I need some insight on some memories and feelings

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by katie Sutherland, Jun 28, 2018.

  1. katie Sutherland

    katie Sutherland New Member

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    I have two parts to this.

    Two weeks ago I arrived in France and I’ve felt off kilter since. Now last summer I went to Scotland and I went through jet lag and weird times of being awake because you know, different time zone, but in France everything has felt different. kind of wrong actually.

    I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression and Asperger’s syndrome for a while so I’m no stranger to up and down changes in my mood, which for a while hasn’t bothered me because of my medication, and we made a whole plan on taking it at the right time led with my psychiatrist. And I’m also no stranger to hating people being to close to me unexpectedly but over the years I’ve learned to be ok with it.

    But here in France I’ve become so easily angry with my mom and anyone who date bump into me, I even felt like breaking down screaming and crying while touring the palace of Versailles, I nearly lost it and my poor mother had to be on the recieving end of when we finally got out of the crowded noisy confining people bumping into me space. We were sitting on the stairs for a while before we went outside.

    Everyhing changed when we went out to the part looking down into the gardens- that is where I had my first, real life non dreaming memories- I felt calm safe free and loved. And as in memories-when we went out there I remembered several lives I had spent there that I dreamed about when I was younger before the medication which messed my dreaming capabilities. I had totally forgotten about everything thing I had dreamed of my past lives and my future(I’ve had so many dejevu moments in this life it’s scary). I have not practiced anything to help me remember past lives but I do believe I at least was there in 3 different lives not all at the place living there though.

    The most recent I believe- I had a memory of visiting as a young school boy I spoke French but I understood it as English as I speak now. I remember feeling outcast not fitting in with my class mates as it’s been for me most of this life, I remember we were out walking down the long dirt road near the big water in the garden it was on the right side that’s near the little gift shop and restaurant and near there there’s this house and that’s the only thing that’s been there for a long long time when he/I visited the house I got memories of my past lives through the boy I once was- that takes me to the next life I remember though I’m not sure which of the next is older than the other.

    He/I remember/ed I was a young girl part of the palace courtiers- at least I assume so because of the dress I wore and the relationship with the people who lived in the house I understood it to be they were servants to the palace and I was supposed to see them as a lesser but I valued them quite a bit I think because I was friends with the young servent boy and his parents felt more like parents than the ones that were actually mine. I think he had a little sister. I remember we used to play the the back-I remember there a being a pig and we watched it grow from a tiny little piglet-when we would play sometimes I would get mud on my dress and I would be yelled at by a person who was older than me I think he was supposed to be in charge of me or something it’s a little foggy there-and then there was the horror. So much sadness and emotional pain and fear and every time I remember it I cry a little like I am now.

    There was an attack. I can’t remember anything of the palace at all, I think it’s blocked out or something and I’m not sure I want to remember because of how bad losing the servants who in the house By the water made me feel. I was in the forest- I think I was hiding- and I went to the house and I think my mind was trying to block it out but it didn’t work cause the imagery is a bit blurry but there was so much blood and the word that pops into my mind when I’m trying to remember the image is slaughtered. They were all dead. They felt like family and they were dead.

    I think in this life it feeds into my paranoia of losing people. I remember we had to leave the palace. We had to walk down a long stretch of land where there is now a small river. I could tell you what wasn’t there before, all the newer things.

    This next life I liked a little more. The first memory of that life I was wearing one of that era modern day rich people dresses. Those heavy as fudge dresses I can’t tell you what color it was though. I was more in the front left corners of the garden walking underneath the trees with help I think though I’m. Not sure it’s a little fuzzy. I was definitely older than 18 and there was this man and I loved him and I would insensately romantically tease him I felt so happy.

    Skip to another- the left side of the long dirt road with the statues- something used to be different with the statues and there weren’t benches there were a few round I don’t know what to call them but there they were something to put on the grass to sit on but I was standing and that man that I loved was there again and he told me he was being drafted to the war. I have no idea which war. - skip to another- same place but he’s chasing me around and we’re having a bit of fun-skip to another we’re in that left part of the garden and there’s a bump on the ground and I keep walking around it and he’s there and he’s going to leave to the war soon and I remember kissing him-skip to another- I had obligations to the Royal courtiers to do a ceremony and I didn’t really want to do it but I got all dressed up and went down the left long ramp you would use instead of the stairs-there were no wood post or sewer to go over then and I went around and got to the ceremonial spot and then decided I can’t do this- so sorry I’m doing the short version now cause it’s now 1AM and I’m supposed to be up at 8:30 but I just fled I ran away with all those people watching-skip to another- last one it’s older now like an old lady and my lover died before I did

    Okay part two

    I don’t remember most of my childhood, like age 10 and under and I’m 18 now but I haven’t remembered a lot since age 11. I’ll tell you what I’ve been told and what I remember. I remember my mother sitting on me so I would take any sort of medication that I needed, I remember fighting a lot with my mom and I remember one time taking a giant glass snow globe that was gifted to me and throwing it across the room shattering into a million peices, being very possessive of friends of my choosing, a few times I remember running away because I felt like something was wrong but in reality there wasn’t and in kindergarten one moment I’m standing next to a lunch table and I was up set I think and The next I’m on top of the table screaming while all the other kids run away, I remember the summer after third grade I tried to run into the street to kill myself because it friend wouldn’t talk to me.

    Now what I’ve been told is I would come home from on schoolin kindergarten bang my head against the wall screaming the devil is inside me. So yeah most of that I would blame on my psychiatric disorders but banging my head against the wall screaming the devil is inside me-I’m thinking where the fudge did that come from? My mom asked all my teachers and they had no idea where that would come from and we’ve never been able to find out. So yeah that’s a little freaky I’m glad I don’t remember it.

    If you read this whole thing, you are an angel and thank you
    Let me know what you think
     
  2. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Wow, that is a lot to carry around. Welcome to the forum Katie. I would have no idea what to say about your memories. I would, however, like to know what those palace memories felt like in that what set them apart from something imagined? All of my personal experiences were obvious without any memories other than feelings, snapshots, and "knowings".
     
  3. HermitPerson

    HermitPerson New Member

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    Hi Katie! Thanks for sharing your experiences, they were an interesting read.
    It seems that your past recollections were generally good experiences (though that is just my impression)? Although I wonder about your experience at the palace with the blurry imagery. Perhaps that experience has left within you a seed of fear of losing those who are closest to you? It's a belief of mine that people don't fear rejection, they fear being left behind by those they love... Even if that feeling is the result of misunderstanding or difficult situations outside of your power to control. Of course, this is just my perspective. I believe the perspective that matters most are how you see your past lives in relation to your current one.

    I agree with KenJ here, I would be interested in knowing more about your experiences and feelings in your palace life.
     
  4. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    Hello Katie,

    a warm welcome to you.

    It was a lot to read, and it is not easy to say anything to your memories. Thanks a lot for sharing, though. You are strong and brave.

    It makes sense that your fear to loose people (or even get too close to anybody) is coming from seeing people close to you dead in a past life. That your lover, maybe the only person who really understood you died before you, didn't make it any better, of course. Might have left you with a feeling that you better stay away from others and do not invest in close friendships or even love, as they will die and thus leave you behind again anyway.

    As for "the Devil is inside me", as long as you do not have any memories, it is impossible to tell where it comes from. From an unsolved past life trauma, most likely. From something so horrible that your wounded soul is not ready yet to face it again.
     

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