Am I Paying Off Karma?

Discussion in 'Reincarnation Questions' started by WriteNow, Dec 30, 2017.

  1. WriteNow

    WriteNow New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2017
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Hey all. I stumbled upon this forum just a few days ago. However, I have been searching for some greater meaning all my life.

    I had a hard childhood. I was abused horrifically. The mental part was worse than the physical...sitting in my room staring at the missing door knob which my parents had removed since I had "no right" to lock a door in "their" house and wondering if my stepfather would come in...ripped from my childhood home to a terrifying city...told I should have been a miscarriage and that if I complained I would be killed...living in homes crawling with filth...told by my mother that if I didnt listen to her sexual descriptions in detail (from the age of 8) she'd have "nobody to talk to" and would have to kill herself and it would be my fault, drowned in a bathtub until I had what I now think was an NDE...having my arm broken...being "the weird" kid who had escaped into her own head. There is much worse but that is probably enough.

    I have worked hard all my life but have never really been able to get financially ahead...something always seems to get in the way. At 50 I am home with two special needs children and can not move out from my husband because I can't financially support myself. Lack of money has plagued me my entire life. I am on the autism spectrum and somehow always miss the right cue, situation or aspect to be making enough money to survive, though I managed it but in tiny places sleeping on the couch so my son could have the one bedroom I could afford for years when I was a single mother. But every day was terror realizing I was just one mess up from being fired and then we would starve. I can not describe that terror.

    I get that money can't buy happiness or spiritual growth but lack of it can mean being in terror and at the mercy of others, every single day.

    I take care of everyone. I hate to think of people being unhappy and probably overprotected my children. Maybe caring for others is my one single saving grace but is it enough considering I have scraped every day of my life like a greedy animal to survive?

    Right now I have been earning about a grand a month freelance writing. That would not support a person who had no dependants at all. And I have worked like hell for it. But now my client has downsized and cut my hours in half. In terror I have been on Upwork and initially got some projects but now I am missing them for stupid, tiny reasons...it is driving me crazy.

    I feel unloved, useless and I am so sick of crying over money. I work hard, I always have. I am not stupid. What is the problem? I really do feel cursed, if you will. Many times in my life I have wished I could die.

    Because of this constant want for money money money I feel greedy, even though I am just trying to survive, and I hurt and am angry all the time, and I worry this means I have not learned a karmic lesson and I will have to go back and live a similar life again. I can't, I just can't, oh God the thought of living the constant torture again...

    I feel I must have been a horrible person in my last life. Could that be it? There has to be some reason other people are able to support themselves and have choices yet I am in (so to speak) prison.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2017
  2. WriteNow

    WriteNow New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2017
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Oh...if anyone is curious, I don't have clear images of a past life but I do have two ideas.

    One is that I feel strongly I have been male and very in control and I may have put people under my thumb. In fact, even though I am very girly in many ways in my present life, in other ways I can speak very roughly, in an almost masculine way (hard for me to explain that), and I have some traditional male feelings (or they would have been in past generations, not so much now, thank God) like needing to be a practical and financial success in order to feel worthy and useful, needing to feel I am supporting others and rowing the boat, and a few other things.

    Another is an image I had when I was meditating to try to discover past lives, of a skinny adolescent girl looking out a window knowing I could not go outside. I had the feeling it was because I was sick and had been for a long time. Due to the floral wallpaper, some shadowy images of the stuffed furniture, and my dress which came only to mid-calf and was floral but did not have crinolines, and two looped braids, I feel like the image may have been the early 20th century. I don't know where. There was a garden outside.
     
  3. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2014
    Messages:
    759
    Likes Received:
    361
    Location:
    SW Ohio, USA
    That is a sad story WriteNow. I'm glad to welcome you to the forum however. It sounds as though you have created a difficult lifetime for yourself, if you believe that we determine much of our challenges prior to incarnating.
    I think that a lot of us have felt that way at various points in our lives. There are several threads about karma and most indicate that karma is not retribution, more like unfinished parts of your current contract.
     
    WriteNow likes this.
  4. Deborah

    Deborah Executive Director Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 1997
    Messages:
    339
    Likes Received:
    317
    Location:
    CA - USA
    Hi WriteNow,

    First -please do not assume based on karma that you deserve to be in an abusive relationship. With anyone. The following might help regarding your parents.

    My Mom did a lot of regression work with people back in the early 1990's.
    It was her way of sharing her gift of inner vision with others and helping them through traumatic past life memories. One of the things she did, was when she would come across an individual who was having clear memories of a past life, that included another person who was repeatedly abusive, hurtful, or manipulating -- was she helped the person to reverse the magnetic poles between themselves and the hurtful individual that repeated the offensive behavior.

    For example, one woman who she worked with --whose father and brother had raped her repeatedly in this life since age two -- appeared (in several sessions with my mother) over and over again in several life times where she was again raped, and abused by these same two men.

    Different time periods, different scenarios. This woman was very obese, very depressed, owned nothing personally and was in her 40's. She had come to think that --with all of her searching into New Age thought regarding Karma - that her karma must be to endure this from them -- that she must have done something terrible to them.

    My mother helped her to see that she had not brought this upon herself, she was not responsible for their choices -- only hers. During her last session ..Mom had her visualize her father first....and to feel the energy pull between them, to actually see him standing in front of her; then she had her visualize reversing that energy, as if the other person was upside down and opposite of her-thereby reversing the magnet pull or releasing the bond between them. Then she did the same with the brother.

    After doing this she reinforced the fact that she had choices, that she was not responsible for her father or brother, nor had she done anything wrong in any of her past lives to deserve to be raped and abused repeatedly. She helped her see that it was their choice to engage in the abuse....not hers.(Mom could of course see her past lives with her.)

    The woman came out of trance state, fully energized, happy, released from the negativity, the anger, and the shame. Last my Mom heard -- she lost 100 pounds, bought a condominium, was going to school and was very happy.

    As the Tibetan Buddhists suggest, -- the soul will be drawn, as a magnet, into whatever womb resonates with all its past experiences -- if a soul is not aware.

    I still have a hard time with the guiding and planning sessions so many authors write about. Suggesting that we plan to be abused and we need to learn to choose differently, but not telling us how! Mom showed me how.

    I did this visualization in a meditation myself, reversing the magnetic poles between my ex and myself.....it has an amazing effect, an immediate release.

    May your future hold many blessings, and your load be light.
     
  5. WriteNow

    WriteNow New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2017
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Wow, thanks to both of you.

    I am going to try to do that reverse polarity - does the flow of energy stay the same, and the person is just reversed, or does the energy twist or what?

    Thee are things I have never considered.
     
  6. baro-san

    baro-san Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    186
    In my experience, learning what caused your current predicament offers some comfort. Under light trance, self guided or guided by somebody else, you can ask and find out that cause, which may be from one of your past lives. Then, if you conscientize what is your current life lesson to experience / learn, you can come to terms with it, and move on. After that, once the balance is reestablished, your overall life improves, becomes more serene, even happier.
     
  7. JustinTime

    JustinTime Probationary

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2017
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    5
    WriteNow,

    I am very sorry and saddened to hear about your circumstances. I actually have similar circumstances, where everything I do generally does not work out, and I have repeatedly, the big things in my life, they tend to always happen in a way that makes life difficult and awkward for me. My repeated efforts to build financial and career success have been set back by the most strange happenings, things seem to go out of their way to make my life difficult and to negate my hard work. I also know plenty others who work a little but are helped by extraordinary good luck in all of their major aspects of life, including: family, love, finances, appearance, and health. Some people have it all, and these people aren't necessarily those who treat others the best or work the hardest.

    There is such a thing as karma, or life luck. It's hard to explain but it influences how much "good things" happen to you, or influences the results of your "hard work" in a positive or negative manner.

    Have you read up about the Michael Teachings? You should Google it. They put forth a theory of soul evolution that is fairly consistent with all types of people I've met. They say that when souls first start incarnating, they go through several phases of incarnation, from baby to young to mature to old. Souls in the baby to young stages tend to get "easy lives" and luck is always on their side, they achieve a lot of financial and career success, with seemingly little effort. Souls in the mature stage pay back most of the karma incurred during the younger stages. You may be at the "mature stage". I certainly seem to be there right now, hence why so many things in my life just "fall apart" despite my doing my all to keep it together and putting my 150% into everything I do.

    Regardless, I want you to understand that you are not doing anything wrong, at all. The impact of karma or luck on our lives is tremendous, you may not be doing anything wrong at all but it might be worth taking a larger view of life and understand that if you are in one of the "mature" soul evolution stages, it could be nearly impossible to see good fruits of your hard work in this life or immediately, as it is specifically designed to be that way. But according to Michael Teachings, every "soul" goes through this stage, except at different time periods (aka lifetimes).

    Hope this helps.
     
    WriteNow likes this.
  8. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2014
    Messages:
    524
    Likes Received:
    254
    Location:
    Florida, USA
    Hi JustinTime,

    The Michael material, as you summarize it, reminds me of some of the things I gleaned from Michael Newton's books. From what I can tell from Newton's writings, the whole goal and course of soul evolution focuses on our "growth" in goodness and character. One of the things that characterizes this course, in more advanced souls, is taking on harder and harder incarnations, just as students take on harder and harder material in their course of study as they move up the educational ladder. However, the mere fact that one has taken on a life of great suffering in some form is not necessarily proof of an advanced soul. Proof of being an advanced soul is, like it would be in graduate school, the ability to handle well the tough "material" you are being asked to handle. Not just well, but very well. I can recall reading one regression where an advanced soul was describing a selfless life encouraging and caring for a severely injured/handicapped sibling. The same soul had apparently had prior lives playing the opposite role, developing the ability to endure and even find joy despite great suffering and adversity, and was now helping another soul to develop those advanced characteristics. So, from that standpoint, a very difficult life may indeed be visited on older souls more than on young souls. However, it is the ability to deal with that difficult life with grace, goodness, patience and love that is proof of an advanced soul, not the difficult life itself.

    This is not necessarily contrary to what you have said. Moving from young to more mature seems to mean having to start dealing with much "harder" situations/"classes" on a more regular basis and learning to cope with them (just as it does in school). Moving from mature to advanced means not merely coping with such situations, but becoming a light shining in the darkness of such situations

    Cordially,
    S&S

    PS--I'm definitely not there myself.
     
  9. baro-san

    baro-san Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    186
    Another perspective, from Seth-Roberts:

    "Illness and suffering are the results of the misdirection of creative energy. They are a part of the creative force,
    however. They do not come from a different source than, say, health and vitality. Suffering is not good for the
    soul, unless it teaches you how to stop suffering. That is its purpose."
    Session 580, Page 302
     
    WriteNow likes this.
  10. JustinTime

    JustinTime Probationary

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2017
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    5
    SeaAndSky, excellent response. If I may ask, do you think it's possible for a soul at the mature or advanced level to revert back to living an "easy life" if they are sick of experiencing these hard lives? I just don't see what is the point of having to experience all these difficulties when other souls are getting off with such easy lives like becoming a billionaire, entrepreneur, making lots of money, partying, dating, enjoying high status and no particular difficulties. Why must other souls have to deal with things like loneliness, ostracization, disability, poverty, etc... on a daily basis for decades? Can't we just pick "easy lives" and enjoy ourselves again and again? After all, what is the point of going through difficulties for the sake of difficulties? Why go through this at all? What is the ultimate reward at the end of the tunnel that makes these difficulties all worth it? There has to be something at the end of the tunnel that makes these difficult lives all worth it? Do we get to become God and omnipotent ourselves? What is the end reward? If there is no end reward, what is the point of going through these difficulties?
     
  11. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2014
    Messages:
    524
    Likes Received:
    254
    Location:
    Florida, USA
    Hi JustinTime,

    You're asking some of the ultimate questions--What's it all about, and why go through this? The closest I can come to an answer, in short form, is that we are apprentice gods. You may notice that I use a small "g" here, but that would be my way of stating it. So, yes, the whole process is headed towards having more power, bliss, and etc. than we can currently imagine. So much so, that the pleasures and accomplishments of this life are not to be compared to what we seek to achieve and become. However, there is a price to pay, and it is one we should want for ourselves as well as for others, as extreme power is dangerous to ourselves and others. The type of power that is ultimately available, especially, cannot safely be put in the hands of a being who is not very close to perfect in terms of goodness, compassion, etc. (E.g., It is not the type of power that you would, from what I can tell, want to place in the hands of your parents in your current life).

    This may be an oversimplification, as I am just focusing on the "power" aspect. All of it (power and bliss included) seems to be part of the same package--i.e., the power is directly connected to a state of development that includes extreme moral/ethical development as well as extreme development in consciousness and joy. It is a total elevation on all fronts. So, I'm not sure you can get any of these without developing/achieving all of them.

    If you are at the difficult stage of adapting to "tougher" lives, you may well ask why you should be doing this. However, it appears that we all think the end result is worth the price, or we would not be here. So does the dedicated athlete, scholar, artist, etc. in terms of their more limited goals (which may in some cases be just a subset of the ultimate goal). All of these work very, very hard to achieve what they seek to achieve, and are willing in most cases to bear the pain. I am just repeating what I have read and personally believe to be correct. But, I (like many others on this board) have done a very great deal of study on these matters, and what I have found appears to mirror the experiences of the great majority of those who actually have first hand experience via NDE's, regressions, direct memory, or etc., including others on the board.

    Could you go back to the easier lives you possibly had before and see being lived by some others? Hmmm. Could you still fit into the desks of kindergarten or elementary school? Could you be content playing in mud puddles/sand boxes, trying to be attentive to the most basic life lessons and activities, etc.? Probably not. This does not mean that everyone doesn't need a break from time-to-time and that every life from here on out will be a real toughie. I've read cases which indicate that some lives may even be chosen to be "easy" lives to the extent that is possible at this plane of existence--even by advanced souls. That doesn't mean that you will get to live the rich playboy life of material abundance you seem to have set forth above, but that you would have a life without excessive trials and pain--one suitable to the cultivation and experiencing of happiness at your stage of development.

    Another question--can you just get off? From what I can tell, you do not have to finish your "course of study" (or apprenticeship as I put it above) at this plane of existence. Many sources seem to indicate that you can drop out and stop coming back here to what is, obviously, a world of pain and suffering for the great majority of humankind and always has been. Getting off the wheel in this way may require that you have achieved some basic level, just like one is not allowed to drop out of school before a certain age. Alternatively, it seems that some are such rotten cases that they are, so to speak, expelled from "school". However, info is fuzzy on these points. Either way, for those who do think about dropping out, the kicker is that this seems to be a much slower way to progress, and may even mean the end of progress towards the ultimate goal.

    Once again, I'm not an all-informed infallible source. You will not find one here, though I have found that there are many wise and spiritual people among those that post here, and have gotten a lot out of my interactions with other board members. Anyhow, I hope the foregoing is of some help.

    Cordially,
    S&S

    PS--I heartily recommend Michael Newton's books, taken in order. Once again, not an ultimate source, but very mind expanding!

    PPS--There are a variety of others that should also be required reading, including those by Dr. Weiss and Carol Bowman.
     
    KenJ likes this.
  12. baro-san

    baro-san Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    364
    Likes Received:
    186
    I see three possibilities:
    1. as the soul develops, the incarnations are increasingly suffering
    2. as the soul develops, the incarnations are increasingly happy
    3. there's no relationship between the soul degree of development and the kind of life you get / pick for yourself.
    I believe #2 to be the case. I don't believe suffering, in itself, is good for the soul.

    I read all Michael Newton's and Brain Weiss' books. They opened my eyes / mind on many things, but I don't fully subscribe to those authors' beliefs.

    I find Seth books to be close to what I experienced, and the answers I received while under hypnosis, and during out of body experiences.
     
  13. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2014
    Messages:
    524
    Likes Received:
    254
    Location:
    Florida, USA
    Hi Baro-san,

    Perhaps increased suffering is the wrong way of stating it. Increased difficulty is what I am talking about. Both "suffering" and "difficulty" are subjective things. What would count as extreme suffering or difficulty for one, may count as nothing to another at a higher stage of development. As a child, I could be perfectly miserable and extremely unhappy on occasions which would not impact me at all at my current age. E.g., I can still remember my misery as a little boy sitting on the floor for what seemed like endless ages as my mother tried on clothes at a ladies' dress shop (this would have been in the early 60s). The math problems that were given me at that age were also extremely challenging to me, filling me with frustration and irritation. Today they would be nothing.

    The weight lifter initially struggles with very modest weights, but is nonetheless experiencing pain and extremely sore afterwards. In time, he will find that he must lift much heavier weights in order to reach this stage--and he does, always seeking the level that will build his strength, but not break his body. The old weights that used to stagger him now seem light as feathers. So, from that standpoint, I think you are correct. It will take more and more to cause the type of pain of spirit in the more advanced soul than it did to him/her at a much earlier stage. Plus, as your earlier Seth quote implies, he/she will be wiser and wiser in the ways of living life, thereby avoiding a lot of unnecessary self-inflicted suffering. At the same time, he/she will become more unshakeable in love, self-control, joy, etc. etc.

    But, the advanced soul may also perhaps become more vulnerable in other ways. The increasing level of compassion and empathy being built into an advanced soul will also bring them into a realm of suffering for others they would not have known at an earlier stage. Perhaps there is a stage at which bliss and serenity reign supreme, unshakeable in any way, even when confronted with the misery and pain of the most helpless and vulnerable. My long ago studies in Eastern philosophy and yoga certainly seemed to posit such a state, but for me that is far ahead, if it exists at all. Until then, I can only foresee many more lifetimes of "weight-lifting" as I seek to become capable of bearing greater and greater burdens on my spirit without misery. These are lives that will leave me more and more immune to what will have become to me the petty annoyances of life. The question is whether they will not also make me even more vulnerable in love to the pain of others. I rather think so. In fact, I think the truly advanced soul cannot be truly happy until all are brought into the state of joy they enjoy. Hence, they return as sages, teachers and other types of helpers to humankind.

    Cordially,
    S&S

    PS--Just my take on things.

    PPS--A good book made all the difference in those long ago days. If I had something I enjoyed reading, Mom could look at yucky lady stuff forever (or at least until I got hungry or was missing my favorite TV shows). :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2018
    KenJ likes this.
  14. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2014
    Messages:
    524
    Likes Received:
    254
    Location:
    Florida, USA
    PPPS--I should also mention that I believe that the foregoing is presented in an extremely simplified way, that at an ultimate level the process could be fitted into a recovery/return model as well as a growth/maturation model (especially as both have considerable overlap), and that the somewhat daunting prospect of innumerable difficult lifetimes of development/recovery is the default position/process rather than the optimum for development/recovery. In terms of the optimum, I very firmly believe that heaven reaches down to help us, from the lowest to the very highest level. So, as with downriver canoeing, one will be carried along by the current even if they do nothing to cooperate in the process. One can also paddle and aid/speed the process (as well as avoid innumerable obstacles and setbacks). And, one can also accept a tow (as I did on at least one occasion) when making such a trip. At present, I'm a bit vague on the last option, but I have a firm belief that there are ways of leaping past vast stretches, and even possibly to the end. Once again, just my take on things.
     
  15. WriteNow

    WriteNow New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2017
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    How interesting. I had never heard of these. I am going to check them out.
     
  16. Eowyn

    Eowyn Wrought out of steel

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2011
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    98
    Location:
    Madrid, Spain
    Obviously, this is the right one. You can "get" any life, what changes is your experience, and how you will react (more or less wisely) to apparently bad circumstances. But the risk to screw it all up again is always there, don't deceive yourself. You don't "pick" your life, you build the results of each life with each choice you make.
     
    AlexD likes this.
  17. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2014
    Messages:
    524
    Likes Received:
    254
    Location:
    Florida, USA
    Hi Eown,

    I'm not sure you're saying anything different here, but maybe I am wrong. My understanding is that people choose (or at least accede to) their parents, etc. and so choose their life to come. That doesn't mean that everything that is to happen in that life thereafter is pre-ordained, though it seems to me from some reports that much that will occur is known to those who counsel the incarnating spirit as, at least, a probable result of living that life. So, if one chooses a life that begins with birth in a destitute environment in a crippled body, one has definitely chosen some hardships to be dealt with. However, as you say, whatever may be the circumstances, "you build the results of each life with each choice you make."

    Cordially,
    S&S
     
  18. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2014
    Messages:
    524
    Likes Received:
    254
    Location:
    Florida, USA
    Justintime,

    I should mention that it will be up to you, as you research this field, to decide what are the best resources and the best explanations for what is going on here. From that standpoint, I should warn you that I have my own particular biases in approaching these issues: I lean almost exclusively towards what I consider to be first person/first hand accounts (even if reported by a regressionist).

    So, I am very interested in what people who have had Near Death Experiences have to say, what individuals can report about PLs via regression or otherwise, and what people who have had Out of Body Experiences/visionary experiences/religious experiences, etc. have to say. In all of these cases, the person reporting is/was (to the extent one can tell) an actual living individual.

    I am, OTOH, very leery of what is commonly referred to as "channeled" information, and don't tend to accept it unless it jives with other information received through the sources previously outlined. Maybe this is just an unreasoning prejudice on my part; however, I am innately suspicious of "where" channeled information comes from, "who" or "what" is behind it, and what their motives are. As noted, this doesn't mean that I discount it altogether. Indeed, it would be very difficult to do so considering that an argument could be made that most religions are founded on a person--a great religious leader--receiving information from otherworldly sources. However, for whatever reason, I consider this to be different from the type of entities involved and information that is typically "channeled".

    Read things. Think. Use your intuition. Decide for yourself who and what you will trust, and why. This is one of those places where you will need to trust your own heart, mind and instincts.

    Cordially,
    S&S
     
  19. JustinTime

    JustinTime Probationary

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2017
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    5
    Eowyn, I think it's only fair to say that what you can build in a certain life is dependent on the starting conditions you pick for a given life. A boy born in poverty in a third world country is gonna find it almost impossible to become a Wall Street billionaire regardless of how hard he works. There is no doubt that being born in privilege afford you easier road to success, much easier. You can always find an exception but that is just an exception, the overall statistics show that one's initial starting conditions in life are well connected with one's success in life, in general. What you can build is still dependent upon what you've picked, wouldn't you agree? If life gives you lemons, there no way you can make pineapples.
     
  20. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2014
    Messages:
    759
    Likes Received:
    361
    Location:
    SW Ohio, USA
    Justin, your materialistic views have stayed in my mind all week. Here is a short you tube video that I received that addresses your concerns - I hope that you can understand the message. It requires you to shift your point of view.
     

Share This Page