In this life, I've never felt at home. The feeling of longing for another place has haunted me since before knowing about reincarnation, I've never even felt the current one was my real family. When I approached the concept of past lives I was fifteen and, as soon as I could, I began to meditate on my own to reconstruct my shattered person. It's been quite some time, but my work is still only at the beginning. By now I am sure I've had countless lives: the oldest one I can remember is so ancient that I can't even locate it anywhere in the human timeline. In my current life, I've always had the certainty that I was tortured and brutally executed in one or more recent past lives, but for a long time I wasn't able to remember when, where and how it happened. I had fragments of memories, but they weren't enough to find such answers. When I listened to songs in Romanian, almost a year ago, the language sounded strangely familiar to me. I decided to look deeper into the Romanian landscape and history, and I started to recognize places. The thought of having lived in Transylvania for a long time became a certainty for me. I clearly remember Brașov, I lived my previous life there, but I died young: I think I was killed in 1989, and I was hardly older than 19 or 20. I remember I was kept in a dark place, there was a single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling of the small room I was kept in, and I was sitting, bleeding profusely and agonizing. There were a few men standing in front of me, one of them gave me the final headshot: the bullet pierced my head entering from a point slightly above my right eye and it came out from another point in the lower part of the back of my head. I know this because I've suffered from recurring headaches that would start with a sharp pain at the point where the bullet entered the skull... then they stopped when I did EMDR and focused on the trauma of my own death. Regardless of the brutality of my death, I feel wonderful when I look at pictures of my old hometown. I feel like, hardship aside, there could be so many pleasant memories associated with it, that I regret that my mind is still blocked at those final moments. I am sure, though, that I had lived other lives in Transylvania before. Here comes the complicate part. About a year ago, I was meditating to recollect more details of my past. When my mind came into focus, I had a vision: I saw a man over me, one so angry and hateful that he barely looked human at all. I quickly identified him as my own murderer, judging from my deep feelings and from the hatred in his eyes. Not too long after that I had another vision, this time while I was in a regular state of mind: I saw my current mother's face warping and changing into the face of my murderer. I considered the possibility that she could be the actual reincarnation of that person, but put it aside waiting to get further proof later on. My aunt -my mother's sister- also remembers some of her past lives: like me, she was a Transylvanian, a man named Iosif, a non-violent anticommunist who was executed in the late 50's. Considering that we've both been very close to each other, differently from the rest of our so-called family, she believes I am the reincarnation of his nephew, Alexandru, who was imprisoned in the same penitentiary and executed the same day. I told her that it is not entirely impossible, given that I am familiar with the places he lived in and that I had all the time to reincarnate and live my next life from the 60's-70's to 1989. But I can't remember almost anything about that lifetime. One of these nights, my aunt dreamt of my “mother”, dressed as a convict -it probably wasn't an actual memory but rather a reference to the penitentiary we were locked in- and holding a candle in her hand. She said she came close to her, chuckling, and repeating “I did it all!”, with a hint of satisfaction in her voice. These days, my aunt worked to get in a deep meditative state and get more detailed visions, and eventually the visions came. More precisely, aside from the underground tunnels of the penitentiary, she had the exact same vision that I had about a year ago: that same man above her (or rather, him), pushing against him and looking at him with the same expression of anger and hatred. She described him to me, and the description fitted perfectly: I am sure he was the same man that I saw in my own vision. Now, this brings about some serious consequences. First of all, my aunt and I were really kept in the same penitentiary at the same time: this increases the chances that I was really Alexandru, his nephew, back then. But I am not confirming this until I can remember it myself. Secondly, we both have the strong feeling that the man who butchered us reincarnated as her sister... my mother. At this time, I am really starting to think that our hypothesis could be real. What I still don't understand is why this happened. Why would my aunt reincarnate so close to her own murderer, and why would I join her afterwards? What are we supposed to do... forgive? It all feels absurd to me. The hate of that person was so tangible that it remained embedded in our brains long after our physical deaths. It almost seems like there is some divine irony at work here, or maybe some divine plan which I completely fail to understand. I just know I needed to share this, because it is disturbing me too deeply.