Life as a WW2 German tank driver

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by tanker, Oct 23, 2018.

  1. Jupiter 11

    Jupiter 11 Senior Member

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    Hi tanker,

    I finally read your post and I find your story very interesting.

    I too, feel like an old veteran sometimes. Like you I pushed back my PL identity as long as I could, but I think we all have to face our true selves one day or another. Like you again, I feel great sadness when I think about my regimental companions. I miss them everyday, I miss my family too, but I have hope that this feeling will decrease over time, for all of us.

    I feel sorry that you don't have memories before war. It's possible that they will reemerge when you will be ready.

    As for the novel you wrote about your experience, might be you can find a publisher who does in the biography area. I saw that " Soul Survivor", the book written by the Leininger family was published by Grand Central Publishing. Otherwise there's still the option of self-publishing.

    In any case, I wish you the best on your journey. :)

    Jupiter
     
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  2. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Hi Jupiter - thank you for your good wishes. You're right, we have to face our true selves some time. I feel grateful for my memories, even though some of them are painful. They explain things in this life, why we are what we are, why we do certain things.

    Do you have any photos of your regiment? Or of your companions? I don't remember what mine was, so there may be photos somewhere, but I wouldn't know. As for past family - I'm longing to know who they were. My feeling is that I came from a happy home, possibly in southern Germany, but I have no real reason to think that's the case.

    That's interesting about the book you mention. I haven't heard of it. My story isn't really a biography as such, so I don't think it would fit into that category. As you say, self-publishing is an option, but I haven't really explored it. At the moment, having joined this forum, I feel more memories might emerge, so am holding off from trying to publish quite yet in case I find there's more to add to the story.

    Maybe we both have excitement to come!

    By the way, what's the significance of the coat of arms you have as your picture?
     
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  3. Jupiter 11

    Jupiter 11 Senior Member

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    Hi tanker,

    the coat of arms of my picture belongs to the family of one of my pl identity. I lived a lifetime in medieval times, during the 15th century.
    I had dreams/visions of a castle, names, dates, coat of arms, etc...I searched online and retrieved the genealogy of my family and my former self. I think I will eventually go back to the castle where I used to live, but after having visited the village of the ww1 soldier.

    I have a lot of places to visit ! :)
     
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  4. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Wow, that's exciting! Is that in France? Where is your castle? I suspect I had a life in medieval France, although I've never tried to think about it seriously. I did study that period at uni, and learned the Old French language. I also had strong feelings when I visited the French countryside, which seemed to be from a past age.

    Looks like you're going to be very busy!
     
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  5. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    I have more info about my regiment at last, with some odd coincidences.

    Last night I thought I'd try a meditation using the Theta wave recording. I only had 20 minutes to spare, so not a lot happened. I felt as if something was on the verge of appearing, but it didn't, and all I had was a persistent view of a diamond shape in outline, which kept reappearing. I thought nothing of it.

    A while later I felt the urge to do some research, which I hadn't bothered with in the past. I thought I'd try to take what I knew already from Stalingrad 6th Army, and work backwards. I knew already that I had to have been in XIV Panzer Division, which was attached to Paulus' 6th Army in Stalingrad, so looked up its history. It had been formed from IV Panzer Div. and some infantry. Looking at IV Pz. Div., I saw that the regiment which went to XIV Pz.Div. was 36th Pz.Reg.

    Then the coincidences. Seeing the insignia of XIV Pz.Div - a diamond outline, with a couple of lines attached. A bit tenuous, but maybe a hint?

    A couple of names on the list of commanders did have some resonance.

    IV Pz.Div. was formed in Wuerzburg, Bavaria in 1938. This is what caught my eye. The name of that place had already some strong meaning for me, although I didn't know why. I had questioned if it might be where I was from, but there was no basis of fact behind it. I had even gone to the trouble of buying a map of the place. I think this has to be more than coincidence.

    I don't know where I was based prior to 1938, but my memories say I was certainly in Berlin for at least part of 1937. At least I have something to work on now, rather than a blank space. Hoping for more revelations ...
     
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  6. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Now found a book on 36 Pz.Reg. so it looks hopeful for me.
     
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  7. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    Tanker, great to hear your latest findings. For some reason Bavaria is a province of Germany I myself want to visit, maybe because the US 10th Special Forces were situated there (in Bad Tolz, Bavaria) -- maybe for the beer fest :D... and scenery of course. Looking at the maps Wuerzburg is about an hour by road from where my past self was situated near Heilbronn Germany whilst serving overseas there. Just a little pointless tidbit -- just want you to know I'm following your progress here. Hope you find more answers soon.

    Landsend
     
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  8. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Thanks a lot, landsend. I must say I feel a bit different now I know my regiment and belong somewhere. I have to wait a while to receive the book, but it has 150 photos and sounds like a good history of the 36th.

    Good to know we have that close geographic link. I've never been to Bavaria, but have looked at the photos of Wuerzburg and it looks a beautiful town. Can't say anything rang a bell, but I believe I lived out in the countryside so maybe only visited the place. Time for another meditation, I think ...
     
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  9. BenjaminFR

    BenjaminFR Senior Registered

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    Hello Landsend,

    It's very interesting that you mention this city of Bad Tolz! It is a name that instantly ringed a bell... It was the location of the SS-Junkerschule, where young SS cadets were following their officer course. I remember being there for around 2 to 3 years, as a cadet and then as a lecturer. Just seeing the name of this city made me remember the courtyard, the entrance gate, and the hills surrounding it... I think the school was located a bit outside of the city.

    I would bet you that the US 10th Special Forces simply moved to the same buildings!
     
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  10. BenjaminFR

    BenjaminFR Senior Registered

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    Hello Tanker! I followed your posts with the highest interest, and now knowing that you finally managed to find a Regiment to corroborate your memories is putting a bright smile on my face!

    I had the same experience when I received a load of books, and finding pictures of your previous self in them is quite something! Especially pictures of men you knew. All the best to you in your journey to discovery !!

    Safe journey, my dear friend!
     
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  11. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Benjamin, thanks a lot for your interest and support. Friends like you keep me going when I find things difficult. I'm eager to see the photographs, but for some reason feel apprehensive about what the book might contain.
     
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  12. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    Yes, I do believe they used the same buildings, I recall reading about it some time ago. Although my past self never served with the 10th Special Forces, they fascinate me, and my past self certainly served with men who did serve with the 10th -- they were the 'original' Green Berets in many respects. A quick Google search bought up this:

    'The School operated until the end of World War II in 1945 and after the war the former SS-Junkerschule was the base of the U.S. Army's 1st Battalion, 10th Special Forces Group until 1991.'
     
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  13. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    I know all too well just how difficult it can be, just take it easy and go at your own pace. Talking about it all helps, and writing it down, just getting it out of your head. I frequently take long breaks from meditating on my past life for that reason. It's surprising really how much emotion and pain can be held within past life memories, considering they are from the past. I really wish I knew a good therapist to talk about it all, but at the moment that's not possible for me.
     
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  14. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Glad you understand, landsend. That means a lot. I consider myself as a basically strong person, so it's quite alarming to feel I'm struggling. It feels as if I'm being weak, and should be able to get the better of things more efficiently than this. Writing and talking will help in the long run, I'm sure. As I'm new to sharing, it's stirred up a lot of emotion that I'd tried to suppress, so when I get used to it I'll be better.

    Sorry it's not possible for you to talk to a therapist, if that's what you'd like. But we can all help each other here, and that's valuable. People know what we're on about, and we don't always have to explain.
     
  15. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    I just had something unexpected while trying out a meditation. I saw pages of writing, which I took to be mine, in German. They were going by too fast for me to read, so I have no idea what all that was about ... they went away once, then came back later. Does anyone else see writing?
     
  16. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    I’ve not had that impression with writing before, hope someone comes forth with more answers. Did you have an idea about what was written?
     
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  17. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    No, absolutely no clue what was written. Page after page went by very quickly. There were a huge number of words on the page. Off-white paper with black ink. I was just fascinated to see the very unusual handwriting which did look like a form of German writing, and what I could read I could see were German words. I wouldn't know if it was my own past writing, although it did have a certain familiarity about it. Maybe I'll get a close-up next time ... Whoever it was had a lot to say!
     
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  18. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    Maybe he kept a diary and you are recalling it? The fact he had channelled his writing through you could, perchance, show he had a skill for writing.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2018
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  19. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Yes, I'd wondered that. Could have been a diary, although it didn't look as if there were any paragraphs or divisions on the pages - just one long story ... maybe it was the story of my life! 'He' certainly liked writing, it seems!
     
  20. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    I've just had a lightbulb moment that explains something I've puzzled over all my life ...
    I have a picture that's always been in my head - me as a happy two-year-old sitting on the floor in our kitchen. My mother is over the other side of the room, silhouetted against the large window. She begins singing, as she did most days.

    The song is one which I remember used to make me absolutely distraught, something that neither she nor I could understand, but I couldn't bear to hear those words. It wasn't just a sad feeling, it was far more than that. It felt like I was being torn apart. In the end, with repeated days of singing and the same reaction, my mother gave up on that song. I gave no more thought to it, and although the image remained in my head, and I remembered the tune, I had no memory to this day of what the words were. It never occurred to me to find out.

    Today for some reason that image came to me again, and with it a strong urge to see if I could find the words. I had a bit of a shock when I did. Now I understand.

    The song is called 'The Ash Grove.' Here are a couple of verses:-

    'The ash grove, how graceful, how plainly is speaking
    The wind through it playing has language for me;
    Whenever the light through its branches is breaking,
    A host of kind faces is gazing on me,
    The friends of my childhood again are before me.
    Each step wakes a memory as freely I roam.
    With soft whispers laden its leaves rustle o'er me,
    The ash grove, the ash grove alone is my home.

    My lips smile no more; my heart loses its lightness,
    No dream of the future my spirit can cheer.
    I only can brood on the past and its brightness.
    The dead I have mourned are again living here.
    From every dark nook they press forward to meet me;
    I lift up my eyes to the broad leafy dome,
    And others are there, looking downward to greet me.
    The ash grove, the ash grove alone is my home.'


    Odd that a two-year-old should respond to such words, I think ... But not so odd for a tw0-year-old who died a year or two earlier, and remembered his fallen Kameraden. Those words have the same effect on me today. The mind is a strange land ...
     
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