Past life in Hollywood

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by Jaimie, Aug 14, 2019.

  1. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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    Hi, understand that people are skeptic about this but I am gonna try it anyway.

    When I was young I came to America and when I was in LA, California, Hollywood, Beverly Hills and later in New York I would get flashes of memories. That I so did not understand is what it was at the time. I felt familiar. At home. This did not happen when I visited other cities in the USA. Although I enjoyed them more actually.

    I did not grow up with Internet. We had only a few Television Channels. I hardly spoke any English, American.

    It has taken me like 20 years to put the pieces of these flashes to one picture, a story. Many have only been only a few seconds short. They have happened to me when I am awake. Things has also appeared during meditation from this life, especially from the longest romantic relationship she was in, and family life.

    There were a lot of things that I eventually read ( in old magazines, newspapers because again - we had no Internet yet in the world ) in a US library upon my return several years later, that did not fit into my flashes of memories. I would use that as proof that it was only my imagination.

    Having lived with these flashes of memories for several years I knew by now that there was something to it. I just did not know what.

    It was only after having it for so long that I dared to confess it to a friend of mine. I thought for sure that she was going to think I had wild imagination. Instead I was strengthen by this friend regarding this. Unlike me she came from a spiritual family. She began to tell me right away that she had recognized me when we met. That I had the same laugh. The same "style" ( I did not even know I had one ). Much of the same persona.

    As she was beginning to describe, in detail, my, at the time husband in that pl, I was starting to freak out a little. Because it was true. What she was describing fitted my flashes of memories. She even got a name that my husband ( we double dated ) used to call me by -- correct. That was an "inside name", so to speak. She said it as if it was of no importance when remembering a sentence he had had made. At the time she thought the rest of the sentence was more important, not his name for her.

    When I read it many years later I was like - there was no way she could have known. She even remembered the same looking car that I remembered that we had, that he drove ( he was in my flashes a very good driver and would in all flashes be the one driving, not me ).

    So we had the same things showing itself again and again. Working in the same entertainment industry back then she too would swift from working in New York and in Hollywood. She had struggled there for some time.

    To be fair, my personal reflection about this is that everyone will end up with a life that is either close to fame or brings fame. I think it is to learn something. In my case it was not something she wanted. There are people that wish to be famous, she was not one of them. That love it when people look at them. She did not.

    It was as if fate, or should I say finance situation and parent that had brought her there at the time. She was shy and insecure behind her cheerful facade.

    I would see her modeling, holding things, presenting things. I feel that she was discovered because the mix of her looks, being pretty, and being highly sensitive. I feel that she was only a teenager when she started.

    The modeling thing I think was the opposite of what my spirit had gone through in a past life where I was most likely a mix race and was bullied because of it and had to be careful. So these were 2 opposite situations. Maybe it was to teach me that it was OK when people looked at me. No one was going to do me harm, if they came close enough to see.

    The real her was someone who yearned to the sea, the lakes, the nature, and pretty much to be left alone without being a product of some sort, of being representative. She also loved animals.

    When she reached the state, still just a teenager, in her late teens, to date, I could see this starting to happening. I could see her turn down dates because she was so nervous and so shy. I could sense that she was made fun of because of her insecurity. People wanted her to light up. She did not take love lightly. She felt out of place here too.

    One evening as I was watching, out of boredom, not being anything else on the Television, I saw an actor in a movie that stood out from the rest. Years earlier I had had the same reaction to another actor that I had seen on a postcard in Hollywood. From my flashes of memories they had been romantically involved for a period of time.

    As turned out the actor in the old movie was someone who had made it big. After I had seen parts of this film I was getting flashes of memories of him too. At the time I thought "This is just ridiculous". It was so obvious to me that this just have to be imagination.
    In my flashes he was a lot younger and more skinny than he was in the movie. My body was that way too in these flashbacks. It was as if this must have happened several years before she met and fell in love with the postcard-guy that I had seen. (after I realize there had been like 3 years between when one relationship ended with the "skinny" actor to a new one began with the other postcard-actor). Both these men had made it big. I don't think I would have eventually found her true identity otherwise, but even when I was researching to try to find her, doubted that she was ever real, I did not find her, recognize her at the time.

    I saw things that I simply could not relate to Hollywood. My view of Hollywood, that is. To me dating someone in Hollywood must have meant fancy cars, fancy clothes, fancy places to visit, fancy homes. I got none of that. I got a man (the skinny guy) that I would otherwise have thought must have been a farmer or lived out in the country side. I saw lakes. I saw us spending time in nature.

    It would take me like 10 - 15 years after these flashes that I found out that few people close to him, and them, at the time, to have explained in new written words that they had dated when they were young for a while ! Before this I could not find her being mention in his life in the story of his life ( but apparently he was a hopeless womanizer by his own admission so a lot of women's names were in there and most focus on his most serious commitments).

    As it turned out my flashes had been right all along. They had enjoyed the outdoors, the lake, and he had had a country side home and a "farmers car".

    The flashes of memories that got me down to my knees were the ones with the love of her life and with her family. I could see the looks and personality traits of her family in these flashes and it was after a long time difficult to tell myself I had just made all these people up. One time after having re lived emotional flashes of her with family members I began to cry; missing them, and then telling myself I could not do that - these were someone else's, not mine. This was when I was still in struggle with myself of what I should think about all this. When I would years later see photograph of them I was shocked. It was them, alright.

    I wish I could write that her love life turned out alright, that she got married, had kids and lived happily ever after. It did not turn out this way. She did get married, though, and she did become a very proud mother who loved her kids more than anything, anyone. They were her movie stars, as simple as that. I could tell that it was the father that had a more strict role and that they disagreed at times.

    I think one of the reasons why her love life failed was perhaps the life style they had and simply the type that she was attracted to. These were few loves in her life and at first glance they did not seem to be the same type. They did have certain things in common, though. I could see men with abnormal explosive type of tempers that did not fit well with her personality in fights, I'm not saying she was innocent, but they were certainly not equal guilty in terms of temperament goes.

    This leads me unfortunately to her death. I remember it as if her boyfriend at the time killed her in her home after a fight when she asked him to leave. At the time she wanted to be single. She had tried to be patient and believe in a new love, but could not do it, at the time. She was fed up.

    At the time she had a relatively close relationship with her ex, but were not romantically involved, but would focus on being parents.

    From my flashes I think she was killed because of jealousy of the ex ( which was no need to, they had not or had plans to reconcile ) and wanting out of the relationship.

    What I read about her death, though, did not ring a bell, and years later (again) I found shocking reports that a lot of my flashes of her death were true but that it was thought that it would not hold in court because so much had been tampered with. And there were still question marks that no one could answer.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2019
  2. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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    I will now try and share what has been a painful part in my flashes of memories. I began to understand that she had a fear that she was pregnant. The father to be was her boyfriend at the time. They had had an old infected issue about when to marry. She had wanted him to marry her sooner, he had wanted to wait. This made her feel as if she loved him more. At the time they were young and it was a rather new relationship, and he still identified himself as a struggling actor and thought others viewed him like this too, that he was not yet successful at what he did. In retrospect I don't think he saw the danger in waiting to get married, but she did. She knew people would view them as either just fooling around with each other or as singles. She could also tell he was really hungry for success in a way she had never been. He had a competitive personality trait, again - she did not. If they had been more alike in these matters they might have had a better understanding for one another.

    I had flashes of memories when it became clear to me that they had been in a fight. And he had dumped her. He dumped her when she said no to marrying him in a way that did not include telling family and friends or any boss. At first I felt she was vulnerable. She was afraid he would think she had planned the pregnancy, which I truly felt was not the case. She was more shocked than he was. Some time after he had dumped her, he then tried to reach out to her, by phone and by visiting her home or her work place, and I could tell that she could not deal with that - but pushed him away. I also think it had to do with her feeling humiliated. At the time they were suppose to date others, they were suppose to be no more. He had gone on a publicity date in the spotlight with someone whom he had dated in the past. He had made a remark that was like a punch in the stomach for her -- that he insinuated that he had had some form of intimacy with this new girl.

    I have scenes where he is asking "about the baby". In one she said something like that it was more or less non of his concern, as if she was insinuating that this was her problem. When she said this I could feel her pride. Her anger. He had been angry with her before - when she was vulnerable and lost for words, not really understanding that he had dumped her, when she felt numbed. When she had tried to put the lid on. Then her tears and her fears somehow changed her into this angry and proud woman.

    There was also times when I felt she had a forgiving attitude regarding him. That she thought about what would be best for him. He put so much value on his career and his freedom. She thought let him have it. So she let go. She refused to be the one to later be blamed for having tricked him into marrying her because she had been a "bad girl" and on top of that getting pregnant.

    I could tell she blamed herself for this pregnancy. That she thought she must have done something wrong. She just thought he would not believe that.

    I could tell that the heartbreak and the situation of her being pregnant and not married really got to her. She was also physically tired, like you are in stages of a pregnancy.

    Few insiders knew about this pregnancy. It was very important to keep one's mouth shut. It was so important that she was highly advised not to tell her boyfriend she was truly pregnant, was still pregnant.

    This is where I feel really ashamed. He was not let in on the secret, although as a father to be he had rights, but maybe men back then did not have these rights, I don't know. I could feel that she wanted to tell him but because of everything that had happened she did not think it was likely that he would take her as his bride. She was still proud and angry and thought she was going to solve this on her own.

    I could really tell that she was protective of the life growing inside her. She blamed herself. Not her ex boyfriend. Not the little life.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2019
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  3. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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    upload_2019-8-15_18-15-3.jpeg
    This picture is of a man that I remember sat opposite her in an office. They talked about alternatives, about the pregnancy. I think she had some insecurity if he would think she was a bad girl, but he was kind to her.

    I did not know this man could exist. It was when I had nothing to read and my mom gave me a memoir of Ava Gardner. In this memoir Gardner described someone that looked just like him, the man I had seen in my flashes of memories. That was how I found out he had been real. When I later read about him, when Internet was well developed, I realized he was the man that people went to -- to avoid a scandal. Being pregnant and not married and pregnant by an ex boyfriend could have been cause to see him.

    At one point I realized she was suffering a miscarriage. She had someone with her who helped her find the nearest bed and as she lay there, in tears, trying not to move, praying to herself that she would stop bleeding, the person who was with her was calling for a doctor.

    I realized that once the storm had passed that she went to see her ex boyfriend to tell him the truth. That she had been pregnant all along. That she had lost their baby. He looked shocked and she left. I don't think this conversation could have lasted more than a couple of minutes and they stood far apart. I remember that she said that she was so sorry and that tears were running down and she took her hands over her face, and then left.

    In one flash of memory I realized that he had summoned her over at his place. He started out bitter and stern with her. Telling her he had plans to tell his lawyer about this. When she tried to explain, again, that she had lost their baby, she started to tell him that there should be a journal extract of the incident. That she would give this to him, she just needed a little more time. She was shaken. I could see her not being able to keep her hands from not trembling. She looked down a lot and just hoped that he would release her, that she could leave. Somehow he then changed and told her that it was alright, he would not tell his lawyer if he could see extract from her journal. She asked how much time did she have before he had planned to contact his lawyer. When she looked in his face she saw compassion and as if he felt ashamed. She would get back to him.
     
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  4. truthlove

    truthlove Senior Member

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    So, now i am curious. Who were you in that life if you don't mind me asking? the suspense is killing me. lol
     
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  5. Eva1942

    Eva1942 A Walking Enigma..

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    I am curious too! The suspense! :p I has a suspicion but it’s likely wrong... :p

    Eva x
     
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  6. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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    Hi, I am sorry, I should have mentioned it before but I don't dare to put her name out there or so much any other names either. Sorry. I have my reasons.
     
  7. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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  8. Li-la

    Li-la Senior Member

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    Hi, love this story, but it is sad. It seems so unfinished, between 2 people. No wonder you have had flashes of memories of this. Having experienced being an Italian in a past life I have to say it was an unbelievable shame if you were pregnant and not married. Women took their own lives because of this in Italy or they went into arranged marriages if someone was willing to save theirs and the baby's honor. Pregnant women that gave birth and weren't married were treated very badly at the hospital by the nurses. Women were also in hiding when it showed they were pregnant and had a false story to tell why they had been away from their hometown. Children were put up for adoption because their mothers were not married. You and the baby were in a very serious situation. If you were to keep the baby and you were still not married then both you and the baby would be treated badly, looked at badly, have less social status.
     
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  9. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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    Hi, thanks.
    I think my plan was to hide away and have my baby in secret but keep it.
    Thanks for sharing, how awful it must have been back for women to be labeled like that if not married.
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2019
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  10. truthlove

    truthlove Senior Member

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    This is still happens in India and other eastern countries unfortunately. Where society shuns you if you have kid outside of marriage. But women are getting more and more rebellious and hopefully someday it all will change towards balance from imbalance.
     
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  11. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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    Yes, I agree, it is really sad, it takes two to make a baby, and to only blame the woman really shows that women and men are not equal in such a society. Very good thing we have DNA today -- both for the fathers, and the mothers :) I'm glad we are leaning towards fathers having more rights too, regarding custody terms where I live, at least.

    I just wish I could have turned back the clock for her. To basically put her in a room with her ex boyfriend til they had worked it out. Because later in life she did realize that he did love her. He loved her too much then, even if the game was over. He challenged her truth, and made her feel terrible. But she also, I guess, made him feel terrible too. They had both made mistakes in their unhappiness: during and after their break up. Then again they had been young back then and going off the walls.

    / Jaimie
     
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  12. Li-la

    Li-la Senior Member

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    Did you family know? Were they OK with you planning to leave like this and be gone for a long time to then have the baby? Did your ex boyfriend know you were leaving? Maybe it is the Italian background I have remembered, but for me back then, in a past life, I was surrounded by family. And if not my family then my husband's family, and if not that, then friends, that were like family. If I was in any kind of trouble I was never alone. They may not have understood me. I might have driven them crazy. Still they were there for me. I have some reason to believe that I got raped during WW2 by a German soldier, had his baby when I was far too young. I have memories of staying at home and my family telling others that I was sick. I did not even go to school. I think they took the baby in as theirs, my parents. It was to protect me, and it was to protect the baby. I still get tears in my eyes when I think of the strong memory I have of my mother sitting with a baby in her arms and calling for me. As I came close she touched with her finger, lightly, the baby's nose - and then mine. The baby's eyes, and then mine. She wanted to tell me the baby looked like me. She took this baby with all her love, and her love for me. She made this baby something beautiful. It was as if I did not know how to relate to the baby, before that. She had a saying that I can't remember but it was something like something beautiful can come out of something ugly. Thing is my family would never push me out of the family. Italians, in my preference that is, did not do that. If one of their girls got in trouble - it was still their girl. It was more the girl that, out of shame, would run away or not wanting to put shame on the entire family. They would be more to blame the guy for the pregnancy, I think so at least. It was almost inhuman for them to let you out of their sight, or handle any problem - small or big - on your own, even when you made terrible mistakes in life. You were theirs - for life. I remember one time when I thought my mother-in-law would be so disappointed in me. I was a pill-addicted-person and was forced to be in the hospital. I remember the moment she saw me, she just hugged me and held me for the longest time, so her son excused himself. I was tense before, and had trouble looking in her eyes, but I broke down in her arms, and she said the nicest things to me, and would not let me go until she had said all the things she wanted to say. She was a small woman but her arms, hands, her eyes and her words were full of strength and compassion.

    Best Wishes
    Li La
     
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  13. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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    Well, you see... I did tell a family member...I remember having lots of questions with the man I remembered at the meeting, and he was explaining everything. This going away like this -- I have found actually existed. This is a case right here:

    upload_2019-8-19_19-7-38.jpeg
    The woman in color was the illegitimate daughter of actress Loretta Young and Clark Gable. Her mother hid away, had the baby in secret and had it adopted back to her. The child had to go through a painful ear-surgery so she would look less like her father when she was little. Gable being the father was a well kept secret in Hollywood. The magazines were not like they are today. There were no paparazzo in Hollywood at this time. The film studio owned the Hollywood magazines. There was only one, that I can think off, that was "independent" and it was a New York paper but it had overall little power, because well, I think people were believing the other magazines instead that had much more power. And there was also Howard Hughes, let's not forget him. He had lots of power too. If one looks closer, there are other cases as well besides Gable's daughter, but I'm not gonna get into that.

    Abortions, even though they were not legal in the US, were done by professionals abroad. Ava Gardner write about it in her memoir.

    The third was, well marriage, I guess. If not to the father to be than to someone else.

    The way I remember it -- please keep in mind this has taken me like 20 years to put all these different pieces of scenes together -- is that her so called boyfriend ( it is difficult to put a definition on the relationship at this stage ) was first sure she was pregnant but because of his anger she took steps back and said she was not sure and it was early. The way I remember it was that he was first shocked that she was pregnant, then he got angry because she did not wish to handle it the way he did, and then he told her that she was on her own and that he would re-think their relationship. When he spoke like this he was almost like a boss, a disciplinarian, a stern dad. He was, in my opinion, abusing his powerful position because really, she had none, in comparison. For a while there she felt vulnerable. Then I felt her anger. Her independence. She was not going to walk around in anguish for what ever he came back to tell her - how he now wished to define their relationship. He told her she was on her own - well, then she was on her own. When he would ask her again about the pregnancy she would tell him not to think about it, like she wanted him to think it was false alarm or as if he was not even entitled to get a yes or no if she was pregnant or not. One time I remember that he took her from their company of other young people, and told her she was so different, and could they just move on from this and she said OK to that but there was this wall there, between them. Nothing was the same. I remember that she would go to parties alone. She would turn down dates. If and when she went it was only with an acquaintance, a friend, never someone she felt something for, never someone she had dated in the past. So in her perception she was still faithful. Besides she was pregnant. She still had her plan that she would go away when it showed. Then there was this buzz around her. Her so called boyfriend or ex boyfriend -- again difficult to say -- had chose to go out on a date with a girl he had dated in the past. He had himself made a comment to those who listened that revealed, to her translation, that he had been private with her, he had been in some kind of intimate situation. She would not give him the pleasure to see her rage or her tears. She acted as if she did not care. But from there on, she said yes to someone who showed an interest in her. Still she did not think she could be serious and I think this new man was use to her being shy. Then she felt obliged to tell him she was going away at some point. Then another she actually told him she was pregnant. She thought that now he would not wish to see her no more. The way I remember it was that she had been told by someone close that she would "go to him", to make this ( poor ) new man think he had in-pregnant her so he then had to marry her. She could not go through with that. I think he later appreciated that she told him she was pregnant, that he understood it was her way of showing respect for him. He knew it was no way he could be the daddy to be. I don't think she had it in her to be unfaithful or to date several men. I remember the time she told her ex boyfriend about this new man that she had met because she did not wish to do what he had done to her - have her hear the buzz and find out that way, and make her look like a fool, as if this was an accepted part of their relationship - for him to date someone for real and have that girl or her on the side. I remember that when she came to see him that she talked in a quick voice, that she was out of breath and just wanted to leave. She had a blouse that went straight up her throat, so nothing revealing. I remember that he tried to kiss her as if to say hello, but she looked down and said "I can't. There's someone else.". That moment she could feel his eyes burning at her. He said nothing first. Then he acted as if he did not believe it.

    No, he did not know, I think, that she had planned to go away. The way my flashes of memories were is that she later told him she had been pregnant and that she had lost it (miscarried). She knew she had done wrong, big time, of not telling him the truth before but because they were broken up and he would get drunk and have a temper she was, from what I can tell, highly advised not to tell him at that stage, because he might tell and from my understanding it could ruin her - and the baby to come, and the trip to come - reputation, it could ruin the plan. I know she felt really shitty about not telling him, and even if it was very sad when she did tell him, it finally felt as if she did something right.
    /Jaimie
     
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  14. Li-la

    Li-la Senior Member

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    Wow...
    Did you get back together with your ex boyfriend after you realized that he loved you? Did you later marry? What happened? Do you remember? (you wrote this earlier "Because later in life she did realize that he did love her. He loved her too much then, even if the game was over. He challenged her truth, and made her feel terrible. But she also, I guess, made him feel terrible too. They had both made mistakes in their unhappiness: during and after their break up. Then again they had been young back then and going off the walls.") I may go off track here but I find it curious that he acted as if he was your dad when he got angry with you. Do you know who this spirit is? Could he have been your dad in a past life?

    Best Wishes
    Li La
     
  15. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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    No, they did not get back together. There were so many tumultuous scenes that started in nowhere and ended abruptly that it has been difficult for me to understand what happened, to glue these scenes together, to know what came in what order.And to just believe in them! I would tell myself it was only some wild imagination that I had no control over. I did not know why they kept bothering me like this. Lets just say that she realized too late that he did love her and he realized too late that he had lost her. She did marry later in life, but there was a split there too.
    About the dad part... I remember when I first started having flashes of him, before this - when I saw a photograph of him I thought of him as a big brother or as a father, maybe it was his age. I mean, i was really young back then. But the scene was like that. There was no "oh, I'm so happy I'm gonna be a daddy". No. He was really strict with her and she felt bad already as it was.
    /Jaimie
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2019 at 12:30 PM
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  16. Li-la

    Li-la Senior Member

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    I'm sorry it did not work out. I hope you have found peace with it now.

    Best Wishes
    Li La
     
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  17. Jaimie

    Jaimie Senior Member

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    Thank you ! : )

    Well, in that life I remember that they talked about what had gone wrong and could understand one another, which was more than they could before. As they had finished talking he wanted her back but she was too shocked and too frighten to allow him to kiss and hold her. I think he was single at the time, but she was not and she did not want to do wrong to anyone. She was not at peace with this at all for the rest of her life, but I am still glad that these two finally had a breakthrough in understanding why things had gone wrong between them. I am at peace with it. but I still consider it a failure and I still feel ashamed on my part where I went wrong.

    Thanks :)

    /Jaimie
     
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  18. Li-la

    Li-la Senior Member

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    Hi, it takes two to fail, you will work it out if you have not already ... maybe it was grim at the present time, but perhaps it had a lesson or lessons in it. It is sad when 2 people who love each other don't get back together.

    Best Wishes
    Li La
     

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