Not finding any evidence of a past life

Discussion in 'Reincarnation Questions' started by Sarah Jane, Jan 24, 2014.

  1. Sarah Jane

    Sarah Jane New Member

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    Here is something that has been disturbing me for years. Ever since I was about 12-13 years old, I have been recalling a past life of mine that supposedly took place in the USA from 1935 to 1970. Those recollections have always evoked a very strong emotional response in me. I had many spontaneous visions and dreams, and certain ‘facts’ that I just ‘knew’ about that life.

    However, when I repeatedly tried searching archives and birth/death records online for the names of my previous self, my past family members and my past-life husband, I found absolutely nothing, no indication of such people ever existing. I only had access to free, non-paid records, since I cannot afford to pay for a full access. But I was sure that I would find at least something that would provide the slightest bit of evidence that I was not crazy and not making this up.

    It was strange that I remembered so clearly most of the names and dates, yet absolutely nothing matched, and this was such a recent past life, that would have been so easily researched! It was also one of the most important to me, since I wanted to have a validation that the person who was everything to me back then, my husband, actually existed. (I even tried to find him in this life in his new incarnation, as my love for him never really went away).

    So in the end I came to the sad conclusion that all of this was just a figment of my imagination. I have some other (although not as clear) recollections of several past lives throughout history, but since this one, the easiest to confirm or dismiss, was dismissed due to lack of evidence, I don’t feel like I can place any significance on the other lives I ‘remembered’.

    While I am a firm believer in reincarnation, and do not question the validity of other people’s recollections (they are undoubtedly real to me, since people do find some evidence or other in most cases, but mostly because their recollections just sound a lot more plausible, consistent and coherent), I do wonder why is it that my own recollections seem to be absolutely false. This saddens and discourages me to a great degree, as I feel I cannot trust myself, or be sure that I am not deluded.

    I honestly don’t know why I would make it all up, this information has always just ‘appeared’ to me, and I never deliberately invented it nor forced any images into my mind.

    My question is, what should I do if none of my visions of my past lives match with any facts in the known history? Should I consider myself crazy? I thought that perhaps I am not doing the research properly, and not looking in the right places, but I have tried all the available free online resources over the years, and all kinds of keywords in Google searches, and I’m out of ideas…

    Sorry for the long post, and would be grateful for any opinions on this situation…
     
  2. Sarellah

    Sarellah Senior Registered

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    Can you describe the life? Maybe the government hid info about you, you changed your name, or something else to make sure no one ever found out about you.
     
  3. argonne1918

    argonne1918 Senior Registered

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    Without going to the paid sites you are limited in what you can find. It used to be easier, but so many people are worried about identity theft now that security has been increased. Even for people searching on genealogy websites things have become more difficult. The U.S. Census has been made public only up to and including 1940. You can find my parents and grandparents online there now, but not me or my siblings. A few years ago I went to a paid site to search for someone I used to know, who is still living. I had to answer many questions as to who I was, where I live, etc. I know that if anything happened to the person I was looking for the police would know how to find me. So what I'm saying is just because you can't find your former self online does not mean they didn't exist. It just means the information is locked away someplace. And until about 1980 or 1990 most records were not computerized. They were filed manually in file cabinets, ledgers, etc. They might be on microfilm in a library someplace, but that can be difficult to search.
     
  4. Sarah Jane

    Sarah Jane New Member

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    Hmm, I doubt that I was of any interest to the government, since I was not anyone important, just a very ordinary person, and had no reason to hide. I didn’t change my name, as far as I can remember (except taking my husband’s last name after marriage).


    I will describe the life in short… I was born in New York City, where I lived to age eighteen, and then I moved to Portland, Maine, as my parents sent me to a nursing school. My relationship with my parents was quite cold and distant, and I feel like they wanted to get rid of me, sending me to another state.


    I was studying to become a nurse, but soon realized I was too sensitive to people’s suffering, and changed my life’s path against my parents’ wishes. I went to work at the same factory where my husband was working, and after he was promoted to a manager, he took me to work as his secretary. Sadly we never had children, and I can’t remember the reason for this.


    However, our marriage was very happy and I loved him deeply. At the age of thirty-six he was killed in a car accident, and I remained a widow. After his death I became severely depressed and had a nervous breakdown, and my parents possibly sent me to a mental hospital. I have no clear recollection of how my life had ended, but I know the year of my death was 1970.


    Not sure what other details might be relevant, as I don’t want to overload with information…
     
  5. argonne1918

    argonne1918 Senior Registered

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    This sounds very possible. There were many couples who were not able to have children back in those days. Medical science was not as advanced as it is today. About the only way to research this person is to go there in person, or hire a private investigator or researcher, and dig through the old record books. Births, deaths, marriages, etc. are all recorded at the local courthouse. After a certain number of years these records, or copies, are sent to the state archives at the state capital. You can often obtain copies of the originals but there is a fee charged. You also have to give them the name, dates, etc.
     
  6. Sarah Jane

    Sarah Jane New Member

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    argonne1918, thank you for all the information!


    I had no idea it was so difficult to actually find someone in those records due to security increase. I thought that most of the people who lived in the U.S. appear in the public online census.


    That is somewhat reassuring, although if I was born before 1940 in my past life, I probably should have been listed there, as well as my past-life parents.


    I wish I could go to the USA and search personally, but there is no way I could ever afford it. I will just have to keep wondering about whether my past life was real or not. It feels real in my heart, so I guess I can live with that without finding actual proof, as much as I would like to find it.
     
  7. BriarRose

    BriarRose Senior Registered

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    Sarah Jane, you could only find yourself in the 1940 census if you know your maiden name. Your husband would be a more likely choice. Even the paid sites have taken time to get the 1940 Census on- line. It was a big undertaking, and they went state by state. You have a very complete memory. It doesn't sound like an invention. Have you tried FamilySearch.org? It is free, and run by the Mormon Church. There is no pressure to become a Mormon, and it is private. Not all information is there, because they rely on volunteers to enter the data, but it is a good site.
     
  8. Mama2HRB

    Mama2HRB Senior member Staff Member

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    Have you tried your local library? Most have the library edition of ancestry.com there for free. :)
     
  9. Sarah Jane

    Sarah Jane New Member

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    BriarRose, I have tried FamilySearch.org several times, and, once again, no success... Even though I do know my maiden name, and have also tried searching by my husband’s surname, there are no records to match the full names and dates of birth and death.


    Perhaps it means that I am wrong on all these specific data, but the memory of the past life itself is real, hence it appears to be so complete… Maybe my imagination added details that I couldn’t actually remember to ‘fill in the blanks’… This is very puzzling to me.

    Thank you for the suggestion, I will try to ask there. I live in a very small town with a small library and old computers, so I’m not sure if they have even heard of ancestry.com, but I will try it :) .
     
  10. Lynnette

    Lynnette New Member Staff Member

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    Hi Sarah Jane,


    I can empathise completely with your struggle to find records. A few years ago I started working on my family tree, and those of the people I remembered in dreams and visions etc, who may well have been from a PL.


    Even with people I knew actually existed, it was so hard to find stuff. Sometimes names were transcribed wrong, males were recorded as females and vice versa, even ages could have been transcribed incorrectly and been out by a couple of decades!!!


    You need to cast the net very wide and use a lot of lateral thinking; try unlikely sounding sources; archives of local newspapers etc. If you find someone who seems to match in all but name, try following them back and forwards through time. It might well be the right person, but just with the wrong details. Also, don't give up - I am finding that over time, I am gradually filling in blanks I thought would forever remain blank, as more records are recorded on line.


    Also, though it does help with paid membership, I did the majority of my initial hunting using only what I could find with free access. You just have to think wide and have patience. Good luck!
     
  11. Sarah Jane

    Sarah Jane New Member

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    Wow, I didn’t know there could be such inaccuracies there! So it really is difficult to find something specific in online records, even with complete details and knowledge of people’s existence...


    Thank you for the support and the helpful advice, Lynnette, I hope my patience will also pay off one day :) . I will continue searching.
     
  12. Echo3

    Echo3 New Member

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    Oh yes, there are some horrendous inaccuracies in records, especially on-line. I did historical research on a person (not re. a past life) who died in 1916. The name on the death record and the place name, too, were completely wrong. If I hadn't known exactly what I was looking for when I ran across it, I would never have recognized it.


    Even later, on copies of archived documents such as wills, there were discrepancies in the person's name!


    I sympathize. My own past life search is pretty much hooped at this point because I either don't have the right info., not enough info, and can't afford to pay for more in-depth searches.
     
  13. Mama2HRB

    Mama2HRB Senior member Staff Member

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    There are facebook groups called Genealogic Random Acts of Kindness. They help each other with various forms of research. Maybe you can find one in the area you need.


    Mom found an obit online of an old neighbor, said he died several years ago. I took her to the daughter's facebook page and showed her current photos of him with his name and linking him to known relatives.


    She still didn't believe me LOL
     
  14. Sarah Jane

    Sarah Jane New Member

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    Echo3, thanks for sharing your experience, apparently there is more and more evidence that it’s very difficult to find the exact details of a person online, whether it’s a past life or not :)


    Mama2HRB, I will try searching on Facebook, thanks for pointing out these groups!


    It’s a good thing the neighbor turned out to be alive and well, and it’s funny that your mother still did not believe you LOL


    I also have a question for those who know: in the 50s and 60s in the USA, did married couples usually sleep in a shared bed, or in two separate beds? I think I read somewhere that in that time period it wasn’t allowed to show on TV couples sleeping in one bed, but I wonder how it was in reality…
     
  15. Colleen3115

    Colleen3115 New Member

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    My grandparents actually had separate bedrooms, come to think of it my parents have separate bedrooms now ;)
     
  16. BriarRose

    BriarRose Senior Registered

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    To the best of my knowledge, most married couples slept in a shared bed. Sometimes, very elderly people had twin beds, or separate rooms. Television Land was the only place that twin beds for couples were the norm.
     
  17. argonne1918

    argonne1918 Senior Registered

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    My mother's parents shared a bed but my dad's parents slept in separate rooms. Even today it just depends on what couples decide on. Sometimes they have separate beds or rooms because one is a loud snorer. Sometimes one likes to get up during the night and do things. It was funny watching "I Love Lucy" in the 50's and 60's with the twin beds because everyone knew they were really married in real life. The movies and TV shows were censored back then by certain religious groups who had a great deal of political power. It still happens today, but not as severe.
     
  18. Phthalo

    Phthalo Senior Registered

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    There are many possible explanations. Sometimes ancestry sites restrict your access to data if you're using free search options. Even those that don't sometimes may have gaps in their archives, remember, it takes some time to digitize the amount of records in so many places. ;)


    Are you absolutely sure of how your names were spelled and the names of locations you lived in? I know that genealogical data sometimes presents names written in different ways, because sometimes the person writing them wasn't familiar with the spelling or was simply not very literate. For this reason I've even heard of cases where someone's name was spelled differently across records. Try common variations of the spelling as well. For example, if your last name was Schwartzman, look also for Schwartzmann, Schvartzman, etc. (I'm using a random name, chosen only because it's such an easy one to misspell, at least for me!)


    Don't give up just yet. Even if you find nothing online, if you know where you lived, you could still find some information. Sometimes records, especially in small places, may take longer to be digitized because they can be more obscure. You can try to visit in person or hire someone who does archive research for a living. If that's not possible for you for financial reasons, call or e-mail that area's libraries and records offices and ask them about genealogical records. In my experience, people will generally be helpful and willing to help you, usually they can find and send you copies of the records for free or cheap. I don't know what it's like for more recent records, because those may be protected for privacy purposes, but you can always ask what your options are for the older ones.


    And if you don't find anything, what's the worst that can happen? Maybe you did exist the way you remember or your memories are off by a bit. Even if you're making it all up in your head, you can still learn something about yourself by trying to understand why those themes and images came to your mind.
     
  19. BriarRose

    BriarRose Senior Registered

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    I'm back to family research, and gaps in the Census records are astonishing. I had a female relative that I remember, who showed up on none of them. She was born in the 20's, and I finally found her on trees made by very distant relatives. No one, not even me, hallucinates that they have an aunt named "Alpha Omega"! :laugh: Still, actual documents can't be found.
     
  20. Sarah Jane

    Sarah Jane New Member

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    Hello again everyone, very sorry for not returning to this thread for such a long time, but I really needed to take a break from my research attempts and try to sort out my life. Sadly, after all this time my memories (or fantasies) still haunt me, and the total lack of evidence haunts me even more.
    So I finally decided to post some specific information that has always been in my head regarding dates and names. It is probably pointless and meaningless to do so, but I still have hope that perhaps someone will recognize something, or has lived in Portland, ME in this life and maybe read about similar events in local newspapers.

    I know it all sounds horribly far-fetched, unrealistic and weird, and I feel embarrassed even typing it. But I really need to put a closure to this, if I can’t find any clues.
    I am deliberately leaving out all the emotional stuff, just stating the data as I have it:

    My name was Ariel Sarah Troys (nee Deeran), born March 25, 1935 in New York City, at age eighteen moved to Portland, Maine, where I studied to become a nurse. When I was doing my practical training in the hospital, I met a man with whom I fell in love. His name was Sunday Gordon Troys, and he was born February 21, 1932.

    We married about six months after meeting, on April 5, 1954, and we never had children. The number of our house in Portland was 58, but I don’t remember what street it was on. He was a factory worker, until he was promoted to a manager and I became his secretary.

    He was killed in a car accident on October 25, 1968, on a Friday at 10:30 PM. As I already mentioned in my previous post, after his death I became severely depressed and my parents sent me to a mental institution. After being sent back home from there (perhaps temporarily), I took a motorcycle that was parked outside the house of the boyfriend of my friend Beverly McGee (she was roughly my age, born in the 1930s), who worked as a model (her boyfriend’s name was Clive, and they were both drug users and alcohol drinkers). I think I was heavily medicated at that time, and I didn’t know how to drive a motorcycle, so I ended up driving over a fence into the sea, and that is how I died. I still have no clear recollection of the moment of death, just vague sensations of riding at great speed and then falling into the water. I died in 1970.

    My mother’s name was Margaret Deeran (nee Yule). Strangely she always preferred to be called Marie, not Marge. My father’s name was George Deeran. I had a brother who was ten years older than me, his name was Henry. He later married and moved abroad (don't remember where). My mother was a nurse, and my father was a salesman. I think they lived in West Virginia before moving to New York.

    The names of my husband’s parents were Rosa (don’t know the maiden name) and Daughan Troys, they were immigrants from Ireland, and they lived in Vermont, possibly in Cavendish, where my husband was born. They both died in a fire in their house when he was ten (he survived the fire). He was an only child. After his parents’ deaths he was adopted by their friends, a middle-aged couple named Sophie and Steve (who preferred to be called Stephan), and I don’t remember their last name. They also lived in Vermont. Steve was a policeman, he died from a heart attack in 1964, and Sophie continued to live in that house alone, not wanting to sell it and move in with us.

    I think these are all the details I have so far that could possibly be verified, if only I could find any verification, and I have been searching for 20 years. Thank you for reading, I feel some relief and consolation just writing about it (I really miss that past life and always feel nostalgic for it).
     

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