Question about marriage in 1980's Russia???

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by DoingThingsWithAbby, May 17, 2018.

  1. DoingThingsWithAbby

    DoingThingsWithAbby Active Member

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    Did families arrange to have their children marry each other? When I say that, I mean, Did young men offer their perspective bride's father money so they could marry the girl of their choosing?
    Please awnser.
     
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  2. Angie Brown

    Angie Brown Senior Registered

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    Oh yes, and the other way around too. A father might have paid a dowry to the husband to be. Also parents would arrange and force marriage on offspring for religious, political or business reasons. It was done to me by my parents. When I told the man I was being forced, he was furious but said he would still have to marry me as my parents could sue him for breach of contract and give him a bad reputation. He returned home with me, told my parents what he thought of them and said he would never help them in business. My cold, hard mother didn't even look up from her embroidery and nonplussed replied "You don't have to. Just having you as our son-in-law will be enough". In other words, they could gain credibility just by being his in-laws. That was in late Victorian England.
     
  3. DoingThingsWithAbby

    DoingThingsWithAbby Active Member

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    Viktor paid my father so he could marry me. And they all acted like they were alright with it, like it was something that was an okay thing to do.
    In a lifetime in 1800's America I was an irish maid in Viktor's house; He sexually abused me and when I threatened to leave him he said that if I didn't marry him he'd make sure everyone as far as 3 towns over would know I was a dirty Irish whore and I'd never be able to work as a maid agian.
     
  4. Angie Brown

    Angie Brown Senior Registered

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    Hi Abby,

    I am so sorry to hear that. It was a terrible time when men literally owned women and all that a woman just might have come to own for ourselves. I was resentful of the man who was my husband in that life, and I was rejectionary and rude to him. After having two sons (who I loved way beyond death) I stopped washing and changing my clothes until my smell embarrassed him so much in front of visitors and our sons that he promised to leave me alone if I would only keep clean again. He was a man of his word so I knew he would and I was able to immediately have a bath and change clothes. I was still rude to him. I hated that he had married me knowing I was being forced and although I understood the legal implications and the damage to his reputation my parents would cause him if he had withdrawn from his 'promise', what he would have suffered wasn't comparable to my suffering in a forced marriage where obviously I was repeatedly raped. I know that as I entered my forties I became more confident in 'getting away with' carping and being rude to him. He never hit me or starved me. He did however stop my two best friends visiting as he suspected they were encouraging me (they sympathised with me but my situation wasn't unusual so they never 'encouraged' me, as they knew the man had the law on his side all the way and didn't want to have me make my bad situation worse. I suspect accusing them of encouragind me was just his excuse to punish me by banning them).
    Then when I was 44 in 1908 he forced me to undergo an horrifically cruel 'medical' procedure - cautery. I had heard of women dying of shock from it and those who didn't were never 'ok' again. I begged and pleaded with him and swore i'd 'behave' and not be rude to him ever again. I pleaded for the sakes of our sons who were only 11 and 14 and still needed their mother, me. He wouldn't listen though and said he was certain I wouldn't die and it would 'cure' me of my difficult temperament. It was obvious he was having it done purely to spitefully punish me.
    When the quack came, my husband told the boys to come into the bedroom to see me as I would need to rest after and they wouldn't be able to see me for the rest of the day. Within a couple of minutes the quack wanted them out so he could proceed and that is my last memory of them, as they had to leave the room.
    I again pleaded with my husband to no avail. If i'd tried to struggle or run, he could have had me sectioned for the rest of my life in a mental asylum, such as they were in Ewardian England. As the quack stood over me I saw the evil gleam in his eyes and knew he was going to use the procedure to murder me and that he enjoyed doing that.

    After I died my spirit remained in the room. I saw my husband come in and realising I was in fact dead, being awash with regret. Too late. I hated him more than ever. Naturally, I also detested the evil quack.

    It's strange. I've hardly discussed any of that with anyone. Only a little of it with one person, and that was decades ago and as he clearly didn't believe in the possibility of pl's, I stopped trying to confide in him.
    Until now, writing this, I had believed I had pretty much come to terms with things from pl's, but writing that out as it happened I again feel such rage and hatred toward those two men. I feel that if I happened on them in my current life now, recognised their spirits and importantly that they also remembered, it wouldn't matter how remorseful they were I would feel fully justified in physically attacking them, and some relief in doing so. I clearly haven't let go of that, and obviously must find a way to do so. My anger toward them verges on rage, and that isn't good for my progress.

    I know there is now, rightly, a lashback against the extreme 'feminism' that hijacked the earlier sane movements. Women now HAVE gained to much power over men in the West. Innocent men are being accused of terrible crimes and have been imprisoned wrongly and have even ended their own lives before it's been found that the women lied (see 'register her'). Probably there are more times the truth isn't found out and the man is never cleared. That is a far cry from us simply not wanting to be owned, to men having the right to beat us to death or have us murdered under the guise of medical treatment, locked away in an asylum, starve us and the children while they drink and gamble the money, wanting the vote, to have the right to work without a man's consent, to have the same pay for the same work to the same standard, to rent a room, flat or even a TV without a man's signature as guarantor (until 1974 in Britain). Also, to have an abortion (sensitive subject) where there is a risk to the woman's life to continue a pregnancy without the husband also consenting (I had a neighbour in that situation in 1976, poor woman. She was terrified of leaving their two tiny daughters motherless, tried very hot baths, throwing herself downstairs. Thankfully she was ok in the end. The baby was born ok and was her last as she got sterilised). All we wanted were equal rights where we were equal, and to rightfully have full rights over ourselves. The pendelum seems to be swinging to the opposite extreme and I don't like that either, but the 'anti-feminist' women should never ever again allow themselves to become subservient and give up reasonable rights that we really suffered despicable cruelties through not having. A certain 'religion' that is becoming very powerful comes to mind. Even worse than previous extreme patriarchal religions, certainly those in the West in the past (and still so in some countries like Ireland) where women have been denied human rights just because of being women.

    From what you wrote, you also quite rightly hated the man, Viktor, who forced you into marriage. Do you remember any more than that? If it isn't too difficult to write about.

    I really am sorry to read of the plight he put you in. My heart goes out to you.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2018
  5. DoingThingsWithAbby

    DoingThingsWithAbby Active Member

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    Thank you for sharing such a personal story with me, angie. I'll post a link for you to read, where I've written as much about that life as I can.
     
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  6. DoingThingsWithAbby

    DoingThingsWithAbby Active Member

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  7. Angie Brown

    Angie Brown Senior Registered

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    Thank you, Abby. Sorry to have gone on. I never intended to come out with so much on what is your thread. I send you a big sisterly long hug.
     
  8. DoingThingsWithAbby

    DoingThingsWithAbby Active Member

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    Not a problem! Right back at you. If you ever need to talk I'm here.
     
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