Do all relationships have drama?

Discussion in 'Members Lounge' started by larali, Jan 20, 2016.

  1. larali

    larali New Member

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    This is kind of a philosophical question.

    Is "drama," or disagreements, or arguments-- something that ALL relationships must have? Is occasional disharmony necessary for a relationship? Sometimes it seems so unavoidable, almost predestined. What is the purpose of it? Can't we have a relationship that does not include this unpleasantness?

    Seems I have been fighting with everyone in my life lately. I am so upset about it. I wonder if it's mapped out in my Life Plan or something, to learn and grow from. It is so difficult! I don't feel that ANYONE is learning from these situations.

    What do you think?
     
  2. Susie

    Susie Dreamer-former moderator

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    Nobody is perfect and we all have disagreements. They help clear the air, establish boundaries, show individuality, bring many of us closer together. Drama can be another thing, in my opinion, in that it is created by people and is often not fair play. In other words, just because two people disagree does not mean it has to turn into a big hairy fight. :)


    I am not so sure that conflict or drama are actually mapped out in our lives because, to me, that indicates I don't have free will. No matter what has happened in this life or a past life, the moment is always in the here and now. I certainly don't have control over what might happen to me from outside sources, but I always have the choice in how I handle it.
     
  3. tanguerra

    tanguerra Senior Registered

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    Learning how to get along is not always easy. Fighting is not always the best way to handle a disagreement. Getting angry is only sometimes useful. It should not be your default position every time things don't go the way you want them to.


    If what you are doing is not working and is making everyone unhappy, maybe it's time to try a different approach? I would not be just saying 'oh well, it's my destiny to fight with everyone all the time'. I'd be saying to myself 'what can I do differently if I want a different outcome?'
     
  4. larali

    larali New Member

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    Well, without getting into a lot of details, it isn't me fighting with people. Certain people in my life are crossing boundaries, and when I politely assert that they should not do (this or that), they deny it all and get upset with me. It's happened twice since Christmas. Very immature people who don't know how to handle a disagreement without resorting to "silent treatment" and accusations.


    I want to have a happy, harmonious relationship with these people but I also need to be treated decently.


    It's very stressful.
     
  5. tanguerra

    tanguerra Senior Registered

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    That's very difficult.
     
  6. Susie

    Susie Dreamer-former moderator

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    While I understand your frustration, the bottom line is you can't change people. You can only put your boundaries in place, but it's up to them whether or not they will follow them. If they don't follow them, then the ball is in your court.


    Are these people family members? Maybe youngsters or teens? If so, that can make things difficult.


    If they are not family members, then my suggestion would be to reevaluate in the here and now why you are in relationship with them when they don't treat you well.
     
  7. larali

    larali New Member

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    Thank you :)
     
  8. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Ofcourse we can. It depends on your own goals in live. Some people 'learn' trough relationships, others learn through other circumstances. And in between there are so many varieties.
    Some harmonious relationships end, as soon as the harsh circumstances disappear, some apperently disharmonious relationships are solid like a rock till the end of times.
    And even goals in life can change along the road, which will be reflected in the kind of (new) relationships people start.
     
  9. tanguerra

    tanguerra Senior Registered

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    It takes two to tango. A lot people enjoy drama, or 'passion' as they would usually call it themselves. Others enjoy having a quiet life. I guess if you are with someone of the opposite persuasion, there will be friction. The trick I suppose is to be able to say "...that is really annoying/ I don't like it, is there a better way we could do this? is there something I do that annoys you too? ..."

    There is always a way to meet in the middle with good will and best intentions. Keeping your temper is not always easy.
     
  10. Robin Bond

    Robin Bond New Member

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    I agree with your post.
     
  11. RedSunshine

    RedSunshine Member

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    Disagreements are normal, this is where you both learn from your mistakes and makes your relationship stronger.
     
  12. Cat1965

    Cat1965 Senior Registered

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    disagreements are normal but constant drama leads to insanity...if you are talking about a weekly disagreement it is one thing but for example when my mother in law lived with us a while we started to fight every day. She wanted to control everything in MY house..started to move my furniture and things around even though I have the cleanest most organized home i have ever been in...than she would boast all day how great she is. Over and over listing all the things she is so perfect in.....meanwhile she is the most self centered person i have met my entire life. I honestly have never had so much hatred towards anyone in my life. From the first glimpse she made me cringe. And it is interesting how everyone that knows her a while says the same thing..people cant stand to be around her. And i married her son who is literally the complete opposite. So humble and giving...mothers are no more than vessels. The souls of their children come from elsewhere completely. If these people make you miserable move on...dont settle. You will find someone that gives you peace.
     

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