Friends

Discussion in 'Members Lounge' started by GalaxyDreamer90, Oct 8, 2018.

  1. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    58
    Lately I've been feeling as though maybe what I really need are more friends. Right now I have one really close friend but often we are too busy with school to hangout which is sad because we are trying to start a video game club, but it hasn't been very successful because we're so busy with college. Not that my friend isn't good enough, but I really feel I could use a few more close friends. Perhaps that would get rid of my feeling of not belonging. However, at the same time I have major social anxiety and am afraid to get to know new people. I'm trying to get over my fear by going to college and stuff, but I still have some way to go and sometimes I even worry I may never get over my social anxiety. I've been working with my counselor on overcoming it but because I'm so afraid it's a very slow process. At college I'm usually what you would call a wallflower and hardly ever talk to anyone. I really do want more friends though but at the same time I'm so afraid of getting my feelings hurt by others. Sorry if this is a long post. Any ideas how I can get over this anxiety.
     
  2. Sea Change

    Sea Change Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2018
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    USA
    The reason that you are offended is that you have decided to allow that experience for yourself. What you can learn is that you are afraid that which they say is possibly true about you. Why else would it spark your emotions?

    But 'they' are not correct. Why pay any attention, they have nothing to do with you, do they really know you? Of course not.

    If you wore a red dress that you really liked, and someone came along and said "I hate your blue dress", you wouldn't be offended, you would think they are Krazee, yes?

    Well...same thing.
     
  3. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    58
    I know I shouldn't care what others think of me, but I really think I need more people I can relate to. It's kind of lonely being the only one like me who's so afraid. But maybe you're right and the only reason I want friends is because that's what others tell me I need and also growing up I got the impression that friends were really important and if you dont have any it is a sign you are stupid. Suddenly I'm feeling a bit confused. There is part of me that so desperately wants friends but there has also always been a part of me that likes to be alone sometimes.
     
  4. baro-san

    baro-san Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    415
    Likes Received:
    226
    Maybe you should try self-hypnosis: give yourself posthypnotic suggestions on how you want to be.

    Trying to fit with those around you, trying to get friends when you're lonely, could make you, sometimes, rush things, overlook things, compromise your principles, and later regret it.

    Definitely it's better to function well in your social group, than not. When that doesn't work you have to look for another group that is closer to your way of thinking.
     
  5. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2014
    Messages:
    858
    Likes Received:
    456
    Location:
    SW Ohio, USA
    That is also the wonderful part about your trip back to "here" where your attachment to others can dissolve to that extent to alter your experience of reality. In one sense you are ultimately alone while still being connected with everything that IS. Loneliness and fear have a connection that spans our lifetimes, learn how to work with it or limit yourself for a long time, dealing with it successfully will allow you more energy to live IMO.
     
    Carloloner likes this.
  6. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    58
    I have decided maybe it's best that I be my own best friend. Perhaps that is the only friend I really need.
     
    tanker likes this.
  7. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2014
    Messages:
    858
    Likes Received:
    456
    Location:
    SW Ohio, USA
    That is a worthy endeavor, not as easy as it might seem at first, but definitely something of value. But, make it supportive and strong rather than simply a place to "hide" (hope you understand what I'm trying to say) a position that offers you the strength to move on with your life challenges.
     
  8. Sea Change

    Sea Change Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2018
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    USA
    Follow your excitement, If you are excited about having friends, follow that joy. Whenever you follow what you are passionate about, you get excited, yes?

    That excitement is the physical testimony that you are doing exactly what your True Self, your Higher Mind if you will - your existence in Spirit. Want friends? Ok, go for it. Don't want friends. Stop. All the choices are yours before.

    And none of them are invalid.
     
  9. SALCa20

    SALCa20 chev the monk on the mount

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2018
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New Zealand
    I really need friends too I hope this place can give me my answers, sorry if I rushed my profile. Its very late in New Zealand 2:56 am in the morning. I will try to redo my profile when i come back, but please do msg me or respond.
     
    briski likes this.
  10. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2018
    Messages:
    348
    Likes Received:
    364
    Location:
    England
    Galaxy dreamer, I can well understand that view, but it makes me feel sad to hear you say it. I remember a childhood teacher saying to me 'Stick to yourself, it's the only friend you'll ever have,' and I was shocked at the thought that other people could be such a disappointment. But in so many ways it seems they are.

    I have many 'friends', socially, if you call them that, but if ever I'm in trouble they miraculously find a way to disappear. So I've had to stick to myself in this life, but I've found it far from satisfactory. I no longer tell these 'friends' I'm struggling, as that's not what they want to hear. So I don't know what the answer is, but from experience 'being your own best friend' is not a natural state of being for a human and it only doubles your sorrow. If you can find another way, and you're young enough to keep trying, then do that. I'm no longer young, and am pretty much finished now, so have given up hope of any real and lasting friendship, even though I still long for it. But you have time on your side - and from what I know now, I'd really urge you not to follow my example. Honestly, it doesn't work. I think we all need more than ourselves. Your social anxiety will probably lessen over time and make it easier for you to mix. Keep going, don't give up trying, and I wish you well.
     
    Spirit Sword, Ritter and glia21 like this.
  11. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    58
    I have been feeling a bit lonely lately but I don't know what to do. I could try making new friends at school but my social anxiety makes me shy around people and hard for me to make friends. I have no idea how to get rid of this social anxiety or if I should even get rid of it.
     
  12. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2018
    Messages:
    430
    Likes Received:
    346
    Location:
    Germany
    Whether to get rid of it or not is your decision, but the mere thought makes me sad. I know somebody with similar issues which is why. At least, he has one good friend whom he trusts and who can take his mood swings.
    School is such a thing. I got along better with people who were a bit older than me when I was at school. That, and if you are introvert, you will need somebody you are sharing personal interests with.
    Do you have a creative hobby? Any special interest? Maybe you should search for friends in that field.
     
    tanker likes this.
  13. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    58
    I'm interested in drawing and video games. I have one good friend already but somehow that doesnt seem to be enough. I'm always wanting more friends. I guess because I feel stupid for not having many friends.
     
    tanker likes this.
  14. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2018
    Messages:
    348
    Likes Received:
    364
    Location:
    England
    Better to have quality than quantity. It's great that you have one good friend.
     
    Ritter and SeekerOfKnowledge like this.
  15. GalaxyDreamer90

    GalaxyDreamer90 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2018
    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    58
    Maybe it's okay having one good friend. I suppose I could text her today.
     
    tanker likes this.
  16. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2018
    Messages:
    430
    Likes Received:
    346
    Location:
    Germany
    tanker is right. Better one really good friend than a lot of loose "friends" or even false friends.
     
    tanker and Ritter like this.
  17. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2018
    Messages:
    348
    Likes Received:
    364
    Location:
    England
    Do it. Make her feel special. Tell her how much her friendship means.
     
  18. Ritter

    Ritter Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2018
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    92
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    If you have even one very close friend, consider yourself lucky. Cherish that one and don't pay so much attention to those who aren't real friends. I am lucky enough to have a few real friends, which is something I lacked in years past. I was indeed my own best friend for most of my twenties. Unlike most, I spent those years learning and it was in those years I really started to remember, and eventually did many regressions. Then I found my wife, moved to where I was supposed to live, and I have made real friends here. The kind who show up when you need it and who expect you to do the same. Almost a little like the old days before computers, games and social media ruined everything. I don't even know any backstabbing no-show crap people and weekend drinkers, like my childhood friends, anymore. I have missed the true camaraderie of war all my life. Needless to say.
     
    tanker likes this.
  19. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2018
    Messages:
    348
    Likes Received:
    364
    Location:
    England
    The true camaraderie of war, oh yes ... but when you can't have it any more, it's painful.

    I'm glad you found your real friends, Ritter. You are lucky indeed.
     
  20. Ritter

    Ritter Senior Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2018
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    92
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Well. Making friends is the one benefit of making waves and pissing bad people off. Found all of my friends by sticking out and getting hammered like a bad nail by society for a number of years. My enemies were genuine, even attacked me in my home and ruined me financially to some degree, for a time, but they have largely moved on. People who have had a free reign on terrorizing dissidents for years tends to find greener pastures when chased with an axe and being sought out when they are alone and not when they attack lone people in groups. Things have been calm for many years now and I have withdrawn from public life completely. My friends and my wife remain, though. I met them all by making said waves, but I keep them all by being constructive, by building a sustainable and sane lifestyle in which they are included to any extent that they want. I have also regained my brother, who for the longest time was literally an enemy. Made the mistake of relative individualism and isolation later in life, last time. Having a bit of a clan out in the hill country is far better. Bad times are coming, probably, and I think it will be needed. If not, it is at least a good way to live.
     

Share This Page