I'll be honest. I haven't done a whole lot of research, all of my theories are based on personal feelings. You know, what feels true. So bear with me, please. Over the years I've become very aware of karmic backlash and because I'm depressed and pessimistic, I only ever see the bad parts, making me feel like I'm designed to recognize punishment. Good things rarely happen, and if they do life always comes back to kick me in the teeth, to cast shade over the happy time and make it...less. Thus serving as a reminder that I'm just not allowed a normal, happy life. So here's the question: If you recognize that you are paying for past actions, that there's a fun karmic echo ******* you over...how long do you let it go on for, if you have the ability to stop it? Is stopping it cheating somehow? I feel like I deserve it, no matter how much it hurts. And I don't feel I should be allowed to take the easy way out. And while this is clear punishment for me, I also think I am someone else's lesson and that it's not time for me to end it. Not yet. I know this is weird and I haven't told you what exactly I'm paying for, but I didn't want the post to be too long. If you need details just let me know.