I am queer and I am from a very unaccepting culture and family. I hate being an outcast and I hate upsetting people. I hate being rebellious and I never really was as a child. Of course, I am closeted right now, but I know that I knew I would be gay in this life. It fits tooooo perfectly in the scenario a person needs to learn self-acceptance maybe, or whatever it is that gives me this complex about having to fit in and not step on anyone's toes. Can I opt out of this? I just cannot do this. I cannot be gay. I have no lgbt support network, none of my close friends are gay, I am totally alone in this. I cannot do it. Why on earth did I think this would be the best way to learn a life lesson? I absolutely hate this! My life was so good until this point, I've had everything I want. I love my culture otherwise, I like my body, I like my friends and the opportunities I have. I just so deeply detest that lack of choice I feel right now by being gay. I am eating so pourly and I am so depressed about it. It's something that's always on my mind, I cannot concentrate on anything else. I cannot keep this secret for so long but at the same time I just don't want to be gay. Can I learn the lesson associated with being gay in a different way?