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Chapter #7 - Facing Abortion

Once again, thanks to all of you and this forum, for being here with love and understanding. It's not an experience I could easily share with very many people. Some of it has haunted me for years but, also much of it had set the course for the path I have ended up on. It's taken me years to understand that so many of the experiences in my past lives have combined to shape who I am and why I am here now.

Deborah, of course you can call me soul sister! :thumbsup: I would love to hear more about your experiences and how they relate to mine. I firmly believe that we end up at places and sites like this for a reason, possibly to connect with those others that we have been with before. I've had that experience before on some other sites, and I have come to look at it like wandering into a place, meeting people by what we think is sheer coincidence but really some of it was suppose to happen??
 
This is for anabel...just wanted to let you know not all pro-lifers are indeed the devil incarnet.....there is in Concord NH a pregnancy center that helps women out with EVERYTHING they could possibly need that is supported by the local churches. Just a heads up and Im sure that there are others out there like that as well.
 
I feel so compelled to respond to this thread. I have not yet read Carol's new book so I don't know how the book deals with this issue.

First, I want to commend and thank those who have been very courageous in sharing your stories here.

I could never be judgemental because I also had an abortion when I was 21 yrs old. I did not want to but I was terrified of my father (very abusive) and thought he would harm my boyfriend. I had the abortion because I did not know what else to do but it has haunted me for the rest of my life.

Just recently I began work with a Spiritual Counselor and asked about the soul of the child that I aborted. My husband and I have been thru a very painful time since married (almost a year and a half ago). We have experienced a miscarriage and infertilty. In the back of my mind, I have always felt guilty about my abortion and could not completely resolve my guilt...but having asked about that child's soul recently, I am so pleased to know that she is coming back to me and very soon!!! I have to work on those unresolved issues with my abortion. I need to ask for God's forgiveness for what I did. It was a horrible decision to have to make. I know that I am not alone.

The thing is that I want to be able to talk about the pain and depression that many (if not all) of us has suffered because of having made this decision. I don't think women talk openly enough about that. I never would because I felt that if I did sound as if I did not think abortion is "okay" then I would be a hypocrit since I had one. My Counselor has helped me to understand that it is okay to talk about it and that I should not feel as if I cannot. And that wisdom comes thru life experiences. I was wondering if anyone else here feels that abortions are "spiritually wrong" now that they have been thru it. I mean, like I have always thought I had to be a "Pro Choice" person because of what happened to me. But about 2 years ago, I was faced with a friend asking me for advice as she faced this decision. I told her that ultimately, it was her choice but that because of what I had experienced personally, that I feared for her emotionally, what might happen to her if she did go thru with it. Has anyone else faced this?
 
I have an aquaintance who complimented me on my daughter. Then she went on to tell me she had an abortion when she was young, and has not had an opportunity to have any children since and fears she never will. Her sadness was piercing.

Deborah, I am glad your child "came back to you"

I would write more but my two year old is crawling all over me.

In love and compassion,

Margaret
 
DreamFairie:

Thank you so much for sharing your story. There was really a great deal there to unfold! How is your parenting experiences going? Any interesting news?

Margaret
 
I'd like to reply to Annabel ... just to say thanks for your post which has gone a long way to ease my mind. I hope your instincts are right - that our unborn children know that sometimes the time and circumstances are not right for a child to be born. What you say makes a lot of sense to me. If these children are still beyond our world at the time of conception then surely their ability to understand is also beyond our worldly ability - and we are the ones in the dark wrestling with the problems of our lives. I suppose I mean that there may be a soul 'lined up' because we DO have freedom of choice but we will not be judged on a sound decision made for sound reasons to the best of our abilities.

Warm regards to everyone who has contributed here. It is very special to find a place I can share these thoughts. And strangely synchronistic as I haven't visited the site for a long long time and felt compelled to today with precisely this subject on my mind.

Dale
 
I was reading your posts about children returning to there parents and i just wanted to add my story to it. I am the only child well the only one that lived I should say. My mother had a child that died at birth because she had her at 7 months and she was not fully developed. And the sad part about it is she never got to see the baby because she was sick and my father took care of everything while she was still in the hospital. Something that my mother will never forgive. Well almost 2 years later she got pregnant again. She was very sick with this pregnancy and almost died. The doctors told her to go home and be happy with what he she had and to never try again because she would most likely die. So here I am the only child. But the point I am trying to get to is that when I was born my mother wanted to see me to make sure that I was perfect and nothing was wrong with me. When they brought me into her room my grandmother that I will alway love dearly told my mother that if you want to know what the first baby looked like well you are looking at her. I was just a little bit bigger because I was full term. I have told my mother my whole 27 years of life that I was the first baby but I wasnt ready to be here yet. So I waited and came back. Another thing about the whole thing is that she tells me that when I was young I use to tell her that I talked to Jesus all the time. But I cant remember and she cant remember what all I said about it. She said she went to the preacher affraid that I was going to die to and he told her that it didnt mean that I was going to die just because I was talking to Jesus. So she then just talked to me about it when I talked and that was that. Well that is my story and I really enjoy reading your stories.
 
Shay:
Thank you so much for your story! That was so precious. It makes me feel good that these things can happen, a baby can decide not to come if feeling not ready yet, and come later, as you did. I got very sick as an infant, and although I don't really recall, I have a feeling I was tempted to leave.

But it has been a good life, some hard times, but it seems I came to set a lot of things right. I have recalled one past life, and getting more memory now, and there are many things I have done in this life to get closure on past lives' issues. I think when I am done I will have a great sense of accomplishment...sort of like spring cleaning the worst areas of your home.

Marg
 
Marg,
Thank you for your stories. I look forward to getting on here and seeing what you have added for today. I hope you keep up the good work and keep everyone informed on what is new with you and your daughter. We are all here with lots of support for you.

Shay
 
Thank you for your honesty to all of you strong survivers that have written before me- I have been struggling with the abortion issue lately because of my relationship with my three year old daughter ( I posted on 3year old thread my story with her) I was anti abortion until I became pregnant a year before marrying my husband, we became engaged after just three months and after five months of having MET we became pregnant- our decision to have an abortion mainly came from pressure of our families, but I had been concerned with having children until I had sorted through my childhood issues, and learned parenting 'tips' to break the cycle of abuse- I was not ready to become a parent-
The actual procedure was the most horrific experience of my life, even more than rape or having been molested at the age of 8, because I was in 'control' I had made this decision without truly understanding what was going to happen- I have spent years regreting the choice I made. When I became pregnent with my daughter (after counseling but still only seven months after being married) I felt that I didn't deserve her because of all the people who want children and can't and because I had 'thrown' away my chance. And there she was, perfect. I now have no doubt that she is here on purpose, meant to be my child despite my first decision...and while I have NEVER spoken ANY of this to her or around her (nobody but my husband and I know of this)...she will awake in the night and scream for long periods of time, with eyes closed, in a heartbreaking voice she with whisper, 'just throw me away' 'I hate being Maya'...You can only imagine how heartwrenching this is to hear, I am a very encouraging and supportive mother, I have cherished her every breath because I so believe that she is this precious being, a gift. My son is fifteen months, a cheerful, brilliant young soul, fresh and vibrant. How do I instill this same sense of wonder in my daughter? At 3 how can I change her perception of herself (also, this is only at night, during the day she is as carefree and happy as ever...completely fascinating...more details about her on the 3 year old thread...anyway, I feel that an abortion is a worthy choice for the right people at the right time, but we need to inform women about the trouths, the details, and the emotional hell that an abortion CAN cause, any woman chosing an abortion should have ALL the information...Good and the hard to share too...Thank you to all of you that have shared before me, we connect in a unique way taht most people could never understand...everything unfolds as it is supposed to...
 
Maybe her dreams are about a past life expereince that has nothing to do with you? Perhaps she came to you because you DO want her so much. You ARE a good Mom, otherwise would you have struggled with your choices so much? Perhaps that sense of guilt made her fall in love with you. But, you know, eventually you can let that go. Forgive.

I would try asking questions when she wakes up or in the middle of the night or right after a bath. Like "Tell me about Maya" or just act out the story with dolls, have one doll turn to the other and say what she said in her sleep "just throw me away" and see what happens. It may take more than once (took me six weeks of doing things!)

And, hang in there. You are perfect just the way you are!

Marg
 
Thank you so much for your support and encouraging words, I really appreciate the things you have to say and your insight...here and on other threads...thank you!
 
Wow, I am absolutely flabergasted with how closely my experiences with abortion & reincarnation mirror that of Deborah and Dreamfairie. I too, have had 2 abortions because of circumstances of the time. Like Dream fairie, I got pregnant the second time almost exactly a year later and also in the same vein, I think my son chose my exbf for the father knowing that he would not be in the picture. I very much related to that feeling that it would be "just us" this time around from my son. Dealing with the second abortion helped me cope with the first. I think that the biggest problem with abortion is the guilt trip that pro lifers lay on us, despite that our own children that we are declining give us subtle signals that it is ok and all is forgiven. What also sent chills for me was Dreamfairies mention of Spain, and of being horseback. I have memories like that too.
 
this IS a great thread, thanks Aaron. I had my son when I was 18 (got pregnant at 17) and contemplated abortion. I'm very thankful that I didn't go through with it. There have been a lot of nights that I've cried just thinking about how I concidered it, how awful I was for even thinking it in the first place, and ANY of your stories could have been mine...
 
On the other hand, those who have not had a chance to yet come back. I am very fortunate to be able to have a relationships with the children I miscarried, and know that I will have some very familiar grandchildren :thumbsup:

Now, if only they made ritalin for hyperactive spirit children ... lol :D

Deborah, thank you for bringing this thread back, and sharing your story with us. It brought tears to my eyes. You are very fortunate to be able to spend time with your grandson. Congratulations! :D
 
Hi, Littlemoon
. . . how awful I was for even thinking it in the first place. . . .
You were not awful. Without wishing to ignite a debate, there are sound reasons for considering it, which even many stringent anti-abortion supporters would acknowledge. Please don't condemn yourself for thoughts or actions prompted by the extremely distressing and heartrending situation in which you found yourself.

Hindsight may be perfect, but sometimes it discounts the problems and emotions, especially the fear caused by a thousand reasons, that existed at the time. Discard the notion you were "awful." It's obvious you are a woman of intelligence, sympathy and empathy. These do not allow awful to take up residence, now or then. :thumbsup:
 
I want to say a big thumbs up for the last post by Anaxagoras. I need add no more.
Hammy.
 
thank you, anaxagorus and hammy!...I've dealt with it since then (sort of). You're right, hindsight is perfect. Back then I didn't know what I would have had now, so I was wrong to think of myself as awful--I was just a stressed out teenager wondering what was going to happen next. :)
 
I don't wish to offend, but, personally, I find the idea of re-incarnation being used an another tool of the pro-life movement quite scary. There are many women who don't feel called towards motherhood -- I count myself among them. Those who *do* feel that calling might not understand how those of us who *don't* feel about pregnancy: frankly, I'd rather struggle against cancer than be forced to birth an unwanted child. It really is that strong a feeling.

While I respect the decision of people who want children and joyfully anticipate for them, I know what my own choice would be if birth control were to fail (mercifully, though, it never has). It is encouraging to see the posts from people such as Anabelle. On a personal level, I suspect souls know when the "time is right", and that they are quite forgiving if it isn't. It seems some of your experiences confirm that perception. Thank you for sharing.

I hope no one will take this as a precedent for laying on the flames. You can judge people who don't want children as you will, but we know--in our hearts of hearts-- what we know. With a population of 6 billion and rising, there may be good reason for our feelings. Would you really want your own kids to spend hours upon hours in traffic, or never see a forest because it's been plowed under for new housing? Our decisions --judge them as you will-- might help others' quality of life. Just something to consider.
 
Thank you for the beautiful and elegantly written post Volchitsa.
:thumbsup:
I also find the prolife movement, and their willingness to grasp onto anything to justify their position, quite frightening. Had I not had my two abortions, my life would surely be one filled with misery now.
 
Volchitsa, thanks for sharing, and you need to know that flaming here isn't allowed at all. We can disagree all we want, but it needs to be done in a mature and civil manner.

And Just so you all know, this thread is here because of one of Carol's books having a chapter on Abortion, and keep in mind it's not in the intent of having this thread be a pro life or pro choice discussion, just a chance for women to safely talk about their experiences with abortion. Reactions are ok, but please keep them in line. Thanks for everyone's responses so far! Some interesting thoughts are coming along in this old thread. :thumbsup:
 
I had an abortion at 16 and 20 and I remember my older sister (who was pro-life) being very upset w/me. Not that I don't regret my decision to terminate the pregnancies but I remember telling her that I thought that the souls of aborted children live on, just in another life as in "coming back" maybe in another pregnancy of the same mother or possibly w/another mother. I've always felt that my aborted children are w/me somehow. I don't know if it's just how I cope w/the guilt or if I feel that the children that I have now are them. It's very strange because I've never felt a "loss" I feel that the children are w/me.
 
Deborah said:
Another aspect in the book talks about the spirit of the child not being bound to the body until birth or close to it. This also hit home as a truth for me, for I have been able to see children floating above their mothers and some actually walking behind them on occasion.

I can relate to this. My son Isaac. He is 5 now. Well most of my pregnancy his spirit followed me around and was always being mischeaviase. What was funny is that as a spirit i could see what he was going to look like. Now that he is 5 he looks the same as when i saw him as a spirit and he is always being mischievias.

With my daughter Alice. Well here is a story. My biological moms name is Alice. My daughters given name is Angelica. Well when she was having a test for GER. The doctor asked her what her name was. And she said it was Alice. She was told no and told what her name was and she was very adimit that her name was Alice. We did find out later that she is deaf a couple of tones. But it has not hurt her speach. She is still that way. And hearing problems do not run genetically in my family as far as i now. I just find it amazing that she said her name is Alice and my bio moms name is Alice.

Shilow
 
I can always feel my would-be children around me and one of my friends who is a psychic told me that he sees two little cherubs following me around. I am certain these are the two I was pregnant with before. I never mentioned it to him before he said anything. My son is closer to me than the other one, which I think is a little girl, but she maintains a bit more of a distance from me.
He visits me in my dreams a lot. I have seen him as an infant, as a small child of about 5 and as a grown man in my dreams. I can also feel him around me fairly often. Sometimes more strongly than others. Anyways, my point is, I believe that often the spirits of these little children hang around us and try again at a later date to come through.

Does anyone else here, aside from Deborah and myself, see or feel people's children around them? I went out with a guy in July once, and I noticed he had a girl around him. When I was out with him, I felt a 4 or 5 year old girl around him, and she has long brown hair and a thin build and I get the feeling she's hispanic or maybe was before. Weird thing was, I really liked this girl. I loved her spirit, very independent and strong. I wanted to take her home with me. Isn't that weird?
 
I also had an abortion

I was 15 when I got pregnant. Of course I was way too young to be a mother. It wasn't a bad experence but with me being so young I really didn't have much of a choice, I let my mother make it for me. I woner if she is sorry?
Well the strange thing is my future husband was having a vasectomy at the same time. We never had any childern as a result. I did go thru a time when I did want a child when I was 23 but I decided that I would much rather have my horses, besides it was impossible to get pregnant by my husband and I didn't want to have anyone elses.
But I do think I knew my daughter, (I know in my heart it was a girl) I believe since I didn't have other childern and I stayed away from any kids that she chose to come to me as my dog, I loved Charmin like a daughter. But alas they don't have as long of lives as we as humans do, and I believe now she is reincarnated as another dog that is still with is, Mischeif.
 
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