My friend X

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by tanguerra, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    Spring equinox. Six months and counting A. X. Lots of mixed feelings. Most of them good (sort of). Sorrow, yes. Joy? Of course.

    Romeo and Juliet... Star crossed lovers.... Soul mates .... Eternal love....

    Be careful what you wish for? Sure. Follow your heart? Always.
    Love. You know it when you feel it, even when it's difficult.



     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
  2. Lily2015

    Lily2015 Rep

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2016
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    I really enjoyed reading this. You make me want to share my story of a man I met who is often in my dreams and some similiarities to your story. I have many times I dreamt of him to wake up and find he's messaged me after not hearing from him in a while. I love how you wrote the story and your feelings into it that even though you are not in a relationship, you are happy to have him in your life.
     
  3. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    Thanks Lily.


    This happens. It's a thing. As you keep noting your dreams and insights more will come to you. Feel free to share your story.


    X has been a life's (lives') work for me. But I would not exchange it, even with all the ups and downs.


    Only love.

     
  4. Wandering Mom

    Wandering Mom Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2010
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    When I was about 9 I had a dream that kept waking me up at night. In it, I was watching a dark haired boy a few years older than myself walking through the rain in a big city with high buildings all around. He was so sad. When I was 16, through a series of connections I met a young man with dark hair, not in itself unusual, but when our eyes locked they just LOCKED. He asked me to marry him when I thought I was pregnant with another man's child (happily I wasn't), saying "I'll love it because it's yours." We had known each other less than 2 months. It turns out that his father was an alcoholic, and his mother used to send him out at night in the city of Denver to drag his father out of bars, no matter the weather.


    This is exactly what was happening in the dreams I had had. One day, after we had known each other longer, a feeling enveloped me, a dead certainty, and I went to him and said "I think we are so happy because we weren't allowed to be together in a past life." He got the oddest look on his face I have ever seen, turned and looked deeply into me and said, "I know, but I don't want to talk about it," then hurriedly walked away. I can remember at least 2 past lives we were together, but were separated for one reason or another, the last one broken up by WW II in Holland. Hopefully, we will have a chance again.


    I feel that a big reason I came back this time, so quickly after the trauma of WWII, was to be with him. Otherwise, I get the distinct feeling I would have waited and not rushed into things so quickly. When we broke up I physically felt my heart break. That made another person of me. I am now far more compassionate, more open somehow, and identify with people's suffering--and I chose a career helping others.



    Crimson and Clover.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2016
  5. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    Wow. What a story! I hope you can meet up again. Have you ever tried to find him?
     
  6. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    Love is love. Memories of happier times. I went away for a while to live for a year on a tropical island (yes, really). I thought it would clear my head. It only worked to a certain extent. This belongs here, from almost 7 years ago ...

    The longing never goes away. It can't.'

    [text lost] - While we were apart I had a very vivid dream about X and I walking around an art gallery laughing, talking, sitting on a seat holding hands in front of a big painting (as one does). A very sweet dream full of love and joy. (Probably a memory from the next life) [/lost text]

     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2016
    1 person likes this.
  7. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    Today would have been X's birthday. 55. Too young. So sad.

    Song bird..


     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
  8. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    So, I finally got round to packing up some of X's clothes. They've been in a plastic storage box, sitting in the corner of my spare room, haunting me. A few weeks ago, around the six month mark I thought, OK! It's time.


    I opened the box and got his smell, which I knew would happen and had been dreading and anticipating at the same time. I took out his T-shirts and what have you and washed them and hung them out on the line. I put a couple of his good jackets out to air, gave them a bit of a brush and a clean with a damp cloth (Dear oh dear! A cigarette burn on a lapel ... Is that glitter on the collar? Hmmmm ... some kind of liquid spillage marks on a cuff ... ) ... It made me smile a little, which was nice, even though it also made me sad.


    The numerous cleaned T-shirts were lovingly folded and given to 'good will'. I put the nice jackets aside. Maybe one of his friends might fit them? Maybe I will donate them to charity. Should I ask them, or would that just bring up sad memories for them, that they are trying to process in their own time? I can't decide just yet. Maybe I am just stalling, because I'm letting go slowly, to tell the truth. But I just put them in the cupboard for another day.


    I've had a terrible flu and a cough the past few weeks since all this. Coincidence? Perhaps. Perhaps not. There is one warm parka that I confess I have been wearing. It's fantastically warm. It smells like the fabric softener he used to use. The other night I put it on before going out into the cold to go to my daughter's birthday party. We went to her party together last year. :(


    As I was walking along, I had such a strong sense of his presence. Maybe it was the familiar smell, or some of his lingering molecules, but it felt like he was giving me a warm hug and he was telling me to look after myself and be happy because that's what he wants. It was nice. Whether it was my 'imagination' or not, I don't care.
     
  9. BethC

    BethC Senior Registered

    Joined:
    May 4, 2013
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    18
    I love this, Tanguerra. Keep the Parka, and I think X's friends would be honored to be asked about the others, at least. But just a suggestion, do what you feel and in your own time, of course.
     
    2 people like this.
  10. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    It is very difficult.
    Most nights I go to sleep thinking "He is dead, I have to get used to it. I need to get over it..."
    I wake up hearing...
    "...I can't do anything except be in love with you,
    And all I do is miss you, and the way we used to be.."



    I wake up thinking "What do I do now? Why am I still here when he isn't.... "


    It's not easy.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
  11. Blueheart

    Blueheart Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2009
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    70
    I know, it is not. So sorry. Sleep? Chocolate? Wine?
     
    2 people like this.
  12. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    Namaste. Love is what we came here for, with all its ups and downs.

     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
    2 people like this.
  13. Eva1942

    Eva1942 Registered

    Joined:
    May 23, 2016
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    A lot of hugs. It does take time. It's taken a very long time for me as well. It's a horrible thing to go though. Do you feel he misses you?

    Eva x
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2016
  14. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    Thanks Eva.


    I have good days and bad days. I'm sure he misses me (now and again at least) wherever he is flitting about the multiverse somewhere, doing his X thing.


    :)
     
  15. Blueheart

    Blueheart Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2009
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    70
    Probably more like, thinking of you too. Next time, let yourself fall asleep. Follow the song. Visit him. There is nothing like seeing for yourself that he is OK to help your own grieving process.
     
  16. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    Thanks BH.

    I think if anything he would be worried about me. I'm not worried about him. I'm sure he's fine in his own way. He probably feels me thinking of him. How could he not?

    Funny yesterday afternoon one of the 'villagers' who I hadn't seen for a while (since X's funeral months ago now) phoned me out of the blue, and said lets catch up. We met up at a little pub around the corner from home sat by the fire and had a nice red wine and a chat. He was saying, 'It's good to see you. Where have you been? It's been ages. You haven't been around much ... are you OK? That's not like you, to be such a hermit..."

    I explained I was fine. I am just grieving about X (and D of course). It takes time... I haven't felt like going out much. I haven't felt like having fun. Paradoxically having fun makes me feel sad, if X (or D of course) is not there to share it with and show off to and tease and laugh together and just 'be there'. I could not explain it enough to satisfy my friend without getting into 'complicated' territory, but we talked a bit about grief in general and how it takes time.

    In the old days you used to be able to take a year off for grief and it was expected after the death of a close relative or friend. Nowadays you are supposed to just get over it like 'that', with a snap of the fingers like nothing has happened. He was encouraging me to just 'move on' and get over it. All very well meaning of course. We talked about it and I thanked him for his concern, but assured him I was fine (sort of).

    Then the background music played this song by my countryman and erstwhile fellow 'villager' (although he's terribly famous these days of course). It was perfect timing and perfectly comforting at that moment to hear an old and familiar song about great love sung by a familiar voice. It felt like a message from X. It felt like him reminding me that eventually, one way or the other, we will be together again just like always and that it's OK to be sad while we are apart. That before long I will be in his arms again and vice versa.

    Great, eh? :(

    I did not let on to my friend and I changed the topic of conversation to politics, the coming election and other more stimulating and light-hearted gossip. But I could not wait to wrap up our conversation and go home, back to my quiet space, so I could listen to this song again and have a little cry.

     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
  17. Traveler16

    Traveler16 Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Pennsylvania, USA
    Tanguerra, I don't think you heard that song by accident! I think our loved ones who have gone on do sometimes send songs like that that touch us in a special way and bring us close. Its sad in a way, but it's also a great blessing. I think your friend was sending you a hug, and telling you that he is thinking of you too, and that you will always be in each other's hearts.
     
    2 people like this.
  18. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    Thanks Traveler.


    I think so too. At least I like to think so. At least it's a much more soothing ear worm in any case, so that's a blessing.


    X


    t.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 30, 2016
  19. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2006
    Messages:
    444
    Likes Received:
    229
    Location:
    Australia
    One year anniversary coming up tomorrow since X departed this particular dimension. I've been a bit teary but that's to be expected.

    Slowly I am healing, as if from a terrible wound. At first I did not want to get out of bed, let alone out of the house.

    But, time keeps on slipping into the future and life moves along. I will always love him, same as always. I will always miss him. Goes without saying.

    Slowly, carefully, I pick up the pieces and just keep going, pretending to be brave, putting one foot in front of the other. What else can you do?
     
    Dawn o the Shed likes this.
  20. alyil

    alyil New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2016
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    18
    Location:
    Canada
    I've finally sifted through the whole thread. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can really only understand a fragment of what you're feeling.

    Have you ever encountered him twice in a lifetime? That's something that came up as I was reading my book. If you'd lost a loved one at a young age, could you encounter their new re-incarnated self while still in your current? I've read about parents having a child and seeing their lost aunts, uncles, sisters, etc in the child.
     
    tanguerra likes this.

Share This Page