I have always felt out of place, older than I am. As a child I never was that interested in typical early 2000s childhood things. Teachers would always comment that I was extremely mature for my age. I had and still do have connections to the Roman, Tudor, Georgian, Victorian and pre world war one eras. Especially to the early 19th century, the life here (starting from late 18th into early 19th) is one I seem to remember most. I feel at home, being in houses built at any of these times, wearing the fashions, hearing the music. Seeing the antiques, doing the dances, the pass times. I could happily attend a waltz ball every week, while the thought of a weekly trip to a standard modern day nightclub makes me feel like I would run 100 miles to avoid doing it. When it comes to things that remind me of past lives, I feel young again, but coming in regards to modern things, I feel like I am at least over 200 years old. Just pure exhaustion, a feeling of being fed up. As mentioned earlier I have never had an interest in typical things of someone my age. I didn't get a phone until I was 18, and I barely use it as it is. I can go days even without watching TV, using my laptop or other forms of gadgets. Meanwhile I love to embroider and sew, to write with a quill and ink by candlelight. It soothes my soul, makes me feel more at home. In all honesty I could happily live my life without a phone and internet and TV. Because I am so connected to my past life, I feel like I don't want to come back as another reincarnation. It's painful and lonely. I feel old, as I mentioned, physically and mentally exhausted, I know I have many past lives. And that they were happier, freer. But the worst part has to be the loneliness, some lives I don't really remember, but there is still the connection. But the ones I do, there was a man who I still feel an absolute devoted love to. All my life I have desired the love of finding the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, being together until the very end. And I think I had that, I remember so vividly and can still feel the love. But I miss him so much, it makes it so much harder to live in a world I don't belong without him. And I just have this intuition that he had his last incarnation in our previous life. I just have a feeling he isn't on earth physically anymore. I sometimes see him in my dreams, and I almost feel his presence at times. I miss him so much, I so vividly remember the relationships we had. It almost seemed like the relationships we all desire, where were best friends and lovers, where we would always protect each other, the love never ending. As I said, I am lonely, I don't have friends. I don't have anything to look forward to, I just feel like I am very old trapped in a young body, wanting to 'go home'. Even as a child I did, I would say I want to go home even at home. And I still feel like that.