I Know My Past Life

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by CherryBunny, Jul 3, 2018.

  1. CherryBunny

    CherryBunny Dolce Faccia

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    First of all hello. I am new here. I hope I am posting in the right place. If not, I apologize.

    The thing is, it is killing me. :( I am very certain I was a specific person in a former life. I never really gave much thought to reincarnation before about ten years ago, but now I am 99% percent certain, but I also feel I might be crazy and that if I talk about it, others will label me as crazy, too. However, I have no one to talk to about this and have not for over a decade and it is slowly tearing me apart, for my certainty is so strong. First, let me exolain my story. I do aplogize if it is so long and my wordiness. (I am autistic so am very wordy in writing, for I tend to over explain. Please bear with me.)

    I think it was about 2005 or early 2006 when it happened. I was in my twenties. A person I met over the internet asked me to research a certain historic figure for him. I agreed, since I love to research. As I was researching this person, a female's name kept popping up and it kept grabbing my attention and nagging at me. In a very weird way that I can't explain. It was more than curiosity or interest. It felt more like a knowing and a calling. I finally gave in to it and started to read about this woman. What happened literally scared me to death. First let me stress that before this, I had never heard of this woman and had no idea who she was. As I read about her life, I found myself knowing ahead of time, what was coming next, before reading. I also started to get upset and angry at certain facts stated. I had this overwhelming feeling that they were completely false and it upset me greatly. I also looked up one of her former homes. It had been restored and I got extremely angry at how shabby it seemed and the closest way I can describe the feeling is like I was feeling 'How dare they do that!'

    At this point, I was feeling extremely upset. It was suddenly like I had the emotions of two people. It felt scary to me. What really did it, though, was the birthday. We were both born only about four days apart, exactly 400 years apart. I am telling you EXACTLY. That is pretty darn close. At that point, I was so scared of everything. The uncontrolable feelings, the strong and strange intuition and just the whole thing. I forced myself not to think about it for a couple of years.

    I finally got to the point where, once in a while, I will think on it and read about her. Most books I have read about her are trash, according to my crazy strong intuition. There was one, though. It was fiction, yet, I was so mesmorized and touched by it, I felt myself there, remembering. So much so that I would cry while reading it. That fiction book felt closer to the truth than all the non fiction books I had read. I kept thinking that the author would have actually had to be there, too, to know and record everything. It was so emotional and overwhelming. I still have the book, but I just can't reread it.

    Anyway. I may be crazy but I truly believe I was this woman. I have no proof, though. Only my intuition and my emotions.

    Also, please do not ask me who I was. I am not comfortable sharing that yet. It is deeply private for me, so please understand.

    It is just killing me and it is so frustrating. In my brain, it feels like things are jumbled and I feel like something is there, if I could only remember it. :(
     
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  2. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    Hello CherryBunny,

    a warm welcome to you.

    It is totally understandable that you do not wish to share the name.

    I can relate to your feelings.

    There was a time when I believed that I was a certain historical figure in a past life. Male, and one of the "bad guys". It is different in my case, as I cannot be entirely sure. No validated or verifyable memories. (Memories, yes, just nothing that would make it clear without doubt that I was him.) It is possible, that I was not him but someone working for him. It still either amuses me or makes me angry when I read or see nonsense about him. I definitely lived during his time. The clothing style, the music... makes me feel coming home. And I must have met some people he met. When I see certain images, I get a tingling sensation and just know I have met this person.

    I can also relate to the shock. I was too fast, probably, but there was a regression where I got a scene which... bothered me. Later I found out that something like that had indeed happened. To the above mentioned historical figure. I felt horrible!

    Now this is about you, not me.
    Just wanted to say that I am probably the least person who would call you crazy and that I understand that you have your reasons why you do not wish to tell us details.
     
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  3. CherryBunny

    CherryBunny Dolce Faccia

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    Thank you for the warm welcome! (*^_^*)

    I don't mind going into some details. I realize I need to if I am looking for guidence and support. I just hope people will not get too frustrated with me if I do get a bit vague about some things.


    Because I have an anxiety disorder, it tends to worry me quite a bit. That has pushed me, at least, to come forth and try to communicate, however.

    I also just really need to get it out and be as honest as I can be about it, to maybe alleviate all this anxiety it adds. I want to get to the point where I stop judging myself over it. Like, right now, even though I am very certain, I am also scared I am crazy. That is due to society's perception of the subject in general. I am too used to being judged for my beliefs, I guess. I want to be able to get to that point where I can learn to fully accept it and not judge myself by other's opinions and beliefs. Does that make sense?
     
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  4. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    It does make sense.
    It is very similar for me. Stupid insecurity and self-judgement. I know I should not judge, neither others, nor myself, but not judging myself after being called names or after having made a stupid mistake is really hard...

    Share what ever you feel comfortable to share. Will take some time, and it probably is a bit tricky to find the right phrasing. You do not wish people to guess the ID of your past life self, of course. So you probably will make sure first that what ever detail you remember and want to share won't give others too many clues. Some people will misunderstand this as playing a guessing game like "hey, guess what famous historical figure I was in a past life". I won't. I understand how you feel and believe you that you really do not feel comfortable with others knowing who you were.
     
  5. CherryBunny

    CherryBunny Dolce Faccia

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    It is l
    It is like you read my mind! That is also what I am worried about, too. That people may think I am deliberately playing guessing games with it. I really am not. I do want to be as forthcoming as possible. I just feel the need to tread carefully. I am so relieved that you understand.

    There are some things I am willing to share at this time though.

    1. Though I had, what I refer to as the 'ephinany' or awareness in 2005/2006, that wasn't actually the first time I felt anything. It just is, I wouldn't think too much into it until that shock.

    Ever since I was young, I had a vivid imagination. One of the things I would pretend about was an imaginary family. I come from a highly dysfunctional one so that isn't anything odd there. However, this imaginary family I created was also rather dysfunctional. I was not make believing a perfect mommy/daddy/brother/sister family. Plus, they were highly detailed right from the start. They never changed or evolved, even as I got older. In fact, even as a young adult playing text based rpgs, this family and my character would always be the same. Again, though, nothibg alarming to me until the awareness. That family I had always pretended about, was literally the same as the actual historical family, down to the fine details and even physical features. That really scared me. At that early age, there was no way I could have known about those people or that time period. It was proof to me, at least, that my subconscious did remember. I even once made a side character that briefly a part of a story. It was not an important character at all, but had a distinct name and description. I came across later, years after the awareness, a small blurb in some biography, of that person. The same description, the same name. Most biographies I have read have never mentioned her at all and not much is known about her, since she was of a low station in life. It is highly unlikely that I ever came across anything on her before then, consciously or not. It freaked me out so much that I wondered if maybe if that could be who I was instead of the high noblewoman. Mostly I was thinking of that because I felt...sort of presumptuous for believing I was that much of an important person. However, I came to the conclusion that I could not be based on my strong emotions and intuitions that only that noblewoman could had. However, I think I knew the lower born woman, either actually or from a distance and I must have thought her beautiful because I described her as such in my descs of her.

    2. In 2000, when I was twenty, I had a strange episode. I was living with my ex and his parents at the time and his mother had a book on historical portraits. I have always liked looking at those types of books, though I had grown up looking at Renior because those are the books my grandmother had. I was flipping through this book one night and came to one. I stopped and stared. It was me. I mean, it did look like exactly like the present me, at that tine, but I mean, I got an almost electric shock. That was *me*. This was before I gave thought to reincarnation at all, but that was my reaction and only thought. In that book, there was no name as to the woman was. Of course, years later I researched it after the awareness, since I could never forget it. It is thought to be a different woman than who I was. I say thought because scholars are not 100% sure. All I know is that when I read it was her, I was upset and angry again and had such an unexplainable emotional reaction that defies all logic. Even now, I get mad. I want to scream, "No! That isn't her! It's me you fools!" Lol The thing is, I am not a scholar of art nor of history. I cannot prove that and I do not have the resources to go about researching it in depth. I do know, though, from the research I was able to do, that there might be a possibility. This woman was alive when that portrait was painted. What's more, the artist was briefly employed by a close family member near the time when that portrait was painted. I keep telling myself that experts must have reasons for their labelling it as the other person, though. I mean, they are the scholars of art and I am just a nobody without the proper education and only strange emotions to go on. :p That portait is deeply important to me, though. It bothered me so much that I actually broke down and emailed the director of the gallery where it resides and asked if any consideration was given that it could be who I was. Though I never mentioned my belief in my past life or anything like that. I do have a bit of sense left, I believe. Lol I never got a response, which doesn't surprise me at all. That painting just bothers and nags at me constantly.

    3. My physical appearance. I had the wonderful experience of working at a ren festival one year, when I was 17. It took place in a fictional English village during the Elizabethan era. (Someone once asked me if I could have heard about her through that and then just recalled her later. The answer is no. It was a completely different century and country with different customs, though the fashion was still similar.) I have a pic of me from back then. If I compare it to the above mentioned portrait, going upon the assumption that all those highly educated art scholars are wrong and I am right that is, it is uncanny. Although my pic is full frontal and the paiting is a profile, it is still unmistakable. I might eventually post the two when I get more comfortable here, so you can see. I'm not quite ready yet. Sorry about that.

    One other thing is a known child portrait of her. There is a distinct resemblance there, as well. Plus, there is a rare trait that stands out. In her case, it very well could be the art trend of the time, to paint faces in that way. I have seen a few that are. However, in my case, I have a certain disorder due to my anxiety that causes a certain abnormal compulsion. It can affect my looks when it gets bad. All throughout my childhood it was pretty bad, so looking at pics from then and that childhood portait and comparing, they look even more similar.

    Oh I fogot to add one!

    4. Strange languages in dreams. I don't anymore, but from a young child, up to my twenties, I would dream and in those dreams, when I spoke, it was in a different language. I can't speak any other languages than English. In fact, I am extremely bad at learning other languages. I can understand a bit of Spanish, however, but I don't think that is the language. I would be speaking whatever it was in the dream, and others would be talking to me in the same language, but I could not understand it when I woke up. I am pretty sure it was a European language. I couldn't tell you which one, though I wish I would have a dream like that again *now* because I have discovered I do have a linguistic talent afterall. I think if I heard it again, though I wouldn't be able to understand what is being said, I could be able recognize the language or region at least by the sound of it. Anyway, my PL was from a country in Europe. So I would love to be able to at least confirm by the sound. Unfortunately, though I mostly have lucid dreams, none are ever associated with my PL and I don't even know if those back then were.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2018
  6. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    I understand because I felt the same last year. Today, I am not so sure anymore that I was a certain person, as I haven't excluded all other possibilities yet. Like you, I feel like I have to thread carefully in any case.

    Paintings are such a thing. Some are accurate, others not so much. And art historians often change their minds when it comes to who the person on the portrait is. Funny, that it is almost exactly the portraits that feel "wrong" for me or that it isn't him or her (a person I have known or met, at least) where the experts aren't sure or now say it could be someone else.
    Yes, the art experts have studied and should know what they are doing. But then, as you say, they aren't 100 per cent sure. Also, historians, scientists and such often have the tendency to only consider hints and ideas which support their own opinion and ignore the rest. So I would say, it is much like with me and some historical records and documents (to which I have no direct access) and how historians interpret them... there is no information that is 100 per cent reliable. No way to either prove or disprove... the scholars tend to think the person on the portrait was not you, but even they are not sure.
    I am the same. Wouldn't mention past lives, retrocognition and such either when contacting an author or historian. (Contacted two, from one I even got a response, even though she didn't directly answer my questions.) I would assume that much like me you tried to stay as close to the truth as possible.

    "I felt...sort of presumptuous for believing I was that much of an important person."
    Oh, I can relate to this very well... while I keep telling others and myself that it really makes no difference whether you were a famous person in a past life or not, part of me still is going like: why should I of all people ever have been of any "importance"? Not very logical, but you probably know what I mean.

    Can't say I have RPd always the same or always created the same characters, but that makes your own connection even stronger. In my case, it only happened that my writing went out of bounds or that I described something or had my character to do or say something, and some time later found out that someone is history had done or said exactly that.

    Can't say much about your physical appearance, of course. If it was the only sign, I wouldn't give too much to it. There are people who resemble living famous people. In combination with memories, strong emotions and other signs, though, it can be seen as further confirmation. There is a portrait of a boy which kinda which doesn't exactly look like me, but kinda looks like me. They say it is a certain figure as a boy. Just like you, I do not feel comfortable sharing images here.
     
  7. CherryBunny

    CherryBunny Dolce Faccia

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    I actually did get a response finally yesterday from that director of the art gallery, after I posted that reply to you. It was really weird, but not overly so, as I had only, very recently, finally sent the inquiry. Like I said, it had bothered me for years but it was only in the recent weeks that I felt brave enough to send my inquiry. While he did say that there was no historical evidence to my theory and ultimately dismissed it, he was very open about saying that they do not fell 100% sure that the painting is of that other woman. In fact, he sounded skeptical himself that is was that person at all, so in a way, though he disagreed with my claim, he still left some hope for me that I am not crazy after all. I also learned something very interesting, that I never came across online, even recently. He said the second artist they believed to have painted it has been disproven and they have no idea, at this point, of either the painter or the subject. I can only conclude that it is a very recent discovery made and I felt very thankful to him that he shared that with me. Truthfully, I never believed it was by that certain artist, as compared to his other portraits, the style is so different. It looks nothing like the others. Indeed, it is much more detailed and, in my opinion, much, much better done. I really have always believed that it was by the artist originally thought of, or one of his students. The style and and similarities between it and other verified portraits by him are too strong. I really wanted to keep asking him questions about it, such as why was he ruled out and that other artist considered, but I refrained. :p I am just too giddy and excited that he bothered to respond to me at all. (*^_^*)
     
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  8. CherryBunny

    CherryBunny Dolce Faccia

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    I should also add that when I say recently, I actually only made my inquiry finally two weeks ago. I probably gave off the impression it was way before then, when I first mentioned it and how I said he never bothered to reply to me. >_< In this life, I am cursed with the major fault of impatience, so after only a week of no word, I automatically assumed I was being ignored. I need to always remind myself that not everyone in this world is in the same hurry that I am and they, too, have priorities they must meet. Maybe one day I will learn this! Lol

    I have decided to post the painting, though, and of myself at roughly the same age. I will do that in a seperate reply right after I hit post on this one.
     
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  9. CherryBunny

    CherryBunny Dolce Faccia

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    The Portait:[​IMG]

    Me, at 18, while I was participating in the local ren fair, a full two years before I ever saw the portait for the first time (Sorry for the pic quality. I had to use my phone canera on the framed snapshot. :p):
     

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  10. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    Sent you a PM.
     
  11. Angie Brown

    Angie Brown Senior Registered

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    Yeah, it's infuriating when history is written wrongly, or a film or tv play mis-portrays. I naturally recall a few incarnations but only one where I was well known. It stopped bothering me so much as I have aged this time. If anything comes up on tv now and it's wrong, it simply irks me a bit. It no longer 'throws' me. Maybe because i've been gradually letting go, which I think is what i'm meant to do as a step toward not having to return yet again.

    I am sure we don't always look similar from one life to another. I know I haven't done. That isn't to say we won't look similar sometimes. We could do. Dates of birth are probably co-incidental. a 1 in 365 chance of having the same birthday etc. More chance than a big lotto win, and people do win that.

    I would advise to try to not stress, and not worry about others deriding your beliefs/knowledge. You know the truth so blow those who are judgemental. You don't have to discuss it with those who aren't likely to believe or be interested anyway. After all, what you think is your own private business, and you aren't obligated to tell those you doubt have understanding.

    Best wishes,

    Angie
     
  12. CherryBunny

    CherryBunny Dolce Faccia

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    Thank you for your reply. I have gotten better with it, but I am still irked a lot, which is why I avoid most books and series about her now. The last one I watched a few years ago was so ridiculous but I was able to take it with a grain of salt. It was lauded for being awful and extremely historically inaccurate anyway.

    The last really weird thing that happened regarding it was a few years ago, too. I was asked to accompany some family members to an antique store. I went, and as they were checking out, I felt this uncanny desire to go back and look in a corner. There, sitting on a chair as though waiting for me was a biography written about her. It was old, I think written in the '60's or '70's. I scooped it up, bought it, and took it home to read. I found it incrdiably biased and not at all accurate. I found myself getting angry that this writer made up scenarios that never happened. I have no idea why I had that pull to find it, since it was such trash. However, since then, I have not read another book about her.

    My belief is that it isn't random. The birthdays and such. I believe there must be a mathematical formula. I say this after having discovered about her birthday, which came much later, after I had the first experience. That, and also years later, finding out another birthday of someone that was close to her coincides also with someone who had a huge impact on my own life, and who I strongly suspected was that person long before I found out the dates. I think those coincedences are too strong, but I do know others hold different beliefs and explanations and respect that.
     
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  13. Angie Brown

    Angie Brown Senior Registered

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    I now also avoid the thankfully very rare historical references to who I was and to the set I was with. Easier than being irked.
    Yes, we all have our beliefs and suspicions as to whether or not dates and physical looks play a part, and it isn't worth arguing or falling out over as what we think on it is usually a result of our own experiences, which are all different anyway.

    Do you ever have the experience of knowing someone (not necessarily from a pl) and thinking they are taller or shorter, or look a certain way, then at some point realising they are not that height or look a bit different to what you thought? I've had that a few times during my life. The most profound time was a neighbour who I never liked. I thought he was a bit shorter than me even though i'd stood within a couple of feet of him. He turned out to be a psychopath who caused various neighbours upsets but us most of all. One day, I was surprised to realise he was three or four inches taller than me, and realised it was his soul or spirit I had been seeing up to then. His body was taller, but inside himself he was littler, mean, and his face was even more scrunched up with malice than his physical face was. I don't suppose i'm the only one who has experienced that or similar.

    Other times I have thought people to be taller, and/or more handsome/beautiful and then seen that physically that isn't how they appear.
     
  14. CherryBunny

    CherryBunny Dolce Faccia

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    I have not had that experience. For me, most every adult is taller than me anyway. I am only 5'0. I do have a very strong intuition about people and I am normally 100% right. It is frustrating because it always leaves me in "I told you so" situations afterwards with people because they never listen to me. In general, though, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and reserve judgement of them, but if I sense something off, that's it.
     
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