Karoliina's memories

Discussion in 'Member's Memories - Archive' started by Karoliina, Jun 27, 2005.

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  1. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    I was doing meditation to remember past lives, I had a vision of me as a small, black boy. I was dressed in orange clothes, my feet were bare and I was very happy. I was outside and it was really hot and dry. I don't know if it was a desert, but at least it was very arid and I didn't see any trees. Further away I saw two older men dressed in white robes. They were black too.

    It probably was in Africa since we were black, and it probably was more in the North Africa since it was so arid.

    Karoliina
     
  2. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Putting the pieces together

    I'm trying to do research of a past life that probably took place in Estonia in the 13th century. BUT this is only guessing. I have also got hints about lives in other parts of Eastern Europe, that is Ukraine, Slovenia and Poland (Kraków to be more precise), and I'm not sure about the century. It could be as recent as 16th century as well.

    I've had a couple of visions and one dream of that life. I believe I was a peasant and rebelled against some conquerors and probably died doing that. Both of the visions have been inside my (then) house and are not very helpful. All I can say, is that the small house is made of wood and we are quite poor. In another vision I come inside and see a woman, probably my wife cooking. I felt quite physically that I wanted to have sex with her, which felt odd, because it was a bit different from the sensations I get in my female body in similar situations. And I'm straight and the woman wasn't really attractive in my current self eyes or to modern standards. In another vision I went upstairs (a small attic), where my wife was in bed with our newborn baby. I said my goodbyes to them and was sad. I think I never saw them again, that I went to a fight or a rebellion of some sort and died.

    I'm not sure if my dream was about the same life, but I'm quite certain again that I'm in Eastern Europe and that I'm a man. I'm being buried. I don't know if I'm dead or alive. I feel ok, so I guess I'm dead already, but I watch from my grave - a hole in the ground - how some men are piling rocks and stones over the grave. Somehow I think these men are Czechs, but I'm not sure. I don't even know for how long people from that area have been called or have called themselves Czechs. First I thought they must have been my enemies, probably because I thought I was maybe buried alive, but now as I think how at ease I was, I think they probably were "my people". And I don't think enemies would go through the trouble of piling stones above a grave.

    Karoliina

    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Putting the pieces together
     
  3. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Karoliina's memories

    - life in China, don't know when (I just had a dream in which I was looking for the sea shore and told myself "these were the most horrible 20 hours of his/her life")

    - life in Ancient Egypt as a man, a black vizier or something like that (maybe during the Middle Kingdom)

    - life in Roman times in Southern Europe, I probably worked for the army (I had a dream about witnessing a crucifixion)

    - life as a rebellious peasant man in Estonia (Saaremaa), probably in the 13th century or a bit later

    - life on the Orkney Isles as a little girl that drowned in the 15th century

    - life in Germany in the 16th century as a woman (?), got beheaded by antibaptists in Münster

    - life as a male puritan in the 17th century, I was born in England, but sailed to New England, no family

    - life as a fairly rich lady in Ireland (Waterford) in the 18th century, unhappy marriage, I probably know my name and who I was

    - life as a little girl in Sweden in the beginning of the 19th century

    - life as a rich, Southern belle during the Civil War era in the U.S. (but lived also in Belgium as a child), I probably know my name and who I was

    - life as a colonalist English man, moved to South Africa; at the end of the 19th century/beginning of the 20th

    - life as a Parisian Jewish artist woman (not famous), also during the WWII, I was taken to a concentration camp, but I believe I survived

    - unhappy life as a young black woman in Brooklyn, NYC (born in North Carolina), I was born in the 1950s and died at the beginning of the 1970s (I might know my name, but I don't know who it was)

    Karoliina

    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Your lives in review
     
  4. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Colonial times

    I tried to remember something from my England/New England life during self-regression last night, and even though I don't trust my self-regressions 100 %, here's what I got:

    • I was born in the first half of the 17th century
    • I was born in Northern England, in the countryside, but Newcastle may have had something to do with my life
    • I was already in love with a young woman and we planned a future together, when I suddenly decided to travel to the New World to look for a "pure" and more religious life
    • the woman didn't follow me there and I build a house for myself, probably in Maine and dedicated my life to religion without a family.

    Karoliina

    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Your lives in review
     
  5. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Auld Lang Syne, Camille and Edelfelt

    I had a dream last night, where I was first at an art exhibition of Albert Edelfelt. He was a famous Finnish painter, who was born in the 1850s and he worked and lived mostly in Paris. Later in the dream I went to a library to look for Alexander Dumas' book Camille.

    Well the dream continued. Next I was in an event of some kind, where two young women were on the stage singing the Auld Lang Syne. They had wine glasses in their hands they were toasting.

    I was in the audience, and everybody there were singing along, toasting and a bit tipsy. The women on the stage wore big dresses that were mostly blue and white, with a little red in them. One of them was blonde, the other had red hair. I was identifying with or admired the redhaired one. In the audience I was either with two other people or with one, and somebody else was usually with us. She could've been the woman on stage.

    Anyway I had a competetive relationship with this person, who was with me, and we were "fighting" over somebody we both liked. I believe we were young men courting the same girl.

    My companion and I acted civilized on the outside, but he made a lot of nasty remarks "in between the lines" so to speak, and finally I lost my temper and pushed him to the ground. People started fussing.

    That was all. Something makes me believe this dream had a lot of clues about a past life/lives.

    Karoliina

    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Auld Lang Syne
     
  6. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Edinburgh Castle

    I had this PL dream last night about the Edinburgh Castle. Somebody were attacking it and I was on a defending side, but I think I was a woman with an about 10 year old son. The attack was a surprise and we just got in the middle of it by accident (from our point of view).

    I think this happened hundreds of years ago. A couple of possibilities are the fights that took place during 1296-1314 between the Scots and the English, or the fights during 1571-3 that had to do with Mary, Queen of Scots.

    I feel this dream might be related to my earlier dream of being beheaded on a hill with several other people.

    The thing that puzzles me is that I think there were a lot of people on our side, like a whole village or something, but why would we all be at the Castle? And I don't feel I was royalty or anything too fancy, so why would I be there? Still, it was very strongly pointed out in my dream we were at the Edinburgh Castle.

    Karoliina

    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Edinburgh Castle
     
  7. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    African American girl in the 1960's/1970's

    I just thought I'd share this dream I had last night. It was about my latest incarnation before this one.

    In that life I was an African-American girl, who died young (as a teenager or in her twenties). I was killed by my boyfriend, who also pimped me to get drugs for both of us. I died in the late 1960's or early 1970's.

    In the last night's dream I saw myself as this girl for the first time (before I've only seen what she's seeing, if you know what I mean). But in the dream I was also looking at my hands and they looked like they do now.

    I wondered how only my face was black.. Well, you know, dreams are often silly. Anyway I kept wondering how I can be this pale, when one of my parents is black and the other one is not white either (I can't remember if s/he was half-black, Latin, Arab or what, but I naturally did in the dream).

    I was quite tall, my hair was tied back/up and I was wearing a red dress. I think I was with my girlfriends in some kind of a school party. I also think there were four girls including me and we had got us a hotel room to celebrate the event.

    The same day I met this guy. I think he was the BF that killed me later. I was still a "good girl", but I definitely already knew him. I think we had already dated before or were having an "on-off -relationship".

    Anyway he had been somewhere else for a while and I was very excited when he turned up. We were talking to each other and he was very kind to me. He said he hadn't been with any other women while he was away (even though he was allowed to) and I believed him.

    He also told me about his money problems and I promised to get him something he couldn't afford himself. We ended up kissing and made a deal he would spend the night in our hotel room. I was so happy, because I truly fancied him and he had been so nice.

    Then one or both of us had to go somewhere else, but we were supposed to meet later and spend the night together. Next thing in my dream was me and my friend in some shop later that day and we saw this guy again.

    He was really drunk or high and acted completely differently - ignoring me. I immediately realized he wouldn't come to the hotel and I was _so_ disappointed I can't even begin to tell you. But I was trying to be brave and acted like I didn't care in front of my girlfriend.

    That was the end of that dream. Oh, how much that boy caused me grief in that life, but I can still feel how much I fancied and loved him. He was African-American too. A bit older than me, but no more than 10 years - maybe only a couple.

    Karoliina

    This post and discussion is continued in the thread PL dream
     
  8. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Benedictine abbey of Tyniec

    I don't have memories of being a monk, but I've been told I was once one. And I really like the sound of monks chanting.

    I would be very skeptical about this information, but in one of my (PL) dreams I was in Krakow and I remember this particular scenery from that dream. Now when I travelled there I found out there is a Benedictine abbey of Tyniec right outside of Krakow that I think I saw in my dream (on a hillside). Unfortunately I didn't have time to visit that monastery.. :(

    Of course it could be I just lived close to that and remember the scenery as an outsider, but I hope I'll find out someday.

    Karoliina

    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Monk anyone?
     
  9. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Memories of past life parents


    I don't have too many memories of my PL parents. Most PL memories I have are from adult lives and parents weren't playing that big a part then. But here's what I remember:


    In my most recent PL in the U.S. I didn't have a good life, but I did have a wonderful momma. She made mistakes, but she was always there for me. My dad was a violent and abusive man but we left him when I was a child and after that I lived alone with momma. I don't have many clear memories of her, mostly warm feelings.


    In a PL before that I spent my childhood in Europe (France perhaps) and my mama was very chic and active on the social scene. She wasn't very much there to play with me or anything, but I admired her and thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Both she and my more serious papa loved us children, but they were somewhat distant. We got to know each other better when I was a teenager/young woman and we travelled by boat to the U.S. moved there to live in a smaller flat. In Europe we had this huge house and my only clear memory from there is when my parents are once again off to a party or something and they are kissing me goodbye and leaving me with a nanny.


    In a PL before that I have just one memory of my mother. I was already an adult man (in England). I was visiting my parents and I was in their living room with my mother and daughter. I just remember my mother sitting there looking very strict - and I felt she wasn't the most light-hearted woman, lol! More like a typical, Victorian prude. :D


    I think my mama was very important to me in a PL before that in the Southern part of the U.S. but I don't have any clear and certain memories of her. I think I was a spoiled girl/young woman.


    I remember a life before that as an orphan girl in Sweden. I'm not sure if I ever got to know my mamma, but I know she wasn't there at the time of my sad memories. :(


    Karoliina


    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Remembering Mother
     
  10. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Floating test

    I had a life in Ireland in the 1600's, when I used to collect plants etc. from the forest and use them for different purposes. I think this was one of the reasons it was easy to claim I was a "witch"... :( I got killed when the men of our village drowned me testing whether I would float.

    Karoliina
     
  11. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Scotland twice...


    I believe I have lived in Scotland at least twice, but the first time was probably as early as in the (late) 1200's. The other time on the Orkney Islands was possibly in the 1400's, but I don't know a lot about this short life.


    Karoliina
     
  12. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Some interesting knowledge


    - I didn't know there were black people in high places in Ancient Egypt, and I also found out they were dressed like they did in my PL flash.


    - In a PL dream I went to Krakow, Poland after my death and saw a scenery - a building on a high cliff. Much later when I was about to travel to Krakow, I saw the same scenery in a guide book - the building is a benedictine monastery.


    - In another PL dream I was with a little girl that had a pendant with a large, green rock on her neck. In the dream I kept hearing the word "esmeralda" and later I found out it means emerald, which was an unknown word for me also in English (it's "smaragdi" in Finnish).


    - The latest example is from Brooklyn where I saw a soap factory from my flat window in a PL related dream, and by googling I found out there really have been soap factories there.


    Karoliina


    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Knowing things that you never knew
     
  13. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    1600's England


    I think I've actually had two lives in New England in the 1600's. At least one of them was spent in Maine, possibly in a town called Newcastle (or then I was originally from close to Newcastle, UK). I'm not sure if I sailed to or was born in New England in the other PL (as a woman), but of the other I have written down the following:


    "I believe I was born in the northern part of England, on the country side - in my memory it is rainy and grey, but the grass is very green. I/my family had possibly sheep. As a young man I'm in love with a girl and plan a shared future with her, but later I become very obsessed with religion and decide to leave the girl and sail to the New World to start a new, better life. Once in America I build myself a house and live alone, and teach the Natives about Christianity = convert them."


    Of the other life as a woman I don't have personal memories, but someone else has recognised me from there. :eek:


    Karoliina


    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Memories of England - 1600s
     
  14. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Missing my previous family


    Some time ago I remembered a little of my mother from my Russian life at the turn of the 20th century. She was very sweet, and encouraged and supported us children in our hobbies and activities.


    Yesterday during meditation I remembered new things of my mother in my most previous PL, but nothing really important. The warmest memory is of her, my grandmother and great-grandmother.


    For the first years of my life (maybe 6 or so) we all lived close to each other and would spend a lot of time just the four of us.


    Those moments were so important to me, we laughed a lot and the adults would also cry - lot of emotion and female bonding through four generations. :)


    I loved to just sit at the table and listen to the three of them talk about their lives, bashing men etc. :laugh: It could be said that all of them raised me, and all of them were like mothers to me. I miss them all.


    Karoliina


    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Remembering Mother
     
  15. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    My experience with loss - part I


    Like I said earlier, there are very many PL children I remember losing. .


    In the 1950's I was a young, newly married woman living in New York. I was pregnant with twins and thrilled to be a mother. However, something went wrong, and the labour was very difficult. We weren't sure if either of our babies would survive, and what made it even worse was that the doctor told us I wouldn't be able to have any more children ever. We named the children Joshua and Jessica - Joshie and Jessie we called them.


    Joshie had problems with his heart. He lived for little over a month, but never left the hospital. Jessie stayed in the hospital for two months, but in the end she was fine and grew up a lovely, healthy little girl. Losing Joshie was very difficult. We had hoped for a big family. There was enough time to grow to really love our precious son, but not enough to ever really get to know him. I could never throw away his tiny baby clothes - they were a way for me to keep him close.


    Problems in our marriage made it all even more difficult. I guess I couldn't do anything but worry about the babies for the first weeks/months, and apparently my husband felt the need to go look for comfort somewhere else. When Joshie died - my husband wasn't with me, and I couldn't find him or reach him by the phone. He didn't know - I had to find him and tell him his son was dead. Finally I found him with my best friend - in bed at her place.


    I didn't want to stay in New York. There were too many difficult memories about Joshie - and my friend was there. We had the same social circles and would inevitably meet her every now and then if we stayed. So we moved to Boston - I insisted. I forgave my husband, but could not forget, and I don't think we were ever really happy again. Jessie was everything for both of us, and I have to admit she was spoiled rotten. My husband was very active and had lots of friends, but my life focused pretty much around Jessie.


    I actually had an affair myself later. I won't defend what I did, but I was very unhappy and lonely, and found someone who made me feel special. But when my husband found out, he took Jessie away from me. He took her to his sister in New Jersey and they wouldn't let me see her. I was heart-broken and in the end I could convince my husband the affair was over and he came back with Jessie. I couldn't live without her, no matter how much in love I was or hated the idea of getting back together with my husband. Fortunately he was always a very good father.


    Will continue in part II.


    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Moving through grief
     
  16. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    My experience with loss - Part II


    I couldn't keep Jessie for long either. When she was five, she was hit by a car and died. Ironically, I had only recently found out my husband was sleeping with my new best friend in Boston. I guess I was a little distracted because of that when I was walking Jessie home from school, and she let go of my hand, ran off the sidewalk on the road and was hit by the car. Ailish from this forum was Jessie.

    I don't have to try and describe my emotions then, anyone would understand. She was taken to a hospital, but didn't survive. I still can't go to hospitals if I have loved-ones there as patients, but have no problem being a patient myself.


    I couldn't let go of her. I saved the dress with her blood on it and would often look at it, feel it, smell it - it was comforting to me, however disgusting it sounds now. You could say I lost my mind a little. I had always been very peculiar about my looks and appearance, but after Jessie died I would just walk around without washing or dressing up properly. I spent a lot of time at her grave. I would lie on the grass next to it. Once they called my husband to come and take me home.


    My husband had his way or grieving - he wasn't at home. I think it was difficult for him to see my devastation. I don't know if he blamed me for Jessie's death, but I thought then he did - and I surely did myself. I couldn't get over it, plus I knew Jessie hadn't crossed over. I could feel her, hear her calling me. I knew she was confused - she didn't realise she was dead and had no idea what had happened. I couldn't handle it, and in the end I killed myself calling her name - to go to her and take her to the light. I cut open my wrists in our bath tub. I have experienced it many times in a regression, but it's still not easy.


    Just shortly: In the life following that one, I was a teenage mum, who did drugs. My daughter was taken away from me. It was very difficult then, but I know now it was the right decision. I was definitely not fit for motherhood then. I found out about this only recently. I have thought about the possibility my daughter would still be alive, actually close to my age... But it would be difficult, maybe impossible to find her, and I'm not sure I'd want to. For now, I'm still digesting the experience and thus won't write more about it.


    Last I want to tell you that I have now a daughter, soon five months, and her Dad is the incarnation of that rotten husband I had in the 1950's. I hope we are doing things right this time. And having Aili in my life now as a dear friend is amazing! It was interesting that we started to remember this shared PL a little more than a year ago when I was trying to get pregnant. It was a very intense couple of months both Aili and I remembered bits and pieces of that life, and it started to fade when I found out I was having a baby.


    I think Aili got it right, when she said we remembered it so I would know I had been a great mum and could let go of the traumas from that life before my daughter was born. Even though I still get emotional writing about Joshie and Jessie, remembering them has been a wonderful experience, and there are so many things connected to that - it would take me ages to go through all of them. There are a lot of good memories, too! The most important thing is that I have a beautiful daughter and a great partner now, and everything has went well so far - I had no problems giving birth and Stella has been healthy all along.


    Karoliina


    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Moving through grief
     
  17. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Sephardi Jew in Spain in the 1400's


    I have only recently discovered it's very likely I had a PL as a Sephardi Jew in Spain in the 1400's. It doesn't surprise me, though, as I've had several other Jewish and Spanish past lives.


    I haven't explored a lot for the moment, but I think this life took place in the first half of the 1400's - I believe I died in the 1450's. My family lived in a city, but I'm not sure which one. I remember we spent a lot of time in the backyard of the house, which wasn't visible from the street. I was thrilled when I later found this describing the Medieval, Jewish Toledo:

    That sounds almost exactly like what I remembered!


    In my memories I'm a a young woman, but I still live with my parents. It's possible my name was Consuela. I remember I had a younger sister, who was very beautiful and "fragile". I remember my mother and grandmother, who were very powerful, loud and laughed a lot. I loved them dearly, but I also remember being annoyed with them sometimes... I also remember my father. I think we were "New Christians", converted just for practical reasons (like staying alive..), but within our family and friends we were very much Jewish with our habits and traditions. I think my mother and grandmother were also at least somewhat religious, but I think my father was a free mason or something like that. He had some secret meetings, and I knew something about it all growing up.


    I was trying to get validations by meditating on some topics Nathali gave me - about things she remembers about her then wife. I didn't remember the same things, but reading along the site Nathali shared, I remebered a lot of same elements used in protection and healing that are listed on that site. :thumbsup:


    I also had a dream about this life a little while ago, but when I woke up I could only remember a couple of random things. One of them, however, was an expression, Nathali later confirmed as being a Sephardi phrase - "mázal bueno" meaning "good luck". :thumbsup:


    Karoliina
     
  18. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    First love in 1940's France


    I remember my first love in France at the beginning of the 1940's. I was maybe 16 and he wasn't much older. I think he was a soldier, at least I remember him wearing a uniform. He was quite slender, not very tall, and had a long, big nose. His dark hair was sweeped back with something so that it looked a little wet always.


    I have remembered just short flashes of us kissing (although I know he was my first in bed, too :eek: ), and I remember how devastated I was to leave him, when my family left to the US, because of the WWII and us being Jewish. I was a typical selfish teenager, and couldn't think about anything else but the intense feelings between the two of us. :laugh: Although when we (my family) had our first very threatening experience shortly before we left, I realised it really was about life and death, and accepted the leaving.


    While we still lived in France, my aunt and my cousin - a girl around my age - lived with us for some time. We were good friends with my cousin, and she knew my boyfriend, too. She and her mother stayed in France, and I later heard she and my (ex-) boyfriend had got married. :( It wasn't like I grieved over this all my life, but it felt bad for a long time. *sigh*


    Karoliina


    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Memories of your first love
     
  19. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    English male in the 1800's


    I think my PL as an English male in the 1800's was heavily influenced by colonialism - as a child and later as an adult, too. I think my family were all colonialists. I have memories of Africa, but today I remembered something new.


    As a child I spent some time in India. There was some relative living in there - I think an uncle, but he was pretty old, so possibly a grand uncle? We maybe visited him with my parents, but I have a feeling I was sent there alone or with my siblings for some time. I remember mostly the house and this uncle, who was a little odd or funny in the eyes of a young boy. There was also a beautiful garden.


    An Indian man, who worked for my uncle was my idol. I think he was a Sikh. He wore a turban and a cool sabre on his belt. I think I became friends with his son and started imitating their Sikh ways, which later shocked my parents. :D


    I saw myself wearing shorts and found it odd - but reading this thread maybe it wasn't so strange after all. :thumbsup:


    Karoliina


    This post and discussion is continued in the thread India - the time of the British take over
     
  20. Karoliina

    Karoliina Moderator Emerita

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    Sisters in 1500's Spain


    I'll add one from my meditation last month. This is apparently from 1500's Spain:


    "Our parents are hosting a big party. Me and my sister have to go to bed, and we are following our nanny to our bedroom through an aisle upstairs. We are wearing white nightgowns, I'm around 4 years old and my sister just a little bit older.


    The nanny is carrying a candle and is hushing and trying to calm us down, as we giggle and tease each other being tired. She tucks us in, and says that our father will come to say goodnight. We sleep together with my sister in a big four poster bed. We are still giggling and tickling each other.


    Our father comes in to kiss us goodnight. His beard is p r i c k l y and tickling. He says our step-mother would like to come, too. My sister thinks it's a good idea, but I'm a little cross with our step-mother for some reason, and say she's not allowed to come. She comes anyway and kisses my sister, but I'm sulking so she just strokes my hair before she and our father go back to the party.


    We don't feel sleepy and whisper things to each other's ear. Our nanny is sitting on a chair in one corner of the room and does some knitting or the like.


    In the end she falls asleep before we do, and we sneak out of the room to spy on the party guests behind the upstairs railing. Among the guests we see a young boy we know, and think it's really unfair he gets to stay there and be awake, when we have to go to bed.


    I'm crossing my arms and announce that I'm going to go and complain about this to our father, but my sister stops me from doing it. It seems I'm going through a phase, when I'm often sulky and pouting, feeling everybody should act the way I'd want them to. :D "


    Karoliina


    This post and discussion is continued in the thread Everyday memories
     
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