Discussion in 'Reincarnation Questions' started by soul, May 20, 2014.
Thank you for your help
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You have a very fascinating history with this guy. So sorry to hear things took a bad turn last week. Do you think he's afraid to get close after having suffered such loss in three different lives? When you said that you are afraid to continue meditation out of fear of getting duped further ... what do you mean by that?
This is interesting, soul.
For one, a relationship in a past life doesn't mean a present life relationship will work out. You seem aware of this, and that's good. Also, I think you made a healthy choice not to jump in based on emotional reactions that have nothing to do with who he is now. Relationships don't last based on idealization from either side. Eventually reality will hit.
On the other hand, he may not know he is duping people. Most people run on instinct. In fact, most passion is actually based on elements other than mutually accepting and supporting love. (I've read studies on this over the years, but I don't remember where, sorry.)
He is very possibly playing out an internal pattern where his emotions are controlled by unseen fears and need for certain interactions. And he may be wondering why he always falls out of love, too. Now, maybe he is manipulative ... some people know exactly what they are doing and still choose to use people for their games.
But it may be he just doesn't know himself very well, too. Having lost you in all those lives, he may unconsciously be creating a cycle where he loses the people he loves before they can die on him ... because at least that way they can remain friends and are not gone forever??? If he is open to it, he might profit from a professional regression or at least some counselling, himself.
You're right, either way that's not a good direction to look if you want a romantic relationship, but hopefully this perspective will help you heal a little from the hurt he has caused.
Looking from outside, then he either comes back to you of himself or he doesn't.
It would be logical for the reason for him not to come back (assuming these shared past lives) could be fear of being hurt again.
Other than that:
- it may be that there are other shared past lives with him that you don't remember and its therefore impossible to have any idea what may have happened in them that might also be influencing him
- it sounds like he is wealthy in this life and that gives him a lot of options that aren't available to poorer people and he may (at least for the time being) wish to explore those options for good or bad and see what they are like. A 20th/21st century life gives a lot more options to many of us than will have been available in previous centuries and with "wealthy person" options thrown in as well it may take him some time to "get it out of his system".
I would say "Don't hold your breath" as to whether or when he will come back. He may. He may not. Either way - don't spend your life waiting for him.
I spent some years "waiting" for a man I felt sure must be The One to me (though my usual lack of memories prevails) until I realised that it was irrelevant whether we had or hadn't met each other before. What was relevant was some viewpoints he has now OMG and the fact that, even if he himself knew he was The One, that he was too weak a person to do anything about it and would go along with whatever made life easiest for him this time round. Many people are weak. Then again, many people "push their weight around". There don't seem to be that many that are firm and assertive about their own rights/life on the one hand, without trying to push around other people one way or another on the other hand imo.
I don't know the circumstances of him/you and my own experiences may be colouring my views (but then that is the case with most of us most of the time isn't it?).
Either way....get on with your life...as that is what you need to do regardless of what he does or doesn't do.
Not going back
Thank you for your help
..and that is the thing imo.
That is to have a reasonable level of self-esteem and decide what it is not fair for anyone to put up with, ie so you wont either.
On the other hand, not thinking that you are Mega Special and therefore deserve Mega Special treatment on the other hand.
It's a balancing act...working out what constitutes fair treatment from others that you are reasonably entitled to expect (ie having a fair level of self-esteem) on the one hand and having an expectation in accordance with being "summat special" on the other hand.
That is one of the tricks in life - ie working out EXACTLY what is reasonably due to anyone in your circumstances...no more and no less.
But there are indeed times that a reasonable level of self-esteem is telling you "Up with this I will not put".
Welcome to the forum.
I can strongly relate to what you're going through. I have a somewhat similar story. You may be interested in reading it. My friend X.
After many years of ups and downs, and heartache and angst, these days we are simply friends which is just perfect as far as I'm concerned. It took years for me to work it all out and I was totally obsessed by it for almost all of my life really, but these days I am at peace which is wonderful. I really love him to bits and he fills me with joy, but the whole 'boyfriend/girlfriend' thing just doesn't work out for us and it's certainly time for a change!
As the others have said, if it doesn't feel right it probably isn't, at least not at this time. Just because you've known someone before is no guarantee that you will be together this life or are destined to be 'soul mates' forever or anything like that.
Maybe it's time for a change of pattern for you both, just as it obviously is with me and X? It's possible that this time around you two have decided to live separate lives, to explore other themes and have new adventures? It could be that there is a new lesson to learn or a new experience to be had. Maybe eventually you will be friends? Time will tell.
If your intuition is telling you to 'trust and believe' try to do that with patience and endurance, while just getting on with your life.
Meaning of meditations
Thank you for your help
Well, usually your experiences in meditation are about you, not the other person. You may learn about other people on the side, and that can be valuable. But since you're learning about their past selves it can be a bit of a shock to see the differences, like you say.
Soul growth is a complex process because we have so many layers and levels of identity. He may be working on a different aspect of his character now than he was then, and only just beginning. Like the difference between being a professional figure skater, who is just one week into piano. In this life, you may have stepped into his piano lesson.
I wonder if you have an unresolved concern over dying and leaving someone you love behind to mourn alone? This is just one element that you mentioned in the pattern of lives you share that can be extracted without thinking about the character of the other person. I'm sure there are more, but only you will know what they are.
Setting aside the identity of the person with you in those lives, look at the way you felt and the thoughts you have about life and death and commitment ...
What is similar between then and now?
Have you been automatically responding to life in a way that those lives illuminate somehow?
What is easier to see in yourself because of them?
What emotions are stirred, and why?
This is the part that is most valuable to you. If you were told to "just believe" and "stick with it" in those meditations, I can understand why you might feel betrayed by them. But there are many voices that can slip in, and some of them aren't as wise as others. I always analyse the advice I'm given in the same way I do with real life mentors. I also take into account the fact that I might be micro-applying a concept that was meant to be for a larger view.
They may have been saying to believe in yourself and your ability to see things as they are and learn from them ... in which case you did, didn't you? And now you know that if you get into a bad relationship you know how to see it and walk away.
wine**That is actually something I learned, so take it with a grain of salt if it doesn't fit:
It gives me a feeling of strength to know that I have enough sense to deal with bad relationships instead of becoming a victim again. I can only be made stronger when I recognize my ability to learn from anything, even if I am hurt, so I trust myself a little more and give new people enough space to reveal who they are.
Thank you for your help
It sounds like you've got a good handle on the direction your soul is taking you, and that you are learning and growing as planned.
There you go. It seems you are starting to see the patterns. More will come in time I'm sure.
It happens a lot actually. If everyone was always just getting better and better and had been doing so for thousands of years, don't you think the world would be a somewhat different place by now? Nothing in life is so simple as we would perhaps like it to be.
There are theories about how we're here to learn and improve and I think some of us are doing that. Some of us are here for fun. Some of us are here to create mischief. Some of us probably have no idea what they are doing or why. Some people, to quote a Batman movie I saw recently, 'just want to watch the world burn'. Everyone is different and there are as many ways of living a life as there are individuals. There's no right way or wrong way. It's much messier than a lot of people believe in my view.
You know him best of course, and I know your feelings for him at this time are pretty harsh, but is it possible that he keeps women at arm's length (including you) because of all the pain he has experienced the last few times? Could it be that this time he wants to experience just being a footloose and fancy free 'player' rather than a devoted life partner (to anyone, including you)? It's possible? Obviously he may not be behaving this way consciously. These things are subconscious. But, something to think about.
Excellent work Soul,
Off chance do remember any of your names?
I just believe they are important
My past lives kinda are pretty close together.
Melinda / Violet
Those were names I once had.
Thank you for your help
You'll get through it, Soul. You may even discover that his presence doesn't affect you as much as you expect.
coffee Sometimes the dread is larger than the problem.
It's perfectly OK soul. I know this sort of thing stirs up a lot of bewildering emotions. Be brave. You'll be ok.
Separate names with a comma.