Alaskanlaughters' memories

Discussion in 'Member's Memories - Archive' started by alaskanlaughter, Mar 10, 2008.

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  1. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    Ever since I was little, I've dreamed of trying to get back to this valley, some of it I know is NOT pl dreams but the goal is the same, sometimes I'm with my dad and sister in this life, sometimes alone, never with anyone else but dad and sis...I know it's a valley off in the National Park that lies somewhat near where we grew up in Alaska...in real life I've never had an interest in anything in that wilderness off in the park, but in my dreams I know the direction to go...sometimes we try to cross a waterfall by going up the cliff and across it, we never make it and dad falls to the bottom...sometimes I'm on a really high road up in the air and then the road ends and I think if I can just jump far enough I will make it "across" to this valley, but I don't and I just fall clear out of the sky towards the ground....these dreams I've dismissed as perhaps symbolic of something because it doesn't have any signs of PL dreams except I'm still trying to get to that valley

    But there's been other dreams...a few in particular, where I'm already in that valley and I'm an old, tough MALE goldminer and I walk into this restaurant(?) or store(?) made out of logs and it's winter and I see a lot of oldfashioned gear and barrels of food and people are also sitting at a counter and I see posters on the walls but I never looked closely at them...I'm with dad and Hannah but they don't look like themselves, they also are tough old miners...we've made a long trek and in other dreams I've seen us three walking through huge drifts of snow trying to follow a road or path..whatever we had been traveling on broke or quit and we were out on foot, it was cold and windy but I don't remember the cold getting to me very much, I must have been dressed warmly...at that time it didn't register too much that I was in this long-sought valley, I felt like I'd been there a long time and it was no big deal that I was here

    But the other night I had a dream about being a much younger goldminer...it was spring, I think, and the valley was fairly small, I could see it better without the snow and darkness...it was light brown mountains, not too tall, and the valley itself was a dried up riverbed, what once had been a big river, because the valley was bigger than just a little river...a small trickle of water still ran through the middle of the valley and nothing had bloomed yet on the hillsides...I was returning from some trip to scout for gold(?) and I had been gone awhile...my focus wasn't on the valley itself although I was very happy to be back, my focus was on the woman standing near the river, she had long brown hair pulled into a bun at the back of her neck and a blue skirt and white top, or maybe it was all a dress, that was my wife and I knew it was Don ( my husband in this life) and I was SO thrilled to see her again, I ran to her and threw my arms around her and knocked her over :laugh: we were kissing and I thrust my hips against her but that was all (sorry I know that sounds crude)

    Then I realized what that ringing sound was in my ears, I stood up and dragged her up with me and said "listen"..the ringing had started when I first walked into the valley and now it was stronger and through my whole head, a metallic shrill ringing and it was gold calling me...I felt euphoric, all these times I'd spend searching for it and it was right here in the valley where we made our home, I felt like my body was buzzing and I faintly wondered if I'd gone mad...my wife (I'm pretty sure her name started with a B) looked at me like I was indeed crazy and I knew she couldnt hear it...I was ecstatic and euphoric, like riding a high of some sort...I scanned the hills already plotting where to go look to find the gold that was literally calling me...and that's the end of that dream...

    I think my first dreams were of later in that life, being the old miner and the last dream must have been first cuz I was younger...and I think the very first dreams when I was younger was maybe some form of spirit yearning to go back there? or an attempt? and maybe dad and sis were there because they were with me in that past life....

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  2. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    Mother and baby being gassed in WWII


    i was dreaming early in the morning a regular dream where i was up at my parents house with my kids and we were at war with israel and planes flew over to drop some kind of gas and it was weird and confusing and kinda scary and then the dream CHANGED....


    all of a sudden i was a skinny girl and i was sitting on something in a gray box...like a room with no windows...i didnt have any clothes on and i was holding my baby on my lap facing me...he didnt have any clothes on either...i knew what was going to happen and this sheer terror filled me, even though i didnt move or scream...i was looking down and holding my baby and the air started to fill with this kinda foggy stuff and i knew we were being gassed to death....


    in my dream i pushed my baby's head into the crook of my neck so he(?) wouldn't breathe it and i could feel it start to enter my lungs and burn them and it got harder to breathe and i was so very veryyyy sad for my child....i started to gasp and have a hard time breathing but i still sat very still and i was afraid to pass out because that meant i would lose my grip on my child and he would breathe this too


    and then just as sudden i snapped back into my regular dream and i took a deep shuddering breathe in that part and was surprised that i could breathe again and in that regular part i went to look for my older son and told him to never ever go there, even though i wasnt sure what i meant by that


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  3. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

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    HI Alaskanlaughter,


    Your dream is very intriguing on several levels and I have a few questions. Do you get a feeling of where you were? What the circumstances might have been? The beginning of the dream - suggests that the "war" was with Israel. Planes were flying overhead. This indicates the 20th century as well as the 'gassing' scenario.


    Do you or can you hear planes where you live? I am curious because sometimes sounds can act as triggers and I am wondering if the beginning of the dream was triggered by a plane actually flying over head which then led to a much deeper experience.


    Your need to tell your son not to go there is also intriguing. Have you had any other experiences that tie into this one time wise as well as specifics that seem to correlate??


    Thanks for sharing!


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  4. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    the part that triggered the PL portion of the dream was when, in my regular dream, i sat down w jackson and put his head into my neck and then it jumped to the PL portion immediately...i think that action triggered it...i've never held my son like that in this life and just thinking about that brings this awful grief over my whole body, im not sure i could do it in this life, even to see what memories came back :(


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  5. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    i know i was the girl and i think i had longish blond hair and the baby was mine and he(?) had blond hair too...i thought it happened during the holocaust in a concentration camp but then i start to think i'm overthinking things LOL....thats all i know right now.


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  6. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    I had another dream last night but it was really hazy and blurry, like I was trying to look at an unfocused lens. My dream started out where I felt like my mind was wandering around searching for something, like I was asleep but my mind was awake. I realized that I was looking for my baby's past lives...the same baby that I spoke of at the top of this thread, who is now my two year old son.


    I finally saw something but it was really hazy. Imposed over the scene were words that would come and go. I saw "nazi", "hitler" and "world war II" and it scared me. I realized in my dream that my baby had a life during that time but I became scared when I realized I was looking down at a lot of really gray buildings. I could barely make it out, sort of like looking down through a mist. And when I got scared, I jumped out of the whole dream and woke up.


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  7. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    Alaskanlaughters' memories


    I've been thinking lately about my irrational fear of authority, people in uniform.


    When I was very little, my bed was at the base of a wall in our home that didn't go all the way to the ceiling. There was a foot or so gap at the top. For some reason, that's how my dad built that section of the house and there was another room on the other side. Anyhow, I used to lay in bed and run my fingers around the wallpaper pattern, thinking it was just like how one time I laid on the ground beside a stone wall and ran my fingers through the grooves in the stones. I was hiding. A man in what (I think) was a World War I military uniform leaned over the low wall and shot me. When I was little, I was scared to lay in my bed there because I felt like I was waiting for someone to lean over the wall and shoot me again. I'd run my fingers on the wallpaper pattern and wait to be shot. It seemed totally normal to me then.


    As I grew up, I've noticed I have an unfounded fear of authority. I don't know if it's related or not. Or perhaps it's uniforms that bother me. I'm still thinking it through but I think it's related to that young memory. Police officers, military, even Coast Guard uniformed people make me uncomfortable.


    I noticed it strongly yesterday because of an issue at my school where I work. Last week I was talking to a young mom of a child who has a variety of challenges. Yesterday, I hardly recognized her when she came to chat with me. She was wearing a security guard uniform. It was very odd. I was NOT comfortable talking to her and I had to sit through a very long conversation with her, in my capacity as program manager. I found myself wanting to inch away from her, but couldn't, as I was seated on a stool. I found myself rushing through the conversation to get it done with. It just struck me as very odd later, why I would react like that. I would NOT have reacted like that if she hadn't been in a uniform, I'm positive. And so I wonder about how it's all connected.


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  8. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    The uniform - I just got a glimpse of it. I think it was a dark olive green, worn by a man with a gun. I think I had been running before that, and I chose to hide at the low wall, like the kind only a few feet high. I think I was in a town, not out in the country. I think I was young too, not like being another soldier. I thought maybe France, when I try to place it in my mind.


    I haven't looked into this too much. It was a very young memory and I rather tried to forget it as I grew up. I might try looking up military uniforms that have to do with France. I don't know anything about WWI but I assume lots of different countries fought around Europe.


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  9. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    http://www.clash-of-steel.co.uk/gallery/pages/full/MOM_ww1_officer.jpg


    This is the closest google image I can find of a uniform that looks familiar. I've always thought old British military uniforms were familiar, but I also remember living a life in England, probably London. However, looking online says that Britian and France were allied together in WWI. But I suppose a soldier still could have chased down and killed someone.


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  10. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    Alaskanlaughters' memories


    These are two snippets that I've seen recently.


    I've always wondered how/where I recognized an old friend from in this life. I met him and just instantly knew him, instant close friends. I was thinking about this right before sleep awhile back and this image of a long, white/cream-colored prairie skirt came in my mind. Just the image of a woman wearing it, and all I saw was the skirt.


    Then on a later night, I tried picturing it in my head again and asked myself to look up. I saw an older, very strict-looking prairie woman looking down at me. I was a child! And despite her looks, I loved her SO SOOOO much and I knew she loved me just as much. I didnt' get a sense of "mother" but just someone who I lived with. We were inside a house with, I think, wooden floors. I tried to make myself look around and I think I saw a fireplace with a black kettle suspended over the flames. I'm not sure. I had a hard time looking away from this woman who I loved so much. I didn't want to look around and I feel like I forced it, or maybe just imagined that part.


    But the woman was VERY real and that's who my friend John was to me in the past.


    I'm not sure about this other snippet. It felt very real, physically, but I'm not sure. I was falling asleep and I felt like I suddenly fell into a scene, watching from outside my body. There was some large, ornate building in the background, lit up against the dark of the night from some windows. It felt very English and made me think of a mansion or other grand building. It was winter, cold, and snowing. I thought I could hear a bell tolling but I might have imagined it. I was watching a young woman walk away from the building. She had long dark skirts and a long cloak(?) with a dark hood over her head. In fact, I wasn't even sure if it was a girl so I chose to put myself into the body to see.


    I could feel the heavy skirts, several layers, around my legs as I walked. I think I was also wearing something like tights, and heavy shoes(?) or boots. I just felt so incredibly sad and weighed down by my sadness. I felt like I was leaving something behind in the building, a person I think, someone I loved, and I was choosing to leave for good. I don't know why. I've very rarely experienced such heavy physical sadness in this life.


    I was just walking away. I didnt' know where I was going. I don't think I had a plan. Maybe I hoped this person would come after me. I don't know. That's when I kind of ended the scene. I don't think I wanted to know what happened next.


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  11. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    I feel like I got a few more glimpses of the life of that sad girl the other night. I was laying down almost asleep and I thought of her. I got images in my mind of standing in the snow and dark, looking down at a fresh grave in a cemetery being softly covered in the falling snow. The cemetery was inside the boundaries of the big ornate building, which I thought was a house/mansion of sorts. I didn't feel it was a church.


    I just stood there looking down at his grave. Someone I had cared dearly for and didn't feel like living without. I felt that the funeral was over and everyone had gone inside. I stood there thinking that this image of fresh snow on a new grave was just the saddest thing I'd ever seen.


    And then I turned and walked away from the building, the grave, everything. I was done. No one noticed I walked away, or no one bothered to come after me. That's where it seemed to pick up from earlier, where I saw her walking.


    I'm pretty sure I didn't imagine it. It didn't feel forced. Most of what I "know" from above was just in my head while I stood there looking at his grave.


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  12. alaskanlaughter

    alaskanlaughter Senior Registered

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    Something else came to me another night recently. I still don't know why I'm getting these flashes, why it's only right before bedtime, or what any of it means to me at this point in my life.


    I was standing at his grave, before the other things I've posted. It's like I'm seeing things in reverse. I was standing there and I felt like I was directing all my energy, through my thoughts, in anger towards whoever was in that ornate building. I screamed in my head "You killed my son" with all the anger and grief and energy I could muster, but it was only in my head. I felt like if I could think it forcefully enough, I could hurt the people in the building.


    I don't think they actually killed him. I think something happened, or something they did, caused him to die. I'm not even sure who "they" are, right now, or how old my son was. I know I felt very, very old, but the image I very first saw was of a younger woman walking away.


    As I was mulling this over before posting, the name James came to me as the name of my son.


    I'm still not sure what to make of all this. It keeps randomly popping into my head and things come instinctively, like that name. I'm fairly sure I'm just not making it all up. The rage that I felt was too real, and surprised me when I was remembering it. In fact, it kind of shocked me out of it.


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