a rescued street boy - shared by Mica and I

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by Mere Dreamer, Feb 16, 2014.

  1. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    200
    Location:
    Northern mid-west US
    I took out some of the extra details, because it was a lot and I think I forced some of it instead of just letting it happen. I'll put the second half, and then Mica's dream in a reply to this one.
    --------------

    I’m a boy in an alley at night, around 10 and small for my age. There is fire on the street ahead where I was heading, licking the stone at the corner of the alley. I consider continuing on, but there are shouts as though there is fighting (a very strong sense of danger) I end up escaping into the cool darkness of the street behind me.

    Ahead of me is a very tall, cloaked figure in a black hat. I feel relieved instead of worried to see him, as if I know him. He intercepts me and asks me what I’m doing, then I am in his carriage. I’m happy to climb in his carriage because he seems familiar to me, even though by now I realize I’ve never met him.

    He asks me questions and I tell him that my parents are dead; I live with my ill grandma a few streets away; I run about every day working odd jobs for various nobs and their servants; I got my (very fine) shoes (thrown at my head like trash, but I’m proud of them) for a task I completed for an angry rich man.

    He says he is Count (Rodnar?) and he will hire me if I am willing. He tosses me a coin, which I can’t really see, and tells me I will make many more of them if I stay with him.

    I agree.

    I am taken to a large house and cast into the care of a cook (Mema?) who complains incessantly about being a babysitter while she scrubs me clean. She is a sizable woman, and very energetic. She says the Count is an unreasonable man, and he ought to treat her better since she is the best cook in the region.

    Demands the male servant who is in the room with us go and fetch a change of clothing from the outgrown outfits of another servant. Implies that boy is no longer in the household, and I feel wary.

    I tell her my name is B/Robby. I am overwhelmed by the diatribe and washing. I simply tolerate it in bewildered silence. At the end, my damp hair is trimmed and I am pronounced tolerable and brought to the Count.

    Green eyes. Fine featured … narrow (yet handsome) face, not to the point of irritating sharpness in the angles. Lounging in his chair in front of the fire with a glass and pipe. Keen, direct gaze. Brief/short speech. Not one to explain things to a child.

    First night of conversation ...
    Him: What do you think of yourself?
    Me: I feel very fine.
    Him: Excellent. Off to bed with you, then.
    I am sent to my new/private room, which is right next to his, like a closet down the hall.

    A servant takes me to visit my grandna the next day, and stands just inside the doorway looking snooty (like he’s in a pig pen) while I give her the down-payment for my services and tell her I’ll visit from time to time. I’m thinking more about how exciting it is to be making money than what it means to no longer have me there with her. She is lying just out of reach of a single beam of light, in the corner of the room.

    I tell the neighbors to check in on her, which they agree to do, since they were already helping care for her. They seem pleased that I have work. The street is sunlit as I leave.

    I am now assigned to run small errands for him when he is out, holding his belongings, fetching him drinks, etc. I’m beside him nearly all the time.

    He seems to have no interest in sex, either with me or with adult men or women, but does want someone to curl up beside him in bed since he has nightmares if he is alone. So he asks me to stay with him (the current me thinks, “like a live teddy bear”) but once he is asleep I am free to leave for my own room if I choose.

    I’m pretty sure everyone who was aware of his habits thought he did much worse to me than he did, but it was overlooked in society anyway. I’m proud of having my own space with a door and a bed. It’s clean, too.

    Grandna dies soon after I begin to work for him.

    cont.
     
  2. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    200
    Location:
    Northern mid-west US
    2nd half


    ------------


    I am taught by an older page, who finds me irritating and slaps my hand/wrist with a ruler frequently. When the Count finds out, he simply says, “No more of this,” and I am no longer hit.


    I sleep in his embrace, most nights. Once he wept into my back, in agony of something but didn’t explain. I sit up against the pillows, then, with his arms around my waist and his head on my chest, and stroke his hair and face with my fingers until he calms. I feel very protective and affectionate, and am pleased when he sighs and relaxes into sleep.


    As I get older I choose to wear billowy shirts, because then sometimes his hands will be against my skin, though he is asleep and doesn’t know it.


    At some point during puberty he tried finding another boy to sleep with, and I asked him why. (That was painful.) It didn’t last long. I told him I wanted to be with him. Since we had such a connection, it was easy for him to give in and I returned to his bed.


    I keep my attraction to him a secret, since he made it plain that this was a problem he was attempting to avoid. In truth, I am so grateful for our relationship that I don’t usually think of more. Sometimes, on moonlit nights … or when we have a fire … I sit and look at the light reflecting off him while he sleeps and realize how grateful I am for his presence, and how much I love him.


    I am not sent away like the others. Instead, I graduate to serving him in other ways, caring for his wardrobe, messenger … I am educated to act as his aide. I hate math. It gives me headaches, but I study hard.


    I am always relieved to see him, and hate to be away from him.


    He walks up behind me, sets his hands on my shoulder, and reviews my work. I am praised for improving, for a job well done. I’m helping him with his papers now. My education continues until I am 18?


    His business. There are docks. ships. rigging, offices. We do not travel much, however, remaining primarily in our home city. Meetings with captains. Negotiations. A lot of paperwork and transactions. We own the transport between shops/craftspeople and supply sources, and only keep a storehouse where people collect their pre-arranged purchases.


    He never worries about money, mostly because he makes plenty and rarely spends it. Since he has no family, it gathers in the bank or is reinvested into the business.


    He is not one to make many friends. He associates with people because it must be done for business, and not because he desires more connections. My friends are among the servants, but he is my closest and dearest.


    One night I ask him, “Do you want to tell me why you were afraid to sleep alone all those years ago?”


    Shocked expression …. tension … withdrawal.


    I lean back against the headboard. “If you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine.”


    He rests his head over my heart. I realize how much I’ve changed, how different it is to hold him now than it was when I was a child. I am stronger and more aware, ready to listen and accept his story.


    --------


    “My father beat me often through my childhood. He hated me and everything I was, blaming me for every problem in his life including my mother’s death when I was born. When I was old enough and strong enough, I fought back one day.


    “He died … he fell… it was an accident, but I don’t regret it. I only feel relieved. But I can still see his face as he fell backward, the shock and hatred that his fool son had bested him. He wanted to kill me. He might have, if he had survived the head injury.” His face convulses with regret, resignation, anger ...


    “I often had nightmares that I am alone in the darkness a monster pursuing me. There was someone, at the time, who used to lie next to me through the night when I was recovering from a beating. It helped so much with my nightmares that I finally looked for someone who would just be near me. Children were best, because they didn’t think anything of it, unlike adults who would try to take advantage of me."


    ---------------


    His voice was shaking, but I brushed the tears from his face, longing to press away the torment of his childhood. He was about 25 when we met, I think … and now I am the age he was then … and I am glad that neither of us is alone.


    He was in his (fifties?) when he died from an illness, coughing. He looks so grey and peaceful in the light streaming through the window. I kneel next to the bed and weep, feeling like my life must end from the grief. (I really cried ... ugh)


    One day, years later, I stay in bed, struggling to breathe. I don’t really want to keep living. I choose to die instead of fighting. (I'm still looking for that connection.)
     
  3. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    200
    Location:
    Northern mid-west US
    Mica's Dream


    -------

    edit to add quotes for clarity that she wrote this, not me.
     
  4. BriarRose

    BriarRose Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2012
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    No, it's not weird. It's an example of a beautifully detailed, past life dream.
     
  5. Mama2HRB

    Mama2HRB Senior member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2003
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Western PA USA
    Could your friend have been the boy's spirit guide or perhaps one of the other servants? Interesting ... would love to read more. Thank you for sharing. :)
     
  6. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    200
    Location:
    Northern mid-west US
    Thanks, BriarRose. I'll tell her. She's very curious what you all will say about this, since it is new to us. She says she identifies most with Roderick ... though she might need to dig out the journal.


    We've had such a strong connection since the first time I responded to her art online. It felt like a miracle at the time since I was in an abusive relationship and believed I was unlovable. Since then we have written long emails back and forth multiple times a week, then progressed to frequently chatting on facebook. She taught me that I have value. Meeting is more of a bonus than a need for us, though we hope to somehow cross the ocean between us one of these days.


    I was really surprised when she wrote back about her dream, as I was pasting my "vision quests" into emails for her to read as a curiosity. She is much more of a realist than I am, though we both have a strong mystical tendency.
     
  7. kmatjhwy

    kmatjhwy Senior Member Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2009
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Wyoming
    Mere Dreamer, Wow - What a Story! Now I don't think it is weird at all. Do think that how much do we relate to things is by those memories that are right under the surface of things via our various past lives.


    Also Mere Dreamer, a past life has been coming to me lately of who exactly I was in the fur trade era it seems and how much if really so true, am I exactly just like this person in this present life. So do think it is not weird at all, those old memories were surfacing rather you both were realizing it or not do think.


    Wishing You the Best!
     
  8. peace81

    peace81 Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2004
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    N.Y
    what a beautiful story.
     
  9. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    200
    Location:
    Northern mid-west US
    I'm hesitant to say who played which role in this, because we have another friend who might play into this story somewhere.


    It's an incredible story, isn't it? I was really amazed to have something so cohesive over a whole lifetime. There's a feeling I'm missing/blocking some important elements, though.


    I'm giving it time to fill out, and hoping Mica eventually finds her journal, too.


    I was rather astonished at the whole "male" transition, as well as the emotional connections. In both of my more richly explored past lives so far, I've been male and my relational focus has been a close male friend.... Not what I would ever have expected in a past life. Heh!


    :rolleyes: My fantasy life has always sprung from my current form, as a woman.
     
  10. argonne1918

    argonne1918 Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2012
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Northern Calif.
    Even though it hasn't been written about much, I think those kind of relationships were not that uncommon back then.
     
  11. Sister Grey

    Sister Grey Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2003
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In front of the computer.
    It's only very recently that we assume 'to share a bed' implies a sexual relationship, to the point where parents are afraid to let a child sleep with them, but that wasn't the case in other times, or other cultures. People shared beds for a variety of reasons and the idea of someone wanting comfort in the event of bad dreams isn't hard to believe.
     
  12. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    200
    Location:
    Northern mid-west US
    Sister Grey, I grew up surrounded by a culture where sharing a bed was a practical necessity for whole families, so that part didn't really shock me.


    I'm thankful for having experienced other ways of seeing and interacting with life at a very young age since it clearly contradicted the "only one way to live" mentality and made it easier to wake up.
     
  13. BriarRose

    BriarRose Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2012
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    There was a movement some years ago, called "The Family Bed", where sharing was advocated. Families shared beds, well into the last century, and there were no sexual connotations, although humans being the mammals that we are, that happened. I have to interject a BriarRose "anecdote". Bed sharing was so common in the rural South, that the circuit preacher sometimes bunked in with the family when he made his "rounds". My mother knew a woman who claimed to have been impregnated by sleeping on the same sheets the preacher used! The story sounded curiously like Odin arriving as an unknown guest, and leaving a "gift" for the hostess. We never really change, it seems.
     
  14. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2014
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    200
    Location:
    Northern mid-west US
    BriarRose, that's hilarious! I am fascinated by the mythologies created/reinforced by trying to force reality into our social sensibilities.
     

Share This Page