All one can do is their best Alex. I wish you luck. Getting drunk is all I have left Alex. 8 years ago I walked down the road, met a woman and fell in love. I used all my powers to protect her from a very powerful sociopath. Then I found myself up against other sociopaths, a man with nothing fighting the powerful and winning. Then I realised my fight would affect everyone everywhere so I stopped fighting for a greater good. Then I find out I was one of the greatest military minds in history...a 'hero' and that in Gods eyes I was just perpetuating evil. I realised I was always wrong. I gave up being with my love in the best interests of humanity. I gave up everything. Now I have severe PTSD from all my current and past life memories. I have no love in my life and I have no way of escaping my mind. My minds always geared for combat even though I know now its not what God wants from me. The only way I have of escaping from it all is having at least 6 or 7 beers. I don't like it. I wish I was able to be like I was before all of this happened and I can't talk about it to anyone because they don't believe in reincarnation. Even worse...because my past lives are FPLs I have an even smaller group of people who might listen to me than your average reincarnationist. I never liked being tied to anything but I find my anxiety and sheer blind terror of the men I've been dissipates after a few drinks. Its not ideal but its the best I can muster for now. I'm hoping something on this forum clicks with me deeply enough that I can see a way forward instead of standing still. Thanks for your concern though.