How do you find past life therapy? And life patterns rant *Trigger*

Discussion in 'Past Life Regression Therapy' started by pariah_autist, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. pariah_autist

    pariah_autist 1st life: gerbil

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    Where and how do you find a past life regression therapist locally?


    Sorry in advance, this is another TL;DR post and probably TMI and the detail of this information may disturb some people with emotional problems or PTSD. ***Also trigger abuse warning.***

    Also this thread is too long apparently I have to put half of it into a reply.


    I am inquiring about patterns in this life, especially regarding situations and tendencies that seem chaotic and disturbing.


    I've had a pattern of this life to be an outcast among peers my age, because of my autism diagnosis (although I think it goes deeper than that on some kind of spirit contract level, as well as people's negative influences)... And when I became an adult I have been attracting some messed up and tormenting situations...

    Several sociopathic predator types, online and IRL had me becoming more socially alienated from my peers due to the emotional abuse/isolation/abandonment... Due to these situations my peers actually for the most part avoided me, even making fun of me and calling me schizophrenic and mentally ill, even claiming that I was asking for these situations to happen to me.
    People also like my brother (who is an physically/emotionally abusive person I am forced to live with) hypocritically tell me I should own up to these choices and accept responsibility for asking for them...? I guess, maybe I did bring these situations on myself somehow, but I think other people were involved as well.... Believe me I have carried guilt about these situations and it weighed me down by keeping it all inside myself beating myself up for the choices I had made... Asking to be abused...

    Consequently and ironically after I was targeted by my first spath from a chatroom, involvement in a group of spaths in art college at a state university, I would describe them as a type of cult, highly likely they are Satanic. I believe the "leader" also may have put a black magic / demonic curse on me, having me dance around him like a puppet against other girls in a Black Swan scenario, the movie which he mentioned in his rants in class (people call me schizophrenic for claiming this, but they don't want to see or accept what happened because they're apaths and were part of the mob mentality that humiliated me and made me the scapegoat of their college's problems... Some even went after me, told me I was schizophrenic, and in love with the professor who put the curse on me.... Most people involved in the college today ignore me when I inquire them about the situation also..).... My parents and family had no idea this was happening to me because, it seemed they abandoned me and didn't care.... I also called them out on this...

    This scenario also got me into political corruption conspiracy theories, especially regarding political figures being involved in sex crime rings, and I believe this was a low level sex crime ring of sorts (kind of like the whole Weinstein situation in Hollywood).
    Possibly in a past life I was in some kind of cult and these people were my abusers then as well? And a deep desire to expose them now and reap justice...A deep hatred and burning anger towards the "leader".... But my focus on hating them with a burning fire has eaten me up inside, paralyzed and distracted me from the love I am looking for... The love I even found, believed I could manifest from my past life dream and lost.... Because I thought I was repeating this same kind of scenario with that guy (a chronic emotionally/sexually abusive predator in a superior position?)...

    Criticism, guilt, anxiety, abandonment and resentment behavior in my own family, and domestic violence mostly by my brother.... Which makes me want to run away, to find that companion who will love and accept me fully (and the vision of that protective healer companion is always that guy from my job, or likenesses of him, despite the unknown of the possible sexual predator aspect...)...
    Being on and off psychiatric medications long term since I was a child... And they were the gateway to me using and overdosing on harder drugs....
    Lack of most practical life skills and activities a young person should have (activities like cooking, gardening, fishing, sports, self defense, involvement socially in clubs at school, etc)
    Lack of dating and contact with the opposite sex... Lack of romance/sex, love and companionship I always desired and longed for...
    And yes the one guy I desired in my heart, convinced this was a deep love from a past life, was a similar pattern to my past abusers (the unfair dynamic of the mentor/student or older/younger where I am groomed into being attached to this person and dependent on them due to my developmental delay and condition. A condition which my predators can see from a mile away and make me an easy target. I don't hate the guy for flirting and touching me, in face I love and miss him because he made me feel human again, which I realize is foolish. Because it was also an ironic scenario which left me wondering, if he was an abuser like those professors...)... Becoming emotionally fixated and deluded onto the wrong person which prevented me from finding a fulfilling and fair and equitable romance??? And yet I search for romance and none can be found... Because guys always give up on me, or the chemistry and energy is wrong, and all guys I have involved with are players or predators or creeps... This guy though, I think he was a standard I should keep because ideally he is loyal and monogamous, practical, sentimental and even tempered... It would be hard for me to believe he was like my abusers but maybe it is possible.
     
  2. pariah_autist

    pariah_autist 1st life: gerbil

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    Chronic alienation from people, feeling out of place and ignored and taken for granted by most people... Sometimes I go to a bar or a place by myself and run into bad luck, almost get picked up by an old man or completely ignored by everybody in the place... Or if I do make a friend in such a place, it's hard to keep in touch, and the person does not reach out... Especially if it is a guy, guys I meet at bars or outside randomly are never too interested to be pursuing me, some even had ignored me after I got their number...
    Chronic alienation to the point where I have had extreme agitation, depression and suicidal since I was a young teenager... And not understanding how to help it without taking psych meds to numb my brain and spirit...
    And tendencies to do extremely reckless behaviors like doing hard and dangerous drugs and alcohol, overdosing, road rage driving, wandering around at night in dark places or wandering in places without protection or any one to walk with, going to bars in shady dark areas, driving drunk, and meeting hurtful guys from online who took advantage of me sexually/emotionally. Even flying 1300 miles to meet a guy who I had a bad gut feeling about and felt sexually violated....

    Occasionally I do make a friend but the connection eventually becomes distant as if the friendship never happened, and the person never reaches out again. Most people I meet and made friends with do not make the effort to reach out or keep in touch when I am feeling depressed. Even when I reach out to them...

    And still lack of connection with what I desire which is a loving companionship and romance which could bring some inner peace and happiness, in my view.... And yet the truest form of this desire revolves around this guy, with so many unknown questions and feelings of loss or unfairness, who I could not have...

    It's like my life is an emotional holocaust, with a constant push and pull of sadness, loneliness and agitation, which is totally unnecessary for how I grew up, because I grew up rather well off, and my family was not bad when we were very young, before my brother and I were put on psych meds (my brother also has mental issues, and he is violent and I do not get along with him at all)... But we still have/had so many opportunities... There are so many activities I should be doing today.... And yet it seems happiness has been out of reach because of depression over all of this... Did all of this happen because I was born premature, got pneumonia as a child and got put on psych meds on and off long term until I quit them for good recently, as well as lack of therapy and effort to find social groups and activities....

    I am even starting to feel effects of feeling physically sick from all these troubles since childhood... My skin looks unhealthy and old and textured for my age (I'm 28), I have PCOS, I've become anorexic (it's not that I want to be a stick but I have had no desire to enjoy eating for the most part), I sleep a lot during the day, I am less active in my life than my elderly parents (who do not do much themselves especially socially), and often have stomach troubles and rashes on my skin and acne....

    I also have become very rigid physically/expressively since I was a teenager (like a depression mask) and being able to start activities, when my emotions are blocked I can spend an entire day feeling blocked and depressed, mulling over how I am feeling and how to release the negative feelings.... Once the feeling is released however I feel lighter... I have been wasting a lot of time lately in the past 8 months since I quit meds just ruminating, wandering around walking by myself staring at the water and nature, and trying to release my emotional/chakra blockages any way I can.. And this can waste an entire day...wtf...
    And releasing these blockages I think, keeps going back to the past life guy at my job who triggered my kundalini "awakening" by his touch... Because I am recently realizing in the past month or 2, that opening my heart in regards to thinking/feeling about this guy, is giving me an instant healing effect with an influx of positive energy... And I had some kind of epiphany, that a lot of my chronic depression is unreleased sexual energy (I had no desire for any man sexually or in a complete romantic love sense before I met him), which was somehow 'cured' only by this guy... No other guy I got with physically, sexually could cure this.... And yet I could not get with him in that way.... Or even keep a semblance of a friendship at least....*****Sigh*****

    You know so many people including my parents say I have to live in today and forget about the past and how other people hurt me, but I think they're wrong.... That's like forgetting that World War 2 happened and then repeating the situation again with World War 3 with nukes possibly destroying the planet...lol.. I can wash over the negative emotions felt by the past, as well as forgive certain people and myself, but it's important to remember the past in order to heal today... Because so many epiphanies about my behavior patterns relating to the past are coming today and I am feeling more and more lighter emotionally/spiritually....

    Perhaps what I could learn from those past lives can reveal and surface some intense pain I've been trying to release, as well as possibly finding some peace and answers regarding my lost love from this life and the past life I posted about... And possibly answers relating to the college abuse, and other emotional/sexual predator abuse as well..

    I am afraid tbh, I come across as crazy and mentally ill writing my current life memories like this, but these are situations that affected me deeply, and I have been unable to let them go...To the point they are hurting my physical health, and preventing me from enjoying today (bitterness over emotional abuse and abandonment, and lack of romance is really getting to me)....
    I don't have any outrageous claims about who I may have been in past lives (I do believe my most recent past life was a more pleasant, sane, practical one than this one, as I had found and lived with my soul mate at a young age, supposedly. That is the feeling I get from remembering that dream and the spirit of the man always gives me feelings of mental calm and peace, and intensely positive overflowing feelings emotionally, romantically, sexually... I also never had feelings of hatred or resentment toward him, although torment about not being able to date him 4 years ago, and uncertainty/anguish related to my past in college got to me... Although I do not know what happened to me before and after the events of that dream because I do not know how to dream or access past life regression) , although situations in this life seem insane to me, to even comprehend, because I have spent so much time being lonely, and being placed into events and people that seemed chaotic, mentally ill, and disturbing to my core.

    Can someone have insight on what is causing this current life emotional turbulence? Is it past lives associated with these people I've met?
    What are some current life patterns today you guys have?

    Thanks for reading this ridiculous long rant post... Any kind of comments and insights welcome....xD
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2018
  3. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hi Pariah,

    Once again, I do not think you are crazy. You might be different but that's ok.
    I try to see your bigger picture and I think you are doing well.
    You say that you recently get insights into your life and the patterns of your life. That is also part of the Kundalini road you are walking on now. Cleansing your past. I think it would be great if you could visit a psychiatrist who can assist you to come clean with the events in this life. I don't know if this is financially an option for you and I don't know if it is difficult for you to talk to a stranger about your personal feelings.
    I also think it would be healthy to move away from your brother if he is bothering you so much.
    You are on a breaking point now. You've got to stop the old patterns in your life, clear up all your emotions of hurt and abuse. This is more important than looking back into past lives at the moment.
    You've got to start taking care of yourself.
    Don't expect a lover to save you, because the only one who can save you is YOU.
    This doesn't exclude lovers but it is not their task to save you. In that case, you would give away your own authority once again. You want a lover who is happy to be with you because you are great.
    You don't want a lover who picks up a broken girl, that's not an equal relationship.
    As soon as you practice self-love, your vibrations will rise and you will attract people with the same good vibrations.
    I know, it's not going to be an easy road. I know. But the fact that you met this guy, who changed you, says that you are ready and worthy to start this process.
     
  4. pariah_autist

    pariah_autist 1st life: gerbil

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    Thanks again, although I cannot go to a psychiatrist because they would give me meds which I am against and would refuse to take. I believe they block natural and spiritual energy and distort people's minds and body... However I am going to a therapist soon for autism and C-PTSD
    And yeah I have issues with codependency and I am scared of becoming independent for fear of mentally breaking down again... I am dependent on my parents who I think maybe want me to be this way....
    Honestly I am barely functional independently after I quit my job 4 years ago. I am even finding it hard to focus on intellectual activities. I am restless and need to move and find ways to unblock this energy all the time...
    I know a man cannot save me but to have a guy like him by my side would be my dreams come true... And the idea of that I feel like I could do so many things I've been meaning to (travelling, going out more, etc)..
     
  5. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Just start taking care of yourself. Good food, good nightrest and so forth.
    It helps to get a chemical balance in your body. Sport helps.
    This is really important, especially in the case of Kundalini energy. It can really make you sick if you don’t take care of your body.
    And on the other hand, you could use this energy for self-healing.
     

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