I had a PL as a Persian rug merchant. I wore a turban and my house was covered in rugs. I had seven children with my wife that survived. I was outright awful and I feel so ashamed of how I was. I had a wife who would do anything for me. She tried so so hard to please me. I dont know why. I dont know what she even liked in me. She would satisfy me sexually as much as she could, cook as best as she could, raise the kids, keep house as best as she could. But nothing seemed to make me happy. I was narcissistic, arrogant, and angry. I was verbally very abusive. I beat my wife on many occasions. Again, I am deeply ashamed of who I was. I feel so sad that I want to break down and cry. The woman who was my wife is the man I went on a couple of dates with. I fell so hard for him. I feel like he liked me too but I played hard to get, like they show in "the rules". Long story short, this guy had a bad reputation for bedding half the town's women in which we live. He's gorgeous, well groomed, very stylish, great dancer, drives a great car, successful, flirtatious, has so so much charm and has all the boxes checked on what I need and want in a man. I was a little hesitant at first b/c of what I heard about him. He's kind of a woman discarder if you know what I mean. I was also super nervous around him b/c of how much I liked him. I never was intimate with him and perhaps thats why he lost interest. I just found it hard to trust him. He might be a player but he's a good guy. I feel like our signals were crossed. We didnt get each others intentions. He didnt really like spending much money on a woman. On the first date he wanted me to cook for him and wanted to come over when I barely knew him and didnt feel safe inviting a man over when I only met him once at a party. But he kept insisting that he was so hungry. Third date I cooked for him. He never offered to take me out after that. But would tell me to bring over treats and come to his house at 11 pm at night. It was kind of weird. But for some reason with someone else I would not be interested but with him, I was trying so hard to please him. I signed up with a personal trainer to lose weight, constantly worried if I was smart enough, pretty enough, social enough, good enough for him. My heart broke when I saw him take another woman on vacation. However I saw him at a party and he kept making eye contact. When we finally talked I told him he looked good. He gave me that mischevious smile and eye contact that gets me so weak at the knees and grabbed my ***. I avoided him b/c I was humiliated and also I was hurt. We werent officially a couple and I know he had the right to see other women, but I felt sad b/c I had been at his house just a couple days prior to his vacation. I also didnt want people to see me flirt with a taken man. I left the party and didnt say bye to him. Part of me is so sad to see him go. Or be with another woman. I never understood his intentions but I feel like his intentions were not bad. now that I look back. I still see him as a person who cares about making others happy. He works in customer service and has good reviews online where people thank him personally for how he pays attention to detail and keeps people happy. All the women he's been with give him good reviews. When I used to come over he would make sure my wine glass was filled and I was warm and not cold. I know we are soul mates but I feel so sad that he's not in my life. I know he thinks of me. He doesnt look happy with the new girl. She posts pictures of them on social media. He never posts them online. He only has pictures of himself and not with her when they went on vacation. I just feel like if he gives me a chance I will make it up to him this time around. I also have done a lot for him to please him. When I saw him, he was interested in me but had this "what are you going to do to please me" personality.