Hello everyone, I am new to the forum and wanted to ask a few questions regarding an experience I had when I had my youngest son seven years ago and I am hoping to get some clarity on this. I have always been interested in religion; particularly reincarnation, ndes and just the concept of the afterlife as a whole from early on in my life. I have been an avid reader for years, reading books by Brian Weiss, Michael Newton, Elizabeth Kubler Ross, Jim Tucker, I an Stevenson, Carol Bowman and others . This interest has always been there for some unknown reason, my upbringing didn't really immerse me into this sort of thing, until I had an experience of my own and I feel that it all makes sense now, the interest I mean. I guess I should start by saying that I lost my father at age 11, he was my best friend and now as an adult I realize that he was more than likely a soul mate, someone who I have shared many a lifetime with, the bond inexplicable and the love mind blowing. He died in a car accident suddenly in 1995 and the void was deep, fast forward many years and I have two wonderful kids who are my heart and soul, I am happy but I couldn't shake the emptiness that his death caused for me. One day I dream with him, we had a conversation, it was a visit and not a dream, I remember the conversation. I asked him, "why did you leave me? I love you" , he explained his reasons, "I didn't leave, I am right here and always will be". This experience changed me , I was already "spiritually awake " at this point and this just made me even more so. To make a long story short, the birth of my youngest son, I conceived him at a time where I wasn't menstruating, it was a shock to me, I was going through a tough time during this time and kind of lost touch with my spirituality but embraced this "miraculous" birth as a blessing in my life, he was also born with a huge tight knot on the umbilical cord, to say that the doctors face in the labor room was one of complete shock is an understatement. According to him my son had very little oxygen flowing thru, 10% and managed to survive, "this little man really wanted to be born" were his words. This little man was special, as soon as I saw him I felt a deep connection, it was different and unique. Fast forward two weeks after his birth and I had a dream with my father, I was standing at his funeral, I look down at my hands and clothing, this was a conscious dream, I was having thoughts in it as I am now, and I saw the same clothing I wore to his funeral, everyone was there, the same location etc. I saw him and he told me , "don't cry I never left you", this was after asking him why he left. He hugged me and I felt it, it was hard, I had a dream with him but it wasn't a dream. I started to cry and hug him, I looked down and when I looked up, he said "I will be with you again" , I asked when? I threw my arms around him once again and when we embraced and let go, he handed me my baby, he said "I did all I could to come back to you, we are together again". I woke up in a pool of tears, I looked toward the crib and he was looking right at me in the middle of the night I could see his little eyes staring, this was my confirmation that he had returned. Today he is 7 years old, active and overwhelming to deal with haha. I treat him the same as the rest and do not show favoritism but he owns my heart, not because of the dream but because when he hugs me I feel an immense overwhelming love, I feel his hug and it's my father's hug. My questions are: 1-My dad returned as my baby but how can he be in the dream as "my dad" but also be laying in the crib next to me? 2-The biggest one- I have severe anxieties around my son, I am traumatized and have even began to have severe panic attacks about me dying while he is a child. Could this be because he left me before?? I know this all sounds crazy, but I can not shake that, I worry that I will die and he will stay alone without me. Maybe you can help with those two questions, and I hope that you can take a minute and help me process my worry, is it unfounded and why is it happening? Thank you.