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3 past lives

Moving sounds healthy for you. As you say, you can see your possible direction by the paths available to you. I think you will find your way forward.


It looks like you can't really do anything but develop patience. Some problems resolve themselves, and if there is something to do I think you will find your way open to do it.


I wonder if you can disconnect from him for now/this lifetime? You may very well have determined in your past lives that you would never let him go, no matter what. You could both be affected by ingrained decisions that no longer have a foundation in your current life, especially if they contradict each other so directly. "I will go my own way this time." vs. "I will never let you go."


My ex strongly affected me both emotionally and in dreams for many years, and I was able to sever that connection during a "vision quest" of sorts. I rarely think of him now, and dreams now portray him as an minor element in my life rather than the primary character. It's a nice change.


Sometimes the subconscious needs an equally strong symbol to counter the ingrained mentality we bring from the last life.


For myself, I visualized the connection between my ex and I as a cord (It showed up as this rotting, blackened, arm-thick, earthworm-type material that stretched between my heart and his.) and severed it with a glowing sword. (It fell to dust.) I then cauterized the wound with light. It simply wasn't healthy for either of us for me to be so attached to him.


Now, if I begin to habitually respond as though he has some control over my decisions, I refresh the mental image of cutting our connection and instantly feel my freedom. This process might help you as well.
 
Thank you MD for your input.


However, the night before last I literally begged God to sever the connection, to allow me to release him from my life


The upshot? The very next morning, I received a message from SM suggesting we meet for coffee.


I'm sorry, but I have done everything possible to close doors, but as I said, my dreams keep telling me not do this. And my guided meditations also told me to 'trust and believe that the love is real'. I have to learn to trust all of this, clearly this is what is right for me.


So now finally, I have reached the conclusion that perhaps yes, this is supposed to be a love story, but not in the way I assumed. Perhaps it is a lesson in restraint and patience, to stay firm in who I am, and what I stand for, without shutting the door on him. This is as much a lesson in growth for me as it is for him. This is a lesson for me in not losing myself, and trusting my higher self I think.


I have not responded to him, I did not feel ready.
 
Whatever you choose, I'm sure it will be useful to your personal growth. You have the right mindset for it.


I'm beginning to realize that clarity isn't meant to be a permanent state. Every time I grow, things get muddled and confusing. Reaching clarity just solidifies what I learned in the midst of it all ... and then I'm right back in there trudging forward again.


May you never lose yourself and remain firm and patient no matter what turmoil he brings with him.
 
.. in a nutshell, what I am trying to say is that the dreams and meditations feel very much intertwined. If you suggest the dreams are wish fulfillment, I'm afraid I would be inclined to doubt the veracity of my meditations too.
I did not say your dreams were definitely wish fulfilment, just that that is one possible explanation as to why they were so different from what you were experiencing in the real world.


You are the one who really knows the answers to all these questions, and you will learn to trust yourself with time I'm sure. All we can do is offer such guidance as we can from our different viewpoints, based on our own life experiences, in the hope that it helps. In the end it's your life and you have to decide your best course.

...So now finally, I have reached the conclusion that perhaps yes, this is supposed to be a love story, but not in the way I assumed. Perhaps it is a lesson in restraint and patience, to stay firm in who I am, and what I stand for, without shutting the door on him. This is as much a lesson in growth for me as it is for him. This is a lesson for me in not losing myself, and trusting my higher self I think.
It seems to me that the tension in your situation is coming from the conflict between your belief in 'fate' - that you are destined to be together, that you are being guided by your higher self, and your own actions which continually seem to fight against it. You try to move to another country, something goes wrong and you have to stay. You move house, you end up in his neighbourhood. He invites you for c0ffee, you ignore him. :)


This is all causing you stress, which is not surprising. The best advice I can give is always to follow your heart and trust your instincts. Be brave, but not foolish. Be open, but not reckless. Be loving, but not a slave to love.


You can have a c0ffee with him without losing your self or risking your life purpose. You can be friends with him without having to fight and argue about your differences of opinion about whatever it might be, his lifestyle, your talent, or whatever. You may even, one day, have a relationship if it is what you both want and if it is on equal terms. As I said a while ago, perhaps he just needs some time to grow up? Men can take a little longer to mature than women, but they always get there in the end.
 
Mere Dreamer said:
...
My ex strongly affected me both emotionally and in dreams for many years, and I was able to sever that connection during a "vision quest" of sorts. I rarely think of him now, and dreams now portray him as an minor element in my life rather than the primary character. It's a nice change. ...
I tried this once with X. It didn't work! But, these days I am much more relaxed about it all and much less obsessed and no longer miserable about it. It just took some time to work through all those feelings, realise where they were coming from and decide that they were not very useful in this life. The pure, unconditional, love is still there, just without all the anxiety.


Now we have a lovely easy going friendship which is just fine by me. We catch up every couple of weeks or so in person, his health permitting. We always have a lot of laughs and interesting talk for hours. We exchange amusing emails and texts in between, depending on what catches his eye and wants to share with someone who cares, or an idea he wants to discuss, something I see that I think might interest him, and so on. Since we're both interested in a lot of the same things, that's easy.


This happy state of affairs took many, many years (lifetimes?) to achieve. These soul mate things are complicated. There are no quick fixes!
 
Mere Dreamer said:
I'm beginning to realize that clarity isn't meant to be a permanent state. Every time I grow, things get muddled and confusing. Reaching clarity just solidifies what I learned in the midst of it all ... and then I'm right back in there trudging forward again.
I think you are right MD.
 
Saga 1


Tanguerra, I know that you and MD are trying to help me as best you can with the limited information I post here. I really am grateful.
 
Saga 2


Naturally, I assumed his call was motivated by guilt. The outage affected the whole locality, so I'm pretty sure he knew why I was calling.


24 hours later I wrote to him briefly, telling him that I accepted he did not love me, and that he also did not want me in his life as a friend. I said the part of me that really cared for him wished him well in whatever new happiness he had found, and stated that I wouldn't contact him again, and I said goodbye. He never responded to my message. I know he read it (read receipt).


One week later, which is now yesterday, he contacts me saying he is back if *I* want to go for coffee.


I hope this puts everything into perspective, and explains why I have not responded.
 
soul said:
Naturally, I assumed his call was motivated by guilt. The outage affected the whole locality, so I'm pretty sure he knew why I was calling.
24 hours later I wrote to him briefly, telling him that I accepted he did not love me, and that he also did not want me in his life as a friend. I said the part of me that really cared for him wished him well in whatever new happiness he had found, and stated that I wouldn't contact him again, and I said goodbye. He never responded to my message. I know he read it (read receipt).


One week later, which is now yesterday, he contacts me saying he is back if *I* want to go for coffee.
1) I find that assumptions are generally somewhat flawed. Even when we are on target with the general idea, we often mistake the motivation or don't know the peripheral influences.


He may have been telling the easiest version of the truth while emotionally distracted. "What is the most convenient and brief way I can communicate that I am occupied with another important person?"


2) Did he ever tell you he doesn't want to be friends? or is this another assumption? (I didn't re-read the thread, so I apologize if you made this clear earlier.)


If #2 is an assumption, it's only fair to allow him to clarify his thoughts and motives. Maybe the coffee is his attempt to communicate.


You are still very focused on him, whether you remain in contact or not, so it's important to have as much of the truth about him as possible. You may want to risk the real scene instead of allowing it to play out (fictitiously) in your head. It's not like your relationship can get any worse, so you're not risking losing anything you already have.


If he does intend to communicate with you, it could be useful information that will help you understand him better or at least confirm your assumptions.
 
I had another exchange with him today. From this and past actions my intuitions are telling me the following.:


1) he doesn't want friendship. Not an assumption, proven from his actions.


2) he doesn't want to say goodbye. Again proven, especially from today.


3) I feel the "date" and his subsequent call when drink, where he sounded distressed, means that he probably wanted to lash out at me, and possibly there was no date at all.


4) I conclude he doesn't know what he wants.


5) I have realised yet again, that I must be true to myself, and learn to centre myself.


6) the time is not ripe for us, growth needed by both of us.
 
Oh boy! What a mess. I don't know either of you, and it's really impossible to give good advice when only hearing one side of the story, but I'm not surprised if he is blowing hot and cold. He no doubt sees you blowing hot and cold and it's probably driving him out of his mind.


Be gentle with him and be gentle with yourself. Try to be honest. Try to listen. Try to keep it simple. Try not to jump to conclusions about what the other person is thinking or their motives, as Mere Dreamer has excellently advised.
 
Well, if it weren't a mess, I wouldn't be posting for help here!


All I can say is that I still haven't written about many things, and I won't do so either. I really am not jumping to conclusions. I keep writing here about dream life, and trying to explain that in my waking life I am very empathetic and intuitive. These assumptions are not assumptions, they are really intuitions. No correction, there are times when my intuition tells be something and I dismiss it in favour of a 'rational' assumption.


My friends and even friends of his even now wonder why I still have faith in him in such matters. I 'see' him. I see what he locks away. Why is he so afraid to own these deeper sides of himself?


P.S. I had another dream last night. This time I saw him as a changed man. He owned himself and all that he is deep down.
 
soul said:
Well, if it weren't a mess, I wouldn't be posting for help here!
Ha ha! Yes, I'm sure!


Well, my best wishes are with you. I really hope you work this out, although I know it's difficult at the moment. Hopefully you will reach some kind of clarity soon. Take care of yourself.
 
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