Thank you, Spirit Sword. I was having some serious depression. Underneath depression is always something else - I had a lot of unprocessed grief and sadness, and then anger and resentment - it all felt awful. I finally seem to have processed some layers and am feeling better. I learned some things about my wanting this person to change so I will feel better. I realize that not only is that impossible (which I thought I already knew on some level, but obviously didn't), but that I COULD have a voice (which I had been withholding for fear of hurting him or it "not being the right time." I realized that I don't have to say everything I would LIKE to say (LOVE to say), but that I can still express myself a little bit and not accept unacceptable behavior AND not have some expectations I was having (that seem unreasonable to me now - given where he is in his life). So, in answer to your first point, yes, I REALLY need to take care of myself - love myself, put myself first. Thank you. In regards to your second point, I would like some clarification. I understand you think you drew a wrong conclusion - isn't that something we will realize on the other side? I don't expect to "get it" on this side, regression or not. And what do you mean about "unnecessary suffering?" I would like to know so as to avoid it myself, if possible!