My friend X

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by tanguerra, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Truly, madly, deeply.

     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  2. Blueheart

    Blueheart Senior Member

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    Oh, dear. Frost and death and snow? Wanted me indomitable? *sigh* This part belongs in your Poland thread, I am afraid. Or should I say, Siberia.
     
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  3. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Yes, BH you are right as usual. Frost and death and snow and indomitable grief and all that... It is a recurring pattern isn't it!

    But it's more than that. This is not the first time this has happened. I know (hope) it won't be the last time I ever feel this way about X (although it's hard, very hard). But I would not change it for anything.

    "My feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping... "

    "Can't do anything except be in love with you..."
    "I am stretched on your grave and I'll lie here forever...."
    "
    Don't tell me it's not worth dying for
    I can't help it, there's nothing I want more...."

    I think I'm feeling (again, as usual) that same old feeling. I am clinging to that last tiny thread of connection ... but it is not a weak thread. It is the strongest 'rope' of all which is, and always has been, good old fashioned love...

    I feel X slipping away from me, in my conscious, day to day life. I am doing my best to 'let him go'. I've been getting out a bit more. I am trying to 'move along' with my life and my grief and get back into the 'swing of things' and just get on with it. I want to be happy and I am (sort of). But...

    I will never let go of the end of that rope. It's not ever going to happen because I do not wish it so. I will 'keep my candle burning' in my window .. to light him on his way ... as long as it takes until we find each other again. It is a flame that is unlikely to blow out. I know he will be there next time. After all, I have seen it often enough. But, it's still difficult right at the moment. Just missing him day to day. It is a bit like an addiction. But I hope it's a good one; X and I. In any case, it is what it is.

    Carmelita, hold my tighter...

     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2018
  4. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Senior Registered

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    I've had a repeated vision of golden threads linking me to important people. Some fade into unknown places and times while others are clearly linked to incarnate friends ... even some I've never truly met or who may not know I exist. I wonder sometimes who they are, the ones I cannot see outside of time, even at an intuitive level. Are they the ones I miss constantly?

    Watching you face the way this particular thread fades into the unknown while feeling the size and shape of the gap left in time, and what you miss about X, I'm grateful for your willingness to let that vulnerability show. Your awareness of the experience helps me understand the gaps that ache within. Of course we will share time with them again, at least it seems obvious based on what we've learned from our memories. The promise in your future glimpses is a gift, though the waiting is hard.

    I hope, both now and when I return, to add fuel to the social and political transformations you hope to encourage in that life. From what you've said, you and X will be in the midst of significant transitions, and I think that your path (as you see it now) is one worth preparing for and supporting.

    Given we are all connected somehow, though we don't always sense it in this life, it will be fascinating to discover what the two of you manage to form within the fabric of time. I'd like to think we conspired to encourage each other here in this forum as part of the alliance toward infusing healing into the fragmented shards of existence, both now and in the future.

    What X brought out of you this time, simply by sharing time with you, has encouraged and inspired me; and I'm grateful to both of you for that gift.
     
  5. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Thanks MD. I was feeling upset again last night. It comes and goes. A new book has just been published about our little 'village' and all the 'village people'. I am in it. There is also a page or two about X. I wrote the words, at the request of the publishers. I hope I did him justice. They seemed pleased with it. I went to the little 'box opening' party last night when the first lot of books were delivered. I feel sad that he did not live to see it. He would have been delighted by it (and would have been at the party most likely).
     
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  6. Blueheart

    Blueheart Senior Member

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    Of course, you two are connected. Long ago, this life, and even now. That party must have been bitter-sweet, and you will always be at least a little sad. I hate that this has happened.

    Just . . .

    Guard against putting yourself in a metaphorical Siberia. Please. You have gone that route before.

    This time, live for him. Live for yourself! Live for the others who you are connected to with threads that can be just as strong. If nothing else, it will give you lots to talk about when next you see him.
     
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  7. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Thanks BH. I'm OK. Sometimes things get to me a bit, such as the other night. I'll be alright eventually I know.

    When my much beloved father died it took me several years to come to terms with it properly. I'm still not entirely over it and still long for him. I suspect this will be similar. I still cry myself to sleep from time to time, but less than before, so that's an improvement. Grief takes its time.

    Not long after my father died someone very wise advised me not to try to rush it, but to, in a way, savour it - feel it. Let it come. Let it be what it is. Great love leads to great sorrow. It is the way of things.

    But, I'm a trooper. I'll get through it bye and bye. I always do.
     
  8. Ljbellus

    Ljbellus Active Member

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    I have lurked around this forum for a while now and just finished reading this beautiful story. I have believed and I have felt every word and I just had to respond. I am so sorry for your loss Tanguerra. Your X sounds like such a remarkable soul, as, most definitely are you, and losing him must be so painful. I applaud you for your genorosity in sharing your story.
     
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  9. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Thanks. I just miss him. I'm alright (mostly). Staying up late when I should be sleeping ... but ...

    He's missing it.

    So many exciting things happening in the world and no X to share it with.

    He would have really liked this.

     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2016
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  10. Ljbellus

    Ljbellus Active Member

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    When I am missing someone in particular, I listen to "I Go To Sleep" by Sia. I have a little sob and then feel much better.

    I have her CD, but it's probably on youtube. It definitely helps me cope.
     
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  11. Ljbellus

    Ljbellus Active Member

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    Another song that helps me in times of sadness and longing. Thinking of you Tanguerra and hoping that you are well.
     
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  12. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    X's birthday again today (would have been). Twice now since he's been dead. Funny feeling. A bit better than last year, but still not easy.

    Grief stricken all over again.
    3am in the morning. Can't sleep. Weepy.
    Upset and happy in a strange way.
    Only love.

    Light in my head
    You in my arms.. woo hoo hoo (and so on)


    Love. Only love.

    I miss him but I know it's temporary. A very funny feeling. Eternity.

     
    Last edited: May 5, 2017
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  13. Blueheart

    Blueheart Senior Member

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    Thinking of you. Better now, I hope?
     
  14. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    I'm Ok. His birthday made me all sad again for a while is all. It happens.
     
  15. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    I wrote this in the forum in 2009. It belongs here.
    The meaning of life - fiziwig

    "We hide our perfection from ourselves because that perfection is the very source of our boredom."


     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2017
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  16. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    It's very dull without him. That's for sure.
     
  17. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Emeritus

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    Your comment fits with my thoughts yesterday!

    While relaxing last evening I recalled a forty-year-old dream I had during a particularly emotion-filled period of my life, one of those dreams that you know is important and full of meaning. The dream was presented as an explanation of “reality” in a right-brain manner. First a little background, this was three years after being “disabled” and had changed my accounting major to a dual major with psychology, I was volunteering at a Social Health Agency, trying to get my life together, trying to deal with my wife’s desire for me to leave her (advice she later said she got from an attorney), and having a woman (instructor of a class I was taking) profess love for me where I had no recollection of ever seeing or talking to her before – a pretty wild time (regrettably a time of my not being a good parent)!

    Since it was a right-brain message, it was very hard to describe. It was a vision of different colors moving together in a slowly flowing motion as if it was a thick oil with colors ranging from light-yellow-green to a dark green that was almost black (And, I’m red-green color-blind!). As this fluid, or as you called it, liquid metal, slowly moved, there were eddy-currents and faster-moving areas. Some of the eddy-currents just seemed to continuously rotate in one place without moving in the direction that the rest of it was moving (which was to my left and a little downward, if that makes any difference) while others did join in the flow. The currents split and some circled-back around the bottom as the colors blended (bands narrowed) giving the appearance that there was an objective to experience everything. I could not make heads or tails of it at the time. The only person I shared it with at the time was a seminary student classmate who was also volunteering at the Agency.

    I still do not understand the vision beyond recognizing that life has movement, although sometimes without progress, and that the mixing/blending, if it occurs at all, happens slowly. Perhaps the colors indicated “bright” and “dark” lifetimes, perhaps simply to represent “differences”, I don’t know.

    It’s perplexing to get such small glimpses of things when we are searching for answers as I was at that time. It is also strange that it remains in my memory forty years later. I wonder if I am caught-up in that small eddy-current or moving more rapidly toward the “objective” – then again, what difference does it make?
     
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  18. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Yes. Very much the same kind of thing. But X was silver and I was gold and it all made perfect sense at the time. I know what you mean.
     
  19. tanguerra

    tanguerra Moderator Emeritus

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    Two years. Feels like yesterday

     
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  20. FriendlyJack

    FriendlyJack New Member

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    Hello Eevee,
    Do you have any such experience?.
    I know someone she saw at an airport in Germany and met him in real life in New York
    Cheers
    M
     
  21. FriendlyJack

    FriendlyJack New Member

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    Hi,
    Do you think recognition is possible?
    Cheers
    M
     
  22. VenusUnchained

    VenusUnchained Active Member

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    Hello tanguerra, I was very touched by your story. I've never met the soul that's burned into mine - I'm glad you got to share that love, even briefly in this life. It's worth the sadness. I'm wondering how common the silver/gold theme is- I too have seen this, though almost in a literal sense.
     
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  23. Jim78

    Jim78 Probationary

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    I had dreams of a woman as a child and young adult. Those dreams stopped in 2000. In 2010 I met the woman from my dreams, she was walking the same way and wore the same dress as in my dreams. She said she had dreams of me and I described what I looked like in her dreams and how she wore her hair at school. We both perceived each other to be emanating light. Also, she got married in 2000, the year my dreams had stopped. I found out later that she was my fiance in my past life, which probably explains why I was so incensed at not being able to marry her in my current life. Reincarnation and love is very intense. I have no doubt you will see X again tanguerra.
     
  24. Was I Reincarnated?

    Was I Reincarnated? Aidan

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    I feel the same way about someone who died 72 years ago but I cry because of a feeling I get when I see pics of her. The person is Anne Frank. She died at about my current age. I can't explain it, nor do I want to. I think I'm Reincarnated from Peter van Pels, her boyfriend during the Holocaust.
     
  25. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing just a fly in the sky Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Anne reincarnated again and wrote a book about it.
     
  26. Annabell

    Annabell Anna

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    Almost everyone who cares about the Anne Frank story knows that! I'm absolutely dying to read it!
     
  27. Bellona324

    Bellona324 Divine Femboy

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    I miss my wife from my past life. I’m speaking of my Third Reich one, the one I know in detail. Her name’s Mel. It’s been 33 years.
     

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