Feeling like an extremely old soul and out of place

I have always felt out of place, older than I am. As a child I never was that interested in typical early 2000s childhood things. Teachers would always comment that I was extremely mature for my age.
I had and still do have connections to the Roman, Tudor, Georgian, Victorian and pre world war one eras. Especially to the early 19th century, the life here (starting from late 18th into early 19th) is one I seem to remember most. I feel at home, being in houses built at any of these times, wearing the fashions, hearing the music. Seeing the antiques, doing the dances, the pass times. I could happily attend a waltz ball every week, while the thought of a weekly trip to a standard modern day nightclub makes me feel like I would run 100 miles to avoid doing it.

When it comes to things that remind me of past lives, I feel young again, but coming in regards to modern things, I feel like I am at least over 200 years old. Just pure exhaustion, a feeling of being fed up. As mentioned earlier I have never had an interest in typical things of someone my age. I didn't get a phone until I was 18, and I barely use it as it is. I can go days even without watching TV, using my laptop or other forms of gadgets. Meanwhile I love to embroider and sew, to write with a quill and ink by candlelight. It soothes my soul, makes me feel more at home. In all honesty I could happily live my life without a phone and internet and TV.
Because I am so connected to my past life, I feel like I don't want to come back as another reincarnation. It's painful and lonely. I feel old, as I mentioned, physically and mentally exhausted, I know I have many past lives. And that they were happier, freer.

But the worst part has to be the loneliness, some lives I don't really remember, but there is still the connection. But the ones I do, there was a man who I still feel an absolute devoted love to. All my life I have desired the love of finding the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, being together until the very end. And I think I had that, I remember so vividly and can still feel the love. But I miss him so much, it makes it so much harder to live in a world I don't belong without him. And I just have this intuition that he had his last incarnation in our previous life. I just have a feeling he isn't on earth physically anymore. I sometimes see him in my dreams, and I almost feel his presence at times. I miss him so much, I so vividly remember the relationships we had. It almost seemed like the relationships we all desire, where were best friends and lovers, where we would always protect each other, the love never ending.

As I said, I am lonely, I don't have friends. I don't have anything to look forward to, I just feel like I am very old trapped in a young body, wanting to 'go home'. Even as a child I did, I would say I want to go home even at home. And I still feel like that.

 

I know what it is, though in my case it's not so strong as in yours.

And I think there is no solution to this, except accepting the change of time. Yes, trying to get accustomed to all these modern gadgets, ideas, ways of life, etc. They are not so bad if you come to think of them right.
The past will not return, we have no ticket to a time machine. Only perhaps, if those theories of parallel universes have some truth in them, and we find a way to get re-incarnated in some of those twin universes similar to this one but located in time some years behind this universe - then, maybe, there is a chance.

 

wonderful advice tinkerman,

and welcome to the forum blossom. i find myself longing to be rekindled with a known love sometimes too. doing the best at making the most out of what's in front of me now, knowing that i know very little and god works in mysterious ways.

 

Hello Blossom, and welcome! I can recognise what you talk about here. At least to a certain extent. It sounds like, more than pain and sadness, you feel boredom from life and your current role in it.

Now, I know this sounds like some cheap advices, but what about trying:

1. Writing some poetry. (Just to yourself, as a start. Not for publication, unless you are very pleased with the results in the end.)

2. The active-helpfulness-perspective. Ask yourself how you could use all what you know and possess of wisdom, to help somebody else, who might seem to need it. There are many levels on which we can help people: spirituality, physically, mentally. Ask yourself (or your spiritual guides), what you can / should give of yourself and to whom.

These might sound like some simple and almost banal advices. But if I were you, I would try. Who knows what you could experience, that changed things into the better for you.

 

Blossom my dear,

I feel your pain and understand where you are coming from. Like you I am an old soul as well we unfortunately we live in a young soul world especially in the US. As Planet earth is at present moving from a late young soul state of evolution to a early mature soul stage of awareness. However the vast majority of soul living today on the planet are middle or late soul stage of evolution. With only pockets of old souls across the global.

Quote from Michael Teaching below...

((A old soul has expanded their self-awareness to a level where the drama and materialistic pursuits in the world may no longer interest them. The shackles of the 9-5 grind is a prison sentence and they'd rather create a means of employment that reflects personal values and the freedom to explore life with less abeyance to punching in a time clock. Old souls do not possess a burning desire to make a major impact on the world and are tired of playing the material game. For that reason alone they are often deemed eccentrics by the rest of society.

Innately philosophical and prone to teach by example, the old soul provides wise tutelage to younger souls in need of wisdom and guidance. Generally relaxed and unruffled by the drama of life, old souls demonstrate how to be free of the programming of society and how to live more squarely in the present moment.

A walking contradiction at times, the old soul both embraces and rejects life. As they pull away from the trappings of the world, they may lead a life of abandonment that can leave them feeling utterly alone. Such choices are not always intentional, but their strong desire for self-reflection and solitude can remove them from the daily doings of the world -- and the old soul is more interested in being rather than doing. ))

All that said you are on your last reincarnation cycle on planet earth. Where on that cycle, beginning, middle or end I can't say. However in order to finally get off the wheel of birth and death at least on the physical world one must to come to terms with yourself and be at peace inwardly with being in the physical world. Kind of like being apart of the world yet not of it. I too find it hard yet I find balance is the key in coming to terms of who you are and where you are in terms of soul evolution. You are correct in that the man you love is more than likely not incarnated on the physical but instead resides on the inner worlds or higher dimensions. However you still have much to give to this world with all that you have learned and know inwardly along with your heart wisdom. It helps to connect to other mature or old souls that get you without judgment where you can bond and find support. So just be proud of who you are in the here and now. It's not important that you fit in but rather embrace you individualized as soul. Because if your not true to yourself you can't be true and helpful to others in your life.

Just always remember that it's not the goal that changes us but the journey getting there that does.

Love and peace to you....

P.

 

Gets worse when that way of life and the world in general one has connections to doesn't exist anymore while worse still feeling alien when compared to the generations of today. The tech is the easy part but the psychology of today not only doesn't make much sense it is barbaric. Being an old world introvert in an age where by all has to be extroverts OR else just drives me batty and end up feeling obsolete like being a teletype in the digital age ect ect ect. Oh well the next time around I want out as this world has really moved on and I am just here waiting my time.

 

I think I get around the feelings by having and doing things that aren't normal for this time period.

I sew and largely use treadles. I love treadles...I had a life where I had to hand sew, so sewing on one is just this feeling of awe, lookit the new tech! for a moment. I do own modern ones and computerized ones, but generally I am proud of the skill it takes to make something the old fashioned way. I have a house full of antiques (not really from any of my own time periods). My hobby is antique cooking and I do cook from the periods I lived in, even if the technique isn't quite the same.

Mostly, I just take this life as an opportunity since I am nearing the end of my journeys, next life or the one after...who knows. Reading is important to me; a book in my hand is a privilege and I knew how to read in most of my lives, but I am aware this is a luxury and I take advantage of it and read voraciously...I didn't have a lot of chance in PL to have so many at my fingertips on so many topics. I am getting an education, something denied to me before.

Mostly, I live THIS life. I may have some things in common with past ones, but this is where I am, and this is where I have to go along to get along. Some things are comforting because they remind me of what I had before, but there is a lot I have never been exposed to...and this is what I focus on.

 

Hi Blossom...i also felt so lost as a child. Felt so out of place and had a great fear of adults. I would talk to all the creatures in the woods and longed for pets. I only felt confortbable in nature. I am sorry you feel so alienated. I dont know how old you are. I was fortuanate that I had the opportunity to travel a lot. I have always been able to look right through people right down to their core. I met some kindred souls but it took a long time and even longer to find a mate that i would even consider to marry. I literally had 3 finace's before the man i married. I dont remember my current husband from any previous life, however, he is simply amazing and we have been married a long time. I would never have found him by staying home. It was one of those random things that happened. But that being said i have cousins and friends who met on match sites and they literally have met their soul mates. Dont give up dear...go for walks ..get out there. You will not meet people at home sadly.

 

I hear you. I never felt super alienated, but I always felt way older than the rest of my classmates. Forget the kids table at thanksgiving, I wanted to sit with the adults.

It is hard to be an old soul in a new fast paced world, but part of the fun is adapting to new surroundings.

I'm trying to take being in the 21st century as a positive. Most of my past selves were never literate and the opportunities we have now are endless.

 

I can relate on some level too. I've always been labeled an old "wise" soul by other people, some have been impressed, some just thought I was weird because of it.

However, I also feel "younger" in a sense. It seems a little paradoxical. When someone thinks I'm an old soul I can agree, I have seen some things. Yes, I'm unconcerned with a lot of things that are at the heart of most people's problems, but I also feel like I'm here to experience the world and take every opportunity I can, just not in the same way most people do. It's all about self-actualization for me, and using all my experiences so far to create in this life.

I think the reason for this "paradox" is pretty simple actually. I have indeed lived many lives, but this is also the first one in a rather long time. I feel older than most people... but I also feel "rejuvenated" if that makes sense. I'm not at all bored or unimpressed at the world. I'm exhilarated by everything there is to discover! Though some of other people's problems are things that no longer concern me, I am by no means dismissive of them, on the contrary, I understand where they're coming from and they are not "small" in my eyes, they are simply very human, and they are lovely, and they deserve all the attention and help I can give them, if they want it from me. (The only people who sometimes seem small to me are the ones who think they've reached the "end" and there are no new things to learn about life, but, I always snap out of that and understand where they're coming from too, because they need to feel like that.) My appreciation for this world and its "small" miracles is endless. Sunlight on my back yard, breeze in my hair and a cup of coffee in my hand makes me ridiculously happy. I have tons of drive to do creative work too. It feels like one of the key reasons I'm here right now.

I've spend a lot of time being self-sacrificing and self-negating in my past lives, and the time in between, and also at the start of this one, and I thought that was the key, I thought that was the end, but it wasn't. I'm sure most people would still call me selfless in this life, but the truth is I want to be selfish. I want to be so selfish and make every little dream I have come true, just for myself, for no one else's sake. (Of course, while respecting everyone else's right to do the same, and never at the expense of someone.) I want to simply let myself do whatever it is I want to do, even when it doesn't serve any long term purpose, or anyone else but me. What I've learned, is that often I actually do serve other people by simple being me and doing what I want, because that can encourage others to do the same!

I also agree that it has been, and continues to be HARD to adapt to this world completely. I'd like to live so much more slow paced life than what this time demands from people. Also there's the problem where I've always felt so connected to other people, but most them just think I'm weird. I've never self-identified as weird, it's simply a label others have put on me. I relate to them, but they don't relate to me. Oh well, I guess that's always how it is. A grandma can relate to a teenager, but a teenager doesn't know what it's like to be a grandma, and just thinks she doesn't know anything. (Of course, sometimes it doesn't work if the grandma forgot what it was like to be a teen, but I digress.) Anyway, I've found some eccentric friends, so I'm not lonely!

In another life, I used to take myself way too seriously, but now I just primarily want to enjoy life.

So yeah, I feel old, but I also feel like there's going to be so many great adventures ahead.

(Sort of like Gandalf. xD He was OLD but there was still more adventures and transformation to go through!)

 

funny Petrichor I guess i have always felt a bit like you...i never wanted a traditional life and my life is quite opposite that. I never went through that baby faze most women in their 20's get. And i ALWAYS wanted to give back because i see the selfishness of people and it makes me sick. So few help out others and that is what we are here for. I have been volunteering since i was in my 20's despite my parents asking me why. They are greedy and self indulgent...two qualities that personify most Americans. That is why the USA is a complete **** hole. I wont get started here...anyhow, be glad you live in Northern Europe. Now get out there and clean up the environment, rescue some animals and go green!

 

Yes, I can relate to that, the things I've done and the routes I've taken have also been regarded as somewhat unconventional. I have nothing against traditional things because they're traditional of course, I welcome everything I like in my life, it just happens so that a lot of times the things I do seem different to others. (Or the things I do that others pay attention to, because a lot of people like to pay attention to differences more than smilarities.) I think I have a strong parental instinct but it isn't geard towards having children myself, I'm simply very nurturing towards people of all ages who in a way seem to seek a parent or a big sister or something from me. If I ever had children I would adopt, because saving someone who is unloved would take priority for me.

I'm so sorry that has been your experience where you live. It is indeed very frustrating to grow up and live among people who don't share your values. I hope you have found "your people" through your volunteer work and continue to find more.

I'm pretty green indeed, and though rescuing animals and cleaning up the enviroment are not my particular callings/ways of helping others in this life, I do value anyone who saves even one life, animal or human, doesn't matter. The experience of being saved at your worst time will most likely stay with them.

 

If you think that this is exclusive to only the states then you either haven't traveled or haven't cared to look as it is a problem with the western world and parts of the east in general especially with the boomer generation that got sold the lie of successes that money is all. Japan and South Korea are infamous for this when their young people speak out as many have had their lives destroyed by their toxic parents. The same continues in Australia and New Zealand with horrendously poor employment opportunities coupled with some of the highest cost of living in the world especially when it comes to housing. The UK is another pit of despair that is likely to never improve and sourthern Europe particularly Greece. As for the US those who despise this country will eventually get more than they could have ever bargained for with its demise along with much of the population. The world by then will have more in common with Sudan than it does with its current situation.

 

Dear Blossom,

thank you for sharing your story.
I can relate to absolutely everything you wrote and can only reassure you: it does get much better with time.
I'm 39 now and when I was about 23-27 I started feeling not as alienated anymore. I even had longer periods of time when I felt at home right where I was.
As other members suggested: travelling helps a lot. Meeting other people, sharing stories, feeling familiar land under your feet for the first time. That lessens the feeling of being absolutely alone.
Also: do keep a diary where you write down everything you remember and keep pictures of objects or places that remind you of your past lives. I started with that far too late and now that memory is fading I truely regret it.

I can also relate to that feeling of: "Oh, please, let this time be the last one!"
On one of the documentaries I watched on reincarnation there was a psycho-analist who said imaging past lives or the possibility to reincarnate is just our way of dealing with the fact that death is final. "Every-one would love to come back to be with there loved ones, we all do." Whenever I hear statements like this I think: No, we don't all do. There are people - like me, or you? - who are neither depressed nor suicidal nor traumatized by family in childhood, but still have no wish whatsoever to go through - yet another! - live again.
So, no, you are not alone.

I still get moments today when I think: Oh, let me just go home! But they have become less and less with time. The downside of that is that, as I said before, becoming used to the world around you also implies you losing the memories of your past lives.
Draw pictures of what you remember for when there will be a time that you don't. Follow your guts and go places you feel strangely attracted to. Travel by train, ship and car, if you don't feel comfortable on an airplane. Go horse-riding and see if that triggers memories. And if you could go to a ball every week: dance! Put on the music you love and reminisce at home, get yourself a ball dress and dance alone.
Where are you from? If you are from the U.S.: Go to Europe. Vienna, Paris, the British countryside, Tuscany, Budapest - there are many places where you can go looking for your past.

There are many communities where computers and cell phones don't have much value, but sitting around a fireplace and singing together to a guitare or piano has. You'll find one of them and feel at home. Even if it's just for a night or two. You'll lie under a starry sky all by yourself in the night, looking out in the distance and feel in very good company.
Not leaving the place where you definetely do not feel at home won't change anything. Don't feel bad about it. It's not your fault you can't relate to the circumstances you happen to grow up in. You might never lose the feeling entirely, but it does get better with time.
Keep searching, keep remembering.

Write to me or on the forum whenever it becomes particularly tough. Or if you have doubts and questions. You'll always find some-one who knows what you are talking about.

And, no, you are not alone.

Best,
Gin

 

As a child I would often mention I wanted to "Go home" but I never quite knew where home was. My family and I ignored the statements and over time I was of the mind that the belief in an afterlife was soothing to the human psyche. A bandaid for our fear of loss, change and death.

However, my rational mind started to come to the conclusion that we are made of energy and not really different from the light that comes through our windows in the morning. As I tell my students "A hamburger made out of playdough is still playdough. A body made out of energy is still energy." I now see the belief that conscious springs from the unconscious akin to the belief that rotten food creates flies.

On a loftier note, lol...I know there are some family members that my current and former selves where dying to get away from. But as my higher self has a different opinion....here we are. Family again.

 

I could also believe, that people who call themselves spiritual, and don't adapt well to the modern city life, are young souls.

 

I can agree with the first part but the latter not so much not when half the world is a dump and the other half isn't far behind.

Modern city life


Bonus

 

Thank you for reminding of the shadow side, There and Back.

One hundred years ago a man was watching life in a European city.
You know, they have those big things by the street where you can glue advertising posters on. He was reading that the anti-alcohol movement will have a meeting at some place. He had hardly read the news when he had to step aside, because another poster man started to glue a new advertisement, that covered the announcement he was reading. On the same spot you can now read about one tasty liquor.
I realized how similar a city life has been a hundred years ago.
Electricity, gas lines. Cars, factories. And the shadow side of the life, that we saw on the videos above. We have more material inventions now, but the modern mood was already there.
The question is: When a soul returns from heavens, what will be his means to make this world a better place. Whether he is a young or old soul.

 

So you are equating the quality of 'adaptability' to soul age. That's interesting.

One could also say that the transitory and man-made "excitement" of city life - its fast pace, noise, rushing cars, crime, and population density all keep one in a state of hyper-vigilance and even paranoia.
And a "spiritually inclined" person might wish to live a quiet life where they can actually let their guard down and relax, live among the more timeless and natural elements of life: trees, bees, animals, streams, vegetation, flowers, clear air, quiet.

Then again, even when you live in a big city, there are small places to be found where quiet reflection is possible: beside a canal, in a park, at the beach, sitting in a tree, etc.

I have no idea of my soul age, if such a concept is even valid (as opposed to a vast oversimplification designed to prop up the ego).
In some ways I have always been very adult and 'mature.' As a child I was very much aligned with adults, especially the plights of the elderly. When I was a kid in the 1980s, I begged my dad to buy me my own VHS copy of the movie 'Cocoon,' and I'd watch it over and over and cry. lol. I loved to read spiritual books: I was reading "Out on a Limb," "Communion," and "Messages from Michael" when I was in elementary school.
Now, as a 40-something, I am the sole caregiver to my father who has Alzheimers. Which is hard, but I love him to bits.

In some ways I'm still quite immature though, like when I lose my temper and start ranting and raving. lol. I don't do that often though. ;-)
I have always felt a deep connection with something greater than myself, and have had a lot of very "strange" inexplicable experiences throughout my life, and from a young age have been very drawn to certain specific times and places.

Who knows what it all means? ;-)

A couple book recommendations:

"Letters from a Living Dead Man" by Elsa Barker. Through automatic writing, she channels the spirit of a recently deceased Judge Hatch, and his descriptions of the afterlife realms and reincarnation are fascinating.

"The Survival of the Soul and Its Evolution After Death" by Pierre Emile Cornillier. He was an artist, whose young model, Reine, showed remarkable abilities as a medium. Through her, the soul of an advanced spirit named Vetellini, who had died years previously, came through. The book is filled with a lot of fascinating and thought provoking information on the nature of the soul and its advancement.