my comment here, I did not mean to be rude to anybody. That is what I started with.

If you were hurt, as you clearly say you were, Tanker, I am of couse sad about that.

On the other hand, no I am not to be concidered an especially hostile person, just because I have another opinion on LGBTQ than you have. Also, to have another opinion of LGBTQ than you have, does not mean that I dont have peace with myself and dont accept people who are different from me. There is freedom of mind and freedom of speach. No, I am not being unkind because I use my right to state my opinion.

Neither is my knowlege of sexual orientation sucked out of my own thumb. I belive I am scientifically well founded when I state that the sexual orientation of a person is not a rigid thing, not static - but absolutely and highly bendable.

Excuse my English. I am not good at it, and I dont know if I expressed myself clearly.

To the person who started this tread, and asked if she has to be gay if she doesent really want to, I just want to say: you can become whatever you want to; its only your own mind that sets the limits. And your mind is capable of incredible things. You are free in all possible ways - also from biology of your body, and the rules of the culture you live in. And once you realise this, you will work miracles in your own life, and shine out a lot of love and happieness to people around you.

We are not bound, we are all free in our souls.
 
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I am queer and I am from a very unaccepting culture and family. I hate being an outcast and I hate upsetting people. I hate being rebellious and I never really was as a child. Of course, I am closeted right now, but I know that I knew I would be gay in this life. It fits tooooo perfectly in the scenario a person needs to learn self-acceptance maybe, or whatever it is that gives me this complex about having to fit in and not step on anyone's toes.

Can I opt out of this? I just cannot do this. I cannot be gay. I have no lgbt support network, none of my close friends are gay, I am totally alone in this. I cannot do it. Why on earth did I think this would be the best way to learn a life lesson? I absolutely hate this! My life was so good until this point, I've had everything I want. I love my culture otherwise, I like my body, I like my friends and the opportunities I have. I just so deeply detest that lack of choice I feel right now by being gay.

I am eating so pourly and I am so depressed about it. It's something that's always on my mind, I cannot concentrate on anything else. I cannot keep this secret for so long but at the same time I just don't want to be gay.

Can I learn the lesson associated with being gay in a different way?
Dear SheSearches, I belive we are, to a huge exent, free to choose our life paths and lessons we want to learn, here and now, at any moment in life.

If you rather want to live a life were your focus of sexuality is non-existing or small, its up to you. Or if you wish to be a woman who is attracted to a man and makes heterophile love, you can be that. I dont belive destiny exists in such a way that, that somebody is predestinated to have a certain sexual orientation or a certain mindset.

You have freedom to choose what you wish to be, and how you want to live love out - here and now. Dont let anybody tell you what you "need to" learn as a life lesson. There is no karma. You are free.

Just think about it; what would be the lesson of a life as gay? That experience of "being-different-from-the-rest"-thing? The experience of a womans body, next to another womans body? Seriously. There are million ways of experiencing difference and inequality in this world. As every individual is different from and inequal to the rest, regardless of sexual orientation.

I hope you chose freedom of mind and freedom of your own will for your life, over "fate in destiny". As I belive its a better choice and a stronger choice. You decide for yourself, the way you want to love.

Yes, you can cancel that "soul contract" of being gay, as there is no such thing as a soul contract. Especially you cancel it, if you want to. There is only the gift of life, given to you for free, without that you ever asked for it at all, as a task and and gift - both at the same time.
 
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Yikes this has gotten to be bit of a dumpster fire and sad to see it happen here given that such matters in light of reincarnation knowing that others have had this in their past lives at one point or another. This is one reason why some souls want out of this world altogether.
 
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