Healing from a turbulent past-life.

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by insearchof_1785, Oct 15, 2015.

  1. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    Hello,

    I'm posting here in hopes of healing myself of the cruel life I had a long, long time ago. I've healed over several life times myself and it is this one in particular (not my current life, but the past life I shall describe) that haunts me so much still. I miss the sights and the sounds of that life, the better part of it at-least. I miss the people whom I loved so dearly and it pains me to know one of them still has an incredibly difficult time with dealing with their part in the life we shared.

    I personally don't wish to claim being someone from a well-known family for personal gain or self-ego. I just want healing mainly. I mainly want in someway to be reunited with my family. Especially my sister. Ma soeur. She was my only friend in everything. I still have immense sadness knowing of what they did to my family. I say my family because I have validated with others and it's amazing feeling to be validated but it still is painful to know not everyone has come back.

    I'm making this thread in hopes that somehow I can find Therese or maybe she will appear. I know that is a pipe-dream to some but again I'm not claiming to be a famous person because of ego or writing about this to promote myself as just another famous past life incarnate. I just want solace and peace. I hope this thread also isn't in any way a violation of the forum rules. I just want my sister back.

    Thanks for listening,

    Louis.
     
    WhiteRose and Natara perry like this.
  2. tanguerra

    tanguerra Senior Registered

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    Hi romanovy13


    Welcome.


    You have found the right place to talk about all this.


    Do you want to start at the start? When did all this start happening?
     
  3. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    Thank-you Tanguerra, it means a lot that you've welcomed me so kindly. I've been here before, several or so years prior but I'm back for different reasons.


    Well ever since I was little, and even growing up I held a strange fascination with the French Revolution and Marie-Antoinette. I always liked her and was very, very defensive of the libels and harsh and ludicrous statements and lies made against her during her life-time. I never understood why exactly I would do this but I did. I consider her to be the last Queen of France even though you had other queens and empresses after her tenure.


    I feel uneasy when I hear the sound of drumming and though I've never really been hit ever in my child-hood, I cringe when someone raises their hand or yells at me. And I'm 25 currently. I still feel I've the mind of an adolescent teenager or younger.


    I've always wanted to go to France and especially Versailles. I love looking at photographs and drawings of the gardens and the architecture there. But my favourite place is where le petit trianon is located. I love the gardens there and the photographs bring strong emotions up and I have cried viewing images of it. the Queen's Hameau or Hamlet, the little village structure she had built near-by also brings strong emotions up for me.


    (continued in next post)
     
  4. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    It is mostly feelings I get but some flashes of memory, blurry at best and some very vivid come to mind. The Hall of Mirrors was my very first image of Versailles and that was what stuck to me. This hauntingly-beautiful hall of glass and gilt applique. I knew I had been there a long time ago but I didn't understand how I knew that.


    I have this memory of being in a grand reception or very happy event in a room with blue draperies, furnishings and gold and white on the walls. I distinctly remember the blue hue of the furniture especially. Low and behold, and this was recent (as in a year ago) I found that exact room and was so amazed at how accurate it was to my memory. Even to how the curtains were hanging in the window casements, and more importantly it was the particular blue hue I remembered! I always had thought it was a birthday event in my current life when I was young but none of my family remembers anything of the sort. It makes sense why now.


    The sound of a dog or dogs barking can unsettle me and I found out that my past-life had that issue as well. He would literally be frightened by the sound. I don't get frightened as much but they still unnerve me. They make me think that something or someone coming to get me. It's at times a very horrible feeling of dread when I hear a dog barking.


    When I'm asleep I hear a woman crying at times. Last year for some reason it became more pronounced and acute to me and I would with this dis-embodied woman's cries. I recognised her pain and her sadness. But I didn't want to jump to conclusions. If I was truly who I thought I was in the past-life then I must be crazy. I've had several confirmed past lives that are well-known and I hate the fact they are well-known. I want to say this, that whomever thinks being royalty/famous/well-known in today is foolish. I hope that doesn't come across as offensive. It is foolish because it isn't a happy life. It is a sad, sometimes very depressing, even maddening life that you can go crazy, do things and let all that fame go to your own head. That happened in one of my life-times. But that is a story for another time.


    Recently I've been repeating a phrase that all of sudden I began saying out of the blue; "They are dead, and they are red." It's so crude and almost childish. I recognise it however so acutely and the emotions I get when I repeat it in my head or by word of mouth I feel anger, sadness, abandonment and silence. "They" refers to my parents who died gruesomely. And I've never said it before which freaks me out.


    The Temple Prison, the place where Louis XVI and his wife, children and sister were imprisoned as "criminals" and "traitors" of the Republic gives me the most unsettling chills. I feel like I'm being touched and things are crawling all over me. And I know it isn't actually happening but the remnants of my experience in that life are very vivid. And I never have said it nor do I say it now. But I hear it in my head a lot "Louis Capet." I hear it continuously. And October is a very weird and depressing month for me. I know it is the month, and today's date even is the anniversary of Marie-Antoinette's death. I never knew she had died. I was never told. When I found out by reading what had happened to her I felt so lied-to and so abandoned. I felt so helpless. They had murdered her. They had ripped me away from her, and my sister and my aunt. They had just so cruelly and unjustly treated her like a criminal. It broke my heart.


    I miss the happiness we had in that life. I was so happy in that life. Then it all went to pieces. All the happiness ended. And I've vivid memories of what came after they stormed our home.


    I want to say I'm not obssessed but I'm tethered to this life and it's challenging, very difficult even to move on from it.
     
  5. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    I'm at work right now, but a few other things I wanted to mention are this:


    I have always loved the smell of oranges. It makes me happy and is such a distinct scent to me. When I smell an orange being peeled I smile so widely. It's like second nature to me. Orange Pledge and even orange blossom water are distinct to me. I sometimes wish we could grow orange trees near my house but that's pretty futile. I also love orange candies. The ones wrapped in old-fashioned foil and the orange-flavoured lolly pops on white sticks. As a kid I devoured those. Oranges remind me of home and happy memories mostly.


    I recently (May 2013) visited Sweden and Stockholm in particular when I went to spend a month with my ex. She's been in quite a few of my past-lives as my wife, mistress/lover and cousin. We are the best of friends despite all the crap we've gone through. It's amazing how close we are. But what I just remembered was while walking through the city of Stockholm we had happened to pass Fersenka Palace which is a beautiful Baroque confection of a structure and I marveled at it. It was the first time I had seen it. But what is so ironic is that it was the family home of the Fersen Family of Sweden. The same family which Count Axel von Fersen was born into. Count Fersen was had a significant role in my past-life and I remember him somewhat, not very clearly though. I get a kind and benevolent feeling towards him.
     
  6. Athlynne

    Athlynne Senior Registered

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    :)


    Guess who's back? Back again. Athie's back. Tell a friend.


    Yes, I just returned with an Eminem reference. Now that I think on it, I wonder if anyone is here who remembers me. But my former son is here seeking healing, and I've come back to support him. Please excuse my long absence. Life gets in the way of things, I'm sure you all know.


    Romanovy13, I had forgotten till you mentioned it how careful we had to be with you and dogs. No big or loud ones could be around you, and we had to be so quiet because any mid-level to loud noise would get you crying.


    And oh, how I relate to the love of the sell of oranges and orange blossom. I don't like oranges, but I sometimes hold and smell them, it's comforting.


    I look forward to remembering with you all.


    Athlynne


    formerly Marie Antoinette


    who never said, "Let them eat cake."
     
  7. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    Oh Maman!! Oui, the dogs. I still dislike huge, big, barreling dogs. Especially when they howl. My sister and her boy-friend have a dog like that. Whoever thought of having an Australian-cattle dog as a pet needs to do more research. I smiled today because at the Athenaeum I got a book out on le petit trianon and Schönbrunn. The book about petit trianon is amazing as it has a *TON* of schematics of the eaves, columns, pilasters, furniture, and even your old bed. I love architectural books. Could never become an architect though. One life showed me how egotistical I can become when fame went straight to my head. I'll mention that in due time of course.


    You still have the same-old sense of humour Maman <3! It made me laugh and my headache is beginning to leave. I guess my nap did me a good thing.


    And of course you never said "Let them eat cake," It annoys me that Sofia Coppola's film (which the costumes were amazing in) had that tagline in there. I know it was historically deemed accurate for many years but you didn't say that. Oh the things they said about you and what they forced me to say under the guise of lots of alchohol...


    The oranges, oui Maman. The oranges. The beautiful suns that hung from the bright green poufs of leaves. And the sunlight streaming on them and the fresh smell of cow's milk. Everything was so much simpler back then. Today it is so foreign and machines are everywhere. I've always said I'm in the wrong era.
     
  8. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    As I wait for Maman to reply (I'm always so eager, much like back then) I want to talk at length about ma soeur. She was a very kindred spirit. I always thought so. After our brother died, she clung to me with all the strength she could. She and he were very close I remember and when he died a light left her life. I know I could never fill his shoes. He was very smart for his age as I recall. Smarter then my sister and I at-least. He was a lot like Papa in his thoughts and opinions. He had though, your beautiful eyes Maman <3. I think all of us children did.


    Therese is painful to talk of because we last saw one another at the Temple. It was after I had said those... wretched and horrible accusations (under the guise of lots of alcohol as I told previously) that I saw her for the last time. I don't remember what we said. I've written poetry about this life in particular. Ma soeur was heart-broken that is very certain. I feel a sense of anger from her of what I said in that statement. I don't blame her but she did hug me for the briefest of moments. We didn't say words we just hugged and then she was taken away back to her cell. I cried, I remember a lot. It was painful. I didn't know what happened to you Maman, nor to Tante Babette. Therese didn't either. I sometimes could hear her cries and talking from above me. No doubt she heard the cacophony of loud wails from me. I did get hit. Simeon did do that at times. I think I even met him in this life. Somehow mistook him for Papa, but in the fact that he and his wife (whom both were kind to me, very much) were like parents to me after being wrenched from you it was comforting I guess when I met "Papa," and then after our falling-out. He's been in several of my life-times prior, even one where we were lovers. But one day I was talking to a friend and texting about "Papa" and for some reason the gargled message of "Simone" went instead. Automatic writing? Or my soul telling me that wasn't Papa? I think the latter. That's been happening quite a bit lately actually in regards to another life I had.


    Back to Simeon and his wife. They were very kind and gave me good food to eat and even toys, at first. They were controlled by the Republic so they had to "teach" and "re-educate" me. I believe they didn't believe in harming an innocent, little boy like I was. But they had to do it or it meant their heads. So I'm glad I met Simeon again. I think I called him "Papa" Simeon. Which now makes sense why I thought he could have been Papa. I've not met his wife, though he claims he knows "his" former sister-in-law (Madame Elisabeth, or Tante Babette) and I'm friends with her. And they do look a like and she does bear a resemblance to Tante Babette but I don't feel she was. I wonder now is she his wife. And she's stayed friends with me ever since the falling-out I had with Simeon.
     
  9. tanguerra

    tanguerra Senior Registered

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    Gosh!


    I have not had time to read all this today, although I had a quick scan. Crikey.


    I have been a bit busy lately, but I will find time to comment tomorrow if I can, or the next day.
     
  10. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    Take your time Tanguerra! No need to rush haha. Yeah, I've been harbouring a lot of sad energy and memories from that life. However, it just is beyond a happiness for me to have my past-life mother back in my life. Dear Maman <3.
     
  11. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    A friend of mine confronted me the other day about the fact I've learned nothing if I came back in this incarnation (as myself currently) and still hero-worship my past-life parents. In two incarnations I still do. Is that a crime though? Is it bad to feel the same way I do about four people I loved so very much? Who were all taken from me so cruelly? Shouldn't it be understood if I feel the same way I do about them as I did that I do the same now? Why should I even be chided for that?


    But then again I dislike political discussion, and somehow get caught up in it easily. I dislike the way my parents in these two lifetimes were portrayed as mindless, "blood-suckers" and tyrants. Today things are different but my friend also said to me "Are you never happy????" "You are unhappy when they say bad things about them. You are unhappy when they are loved and have good things said about them." I understand they made mistakes, and weren't the best rulers in on this Earth but I think I should be allowed to see them as I always have and still do. Papa and Maman were my heroes. I admired Papa for his good and kind nature and for how he always defended Maman and us and everyone if one was unjustly treated. Maman for her always-sweet disposition and her kind eyes and for her kind and caring, nuturing way toward us children and towards any child and people whom were less fortunate then us.


    My friend also told me the truth of the matter is "You lived in over abundance while many, many others suffered and died and starved to death. We come back again to learn lessons, and have to understand how things are now." I agree with her, I do. Yes royals did live extravagantly. The splendour of Versailles made other royal courts pale in comparison. Russia was probably the only other court that could compare. Yes I know many were starving but Maman and Papa were not, and repeat were not the sole causes to the ruin of France and the on-set of the Revolution which took their lives. No one person is the sole cause of a conflict. There are always many, many facets to cause and effect happenings.


    I'm stubborn, and acutely aware of it. I just don't understand why it is bad to defend my past-life parents for some of their mistakes. It's hard to see them past anything but "mother" and "father," and how young I was also plays into it as well. Always the youngest.
     
  12. tanguerra

    tanguerra Senior Registered

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    It's never bad to love someone. It's not compulsory to learn things from one life to the next either. However, I can see your friend's point also. If we want the human race to 'evolve', if we want the world to get better, we need to learn to do things differently.


    Of course the royal family were not totally to blame for the problems of the world, but with great power should come great responsibility, don't you think? Not just to use your position to indulge every whim, be so extravagant that the country was virtually bankrupted? Surely that is not good?


    How do you feel about extreme wealth now? Do you still admire it, or think that it's wrong and unjust?
     
  13. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    Tanguerra, thank-you for that clear message because it is so helpful once you hear it from someone (or see it) who you barely know. My friend is very political and can come off as very strong and knows I dislike politics but it doesn't stop them with debating. Somehow I always get sucked in. But I thank-you for helping me understand from your point-of-view as someone who really doesn't know me to tell me and help me understand what my friend tried to tell me.


    I do agree we are brought back, or we come back to evolve through lessons and each life we learn more to evolve more and become better, to better our souls and life experiences. I definitely agree with you on that.


    And yes very true, with great power comes great responsibility. Maman and Papa were quite young when Louis XV or Grandfather King died. They both knew it but tried their best. Maman has told me that had Papa been anything but a king he would be the most respected man in any village because he was so kind and sweet and caring as a person. And she is right. Many consider he could have been a great constitutional monarch had he been able to lead France through the first two years. But who knows...


    As to extreme wealth... Well, I myself think everyone should have what they want in life. If someone works very hard for the money they earn and they have a comfortable lifestyle whom are we to judge? But if they use that money to finance bad things and bad people and don't give to charities, etc then they shouldn't have that money. It's entirely different when you are born into wealth, rather when you have spent most of your life working hard and labouring for a lifestyle you want to live. I personally dream of living a comfortable lifestyle in a house of grand proportions and a pretty garden with sculpture and lots of flowers. Not huge, like a palace (though my idea of a dream house would be a replica of petit trianon with some modifications) but I'm pretty simple. I just love beautiful things, haha like Maman did and still does.


    I can say this though. I never want, nor could ever dream of becoming again, in any lifetime after or now. Ever. Become a royal again. Never. To live a life of like I have in a few lifetimes has the happy bits, family life and good times but there are also depressing times, sad times, anger, distress, and lots and lots of stress. I've said it before, some people dream of being a prince or princess. It is not all it is cracked up to be. I am bewildered how people think it is all sunshine, daisies and peaches. Because it isn't. But that is okay because we all have different ways of learning. :)
     
  14. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    Recently, I had a flash of being in a room, cowering and crying because of a dog barking. It was a very quick flash but the feeling resonated a lot with me. My sister has a big dog; an Australian cattle dog. She likes to bark, quite a lot and what makes me so uneasy is when she yelps. Well I was doing dishes yesterday and she was right next to me and she yelped and I jumped and flashed back to that moment of crying and cowering in a room. I hate the sound of big dogs barking. Little dogs aren't terribly frightening but when a big dog barks or yelps I get so unnerved and sometimes freak-out. Funny how these things carry over.
     
  15. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    Ever since making this thread on here, I've been having flashes and some vivid recall. A few hours ago I was sitting and leafing through a book I borrowed from the library about le petit trianon and was enjoying it and I came to pages of old photographs of the exterior and interior of it. I stopped on a photograph of the Salon and smiled and then I heard a faint sound that got pronounced as I kept viewing the photograph and it was the sound of a harpsichord or a harp. The distinct sound was too much and I shut the book quickly. It made me feel home sick. Moments like the above that I have and do experience are sometimes overwhelming to me.


    Anyways I wanted to share this todat with you all. It's rare for me to hear music but when I do I feel a sense of longing. Anyways.
     
  16. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    It is hard to forgive. I think we all know this personally in experiences and life in general. Forgiveness is not easy. What they did to my parents, my tante Babette and so many countless others who were "criminals" and "traitors" to the Republic to me is very hard to forgive. I was very young, and died at the age of ten years old because I was the son of the "traitor" and "criminal." My sister survived but she was so scarred by the experience of it all that she became very bitter in her life after the years of being held up in the Temple. I find it hard to forgive what they put Maman through. It shouldn't surprise me that her trial was mostly presided over by a wholly-male jury, and male officiates. And she was a woman, which naturally we all know women had no real say in anything back then. And they just threw on insult after insult and then the incest claim... Wasn't she put through enough? She lost her husband, then we were torn from one another and then held up in a cell and treated like she was trash. It is hard to forgive that. Very, very hard to forgive what they did to Maman. If I could just meet one of those men in this life, if one of them is incarnate and ask why they did that. Why they put her through the literal h***... What would they tell me? What would he or they say? Then I think karma is something we all have and learn from. But she didn't deserve the treatment she got. So many people died all because maniacs wanted power. Innocent blood was split because radicals wanted and pushed for their own ideologies. And it is sickening because all that went on was violence and bloodshed.


    You know it is funny. Maman told tante Babette (Madame Elisabeth) that she hoped I would not take revenge on what had happened to us all. Of course I don't want to take revenge. But it is very, very hard to forgive what they did to us. It is hard for a little boy as I was to comprehend such cruel and ugly behaviour.


    I often think my lesson in this life now is to learn how to truly forgive. And I can only say this; it is a very, very hard lesson I'm learning.
     
  17. tanguerra

    tanguerra Senior Registered

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    Forgiveness is always a difficult, but very important lesson to learn. It can start by having compassion for others, and trying to understand why they do things. The Anicen Regime did a lot of very, very bad things to the poor people of France before they rose up. Beating and starving them was, in many ways, the least of it.


    Have you read much about French history, from the point of view of the people, to try to understand why they hated the aristos so much that they were driven to murder them? Not that it's OK to murder people, but it can help with understanding.
     
  18. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    Tanguerra, yes it is a very hard lesson. In this life, being of middle-class I've learned quite a lot about having compassion and understanding for others less fortunate then myself. And it has been an eye-opening experience. When I was young I would help my aunt with my sister and we'd go and give sandwiches and juice/water to the poor living on the streets. I see it all the time walking around the city, people asking for money and food. It saddens me the way society has become and it is almost backwards.


    Yes true the ancienne regime did do a lot of terrible and cruel things. I agree with that whole-heartedly. But Maman and Papa were very young when Grandfather King died (Louis XV) and they didn't know how to rule a country, let alone rule over people. Many things were kept in the dark to them by their ministers and government and yes they did make mistakes but they weren't like some of the most cruel and inconsiderate of the Aristocracy who scoffed and stepped on the people of France.


    I've tried to read things from the point-of-view of the people rather then the Aristocracy. During the Revolution both were victims of the Republic, because of Robespierre's maniacal thirst and greedy want of power. It is very hard to read of what they went through because it is mostly all new to me. It's so sad that they went through such difficulties. While the Aristocracy and Court of France lavished away. I can understand why they wanted an end to the Monarchy. What I cannot understand is how bloodthirsty and savage they were. I mean it was mostly the doing of the people who wanted the Monarchy to die completely and wanted their government in its place. But they had to twist the minds of the people so they got what they wanted. In the end, so many suffered at the hands of a few who dreamed of a perfect form of government. And it shouldn't have happened that way but it did.
     
  19. tanguerra

    tanguerra Senior Registered

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    This was one of the many arguments against having a monarchical system after all? Just accident of birth does not make you fit to be a leader of people, does it? And who says just because you are born into royalty you want to be a ruler? Many did not, but had no choice in the matter.

    I don't think they had to try very hard to 'twist the minds of the people'. By the time of the revolution, people were very, very fed up, which is why people lashed out so violently. The revolutionaries had centuries of 'brainwashing' to overcome, telling them that royalty were the only people fit to rule, that they were 'ordained by God' and all this kind of stuff. So, it cuts both ways, eh?


    I know a little about this period, not just from having studied it at University, but also because I was around in those days. I understand what it was like to be so very, very poor. I can certainly understand why people were so angry. I can also understand why they saw violence as the only way. After all, the aristos were not just going to give up power without a struggle, were they?


    https://prezi.com/1qnn03ppgg_p/life-styles-of-the-poor-during-the-french-revolution/

    We don't talk about present day politics in the forum, but you can see parallels here with some modern day rebellions, many of which have become civil wars, for very much the same reasons - people ruthlessly exploited by their governments, with no hope for the future, and hungry bellies, will always rise up.
     
  20. insearchof_1785

    insearchof_1785 insearchof_1785

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    Tanguerra, interesting you mentioning that some did not want to rule. I believe that whole-heartedly. Many monarchs who were thrust into the position of ruling a country were probably terrified. Sadly a monarchical system has no loop holes. Unless you abdicated but that caused a whole slew of issues then if the monarch abdicated. Because then who would take his/her place?


    And yes true, it didn't take much to stir up hatred. I can definitely agree with you there. And wow, I didn't know you were also around in those times! I wish things had been done better, and that all the people of France had been treated equally. Maybe then a revolt would have never transpired. It is healing in a way to talk about this because it needs to be discussed I think. Thank-you Tanguerra. It means a lot.
     

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