Eternal love affairs

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by fireflydancing, Feb 19, 2017.

  1. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    England

    In my life, I have had two obsessions: to find back my brothers and to find back my daughter. Now I am in my fifties and I calmed down. The last couple of years gave me the opportunity to think over my life so far. I keep getting slightly excited thinking back on the numerous occasions in which I met people from my past. Not only brothers and daughters, I found much more than that.
    A lot of 'old' people have crossed my path. The pattern I begin to see is that we meet at an almost literally crosspoint in our lives, whether it be my own or someone else's life. People show up out of nowhere and disappear again afterward. Or it was me doing this. I wish I had known this reassuring knowledge at the beginning of my life, it would have saved me a lot of soul pain. I often didn't have a clue about what was happening. Encounters were usually very intense, confusing and also painful now and then.

    This following story is a sweet one. I guess it all started six or seven years ago. I was having a severe burnout and started to participate in a project as a volunteer around a medieval farm (a kind of living museum for schoolkids).
    It was a kind of therapeutic work for people like me who were having a burnout or recovering from other issues. It was really great working with the hands while we as group members had perfect conversations about politics, life and a lot of refreshing fun. There was also some coach to oversee the dynamics but in fact, we just came there to... work.

    One night I had a special dream as if it was an astral adventure. This coach came to me in a formless area and asked politely if he could come nearer. He said: Just feel me, feel who I am. In that dream, we somehow sat down next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, exchanging energies. It was very friendly and peaceful.

    I don't know exactly how many time there is between the first and the second dream. Maybe the same night, maybe another night. The second time he came to me with the body of a woman in his arms. He asked me to take care of her, because ... (I don't remember why). I agreed. The woman was laid down on the ground but once again, all happened in a formless space. I hesitated a few moments about what to do, but I started to give this woman an energetic healing, something I am not used to doing in real life. I asked this man who she was, and I heard the word 'mother' in my head.
    While I was trying to do things I didn't know I was capable of, I heard the interference of somebody else. It was a warning, strangely enough. The voice behind my back said that although this woman was nothing but good, the energies that afflicted her could be poisonous to me. But if I was aware and careful, there wouldn't be a problem.
    Meanwhile, in real life, I already knew this man and I also recently got to know a very nice woman with whom I had an enormous 'click'.

    I started to get visions from a past life in England (well, I presume it was England, for no specific reasons). These happen while I am awake. I feel a flash, close my eyes and see images and within those images, I have knowledge about the situation.

    The first one was me standing in a ditch and a boy bent over to lend me a hand to get out of it. I was a young girl, about 14 years of age, and the boy must have been about 15 years of age. I knew we were already married. I was wearing a green skirt until my ankles and I think I was wearing a cap on my head. I knew we were on our way to a wedding in a castle. I could see the building, not a castle from the fairytales. It was more like a huge block of stone. We were invited because of our families (I think we were simple rural nobility, not important)
    Later on, I got two more visions. Me still being this young girl, standing in the kitchen of my mother in law. I felt weak, but I knew she made me work hard, very hard in the household. I was supposed to take over the household one day, and she was preparing me by making me sweat. I was still a girl, and new there in the house. I also knew she liked me and it was her conviction that her approach would strengthen me for my future job.

    upload_2017-2-19_18-17-9.png a bit like this, but the sleeves were the same color as the dress.

    In my second vision I was also in this kitchen with her
    , nothing special happened, but this time I knew I died soon afterward. Not because of working too hard, but probably in labor of having a child. I still had a childish shape of a body, so I guess (almost know for certain) that this baby was too big, or me being too small in the hips to be able to deliver the child. The house we lived in was also not fancy, just a gray big house.

    One of the funny things: the day after my first vision about me and the boy (who was this coach in real life) I went to work with a feeling of unease. Not knowing how to handle the information. We were all working in the garden, and suddenly this man addresses to me, looked me straight in the eyes and said: I believe in reincarnation, and what about you? I thought I got a fit... lol. I said: me too. And I blocked a conversation about the topic. I really didn't know how to handle all of this. I had experienced a form of intimacy between us on a spiritual level, but in real life there was nothing.
    I thought so, but he must have had his own kind of recognition. He did. Last year I went back to visit him in the same place. He still works there. He couldn't wait to have a talk about reincarnation again. He was also firm in saying that he still remembered little details about little things I gave him years ago. He still had kept one thing as almost sacred.
    While we were talking in the open air, on the field, it was as if we were in a harmonious bubble. Nothing romantic, there is no physical attraction between us, but it's the souls. He told me that as a psychologist he wanted to specialize in becoming a reincarnation-therapist. I smiled, and there was a lot of buzzing between us. I asked him if he had visions of his former lives. He didn't. But I have strong feelings, he added. I admitted that I did have visions now and then but mostly about death and trauma. We nodded in silence. I didn't have the courage to say more. Well, he said finally, I tend to think that in cases where there is no trauma to be healed, it's better not to dig in, but just leave the past as it is. I nodded and agreed: keep the past the way it is.... and we smiled.

    The crosspoints
    I met this man at a moment of time when I was walking in a gray mist. I wasn't depressed. I remember explaining to him that everything was gray around me, except the Absolute Now. That I found constant happiness in looking at flowers, sunlight, a cup of coffee and things like that. But I was not capable of looking one day ahead, not to mention making any future plans. He always encouraged me to work with medicinal herbs, he was convinced that I knew a lot about them (in fact not really, only a little bit). He often asked my personal opinion about people, not gossiping, but we both tried to understand and help people, and he really wanted an extra view on certain matters. Writing it down is strange because it sounds wrong to talk about people, but it was pure love in the way we did it. He helped me in different ways in that period of time, and I am thankful of that.

    My so called 'mother in law' was probably the real herb specialist. She is. To her, I told more, and she was so excited about my visions because they matched with hers. Well, she didn't remember me as a girl, but she did remember living in England. She even did in this life for some years. I also got the feeling she had been my teacher on more occasions, perhaps in a monastery. She agreed because she remembered herself working with herbs in a monastery. I guess I was a young novice working for her in another time as well. (smile)
    In this life, I could help her somehow. I was there for a brief period in which first it was very dark for her. I did a ritual for her, to change the energies, and the change came so quickly that I denied that it could have been my efforts, but she was convinced it was me. She had an important operation to undergo, which turned out to be a success. Some time later we lost contact. To be honest, it was too emotional and too intense (!) for me in this friendship. I knew I would never 'loose' her through time, so I was ok with losing contact on the short term. I just realize that I kept a postcard from her. For almost six years it has been stuck on the right corner of my mirror, so she is always there when I look into the mirror. I just realize this.
     
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  2. bransdojo

    bransdojo Active Member

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    Such a very interesting story. Its crazy how life works, the man that brought up reincarnation, sounds like a special moment. Very rare to come in contact with someone that brings up reincarnation.
     
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  3. Ljbellus

    Ljbellus Active Member

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    Thanks for sharing Firefly.

    I too have had people come into my life briefly and change it for the better. It can be so intense, that it is scary. I am sure these people are from my past lives and turn up in my hour of need, to put me back on the right track or just to comfort me.

    There is the feeling of knowing each other deeper than a regular stranger. Then just as suddenly as they arrive in my life, they leave. I am set on a new path and feeling energised again.

    My husband and I have been together since I was a teenager. 26 years. The night we met, it was like we were 2 magnets drawn to each other. I have had the same thing happen with others too, but my husband is the constant in my life. He doesn't believe in reincarnation, but he can never fully explain why we were inseparable from when we first met, and why he knew immediately that I was "the one." We were both teenagers, not looking to settle down. We instantly recognised each other from before on a sub conscious level, that is why!

    It must be so exciting to meet people that share your views and remember sharing your past lives.
     
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  4. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Angry daughter (It’s not always a good ending)



    At the moment I am reliving a lot of old pain from past lives triggered by the contact with my friend F. I think I am through the shock of losing him. Last week I decided to jump into the pain, I even wrote poems from the perspective of my old self. I gained a lot of information, started to see some patterns for the first time in my life. In an altered state of consciousness I received a concept to think about: Sometimes it is pure love when you offer yourself to be the victim of a crime, just giving the other person the possibility to experience acting badly and being on the extreme spectrum of experiences. This was a tough one for me and it took a few days to digest it fully. The following video helped me as well. By accident, I came across this video. After a short while, I became bored listening, stopped, but something told me I had to continue…. I did, and the content became very interesting to me. It’s about the choice to suffer. I had never thought about this concept before, because I hate suffering by choice (no masochism for me… ha, ha…).





    In the process of dealing with my past, I suddenly got a vision of a little girl looking at me with piercing eyes. I shook my head, saying to myself: Wow, that could have been a younger version of N. My mind jumped back to my story with N. and I instantly recognized the same extreme pain she had caused me by cutting her out of my life. The same kind of pain I experience in remembering the execution of my former husband centuries ago. It’s the story of the angry daughter, about fourteen years ago.


    I used to be a kind of workaholic
    as a small business owner. Working day and night, I had no time for personal friendships although I had a lot of good relationships with my clients. One day a woman of my age walked into my store and I instantly knew that we would be friends one day. I am a patient person, so no hurry. It took several months before our casual meetings changed into ‘real’ friendship. Her presence made me so incredibly happy. When she burst out laughing (a loud strong laugh) I always felt like paradise opened its doors.

    She wanted to be with me too. She offered to come to help me on a regular base. I refused, saying that I couldn’t guarantee a proper salary each month. She wanted to work as a volunteer, which made me uncomfortable because tax control would never ever believe such a construction in case of a sudden inspection. This girl didn’t let me stop her, and twice a week she came in the afternoon to help me with stuff or just helping customers side by side behind the counter. I always felt great and happy when she was around. The only warning sign could have been my strong sense of protection towards her. It felt huge but complete out of place. This was an adult woman, much taller than I am, and not a helpless kid.


    The Japanese kitchen knife ...
    More than once she talked about reincarnation, mostly about her living in Japan, but we never spoke about us knowing each other from a past. Although I’ve always been a believer in reincarnation, it was not my focus that time, so I just listened amused to her stories.

    Everything went well, and I guess it was her own idea inviting herself to my place to have dinner together with my family. I only remember high energies. The day before our appointment I came across some big Japanese kitchen knives, with wooden shafts and some Japanese characters written in the steel. I thought this would be a nice gift to her, she loved cooking and she loved Japan. I bought two, one for her and one for me. I can’t recall her face when I gave her the knife, but nothing special I think.

    The day she was supposed to visit us, I emptied in a hurry my postbox because I wanted to start preparing dinner as soon as possible. To my surprise, I found this kitchen knife in the box with a large handwritten letter. The letter started saying it was a bad omen to give somebody a knife as a present and continued with strange accusations. She accused me of abusing her, my husband as well. A lot of other strange accusations that didn’t make any sense to me. She said she had been my daughter in a past life, and it was now finally time to break up the cords. She said she’d used the knife to cut off any bond between me and my husband.


    Well, this caused a real soul shock to me. I cried (never cry), and I was in shock for weeks and weeks and weeks. The accusations she made were so twisted around and I felt so painfully rejected. My parents got involved, they hated seeing me like that. My husband offered to mediate between us, but I declined that offer. I finally got over it.


    Than…. Much later, I received a letter of apologies. She begged me for forgiveness, wanted to start all over again. She explained that the love of both me and my husband for her had overwhelmed her, that we both had been her parents in the past. We met and I forgave her and it all started again. The same joy and happiness. So we decided to pick up where we had left the last time: dinner at my place.


    There should be a large blank now………………. It happened again!


    Exactly the same. She canceled our meeting at the last moment by a handwritten letter. I don’t know what accusations this time, because the biggest was my husband making moves to her, trying to seduce her, and she felt she couldn’t accept that in her friendship to me.

    I didn’t believe a word because I know his character and I knew she was not his type of woman he’s usually attracted to. But I did know he liked her too, and she probably misunderstood his behavior. Needless to say this time I was really done with this woman.

    I thought she was mentally insane, perhaps a borderliner or whatever. Of Course, it hurt the second time as well, but I also closed the door between us.


    Looking back
    This happened about 14 years ago. Looking back there might be more sense in it. Suppose we both have been her parents once in a distant past. Suppose we made her work hard for us being a daughter and cheap labor. It would make sense. In this life we didn’t ask anything from her, we didn’t even want her to work for us for free, she did it herself. She just showed up and started working. Suppose her former father abused her sexually, it would make sense. In this life, he is not that kind of person at all, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen in the past.

    If that was the case, she made one mistake: she didn’t confront him, but me.

    She had made so many accusations, but not one of them had been me not protecting her, so if so it would have made sense, but not this way. Maybe I did protect her in the past, but not enough. I really don’t know, because I have no mental memories at all being her mother.


    These memories came back while I was meditating on the concept of “Sometimes it is pure love when you offer yourself to be the victim of a crime, just giving the other person the possibility to experience acting badly and being on the extreme spectrum of experiences”

    When I thought about her last week, I heard the words: Can you forgive her? I think I did, and writing down this story is part of it. I forgive the extreme pain she caused me in this life. It might have been the other way round in another time, who knows? It also makes me wonder on deeper levels. She thought she was a victim of us in this life (crazy) but probably mixed it up with experiences in another lifetime (probably). It’s all about forgiving on a deep level. I haven’t been in contact with her ever since, but maybe she has had her own process without us, forgiving her former father after seeing he did change through time??? I don’t know.

    I can tell there was a lot of love between all of us, so somehow it makes all sense to me at the end.

    But I don’t want her back into my life anymore. I am over it/her. So it’s not always a happy ending.


    I thank you all for reading my mini-stories. It's part of my healing process to sort things out, write them down, trying to find patterns and reason between seemly unrelated events.
     
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  5. KenJ

    KenJ Assistant Archivist and Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Forgiveness can be difficult at times, but is a wonderful thing to do; you seem to be doing well with it.
    It saddens me to see people taking bad feelings to their deathbed. We all experience such things to one extent or another, but your experience seems pretty bitter - sorry about that.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2017
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  6. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    The unbeatable Boy Soldier



    This is about my eldest son. He is an adult now. A lot of things went wrong in our lives. I’ve worked too hard, so he missed some guidance at crucial moments during his younger years in which he made some bad mistakes. But there is no need for forgiveness between us, the bond is too strong. We ‘know’ he has been my father in the past, probably as native Americans, and he still loves this paternal role towards me. Sometimes I yell at him: Hey boy, in this life I am the Mother and you are … belowww me now…


    When he was a baby boy (the cutest baby ever) I regularly got panic attacks while words circled through my head like: I am going to loose him, such a waste of life, when he’s older he goes to military service and will be killed.

    We have no military service in this country, but that didn’t matter concerning those panic attacks.

    He had a lot of issues growing up, so at a certain point, I took him to a therapist on a weekly base, until she couldn’t do anything more for him and she advised us to go to a reincarnation-therapist. So we did. This lady asked me to come alone the first time. Her theory was that the bond between a mother and child was still intact at this age, so she wanted to work with him through me at the first consult. It was me laying down on a couch, seeing images of my son's past lives. It was a shamanic approach, so each time I had to tell this former part of my son that he had died. All very interesting. Especially at a certain point where I couldn’t see images, only moving swirls and curling colors. Almost psychedelic. I wanted to stop, but this therapist said to wait. She had encountered before the situation of a shaman dying during a ‘trip’. We entered this situation of an overconfident shaman (Polynesia or so), so full of his own abilities that it never came to his mind that he could die ever (but choked on his own vomit). The therapist said it was my job to tell him he actually did have died. I didn’t know how, but she said I was his superior, a bigger shaman than he had been, so I could do it.

    It’s interesting to know that his personality later in life matched more and more to this shaman personality. Over confident at times, a real drugs expert, tried everything (not addicted luckily), having theories about the personalities of the different kind of drugs and so on.

    The second time I brought my boy with me, I guess he was about 8 years old. He had vivid images of a life as a young boy going into battle against the Germans in the second half of the 19th century. It took place in the north of Germany near Denmark. He was on the Danish side. He told me and the therapist that he had been too young to go into battle, but they hadn't sent him away and in fact, he was incredibly good at shooting. He shot one after the other, what made the enemy outrageous. Blinded by hate and loss they tried to stop this boy, and when they finally succeeded, they left him only wounded on the battlefield. After some time (hours? days?) he actually died there in the field all alone by himself.


    [​IMG] It might have been this war (but there was more trouble in those days)


    While he was telling this story, something took over me, I pointed my finger towards him laughing and saying: Tell me, who was your mother in that life, who was your mother….

    My son rose up from the sofa, opened his eyes, looked at me with a big smile, and just pointed back with his little finger towards mine. We laughed and laughed while looking into each other's eyes.


    In these seconds all those old fears fell off my shoulders. I felt so relieved, I can hardly explain. The panic attacks never came back, and our bond was even stronger than before.

    My son lost his obsession with the military life gradually. My husband had been a war soldier in this current life, so therapists usually ‘accused’ my husband of passing over this ‘obsession’ to his son, but I’ve always found that nonsense. Going to war doesn’t mean you love shooting or killing, you cannot generalize this.
     
  7. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    The Boy Soldier's Mother


    After this information, I tried to find some validation about wars between Denmark and Germany in the second half of the 19th century. It was not certain if this boy was Danish at all. He came from the North he had said. So I studied the geographic history of Denmark and its colonizations of neighbor countries in the past. He could have been Norwegian or from Greenland.

    I also tried to evoke memories of my life being his mother, but I got images of emptiness and loneliness. I saw little tiny houses, sea, big skies, often the word ‘island’ and most of all I relived several times my suicide. I just let me fall into the emptiness, it was not even an active jump.


    [​IMG]


    I lived in such a tiny house. Actually in two of them. One was a barn or so. I was alone there. It has taken me a long time before I found out these type of houses do exist in northern Europe.


    Greenland, Iceland… never got that ‘click’, and years passed by.


    [​IMG]

    And one moment: Bingo! The Faroe Islands made me feel nervous and excited at the same time. They have those little houses, the wide skies, and the huge cliffs I was looking for…

    I just don’t know why on earth I lived alone, far away from other people. Being a widow means you need the company of other living souls around you, I think. Did the other people not like me? Was I rude or crazy? Was I a foreigner to them? Just wild guessing, maybe I came originally from Norway, married a man from the islands, who made me a widow. But I cannot imagine myself a community that doesn’t take care in one way or another of a woman alone in such circumstances. Or maybe I just felt alone, and there were actually people nearby. I only saw images of two tiny houses that belonged to me. Me trying to survive on almost nothing. And images of a lot of sky, sea. I also saw me standing on the edge of an enormous cliff, and me falling down. I just let myself fall, I didn’t even jump. The fall took away my breath and my soul already left the body before the impact on the ground.

    [​IMG] A woman from the islands at the beginning of the 20th century

    I can recall the wonder about leaving the body, like going up (soul) and down (body) at the same time. And the silence when leaving the body.

    By now I assume that I must have heard the news that my only son was not coming back, that he had died. I didn’t know how. I deduce that from the fact that I was so relieved that I finally got to know what had happened to him (during that regression session). I knew he had died, but nothing about the circumstances.




    Eivør - Mín Móðir
    The song is about the Faroe Islands, called My Mother in English.


    [​IMG]

    They are linked to Denmark politicly. Halfway between Norway and Iceland.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2017
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  8. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Senior Registered

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    It's interesting isn't it, how we tend to check out on the way down and watch the actual death from above. I had a similar experience when I went off a cliff in my Japanese life. The spirit I became looked through the intervening scenery to a loved one on the other life path he could have chosen and realized he could have made someone he loved happy instead of dying out of loyalty to his master. Of course, it's rather too late once one has done seppuku and jumped into the ocean/rocks below.

    It's interesting how you've processed these lives in regards to present relationships. Your story reminded me of how I ended up cutting cords from my ex because I realized I was the one clinging to an abusive relationship in hope of "saving" him from himself. It would have been even more strange if he had been interested in past lives and spirituality of this kind. I can only imagine what he'd have done to make it my fault. It's hard to face unfair relationships and take responsibility for handling the pain and consequences in the midst of the unfairness. It's too bad your ex-friend was so caught up in the past. I hope she's grown beyond that pattern, too, though I suppose you won't know this time around.

    These small verifications we get over time are sweet. What lovely photos you shared to go with such a despondent life.
     
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  9. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Not a love affair

    Some days ago I had a new kind of experience. This was not about love, not in a romantic way.

    While working in the garden I hurt my back and that pain crawls through my body since that moment. That reminded me of my mysterious pains in the past and instead of trying to avoid the pain, I decided to go inside. In this meditative state, I found myself in a dungeon in a far away past time. I heard the heavy door close behind my back and I relived that feeling of knowing there was no more escape and complete vulnerability. I heard other sounds of metal, strange but I don't know the source. I was there together with the person who was going 'to hurt' me. A big man with a strange kind of metal helmet on his head. I didn't experience pain, but I was frightened. I was aware of my body in real life and I was there at the same moment. Didn't know what to do inside this vision. And then I raised myself fully and absolutely vulnerable and started to radiate a white light. It was not a conscious decision, I just started doing so. I filled that space with white light coming from inside of me.
    In my present body, I felt a shock and I felt my astral body wanted to go up, but I didn't let that happen. I was amazed at what was happening, but I knew something was missing in the picture. Then I realized I had to include this torturer as well in my radiating light. I was skeptical and not prepared to send him love, but I did agree to acceptance and peace.
    The moment I did this, I felt in my present day body an enormous shock again and all my energy became a white ball of light, whirling around itself as if yin and yang had finally found each other.
    The torturer and I had become one. I didn't love this guy, I could switch perspective looking through his eyes. He was dumb, heavy, strong, stupid, blocked from sensitivity and somehow proud of his ability to do a good job.
    In my mind, I took off his helmet and he reminded me of someone I know in this life, although I didn't think they were one and the same.
    In my present body, my kundalini energy was at full speed, until the point I felt amazingly good and at peace. My heart chakra had opened without me deciding it, but it was a good ending to the experience.


    I thought to understand that I had met my 'Shadow' and that I had realized that him and me were one and the same, that I had been my own enemy and torturer.

    I later discussed this with my friend who used to be a reincarnation-therapist. He gave me a lot of extra things to think about.
    My friend congratulated me for this knowledge on a soul level
    and that I had understood the archetype of 'enemy' by now.
    He suggested that in that past life I might have left my body as an explanation for my lack of memory about what actually happened there. That thought gave me goosebumps and I really think this might have happened. While being in this vision my actual astral body also wanted to leave my body as an instinctive reaction to this memory. And although I have no visions or images (yet) I can imagine myself thrown into a deeper dungeon afterward, completely broken and left to die by myself.
    Those are the pains I experienced in this life when I was in my twenties.
    My friend said that because of the fact I didn't consciously lived the pain in that former life, I died an unconscious death and the pain bottled up and traveled with me through my future lives.

    This made sense to me. He told me that when I would have been a client he would have returned with me to that space to let me see and convince me that it was empty now and past tense.

    Anyway, I am happy this happened. I don't care whether this was a real historical fact or just symbolical. It gave me another bit of wisdom.
     
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  10. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Not a love affair (2)

    The more I think about this other person the more I am convinced he could be someone I know in this life.
    The very first time we met he made a terrible mistake by bringing with him some person into my home while I was pregnant with my first child. This person was absolute no good and threatened us indirectly (by showing a revolver) in his search for his ex-girlfriend. My husband got rid of him quickly, but I never forgave this O. for being too stupid to bring this person into my home. I felt vulnerable and angry.
    Later in life this O. and my husband became close friends and this O. was always extremely helpful towards me (and my husband) and never, never wanted money or favors in return.
    But my anger never went away despite all the goodness he tried to show. And he did.
    After several years I knew he was a good soul, willing to do good things, but lacked intelligence.
    Just like the person in my vision: very strong (muscles), not evil, loyal to the chief, stupid. In my vision, he lacked empathy for pain, but in this life he is sensitive.
    I guess after ten or fifteen years knowing this guy I really wondered why I never forgave him this little mistake. I recognized he was a good soul and I did efforts to forgive him. I guess I did.

    *********

    About the vision:

    I wondered why this person was wearing a helmet while his body had naked parts. I even looked close to this helmet, it was made of steel and strange. Not the helmet of a knight or so.
    He could have been some kind of gladiator: the muscles, naked legs, at least one naked arm.
    I saw 'myself' when I switched perspective (I could see through 'his' eyes and feel his character) and I saw 'myself' on the back against a wall: naked back, but no muscular type of person. Man.

    The helmet was close to this one, except no holes for eyes. But I knew he could see through the iron helmet.

    [​IMG]

    Not the same, but close.

    It's the first time I more of less remember me being male. I was not wearing any specific clothes or attributes.
     
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  11. DiscoKitten

    DiscoKitten Active Member

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    Amazing memories! Thank you so much for sharing them with us!
     
  12. tanguerra

    tanguerra Senior Registered

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    Wow. Good work. Remain watchful.
     
  13. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Thank you, both.

    Not a love affair (3)

    Two days ago I tried to go back to the dungeon. My friend F. and I had discussed my experience and this time, the first time, he gets involved giving advice and opinions. Perhaps because he is not involved this time in the story (;)). He really gives good advice and good food for thought every time and his strong opinion is that I shouldn't do these regressions on my own for the violent nature of the memories and my lack of oversight while being in the experience. He doesn't care about validation of a memory but his focus is on the emotional and psychological value of them.

    Anyway, I listened to his advice, but still decided I wanted to discover more. The pain in my back is still there, like a marker. Sometimes it is completely gone, and sometimes I feel almost crippled. There must be more to find out.
    I cleaned myself from negative energies, asked help from guides (three popped up, wearing brownish gowns with hoods that prevented seeing their faces) and I tried to go back to the dungeon.
    Instead, I first saw a lady, dressed in a way that confused me. She vaguely reminded me of 'Egypt', I saw vaguely some pyramids but I was not interested. I thought my mind wandered in the wrong direction and tried to reach the dungeon. Instead, I saw three huge white pillars and my perspective was standing on the ground. More and more images came from white Greek temples. Broad daylight, blue sky, sunny. I seemed to look down from a hillside and then hovering above the landscape also seeing see and islands.
    At that point, I felt annoyed for being on the wrong spot with my visions. I was not interested in Egypt or Greece, I wanted to visit that dungeon again to find out about what had happened.
    I went back to that place. I didn't see much, but I did learn some embarrassing things. First of all the feeling of being a coward. I felt being a coward or they made me believe it or both.
    The second thing is almost too dirty to mention but it really surprised me. After already being broken, one or two persons seemed to pee on me. I had never expected something like this. It was complete humiliation and gave me the feeling that the entire cruelty had been a punishment for a personal reason somehow.
    I tried to visualize myself afterward in a dark place where I was left to die by myself. Those three guides were present that time, just silent. I didn't know what to do. I had already figured out that I must have died unconsciously, going in and out of my body multiple times. I knew I didn't want to die because there were small children (I forgot to say that I also had seen young children) involved.
    In this regression, I didn't merge with that body. I tried to comfort it by putting the head on my lap, I tried to boost some energy to it for a quick final leaving of the body by the soul. But I don't remember me doing something substantial.

    Now, when I discussed this with F. he told me that the first visions with the white Greek temples and the changing perspective from down to higher to hovering above the landscape were a strong indication to him of the process just after dying. Made sense. So perhaps I died in Greece.
    We discussed a lot of scenarios that could have happened. I also wanted to know who had ordered this punishment but F. said that I should stick to my own emotions instead of getting lost in a myriad of stories and possibilities.
    So we went back to the pain in my back. I said my back had been broken somehow. The pain is very low in the back. This has been a weak spot ever since I was a child.
    He commented this was also the area of 'manhood', which I agreed. I loved his subtle way of describing it. I wanted to comment that I didn't know how it must feel for a man, while I realized I was a man that time. (lol)
    My friend helped me by saying that it would be the most prominent place to 'break' somebody in his essence, power, and manhood.
    His suggestion was not to dig any further but to heal the empty spot with soul retrieval.

    I know this is wise so I agreed with him. I just have to find out a way how to do it, but I will manage.

    But

    Somewhere in the back of my mind was this notion that it could be highly interesting to know who had ordered my punishment.
    When I think of this O. (the ancient perpetrator) in the present time, there are only two persons that come into my mind. First, a friend of him that I also never liked, although he has always been correct to me. Just a gut feeling of not trusting him. Also a muscular type but this one is smart.
    The second one would be.... my own husband. Yep. His blind loyalty was always first to my husband (talking about this life) and I as his wife, was part of the package (and our children too). It just flows faintly through my mind, and Greece... my husband is in love with Greece (worked there several years before we met). I wouldn't pay it too much attention.... until.... this afternoon...

    Out of the blue, our eldest son said he wanted to visit Egypt but he thought that apart from the pyramids, there was nothing else interesting in that country. My husband reacted surprised and suggested they would go together so he could show him around. He is not from Egypt but he has a lot of historical knowledge. My son joked that he needed a lot of money for those plans and joked to his brother to start together a criminal enterprise to raise money for traveling. My husband and youngest son are very strongly opposed to illegal activities, so it was a bit of fun to look at their faces. To raise the fun I declared that I would volunteer into becoming a criminal with our eldest son.
    My husband didn't take it as a joke and said: I'll call the police and have you locked up!
    I said: What?
    He: I'll have you locked up in jail.
    Me: But I am your wife, why do you say such a thing?
    He: I will. I don't want a wife that is a criminal.
    Me: Thank you very much.

    It blew my mind, not really surprised about his opinion, but about his seriousness amidst the joking back and forth, and the almost perfect timing of these words. o_O
    Of course, I already knew his strong opinions about good and bad, but it really fills in some gaps.
     
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  14. AlexD

    AlexD aka Shadow

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    You are not the only one to have experienced such kind of humiliations when in prison. I do not associate my past torture from '58 with any personal feeling of regrets, shame or guilt, and this is consistent with my hypothesis, but I still perceive the fear and the despair. I have the feeling of having been violated and humiliated in many ways but for the moment my mind is still blocked and refuses to indulge in those moments. My aunt -formerly my uncle- said that when he abandoned the body he was so humiliated by the things they did to him that he didn't even feel like leaving the penitentiary, he was taken outside by a friendly soul -possibly myself. You have my full understanding.

    And about your husband possibly being the one who condemned you... you know that by now I think destiny can be tremendously ironic with all of us. I hope it wasn't him, though, even though a couple of millennia have passed. Personally my experience with my murderer didn't bring me anything positive, but you know it's because the trauma is still fresh for me, and she didn't have the time to grow up spiritually yet.

    I bet you are curious to know the true reason why you were imprisoned in that occasion, regardless of the negative feelings that it may bring you. I too am curious to know why I was killed in '89, but all that I can recall is the darkness, the headshot and the angst. I keep on having dreams in which I am involved in antigovernment/covert activities, and I am being chased by security agents wanting to shoot me down. I explore a variety of contemporary places that have no real connection with my life, not even my past lives, but the theme is always the same: I am on a solo mission and I'm being chased by security. Or in some occasions I am on a solo mission and I am still hiding from security. Occasionally, I engage in combat, but I'm always disarmed and obviously I'm outnumbered. In any case, I am always on the run. I really wish I knew the meaning behind these dreams, it could be a recurring theme in all my lives, or it might be a subconscious memory from my latest one.
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2017
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  15. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hi Alex,

    You already know your story triggered mine on a deep level. What happened to me past week was nothing I ever expected, not in this form. But I was open for it.
    I don't mind about my husband because I know him, I know his character, but he is still able to surprise me from time to time. We have a strong karmic relationship, like two captains on the same boat.

    I also think I cannot compare the suffering of endless torture by the Securitate to my experience in which I still cannot remember what actually happened (except for some vivid images of a perverted act).

    But pain is pain, and every case is unique. If my lifelong weak spot in my back originated from a broken back in the past, well, then I'll try to find out if this might be healed somehow. And yes, I also still have a curiosity for the reason why this happened to me. I love puzzles, but for the moment I'll take some rest, because the whole process starts to gain a lot of weight. It was two regressions in one week. Need a break/holiday... ha, ha.
     
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  16. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    No memories of wars

    This is copy and paste from the thread of chief1734. I didn't want to take over the other conversations about war memories.

    No memories of wars.

    Although, I just remembered that one of my sons talked of a former life in which he died on a battlefield with me present as well.
    He saw me dead/dying/wounded and told me I was picked up by a helicopter with many colours.

    It's not a memory of my own and my son was very small/young at the time. I guess he told me twice about it.

    I don't know. I was born in '64.
    My son was born in '95 and he was a preschooler when he talked about former lives.
    When I would ask for details at this very moment, hahaha... he would consider me nuts.
    If it were 'true', it would make me a man in this former life and until now I almost entirely have memories being female.

    edit: if it were 'true' I was American, not a VC

    [​IMG]

    I hate war, that might be the reason why my mind doesn't want to remember war scenes.

    I do remember some clues. Recently, twice, when I tried a guided meditation to find information about former lives, I started with the same scene: clouds and sky, like me standing in a plane just before jumping off with a parachute.
    I guess once I 'saw' what was behind me (military, ready to jump off).
    Both times I refused this image. Didn't want to do anything with it.
    It doesn't resonate with my actual peaceful life.

    I live in Europe and I've never learned about the Korean War at school. History lessons stopped at WWII, I think.

    Another clue might be my strong attraction to NewYork, during the Great Depression. I might have lived there in the 30ties and 40ties. I have had several other clues about this but only based on strong intuition during my life. I've always felt like I've left something there, some part of me. And... some part of me is still living in de US. While I'm writing this, I realize that it could be children. I've never thought about this before.

    And... I guess I don't want to know about it. If it were true the wounds haven't been healed by now, somehow.

    There were helicopters in WWII as well. As a child, I was fascinated by the landing in Normandy, France. I don't know if helicopters were used there to pick up wounded soldiers. I am just connecting dots while I am writing right now.


     
  17. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I do have clues about this period, clues I've thrown away during the years.
    The landing in Normandy was one of my self-chosen history projects I had to do at secondary school as part of my final exams.
    I still don't know why I choose this subject, but all the four subjects I choose became relevant later in life. I was a vegetarian, a pacifist, and a very sensitive girl, so it was a bit weird.
    Later in life, I had no interest in the United States. None at all. Except that I've been interested in New York all my life.
    About eight or nine years ago I already discovered more clues. It was with a friend and we had figured out that we had been friends before, went to war together, not long ago. He was in that time a black boy (now white) in the US. I don't remember me filling in my information about that life, although I must have been male, American, and send out to a battlefield.
    In the beginning, I thought it was a fantasy... there have been times I felt like I carried on a life that I hadn't been able to complete in other times. This was during my years as a shop owner. I felt so close to another life.
    The following pictures are only because of the atmosphere
    [​IMG]


    [​IMG]
     
  18. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    @landsend ,

    This story of you makes me somewhat nervous because I can tell an almost similar story. But... I cannot tell whether it is 'my' story or someone else's story.
    It's about a young boy that goes to preschool in Poland, just before the outbreak of the war. It's about him and his mother, they are supposed to live in the ghetto but he dies when he is 3 or 4 years old. I have always thought it was Warsaw. The mother starts having an affair with an officer, just for survival in luxury. After the war, she falls into depression because of feelings of guilt and shame.
    I've seen a lot of images about this story, but it never felt related to myself. I wondered if I were the child, the mother or none of them. These images came when someone asked me to tune into this area and time period. The story didn't resonate with him and neither to me. So I locked it in the back of my head. I also wondered how I could have lived in Poland and also in de US... so confusing.
     
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  19. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    How odd that you had that story. I do not know the place in which the boy died. I do not feel it was Krakow, because in my vision the family took a train and moved out of that city. The place in which I remember dying was like a ghetto. By some coincidence I recently read some accounts about the Warsaw ghetto, the stories and images are haunting to me and fill me with a depressive/hopeless feeling. Apparently typhoid outbreaks were a problem, and starvation. As one survivor put it, dead bodies lay in the streets...

    Over one million children died in the holocaust (that's probably conservative).
     
  20. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Glimpses of the Faroe Islands again

    Yesterday I found a regression video in my own language and I was curious if this would make a difference. The instructions of the woman were to formulate your questions before and then to empty the mind and not thinking anymore, only following her voice.
    All went well, she took me through imaginary places and I could follow. Then she brought me to a lake (I saw a lake) and then she talked about waterfalls... this is where it went 'wrong'. For a waterfall, you need rocks, cliffs... And there it went... I saw the sea and the cliffs of the islands and I went emotional, wanted to cry*. The voice went on about a boat and a bridge... simply impossible for me to follow anymore, I guess I lost the voice and took on my own path...
    I saw short glimpses of the inside of several houses. There was surprisingly so much light inside.
    And so many bright colors (painted wood) that I got confused. I don't know if it was my logic or my memory but I almost shouted in my head that this was impossible, that my windows were high near the ceiling because the house was built half inside the ground. I guess I wasn't in my own house, maybe one of these buildings was a small church.
    Then I saw a long shot/flash of hands in a darker environment as if I looked at my own hands, and I don't know how to explain this scene in English. It was about yarn from wool. I guess I need to find a picture to explain this. There was wool hanging on one side of a chair, recently spun and the hands were making a new ball of wool.
    [​IMG] one of these was hanging from a table chair

    My last scene was on a ship that went very (!) slowly along some islands. This was a three-dimensional experience.


    * I never cry, so this was strange
     
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