Memories

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by yvettebruneau, Dec 1, 2018.

  1. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    I thought, seeing as I was getting clearer images at last, I would start a new thread to document everything. The old one, "It's been a while...", will be deleted.

    Now that I am opening the doors to the past, memories seem to be trickling through and puzzle pieces are sliding into place.

    Some similarities between my current and past selves include:
    • An apparent lapse in money management - While I haven't the advances on wages that she requested, to the point where a note was placed on her file to prevent further advances, I do seem to like spending!
    • A stubbornness of not knowing quite when to quit - Until her last breath, she was sure of victory and refused to give up the hope of escaping, while I just don't know when to give up. I can't give up, when the going gets tough.
    • Falling hard and fast - She courted the man who would be her husband for only five weeks, before accepting his proposal, while I seem incapable of taking things steady when I meet a guy I like [even if, most times, it's unreciprocated in this life]. After his death, she slowed down and became wary. After the last heartbreak, I stopped chasing after those I fancied. Of course, her excuse for all that was 'it was the war'!
    Other things of note:
    • A love of 1940s music that causes a desire to get up on my feet and dance, with or without a partner. The spirits seem all too happy to fill in, when a physical presence is absent.
    • An undying love of France that lies under the surface, and a desire to return to Paris that harbours on more than a meagre day trip to the city when I was 7-8 [in this life].
    • A deep connection to the Holocaust, though having no familial connections in this life.
    • A sense that my past self died young [she was 22-23]
    • An underlying love of fashion. While I can't stand some modern pieces, the ball gowns and evening dresses often capture my eye and imagination. And, vintage clothes! I can't get enough of vintage clothing, particularly that of the '30s-'40s.
    • I can happily sit through French films and music, and sometimes find greater joy in them than English-speaking media.
    • A sometimes tumultuous relationship with the father in each life.
    • A near constant masculine presence asking me to dance, or wanting to protect me or simply accompany me. I call him Harry [who was a companion from the past-life, who was deeply in love with my past self].
    • A pride for the Forces Françaises Libres and their supporters, as well as the Maquis and their supporters.
    • A longing for rings that have never graced my finger in this life, and a desire to be in my husband's arms again [never married, as stated a moment ago, in this life].
    • And, a desire to be reunited with Harry [the aforementioned companion], who seemed to suffer after my past self's demise.
    While there's a lot there, it's not everything. It's simply everything that I can remember, while conducting this post. And, my intention with this thread is to document further discoveries down the line, as I had been doing with the old thread, but I will welcome comments from others! I just felt it better to separate the wheat from the chaff.
     
  2. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    That's a very interesting and methodical observation, Yvette. It's easy to see at a glance. I'm wondering if I could make a similar list as I've been writing chaotically about my story without giving it much structured thought.
     
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  3. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    As stated, it was all from memory. Instead of having a word document, or a diary by the bed, I've been using threads in this forum to make notes. Everything else is what comes strongly through on a regular basis [such as 'Harry' at present].

    It might help me to remember more, if I make notes upon waking of what I recall from dreams. Or, thoughts as they come in, such as the occasion the other day that's been mentioned in other threads [the PL husband's death]. It might help make a clearer picture for myself, if nothing else.
     
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  4. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    I’m on my sixth or seventh journal. I keep them strictly for past life memories and the journey to look back on. So useful to have them. They are the moleskine types that aren’t very big but great for jotting notes. Would highly recommend them. They are called moleskine cahiers and come in a pack of three, roughly A5 sizing.

    1F21B93E-D36D-4964-B2DD-40890BA5E1D5.jpeg
     
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  5. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    That's excellent, landsend. I should have done that long ago, but maybe will start now. Everything I remember is in my head, which is the most dangerous place to leave it ... half of it might disappear without trace.
     
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  6. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    I started May 2017 to record .. wish I had began in the very beginning but better later than never. Just start now. Start writing everything you know and try and recall dates you recalled things it helps me verify my memories having those precise dates and then seeing how it matches later research.

    Also I can analyse how accurate I feel certain aspects of memories might be (on a scale of 1-5). Sometimes details can be interpreted wrong hence why I do that.
     
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  7. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    I blast 40s music through my speaker when no one’s home. I have yet to find someone my age who has the same taste in music. We had a conversation about this earlier on my thread, I listened to songs by Glenn Miller (one of your preferences) today, absolutely loved it. Definitely a new favorite :)

    I’ve been listening to his song called “moonlight serenade” on repeat all day.
     
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  8. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    'Moonlight Serenade' is one of my favourites, as well, although I also like 'American Patrol' and 'Pennsylvania 6-5000'. Honestly, I like all those that I've heard. They each seem to hold a piece of my past-life puzzle, or unlock a door that's been closed to me.

    But, 'Moonlight Serenade' has always brought to me the strongest sense of nostalgia. As though there is some important romantic memory linked to it. Thing is, I don't think it's the husband [Etienne, whose name I've kept holding back, for some reason].

    -----------​

    I think the relationship with Harry was not as one-sided, or platonic, as I was first led to believe. There are mannerly references throughout accounts to something deeper between them. Their paths continued to cross here and there, at important times. And, while my past-self did love Etienne, he was the first man to become properly infatuated with her [and vice-versa] and the adrenaline of a wartime romance with a gallant soldier was so exciting for the nineteen-year-old girl that she ran with it. But, with Harry, it was more of a soul connection, he was a "soul companion". It was more of a tempered relationship, it moved slower. She had matured, when Harry came into her life; she was almost twenty-two and recently widowed. But, there was Harry, the tall handsome young man that would go on to heal her wounds. They went dancing, they wined and dined, they talked through the night. He longed to protect her, to keep her from danger, even when it was out of his control. It wasn't a secret 'affair', either. While he hoped to have her join him on a mission, when he requested a female courier to assist with his workload in France, the organisation secretary was suspicious of their connection and he was sent another in her place. It rattled him even more, because he was helpless to defend her then. She sought him out, too, with glimpses in the prison and a brief moment on the transport train. She often bolstered his morale, in the prison and on the train. Their final meeting was a fleeting moment in the secrecy of shadows, while being held temporarily in Verdun. But, even when he longed for the end of a rope, Harry kept holding on to the hope of seeing her again. It was what he believed kept him going.

    So, while she did love Etienne, the strongest connection was certainly with Harry.
     
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  9. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    Run to his arms, the moment he comes home to you...

    While the song in question was released the year Harry passed, some eighteen years after my past self's execution, the line above seems to strike a chord. Because Etienne never came home. He did not stray, because she didn't 'dress up' and 'look pretty' for him. He was killed in action, before he could secure leave to come see their new daughter.

    Run to his arms...

    She longed to see him, her heart ached for him. Shortly after their wedding, he was called back to action. He later secured a week's leave up in Liverpool. So, in a rush of excitement at being reunited, she packed a case and got the next train up to join him. For a second honeymoon. It was on this second honeymoon, this fleeting reunion, that they conceived their daughter.

    The moment he comes home to you...

    War is a cruel beast. War brought them together. War tore them asunder. War ripped a young family to shreds, leaving a new mother a widow and a young daughter an orphan.
     
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  10. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    I had been wondering why photos of Harry, taken in the two years before his demise, seemed so familiar and striking to me. I knew his face, even with its careworn expression, as it was in those photos. But, my past self had been gone from 'their' life for some 16-18 years, so there was no way I could know how Harry had looked in those times. Was there?

    Today, I received the answer. This morning, I unlocked another life-between memory. A spiritual, nonphysical awareness from the past. Not my past, but Harry's. It was a third-person perspective from a raised angle, as though I was there to bear witness in a discarnate form. Or, viewing it through a security camera lens. Trying to think back on it presently, to document it, is proving somewhat difficult. It was the night his life ended.

    In the vision, I saw the hotel room. It was warmly lit, filled with the classic '60s décor, and the air had a humidity to it. There was Harry. He was terribly ill. Clutching at his chest. But, I wasn't upset. I was there to greet him in the afterlife. That was my purpose that night. I had not followed him throughout his life, from the moment I had passed. I had spent some time with Etienne, in the life-between, and we had watched over our daughter for a while. But, in that moment, Harry needed me and I was able to go to him.

    But, I don't think Harry's presently persistent nature is a sign of my incoming demise. Well, I hope not, at least!
    Honestly, I'd rather have Etienne as my harbinger of death, as I sense he had been in the previous life.
    No offence, of course, to Harry.
     
  11. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    It’s cool how you’ve been able to remember some memories from the ‘life-between’. Did the vision come to you out of the blue?
     
  12. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    I wouldn't say it was a spontaneous discovery, no.

    When I first saw the photos of Harry as he was in 1961 [two years before he passed] and 1963, I was struck with how familiar he looked. In spite of his matured appearance. While his eyes were still strikingly similar and sharp, his face [as with everyone's] had changed since we were last together in the 1940s. I had spent a couple of days trying to figure out why. Had I been wrong again, but still on the right path? Had I been Harry's wife and not a lost war-time love of his? No, because Harry and his wife separated in 1956. Had I been someone else from Harry's life, who had been with him in the last few years? No, because I had the memories of the war and then nothing. Except a reunion with Harry. Matured, worn-down Harry.

    Then, I was flicking through his biography, toward the end, and I came upon the excerpt regarding his passing. Immediately, I was transported to that hotel room, and I felt the balminess of the air. I knew it to be a memory and not mere imagination, because other parts of the book had stimulated nothing. Well, aside from the moments we were together. And, I got an emotional response to the moment he lost control of his emotions when confronted by two SS officers during his escape. But, nothing else had proven to be visual stimuli. Only Harry's end. It was fleeting, also.

    And, I felt as though I was not the only discarnate being there. Leonard, Harry's father [he died in 1960], was there as well.

    -----
    On a side note, I got a brief moment today, when I believed Etienne replaced Harry as my discarnate companion. So, perhaps, he is not in this world presently, as I first thought, but he has been 'elsewhere'. Our daughter is, as far as I'm currently aware, still alive. Perhaps, as he missed seeing her in life, he's been with her. Watching her, guarding her.
     
  13. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    That would make sense, that Etienne would be watching over your daughter.

    I thought that even if people from our past lives (friends, family members, etc..) have reincarnated, that they could still watch over us. Because isn’t it just the souls experiences moving on to the next person? Not necessarily that the actual person (or spirit) is gone.
    Because in Ben’s case he has actually seen/ talked (telepathically) to his PL self.
     
  14. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    I have always believed that our physical incarnate existence, that being our bodies [what some would call vessels] are the impermanent component. The soul is boundless. It is the part that goes on, while the physical vessel putrefies. The soul passes through time, gathering experiences and traits throughout its journey. And, perhaps, even the voices of our past selves. In that sense, while the past-self 'voice' might still exist within the soul, their spirit is locked within the current vessel. That might explain how Ben has 'spoken' with his past self, with their voice still contained within. Sort of like a living time-capsule. I will admit that I have heard my past self talking, but not really to me. It's been her companions, who have been the most vocal. But, now that I'm on the right path, she might open herself up a little more.

    To be honest, it gets a little too complicated when we start discussing souls and spirits. Reincarnation is an immense topic to begin with, without throwing in the spiritual side for good measure!
     
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  15. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    That, exactly, is the reason why I prefer not to think about stuff like parallel lives, split souls and these topics which are not wanted here anyway (like animals, aliens...). Reincarnation alone, having had other lives, is a lot to deal with already.
     
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  16. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    I've been away for a week or so, but it's felt longer than that. I don't know why I've taken a break from the forum, other than there's been little for me to say here. And, I don't know why it felt like longer than a week, since I was last here.

    Anyway...

    The other night, I was having a bit of a rough time of it and something of an insomniac episode. But, I distinctly remember moments where I felt as though I was dreaming, but I wasn't. I was awake and conscious of the fact. Hallucinations,then? Visions? All I remember now was that they weren't pleasant images. It was of a dark, claustrophobic space that was damp and cold. The bunk in a concentration camp, or the train that transported the prisoners? Harry wasn't there, so it can't have been the train. Ravensbruck, perhaps.

    All I know, for certain, was that it only added to my restlessness. It didn't help that I had to be up early for work the following morning.
     
  17. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    Next year will mark 30 years of this life [and, somewhat unrelatedly, 74 since my previous one ended, in which I never saw my 30th year].

    To mark such an occasion, many would go and drink themselves silly, or party the night away in some exotic location. Myself, I was going to go to Toronto for a convention linked with my favourite TV show, but the money just wasn't coming in [or staying, when it did]. So, I've lowered my expectations [and my budget] and I will instead aim to go to Seville, Spain. Not for some big booze-trip or party, that's just not my scene! Nor is it Seville's...

    The reason I have chosen Seville, as opposed to Toronto or another convention, is because Harry is buried there. In a forgotten English/Catholic cemetery to the north of the city, he lies in peaceful and eternal rest. Most grave markers have been vandalised in some description, and most of the grass is overgrown. But, Harry's grave lays mostly undisturbed. Perhaps, his title of Major deters the would-be vandals, or the large tiled mural over his body's eternal resting place makes his look more imposing to vandals than the simple markers. Something has deterred the scum from disturbing him.

    But, ever since learning of his burial place, I have been quietly drawn to visit it. To visit him. Although, I sense him with me, I want to go see where his physical self rests eternally. I would go see Etienne, but there is no determined resting place for him. I would assume the El Alamein War Cemetery, in Alexandria, in which case he would be one of the 815 still unidentified that were laid to rest there. My past self does not have a determined grave, either. Only Harry does.

    The way I'm drawn more to Harry than Etienne has brought up the alternative theory that I was his wife, Marie-Louise, but I remember nothing of their short turbulent marriage or her life prior/after Harry. I also would not have experienced that sense of familiarity when seeing Etienne's face, in a picture, in this life. Marie-Louise never met Etienne. All this talk of him is now making my heart ache for him again...
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2018
  18. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    I think that’ll be a good thing, you visiting his grave. I hope you have a great trip if and when you go.
     
  19. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    Thanks, Kenz! Fingers are crossed.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    This evening, I've once again been questioning if I have the right person from Harry's life as my past self. Despite having no memories that would establish me as his wife, and not Etienne's, I keep getting niggling doubts. Like, this evening, I've had quite the... *ahem* 'intimate' presence around me. Harry and my past self were never that intimate, though a gentleman never kisses and tells, so... maybe. But, then, there's also Etienne, the husband I had a daughter with. There had to be some intimacy, for there to be a child.

    And, I also came up with an idea of why I might not have recognised his presence around until now; he knew very little English. If he's been trying to reach out in a more verbal manner, I wouldn't have known [I don't speak fluent French in this life, though I have a growing grasp of it]! So, perhaps, that's why he turned on the charms this evening. He was getting tired of trying to say 'I'm here', so he used the only other connection we had. Well, if that's the case, then... Crasseux. Etienne! Crasseux!
     
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  20. yvettebruneau

    yvettebruneau Senior Member

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    I've been away a while, allowing visions and sensations to come and go at will with little outside influence. The most I've gotten is flashes of imagery. Soldiers, maybe resistance fighters. Harry's face now and then. His presence seems to have dropped away, or I've simply grown accustomed to him and no longer become wholly aware of him. He's simply a familiar, lurking at the shoulder. No, lurking sounds... cruel, somewhat. Like he's unwanted. Believe me, he's quite welcome.

    Just prior to Christmas, I started a digital portrait of Harry, based on a particular photograph I found of him. I was compelled to draw him. The photograph is tiny, with little sharp detail available for replication with a digital brush. Or, even, a physical brush. But, the more the portrait comes along, the stronger my... I don't know the word I'm looking for here. The more the portrait comes along, the more I feel that deep familiarity. The eyes, with their increasing detail, seem to speak to me. They hold me, just as they do when I look at a photograph of him. More than my artworks usually do. There's something about Harry that is almost unspeakable. Unbreakable. Undeniable. It's actually difficult to put across in words.
     
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