Extremely jealous of my sister

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by TheGagagirl1234, Oct 13, 2016.

  1. TheGagagirl1234

    TheGagagirl1234 Member

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    Ever since my sister started getting friends at school and becoming popular I've been extremely jealous of her. I'm 21 now and I have autism which prevents me from doing the same things as my sister and the rest of my family who doesn't have autism. I'm sick and tired of being jealous of her, and no matter what I do it doesn't go away. I'm really depressed because of my jealousy, and it has caused serious problems in our relationship. The rest of my family have the same kind of life as my sister, but I'm not jealous of them (I'm the only one who has autism). I wonder if my jealousy could be past life related or if it's just because she's only 18 and can do whatever she wants to do. I've never had a long friendship, and most of my 'friends' are only acquaintances. I just want to accept myself, but I can't and I probably never will because of my jealousy. What do you think about this?
     
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  2. alyil

    alyil New Member

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    I'm not sure if it's past life related (it could be?) but I wholeheartedly recommend a site called 7cups which offers free online counselling. I'm currently dealing with anxiety and feeling very down and talking to someone really helped me. Having someone to listen to your concerns and what your feeling might help you sort through everything and help you accept yourself.

    If you do decide to check out the site, look for a listener with a lot of feedback and maybe someone in your demographic or region.
     
  3. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    I would not be surprised if it was past life related Gaga. Maybe somewhere here there is a lesson waiting to be learned?

    If you had to think what your past life together might have been like, what do you think it would be? Were you jealous of her then too, or was she jealous of you? That could be something worth doing a little meditation on.

    My sister and I don't get along either. It makes me pretty sad. We are both 'old ladies' now, in our 50s, but we don't speak to each other. Pretty silly, eh? But, the problems really started when we were about your ages - 18 - 20. Sometimes I wish I knew then what I know now. I hope I would have been more patient with her and nicer to her than I was. I would certainly made more of an effort to show her I cared about her, especially when she was 'acting up' or generally being a bit difficult. But, kids are very wrapped up in themselves at that age. It's hard when you are young and have not yet learned a few life lessons. Try not to hold it against her. She will grow out of it. You'll see. :)

    It's tough sometimes getting along with your sisters, whether you have autism in the mix or not. However, my sister has later been diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder. It wasn't 'invented' back in our days. Back then it was called 'temperamental' and occasionally 'bad tempered'. She was always very clever and artistic, but had a terrible time 'getting along' with people, in a drama free way when she was young. She has matured now and learned a lot too of course. These days she writes poetry and is very involved in the local poetry / bohemia scene on the other side of town to me. She 'found her tribe'. She is happy, so I hear. Sometimes it takes a while.

    Don't worry too much about finding friends. Go for quality before quantity. Be your best self, and they will find you.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2016
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  4. TheGagagirl1234

    TheGagagirl1234 Member

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    alyli: Thanks for your advice!
    tanguerra: I'm not sure. I only remember a few flashbacks and dreams of 3 possible past lives, but I'm not sure who I was and where I lived. I've had some really weird dreams lately where I'm a girl who spoke English (i'm not a native speaker), and it looks like I was popular because I was always with someone else. I've been dreaming about going to rock-concerts, and I've never been to one in this life. I looked up the lyrics from the songs but I didn't get any results (that's really interesting I think). I've also been dreaming about being onboard on a ship in stormy weather (I've never seen Titanic and I've never had such experience before). I think it could be past life memories but I'm not sure. But thanks for your advice!
     
  5. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    Keep working on it. Something will become clear before long. Use your journal. See if you can find what the connection is between how you are feeling now and the things that have been coming up lately. There usually is.

    Meanwhile, do your best to be nice to your sister, even if she is really, really annoying sometimes. :)
     
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  6. TheGagagirl1234

    TheGagagirl1234 Member

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    Thanks for your advice! I'll do my best to be nice to her, but sometimes I feel like I'm going insane because of my jealousy. I just can't help myself and I think it's out of control :(
     
  7. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    That could be a sign there is something 'deeper' going on. Keep working on it with your journal. Perhaps if you work out the root cause of it it might help.
     
  8. TheGagagirl1234

    TheGagagirl1234 Member

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    I've tried so hard to be nice to her. I've tried to compliment her, taking deep breaths, watching videos and reading books about jealousy.
    Past life regressions won't work for me right now. I just wish that I could get an answer to my problem!
     
  9. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    It won't happen overnight. But that's ok. These things happen in their own time.

    Good work making an effort to be pleasant though. It's a start!
     
  10. TheGagagirl1234

    TheGagagirl1234 Member

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    Thanks for your reply. I just wish I could get the answer because I'm going insane.
    But I just can't stop this "all or nothing" thinking, believing that my life isn't good enough, my life is meaningless and that I won't accept myself unless I get the same stuff as my sister.
    But the worst part of it is that I don't know why I can't stop this irrational thinking. The rest of my family have the same life as her but I'm perfectly fine with that.
     
  11. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    It's tough. I know. Part of it, without being condescending, really is to do with youth. These are the sorts of things that we have to learn to navigate in life. There will be all kinds of things that bug us and drive us up the wall. Life is not fair. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but... it is what it is.

    There are all kinds of stuff that used to drive me crazy in my twenties that really don't bother me these days because I have learned to just let some things slide. In the end, upsetting yourself doesn't help, but tends to make it worse.

    The AA prayer is a useful one, even for non-drinkers:
    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.


    However, while you work on your equanimity, try meditating on this feeling of unfairness and jealousy and see if anything comes up for you? Have you tried the 'Heart Center' technique?
     
  12. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Another thought that may help is to ask yourself who is in charge of an element you're trying to control.

    Are you "in charge" of how others see you? Only so far as your own character and treatment of them is concerned. For the rest, they are responsible, not you. Whatever they think of you isn't for you to control. You can safely let it go and maintain your own integrity.

    Comparing yourself to your sister might be hurting you in part because you attempt to manipulate others to create an equality between you and her. You may have overlapped your identity with hers. That leaves you stuck outside your own sense of self, and looking back at your existence and relationships from perspectives that aren't yours. How do they see her? How do they see me? Are they the same? Are they different? If different, then I have failed to be the me that is her.

    A hint. You will always fail to be someone else, because they are them and you are you. You will also always succeed at being yourself ... and succeed spectacularly, but you won't experience the benefits of being you unless you own your identity and view the world from inside it. You can rebel against the entire world and be wholly yourself, but you can't manipulate the world into letting you become your sister no matter how much you try to fit what you think they would want of you if you were.

    You are worthy of your existence already ... a friend, a lover, a hero, a mentor, an inspiration, and a member of your family too. One reason you can't see the value of who you are already (yet) is because you might not be investing yourself in developing your own experience in life, especially if you're only investing all of yourself in replicating your sister's life.

    Who are you? What thoughts, experiences, ideas, goals, joys, sorrows, strengths, gifts, and relationships are completely unique to you? (Here's a hint. Every person you are in a relationship with has a completely unique relationship with you. Nobody else can duplicate the relationship you have with your mother, for example. Not even your sister. It is also possible for her to be jealous of you, too.)

    Others might see your life and wish they were you. Why would they? That is for you to find out. What do you already have? Keep it and make more for yourself. If you see something different you'd like, move toward it starting from where you stand. If you are in the middle of a farm, you can wish to be in a town all you want, but you won't reach town until you walk down the road, find directions, and make choices that take you to a town. Being in that town might not be what you expect, but you always have new places and experiences to explore.

    You can change your own experience of life by changing
    1) your expectations - Who are they, really, when you stop imagining what they could be? Who are you, really, when you stop trying to be who you aren't?
    2) your own actions - You don't have to be controlled by what other expect or how they treat you, only by who you choose to be. (I recommend being the best of yourself.)
    3) who you spend time with - Some will inspire you to be the best of yourself. Others will sabotage your sense of identity.
    4) what you keep closest in your thoughts - You will see more of what you look for (though obviously what you don't look for will still exist, too). You get to choose what you make important though. Will you pick up every single piece of trash you experience in life, keep it close, and count how many you found? Or will you pick up every single coin you find along the roadside, keep them close, and count how many you found? If you only look for trash, you'll miss most of the coins. Some people already like you and treat you well. Good things already happen to you. Do you collect those times?

    An idea: Maybe you could get a jar and drop a penny (or a scrap of paper describing the experience) in every time something good happens. Anything from the time you helped someone with their homework to that time a stranger smiled at you. Watch what happens over time. They add up.

    Sometimes we're born into groups of people and cultures that don't know how to adapt to someone who thinks differently about life than they do. It's okay for them to be different from you. It's okay for you to be different from them. Maybe you're a fish who was born to a family of cats ... or a cat that was born to a family of fish? There are people out there who will not only "overlook" the things that confuse or frustrate your family, but they'll actually appreciate those character traits and want you to develop and get the most out of them.

    Every weakness contains a strength. Every strength contains a weakness. Whether you think of it as a strength or weakness is developed how, when, and with whom you first demonstrated that part of yourself. There is always more to you and you can develop the skills to consistently demonstrate the best of you. You can always choose to develop the strength in yourself (even among those who don't appreciate it). You'll eventually find who needs that part of you once you recognize it exists.

    A lot of the experiences that frustrate you can be avoided, though it may take time to learn how. In my experience, the solution to being jealous of someone else is to experiment with improving my own life (whatever they're doing is less important to my happiness than what I do for myself) and adding more of the things I enjoy to my daily habits ... even if I have to do it without help from anyone I expected should have supported me in the process.

    Who knows whether this will be useful. I used to feel some of what you're feeling, and I've tried to break down what helped me. Hopefully some of it will be useful to you.
     
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  13. TheGagagirl1234

    TheGagagirl1234 Member

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    Sorry for the very late repley. I've been busy with private stuff.

    But I think I have discovered the core of my jealousy. I was doing a hypnosis meditation when I suddenly saw very vivid images of a house I've never been in my current life. It looks like it was in the early 1950's. I saw a young girl who I recognized as my sister. And I was a male who was much older than her. It looks like she was angry at me. I knew that because of her facial expression and body language. She was easily jealous and we were fighting a lot. Then the next scene was a picture of me and her together. I think we were married because of our clothings. I recognized myself as me. I drank a lot of alcohol - I knew that because of the empty bottles that was on a table. That could explain my fear of getting drunk. But my jealousy is not completely gone yet. I think I have to discover more about our relationship back then :)
     
  14. RedSunshine

    RedSunshine New Member

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    I think, it could be true that your jealousy feelings is in some ways related to your past life or relationship that has not been so good and this left unresolved issues. I guess, that could put a negative effects on your present relationship with someone you love or close to you. Perhaps, you need to seek a psychological help for that case or a past life therapy can help.
     
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  15. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    Good work Gaga. That's quite a breakthrough! Well done.
     
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  16. TheGagagirl1234

    TheGagagirl1234 Member

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    Thank you tanguerra. I haven't thought of my jealousy and my sister at all today, which is a good sign!
     
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  17. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    @>---->------
     
  18. TheGagagirl1234

    TheGagagirl1234 Member

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    I've noticed that I'm only slightly jealous of my sister when I'm with her. Does that mean my pl memories are 'real'?
     
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  19. Totoro

    Totoro Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I have issues with my sister as well.. I'm only speaking for myself, but I've had gender issues in this life that stem from our relationship. We used to be reversed genders in our past lives and now she's reveling in having the sympathy and other things that come with being a girl and being a male now and having such a strong tie to a female past life, I've kind of hung my issues on gender issues. It's hard being denied the relationship I've had with my mom then, now. I know it's hard on her too as she would rather have it with me, but puts it on my sister as it's more "proper".

    Just chiming in to say past life relationships and family dynamics and how they change through our lives make a HUGE impact. definitely do guided meditation or regression as it may provide you with insight into how your past relationships are still affecting your present.
     
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  20. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    It's possible you feel more 'triggered' when you're with her, and it stirs up these feelings? Just note when it happens. Is it something particular that sets you off? The way she flicks her hair, or something she says in particular... a mannerism or a look? Don't get into an argument with her about it, but write about it in your journal and have a think about it quietly. Then maybe you will get more insight into what's underneath it all.
     

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