The lifetime I speak of ended in 1985, in Moscow Russia. My name was Natasha. I had a husband named Viktor, who worked some sort of office job for the KGB. I cannot remember all of my last name. It started with an M and ended with OV. I had short, just above the shoulder, brown hair and eyes, I danced ballet and did ice skating. The summer Viktor left for his mandatory army stint I took a blonde boy as my lover, though it never went any farther than making out. My father caught us and tried to throw him out the window. He called me a whore and said that He'd paid viktor good money for me, and that I'd better be a virgin on my wedding night. I was so happy when Viktor came back. We got married soon after that. I don't remember when he started beating me. When I tried to get help from my family, they said it was my fault, that I was a bad wife. The saddest part was that I believed them. I never wanted children; But Viktor did. 5 of them. He threw out my pills. I got pregnant twice. The first time I had a miscarriage, I don't know why I did, I sat agianst the wall near the door, crying. The baby was around 3-4 months. After a week of me not eating, or getting out of bed, Viktor had had enough. He scooped me up, Skimpy, homemade soviet underwear and all, and took me to a obgyn. For those of you who don't know, that's a special pregnancy doctor. I kept telling Viktor I didn't want children. He didn't listen. Things eventually descended into rape, and abuse. I eventually went to his friend Vlad. Vlad had been the one to get Viktor into the KGB, he sometimes came to check in on me and even brought me things like soup and roast chicken, or some sort of fowel. I had to beg him to help me escape my husband. He finally took me seriously when He found me tied to the bed by my ankle. I don't remember when I got pregnant, but I know it was the same length of time as before. I'd started to learn english, and Vlad took me to different places so we could grab a bite to eat and practise. He once told me that I had to learn to speak english better than the Americans so that I could blend in with them. It was october when I finally got an oppertunity to leave. Viktor caught me going down the stairs, and grabbed me. "Who is he? Who is this other man you're going to see? Is it a filthy American?" I don't remember what happened next. All I know was that he threw me down the concreate staircase and onto the landing that led to the staircast that went to the ground floor. I hit the wall, then the floor. Smething must have happened because I couldn't move my legs and my back hurt. I know that the injury was enough to kill the baby, because I bled to death, knowing it was dead. Viktor came back several times, when I didn't get up, he went into the apartment, took his revolver from the night stand and shot himself. I was already dead by the time this had happened though. The phone rang, I knew it was Vlad, calling to either check on me or to tell viktor that I was on a boat somewhere that wasn't america. The truth was that I was getting on a plane. But I know Vlad was going to try and convince me to stay with him. Vlad is still alive. I just want an end to this. Both Natasha and I have a purple mark on our right bicep. Idk where it was from. Viktor is the reason I'm afraid of acohol, he's the reason I cannot be intamate without dissassociation (Going into a trance like state), So I don't have sex. Viktor is the reason I am terrified of stairs and going to a doctor that deals with female things. This man has taken so much from me. I just want to take some of it back. I've tried researching him, but seeing as I don't know any russian, and his files were likely wiped clean to save face, I'll have to go to russia to find vlad and ask him for help.