Demonic Possession - A Psychiatrist Speaks

Discussion in 'Parapsychology' started by SeaAndSky, Jul 1, 2016.

  1. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Don't mind me S&S. I had a few drinks when I posted that and was in a cynical mood. I couldnt read the article because Daily Mail pages freeze my smart tv. I'll check it out on my phone soon and get back to you.
     
  2. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I read it S&S. The lady does seem genuine. I also know true evil exists too. After I broke sociopaths I though that pure evil didn't exist. I was proven wrong though.

    I read a very interesting description of PTSD. It said its total powerlessness that triggers trauma. That's what I felt when I was confronted with evil...but the face of evil I was confronted with was my own self. Right now I'm in a hinterland with my past life memories. All I see is negativity in myself because of the evil I experienced. I feel that's its diverting me from Gods plan for me.

    I also had a past life reading once where the reader told me my last life death ( I hadn't told her anything about my past lives ) and she said that an entity had been attached to me for eons. I don't know if that's true but I do know that all the wars I've been involved in have been a massive buffet to lower beings. I even wrote as such as a teen before I remembered reincarnation ( I just didn't know when I was writing back then that I was referring to myself). I don't really know what it means to walk in the light though, I've been walking the tightrope of darkness for much of my existence.

    When one thinks of how much violence my lives have inspired, even up to the present day, one can see that I'm a prized morsal for the furies. I realised that God doesn't need our worship, we need Him to protect us from evil. I'm still shocked to this day that I experienced true evil because I was simply trying to protect the woman I loved. I resent it too, because many have fought for less pure reasons and not experienced the powerlessness I did.
     
  3. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Super Moderators Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Take the following with a grain of salt, because it's purely what I've been ... hmmm ... experiencing? told? discovering? and that is very much based on how I interact with the universe.

    As Eowyn said:
    Basically, I think we can only be influenced by a belief, idea, or attitude (e.g. opening for an entity) that we're already well on the way to demonstrating on our own, or already on the way to creating for ourselves. Like the flu, some people never even know there was an illness to catch while others seem to come down with every single virus out there. It's about immunity, and we get to improve our spiritual immune systems with experience, just like those who catch a virus and fight it off develop immunity.

    IMO when it comes to the spiritual self immunity comes from 1) realization of weakness 2) awareness of symptoms 3) conscious change toward healthy attitudes 4) growth and recovery 5) mature resistance/immunity ... so basically, by noticing the weakness and learning to be yourself amid a deep understanding that alters the core beliefs that made you vulnerable, you become immune to that influence. Any related entity must detach because there's nothing left to anchor on. Resistance to spiritual influence is the ability to own oneself and reject beliefs that make you vulnerable to acting out in destructive ways.

    Spirit is equally capable of being open to "influences" which are positive, which we call guidance or angelic. It's the same mechanism, I think, only it helps support us in developing that immunity and protects us when we're foolishly vulnerable at times, at least if we allow that help to assist us (similar to taking the right medications or having a flu shot). In the end, the goal is to become capable of that kind of resistance on our own.

    We always choose who/what to listen to and believe in, even if we don't know about the individual who originally came up with the idea we're accepting for ourselves.

    This is why so many spiritual paths talk about choosing love over fear, or say love is the best weapon against fear. Love is "the weapon" that creates opportunity for healing even when that means separation. There are times when walking away "allows them to be evil" but also creates the possibility for them to learn that evil doesn't satisfy. It feels like rejection, but it is also acceptance of how time and experience plays into growth.

    By giving yourself this same acceptance, you can create the space to become what you were not capable of being before you learned the hard way. And you can't be controlled by a belief that you can see through. Once you find the key in yourself, nothing can cage you into the behavior you now see as destructive and wrong. Finding one key doesn't mean there aren't more keys to discover and ways to resist destruction and create healing, but it does mean you're no longer confined (controlled) by that particular cage.

    By "love" I mean: respect for each unique existence independent of current behavior, compassion for present or past weakness and false beliefs, acceptance of everyone's need to grow via their own paths (free will), appreciation of any good or progress already in existence, anticipation of and belief in the possibility of new growth at all times, etc.
     
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  4. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    You're very wise Mere Dreamer. I invited evil in unwittingly. I didn't think pure evil existed at the time. I was trying to do Gods will. I had no spiritual immune system at the time. I was almost totally ignorant of spiritual matters. I just thought I could take it in my stride like I did with everything else. I even let it be known I would be coming for evil on the other side of the veil. I thought it was just another enemy to defeat. It wasn't until I was confronted with the fact that all of my strategising, all my aggressiveness, wasn't only ineffectual against true evil, it actually fed it, that I realised I was completely powerless. God wasn't though. That was an epiphany for me. I realised it really is about being protected from evil.

    I'm consumed by fear now. Its unknown terrain for me. I always knew exactly how to fight. Realising that fighting empowered it left me with no tools to repel evil. It humbled me.

    I guess what confronting evil gave me was the notion that God will leave me to my own hell. I've lost faith in myself and I've lost faith that God sees me as a worthwhile person worthy of redemption.
     
  5. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Super Moderators Staff Member Super Moderator

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    God has no more lost faith in you than a physician loses faith in a patient who has finally turned the corner to recovery from their illness. Just because the path to your cure included suffering doesn't mean that you're hated any more than a patient is hated by the physician who helps their body cure itself with surgery or other painful processes. And yes, the process is hell, at times quite literally.

    When it comes to spiritual growth, progress naturally means you're now fully aware of many of the beliefs (and their side effects) that previously caged you. Just because you can choose not to live that way doesn't mean you've experienced what new freedoms have come along with your new "immunity" to the actions you used to think were right.

    I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're actually in the growth/recovery stage of this process (specifically in the areas you judge yourself for). The virus/belief/influences that latched onto your blind vulnerability wasn't "you" so to speak, even though those choices influenced every aspect of your life in ways you now know were extremely destructive. It was only "you" when you accepted it as part of you. Now that you've not only rejected it but seen through it's lies, it's not you at all.

    The final step to freedom (avoiding relapse) is discovering the practical capacity of the beliefs you've replaced it with. And possibly adding useful new concepts to your collection to help support further resistance.

    Also, like someone who has fought off cancer and is now in remission, this new freedom doesn't mean you won't need time to recover your health and build a new lifestyle/mindset. What you had before was shaped around the structure of the symptoms that used to limit your options. You're not possessed by those old, limiting beliefs any longer, so there are new options to discover. It will take time to fully realize and explore what is possible for you now.
     
  6. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I know the literal hell Mere Dreamer, and I know that I needed to see it to realise that bravery wasn't enough. It not at all operating on the same rules as Earth.

    Part of me misses who I was too though. I don't know how to be any other way. I just know that I can't be the man I've been any longer.

    I figured God would be hard on me, but I just didn't know how hard. I don't look at my past lives in the way I looked at them before I knew I was them. Maybe that's why I remembered reincarnation. So I could see its never alright, no matter how much earthbound man lionise those lives.

    I haven't replaced my beliefs with anything. I'm kind of waiting until I meet my maker to find out what He wants from me, because I haven't a clue what I'm supposed to be doing anymore.

    I want to know what's possible for me. I want answers, even though wanting answers is what got me into this situation in the first place.
     
  7. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Super Moderators Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Back to the entities discussion, I don't think it has to be disembodied "controllers" either. It's the exact same kinds of internal anchors that make someone vulnerable to abusive or manipulative relationships in physical life, also.

    That's why people can try to rescue someone from an abusive relationship and they either cling to their abuser or jump into another relationship that's just as bad. Until they figure out how to eliminate the hooks in their own psyche that abusers latch onto, they can be temporarily freed, but they don't have freedom.

    People have to grow their own wisdom.
     
  8. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    So are you saying that its the psychology of people that attracts evil Mere Dreamer?
     
  9. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Super Moderators Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "psychology" but what people believe about themselves, others, and the world does make them vulnerable to (and easily influenced by) less than healthy ideas and choices, whether they are aggressive and controlling or compliant and needy. The two extremes of each spectrum tend to find each other very appealing.
     
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  10. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Well I wasn't controlling, compliant or needy. I was aggressive however.

    At the time I was sure of myself. I mean, everyone, from soldiers to cops to world leaders, myths, stories, history, film, media...nearly everything I've been exposed to on Earth taught me that heroism, valor, nobility, protecting ones love, ones home, ones country, courage under fire, all of it...was the correct way of behaving. Be strong, inspire others. I thought it all had Gods blessing because man had built it up as being the best that a man can be.

    Once I was confronted with true evil though all of my beliefs were torn down. I was confronted with the evil that I had done.

    I was always great at finding peoples vulnerabilities and a lot of those vulnerabilities came from what my opponents believed were their strengths. Once evil had me in its grasp it managed to make me vulnerable through what I thought were my strengths.

    I always had faith that I was doing Gods will. I was doing what I was destined to do. Now I realise that I've created enough evil to leave myself vulnerable to it. I no longer have much faith in God.

    That's how true evil got me. It did what I always did. It turned strengths into weaknesses. I've always had less than healthy ideas and choices such as thinking there are necessary evils. All evil had to do was shine a light on them. It was laughably easy for it.

    Everyone has their vulnerabilities. I think everyone is susceptible to evil myself. If evil finds them that is and if they are as ignorant about spirituality as I was it would be even easier again.
     
  11. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

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    Hi Jim,

    You have to be careful not to push anything, even good ideologies, past their point of goodness. Every do-gooder and ideologue tends to make this mistake. Interestingly (to me at least), this came to me in my youth, when I was devoting myself to Judo. The whole idea there is to push where the other guy pulls and pull when the other guy pushes, thereby pulling/pushing the opponent into a state where they are out of balance and vulnerable to your technique. At some point I realized that this principle applied not only in Judo, but across the board. When the normally protective mother becomes over-protective and crushes independence of thought, etc. in a child, she has gone past the balance point. When the attempt to right any wrong becomes an end justifies the means quest, things have definitely gone awry--and well past the balance point. So, while human opposites may attract, I am convinced that evil is attracted to extremes, will try to pull one towards the extreme (whether aggression or compliance), and will exploit that extreme. Usually, though, aggression offers more potential for evil than compliance. Usually the over-compliant just damage themselves. The over-aggressive can damage a multitude. So, I would not condemn your belief in good ideals, merely taking them too far.

    Cordially,
    S&S
     
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  12. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

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    Hi Jim,

    A quick follow-up. I'd suggest you get a copy of "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis from the library. Whether you like the more doctrinaire aspects or not, or believe in the personification of evil or not, it is a very good treatise on how evil works with and in people, amusingly taught in a fictional format where a more experienced tempter coaches his junior in how to promote evil among humans. I long had a audio version where it was read aloud by John Cleese, who definitely brought out the amusing aspects.

    Here's one of my favorite quotes--dealing with evil from a societal standpoint:

    "We direct the fashionable outcry of each generation against those vices of which it is in the least danger, and fix its approval on the virtue that is nearest the vice which we are trying to make endemic. The game is to have them all running around with fire extinguishers whenever there's a flood; and all crowding to that side of the boat which is already nearly gone under."

    Hence:

    "Whenever all men are...hastening to be slaves or tyrants we make Liberalism the prime bogey."

    The opposite of this statement is also, of course, equally true. And, one virtue you have cultivated that still very much applies:

    "He sees as well as you do that courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means, at the point of highest reality."

    Cordially,
    S&S
     
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  13. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Thanks S&S. Great posts. I live in a constant state of anxiety. Your two posts brought balance to my outlook for the first time since I remembered reincarnation. That's more than two years in therapy and a lot of money spent on it did for me. Thanks!

    I always pushed harder and more aggressively than my compatriots. I am obsessive about that when I'm on a war footing.

    This is what I used to think about heroes:

    https://www.highlandtitles.com/2014/09/william-wallace-birth-of-a-hero/

    Or this:

    http://www.history.com/news/audie-murphys-world-war-ii-heroics-70-years-ago

    Or my own past life:

    http://carmichaeldigitalprojects.org/ireland/exhibits/show/michael-collins--hero-of-irish

    I had it all sorted. If anyone did evil I was there to stop it. True evil got me by shining a light on things like this:

    http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-northern-ireland-20248737

    I remember that bombing from when I was a child. It was the reason I didn't take up arms against the British during the troubles. I didn't see war, I saw murder. I saw innocents being blown up. They weren't targeting legitimate targets. I'd have none of that.

    I had remembered enough of reincarnation when true evil got me to know who I was in my past life. It was proposed back then during the war of independence that we target civilians. I refused point blank for the same reason I wouldn't murder civilians in my current life. What evil illustrated to me was that it didn't matter if I had some moral about it. My ideas on warfare were taken to an extreme I wasn't prepared to go to in my last life after I died.

    Escalation:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Execu...War#The_Ballyseedy_Massacre_and_its_aftermath

    I birthed all the deaths such as the Enniskillen bombing by inspiring others who came after me with my ideas.

    It didn't matter if I didn't do it myself. I let the genie out of the bottle. I thought I could Marshal chaos but I just contributed to it. I created a means for other men to do even worse evil than I had done. It was all about escalation and that's only one of my lives that I remember. True evil showed me the spiral of hell and its was of my own making.

    I damaged a multitude and all the time I thought I was being brave and heroic. I thought I was doing good by doing bad.

    Evil definitely attacks at extremes in my experience. All a person has to do to be vulnerable to it is to push to an extreme.

    I'll check that book out. I'm not ina good headspace for reading these past few years but it sounds like something that may give me clarity so thanks.

    I was always in control S&S, but since my brush with true evil I have been running around with a fire extinguisher during a flood.

    You last quote speaks to my life's mission. Its only in the last couple of years that I realised that true courage is Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. He just let evil happen to him. He didn't try to fight it. He trusted in God and was steadfast in his ability not to come down to his tormentors level. He didn't perpetuate evil. That's why he is greater than any warrior that I remember. He makes someone like me, who sees he was courageous about not contributing to evil, miniscule.

    All true evil has to do is wait long enough for a soul to trip itself up in my experience.

    I think John Cleese is great by the way.
     
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  14. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

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    Hi Jim,

    I have hesitated a long time in responding to your post. Mostly because I know my own lack of bravery. C. S. Lewis was right, courage is the form of every virtue at the testing point. You are also right, that "true courage is Jesus' sacrifice on the cross". It is not a virtue I possess to any great degree, but I think that you do. So, I hesitate to say things that are presumptuous in the light of my own self-knowledge, especially as I consider you to have more of this characteristic of the great saints than I will probably ever have. You may be surprised to find that Lewis noted through Screwtape that: "The great (and toothsome) sinners are made out of the very same material as those horrible phenomena the great Saints." This was a theme Lewis touched on repeatedly, the iron willed dedication and often single-minded determination possessed by the greatest of Sinners was also the same underlying character that would make the greatest of Saints. Likewise, the highest ideals when perverted could accomplish the greatest evils. Look at what happens when a desire for Social justice spawns a French or Russian Revolution. As beautiful as the ideal of motherhood may be, it seldom or never accomplishes the evil in its downfall that a misguided quest to change the world can cause. If some form of personified evil has taken a particular interest in co-opting you or destroying you, I think Lewis would say it is because your potential for good is as great or greater than your potential for evil. So, take heart. If you have attracted special attention from evil forces, it is because you represent not only a fearful weapon in their hands, but a weapon they fear even more if dedicated to God and goodness.

    I don't have a lot I can give to you in your struggle. All I can actually do is look for patterns and encourage you to dedicate yourself to finding new goals in the light of God. In terms of patterns, I can say that according to the patterns I have seen at work in existence and those I see at work in you, you have already turned onto the path and are trudging ahead. First, there is the ancient pattern of the quest for God, one that was adopted by the Church, but pre-dates it in antiquity. This is the pattern that finds a three-fold path, with a purgative, illuminative, and unitive phase. As with all of these patterns, one is constantly moving between the various phases, and the only determinant of which phase one is in is where you spend most of your time. On this scale, you are certainly in the purgative phase with an element of the illuminative as well, for your past life memories would be characteristic of the latter.

    Second, another even greater and more detailed ladder of ascent can be seen in the Beatitudes. Here I think the first four represent and illustrate the purgative phase, the blessings attached to the eight beatitudes include the illuminative aspects, and the last four beatitudes set forth steps in the unitive phase. I will let you look these up in Matthew 5:3-10, however, you clearly manifest all of the first four as well as (I believe) a growing share of the fifth. You can see the path that lies ahead of you as you study the last four, which bring you in the eighth to the "true courage" in self-sacrifice you saw in Jesus on the cross.

    How you move forward from here I cannot say, except that your spirit does not seem to be one given to half measures. In another day and age, you might have abandoned all and headed to the desert to be instructed by the Desert Fathers and Mothers. Where you can find such guidance now and what God would have you do I don't know. This seems like a time for prayer, reflection, and staying alert for a sign. God will not let you down, though the divine seems to seldom be in as much of a hurry as we are.

    Cordially,
    S&S
     
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  15. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Hi S&S. Your probably braver than you think you are. Nobody really needs to be brave until they are tested.

    I don't know how a warmongerer can become saintly in his approach to life. Maybe its true that the purest virgin is the reformed tart. I didn't even know I was a warmongerer until I remembered reincarnation. I never gave reincarnation much thought before then but I thought I would have been a poet or an artist or something in a past life. Finding out about reincarnation has robbed me of the uniqueness of being Jim. Instead of looking at what I was doing as a man being what the situation demanded of him I now realise that I had life after life of conflict to learn. I demanded of the situation really. In my earlier incarnations I thought that I could change the world by enforcing a better world on people. In my later incarnations I thought that I could change the world by enforcing the will of the people on the world. In my current life I now realise that I can only help change the world by changing myself. So you see, my 'gloried' past lives where I became an icon again and again were simply necessary steps for me to realise that I have to deal with my own crap, not everyone else's. On a spiritual level I am exactly the same as everyone else, I'm just working through my own karma. Its a shame people in my life only see the 'celebrity' of who I claim to be. It blinds them to the crap I'm dealing with.

    I can understand Lewis' point about sinners and saints. Austin Powers parodied such things with Doctor Evil telling Powers "we're not so different you and I". Its funny because its true. Its also true that social justice can result in evil. I would recommend the film " The Wind That Shakes The Barley". Its a film that shows the heartache that a desire for social justice can bring down on people when taken to extremes. Its set during the Irish war of independence and civil war.

    A personified evil did take an interest in me. Maybe it was trying to divert me from Gods mission, I dunno. But if I'm to be a perpetual soldier I want to be a soldier of God.

    I've always searched for God but when I found big situations thrown upon my shoulders I always took that as my cue from God. I assumed I was doing His will. It wasn't until my current life, when I actually stopped and thought about the consequences of my actions, that I found myself doing something that had Gods approval. I didn't know that at the time however. I even apologised to Him for not pursuing evil. I certainly am in the purgative phase, my PL knowledge feels like one big bowel movement to me, but I also have illumination. If I hadn't of gained PL memories and I hadn't of been the men I was in my past lives, I would still be justifying necessary evils. I wouldn't have learned anything. Although to be honest, a lot of the time, ignorance feels like bliss.

    I used the line 'the meek shall inherit the Earth' in my battle with a sociopath. It was my way of minimising his power and letting him know he wasn't dealing with a meek man. The fifth one about mercy? That's come to me alright to some degree. It also leaves me with crippling guilt over what I've done in my pasts. The personified evil I encountered has left me faltering at 'true courage'. It has me doubting myself and when I doubt myself I doubt that God has any faith in me.

    Yeah, I dunno where to find guidance. I tried various religious and spiritual groups but they provided no real guidance for me. Neither did therapy. Also when I do sit in church I don't feel welcome in Gods house. Although I remember going to a prayer meeting once in an old church and I was sat there, broken and ashamed of my behaviour over many lives and, I swear, what looked like a shooting star shot from right to left about eight feet above my head. It gave me no comfort though. I still feel that I've let God down. I'm an obsessive and a perfectionist.
     
  16. SeaAndSky

    SeaAndSky Senior Registered

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    Hi Jim,

    The Beatitude about the poor in spirit uses a term that indicates someone who is totally destitute, a beggar. In this context, it represents someone who knows their own spiritual poverty, the dispirited who are seeking and ready/begging for spirit, encouragement and inspiration. Not counterfeits, but the real thing--which only God can provide. Been there, done that, and though I'm not always in that state of mind, I never seem to really move past it, at least not on a permanent basis.

    The Beatitude about those who mourn has always been taken to mean not just mourning in general, but specifically those who mourn over their own shortcomings and sins, and the shortcomings and sins of the whole world, these are those who see a world in need, and a world of need in themselves. Ditto.

    The Beatitude about the meek is often misinterpreted. Certainly, it represents humility, but I think the best interpretation of the Greek might be "tractable". An illustration of the Greek term I read by William Barclay, a famous scholar, was its ancient use to indicate a spirited war horse that had been tamed and was ready to respond to the hand and command of his master. He was adamant that it did not indicate many of the kinds of things that are also implied in modern English by the term. This is the hardest one for me, but I'm working on it (occasionally). It is hard to obey.

    The Beatitude about hungering and thirsting for righteousness, is very clear. It like all of the preceding ones you certainly can see in yourself. Ditto for me, with the caveats I gave above. The last four Beatitudes talk about where to go from here. You will never be past the first four, even as you seek to cultivate the next three, which is likely to eventually lead you to the last Beatitude. Like all of us, you may not be thinking about them all the time, but you will definitely be revisiting them at deeper and deeper levels as you follow the course set out on this ladder of ascent. Each time you will realize how shallow your initial understanding was, and how far you still have to go, especially as you look at Jesus as a model.

    I have tasted the first four, but I don't live them though I can't escape from them either. Of the last three, just a little. So, I suspect the same is true for you. What you do have that I lack is a true soldier's disciplined determination and will to overcome. Spiritsword spoke to you about the same thing in another thread. God has not rejected you, and will not reject you (http://biblehub.com/psalms/51-17.htm). At this point, you just need to stop projecting God's rejection on yourself and move forward with what you do next after you put down the sword. I suspect that like many a person of innate idealism and fire, you will eventually realize that the "pen is mightier than the sword". Perhaps for you, who thought you had artists in your past, you may find that the paintbrush is mightier than the sword. I don't know. As people say, don't give up your day job, day-to-day life has to be lived, but that plus mourning over the past is not all you have to be.

    Cordially,
    S&S
     
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  17. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I know my own spiritual poverty S&S. I'm ready to learn. I guess I am learning. Nobody ever told me that it would be easy.

    I mourn for who I was. I don't know how to be any other way. I just know that I have to be another way.

    It is hard to obey. My instincts constantly make me falter in Gods mission for me, thus I think that by my very nature I constantly let God down. Its not good for the self esteem nor for maintaining my ability to stay focused on my mission. Like you I find it hard to obey.

    I've learned that feeling righteous doesn't make one right. There are many corpses that will attest to that.

    My true soldiers discipline has been so beaten down by my journey of these past four years that I find it hard to maintain the discipline of doing dishes or even showering at times. I'm spiritually and morally bereft and weighed down by my behaviour. I've only ever been able to apply my soldiers discipline before I learned about the nature of evil. Now I feel powerless against evil, save for Gods protection, and as such my whole life has become undisciplined. My old therapist said that I'm suffering a 'spiritual emergency'. I can still tie my shoelaces I guess.

    I don't know what to do now that I've surrendered my sword. I don't know where to go from here. I could create stories and poetry based around my experiences I guess, but I don't want them to be read by a great many people so what's the point? I've wrote down my PL memories in a notebook and I've wrote some poetry, but just as my motivation has left me and left me undisciplined, so has my muse left me. I don't feel motivation anymore, life's just a day to day endurance test for me now. I hope I can be better than I've been.
     
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  18. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Jim, I'm a poor source of knowledge about God and what is expected or required, but I certainly have an opinion;). I don't think that there are any punishable rules or behaviors that would end your essence from existence. It is more about the accumulation of experiences and understanding them (as we are all doing) and its affect on others as well as how your desires fit into various realities. I find it difficult to put into words for some reason, but part of it is bending the ego to genuinely follow a spiritual path that is the basis of most peaceful religions. It's not something to fret about, just something to slowly master as you understand it better. You seem to feel the need to appease some entity for having experienced something that you now find offensive and it is embarrassing for you; perhaps this is a good thing to have happen rather than the burden that it appears to you. I think at this point you would rather pull back from the need to act so aggressively in the direction that you did. Fighting for what we believe in is pretty normal and taking action without understanding the ramifications is also quite common (really common here in the US right now).

    I personally think you are doing great, just needing to chill it a bit to make it more comfortable, Jim is the transition lifetime it seems. Learning to be at peace with yourself is part of the process I think - I'm still working on that part also.
     
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  19. John Tat

    John Tat Senior Registered

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    I have no regrets about what I have done.. in fact I wish I had done and achieved much more.. I'm very much looking forward to next time when I can do whatever I want to do.. BB has the knowledge and skills of many warrior lives which I have never seen the need to talk about... I have not seen anything reported that comes close to what BB has done. There are no reasons or need for me talk about anything
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2018
  20. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I fret because I've been a total fool Ken. I embarrassed myself before God. I guess its like remembering embarrassing stuff I did when I was a kid. Some of it makes me cringe but at the same time I recognise that I was just a kid. Its just, I'm supposed to be an intelligent adult. Why on Earth didn't I realise this stuff sooner?

    I do pull back from being aggressive yet at the same time I don't want people walking all over me.

    I did tell God that I have to find my own peace. As foolish as I was, in that statement I seem to be right.
     

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