Hi. I'm new to the forums and also to the whole topic. Something happened to me in the end of last year and I just dont know how to explain. To start..I might say that Im a catholic brazilian woman that never tought about reincarnation before.
Anyways, last year I was looking for a new book to read..and Outlander poped in front of me on the library. I never heard about it before..the cover was really pretty and I tought maybe it was about raids and elfs and fantasy. Like Lord of The Rings (I dont ever read the info about the book on the back, usually has spoilers) So I bought it. I know now Outlander is not new and a lot of people has became "scottish fans" becoz of it. Nothing wrong with it, culture and history is supposed to be knewn, so Im glad Diana wrote about it. But lets keep going..I read the 1st book in 3 weeks..I just couldnt stop. On the 2nd one..thats when it got me. The whole Culloden history made me feel REALLY SAD while reading it. I didnt care about Jamie or whoever..I cried alone for 2 weeks after reading book 2...everytime I tought about those men fighting for their freedom and dying believing it was possible. I felt so sad I couldnt keep to myself...it was weird. Im always reading about battles and I never got emotional before. I told my husband about it, he googled earth and showed me the fields images, saying that we must visit. The only thing I tought was "If I ever go there I will cry rivers". At this point I must say I didnt recognize the place, the fields, the Inverness town. Nothing. But the sad feeling like someone just ripped my heart in two was there.
After a while, reading books 3 and 4 I started to think why this battle made me feel like this. I did my research and read about it, historicaly, and about who survived for real. Then one day it came to my mind that Scotland music has a lot of celtic culture. I've been celtic songs fan since I can remember..I have collections of it songs way before I knew about Outlander. And then..I remembered the 1st time I saw Braveheart...how sad I was and decided to never see it again. How I always loved the blue color..I married in a white dress with a blue silk lass. I have a friend that moved to Ireland and when she went there I said "I hope you find a good place and life there..becoz when I get old I will move there and we will drink beer till we die. I want to die there, I dont know why, but I want to." I know Ireland is not Scotland but I just wanted to say that I have this need to go to those islands..where celtic people lived.
I remembered how my favorite movie when I was a kid was Highlander, how I was in love with Sean Connery, how Im always reading about Brittish medieval times and fights (My favorite write is Cornwell), and the funny one..how I always liked men like Thor: medieval, hairy..and my sister would always make fun of it. I mean..between a 2017 Christian Grey and 1743 Jamie Fraser I would pick Fraser no doubt haha. At last...I just found out Scotland saint is Saint Andrew and thats the reason of the cross on the flag. My husbands name is Andrew. Almost everytime Im watching a movie about anything else..something in the movie shows up about Scotland...what is silly but It gets my mind back to the topic.
I dont have flashbacks. I dont like whiskey, I never rided a horse before (even tought I like to imagine myself in one fighting medieval battles with celtic songs in the background sometimes), Im too much against machism to believe I could have lived 300 years ago fine. I dont dream about Scotland, I didnt even knew its history before the book. I mean, sure I knew its UK part and about clans and tartans...but I never knew about the clans names, fights, colors, and never cared. If you have asked me 3 years go wich country I wanted to see..the answer would be Egypt..now I just feel I must see Scotland.
I know...since I dont remember anything..dont have flashs or dreams, it sounds like Im just a girl that got involved too much with the book. But theres something more: I have always been angry...about anything. I have this angry feeling inside...that makes everything seem like a fight. Like Im always having to fight...everything and everyone. In the middle of this confusion...I got myself thinking "What if Im always mad becoz I died fighting for something I couldnt get..I coudnt accomplish...and It was a terrible death?" "What If I died in Culloden, believing in something impossible..and now Im mad?" As I said..I dont know nothing about reincarnation..how it works...but It just seems logic to me.
This subject comes and goes in my mind and tonight I decided to read informations on how could I know if is real and if Im right. Im too scared to try the regression therapy...and since I was raised catholic Im kinda insecure to go deep in this...but its bothering me. What will change in my life to find out that I died in Culloden? Anything? Is it really worthed? What If Im just too involved with this fantasy? It bothers me so much that here I am, in a reincarnation forum at 2am.
I dont know if anyone can help me here..or If I actually want to...I just felt like I had to talk about it...to someone that felt the same way.
Thanks for the attention and Im sorry for the mispellying.
Ps. Im still on book 5 of Outlander so no spoilers please.