Death Doulas

Discussion in 'Members Lounge' started by SeaAndSky, May 16, 2021.

  1. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

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  2. Cyrus

    Cyrus Senior Registered

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    Hi, folks.

    Hi, S&S, quite missed your posts. Hope everything's OK.

    Well, I find this "doulas" business repulsive (don't even know nor care how this word should be pronounced).

    The idea of making death look more acceptable (embrace it - brrrr) provokes aversion.

    For me - everybody should live as if there were no such thing as death, and when it comes, make no efforts to soothen it psychologically - if it doesn't last years on end, as with heavily wounded individuals - if it doesn't last so long, just accept pain reducing aid and let it proceed its usual course, when it ends, everything will dissapear, and cease to matter.

    It's unnatural to make peace with anything like death, or slavery. Always found aversive sceenes in books when somebody tried to make somebody get used to the idea of being a slave, e.g. I'd never be able to accept internally such a thing. And it looks like I myself was kind of a slave in post-alexandrian (post macaedonian) Syria, or some other of those hellenistic states in the Near East...

    Or accept having cancer, or AIDS or smth. like that...

    Face it and refuse it, endure, but never accept it internally.

    Best regards and take care.

    IMHO.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2021
  3. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

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    Hi Cyrus,

    I can empathize, but not totally agree. Sometimes death can no longer be avoided. Why not ease the pain? This is what hospice facilities/services are set up to do in the U.S. I assume there is something similar in Spain. The death doula apparently exists not to sooth the physical pain but to be a source of comfort, personal attention and compassion at a difficult time. I have no problem with this myself, though I think it could/should more ideally be provided by family and ministers.

    However, having gone through the death of loved ones, I know the active young cannot always be there. Everyone has duties to children, spouses, bosses, clients, customers, other parishioners, etc. that have to be covered as well during what may be a long period of watching and waiting. And the time of death for a loved one--even when we know it is coming--cannot be set like an appointment to be kept on one's calendar with everything else set aside just so we can be there for the dying at that particular time. Family, friends, etc. will come and go. The Doula, IMO, is someone who can be there across this period just for the dying person. Ideally, family will also be present, but a Doula could also be there to fill any gaps in attention and care. A temporary role for a temporary situation.

    Of course, there are also those without family or friends to hold their hand. A Doula then might serve as the last kind face or glance for the dying.

    Cordially,
    S&S
     
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  4. Speedwell

    Speedwell Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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  5. Sheeply

    Sheeply Senior Member

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    I watched a really good video on a death doula a year or so ago. It’s not very serious, so it’s easy to watch. But they also talk very respectfully when they explain things.


    I think, although I probably wouldn’t hire one myself, for some people having someone there whose a third party and who can sort out your wishes, and be there when you die is probably very comforting for some people. Of course it would only be practical if you knew you were on your way out, but it’s better than dying alone (which I presume must happen to a lot of people), and customisable to your own needs.

    just my thoughts anyway
     
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  6. pondquinion

    pondquinion Senior Member

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  7. RedSunshine

    RedSunshine Senior Member

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    Interesting... I didn't see this one coming.
     

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