Question About My Lost Baby

Discussion in 'Reincarnation Questions' started by Mr. Mike, Nov 22, 2016.

  1. Mr. Mike

    Mr. Mike Registered

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    I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this question, but I am curious to hear if anyone has an answer to this. About a month ago, my wife and I received the devastating news that our (second trimester) baby had severe Spina Bifida and a heart defect. To make a painful story short, we made the painful and heartbreaking decision to terminate the baby to spare it the pain and suffering. I knew several children with Spina Bifida and they all suffered mightily before dying as teenagers.

    When the autopsy was performed, the Doctor called us and told us the baby had been conclusively diagnosed with Trisomy 13, better known as Patau Syndrome. Essentially, it is a death sentence and over 99% of babies with it don't make it past their first year.

    Of course I will always go over in my head if I made the right choice even though it is obvious in hindsight but my question is what purpose does this serve from a reincarnation/soul point of view? What 'lessons' could possibly be learned in such a situation? I have to admit, I really makes me doubt the whole reincarnation thing as NOBODY could do anything to deserve such a horrible life. I certainly understand Carol once addressed "U-turns" in the womb but this was not a case of a miscarriage, at least not at the stage we were at.
     
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  2. Mere Dreamer

    Mere Dreamer Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I don't have an answer, but I do have my intuitive response.

    Have you ever done something you knew would make you suffer ... but the reason you did it is because you also knew it would benefit someone you love? Maybe they'd suffer too, knowing that you were sacrificing for them or without understanding your choice, but they'd also gain something of significant value that would last a lifetime.

    Take that concept and expand it into the larger view of reincarnation. What if a soulmate knew that being born (or almost so) in a compromised body would teach their parents a deep and abiding empathy and would lead to a lives-long attitude of helping suffering children? Come up with your own potential responses knowing how many parents of children lost to disease or other tragedy have started charities that helped hundreds or thousands of others.

    That's what I think is happening. Maybe not every time. There are so many possible reasons for the same situation that I'd feel uncomfortable making it a blanket answer. But knowing that people give their lives willingly to save others makes me think that a soul can incarnate for such a purpose as well. It is a way to combat the destructive patterns that would otherwise have free reign, though it's confusing and painful for those who have to live on with the knowledge of their suffering. In a way, that confusion and pain fuels the good they create as a reaction.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2016
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  3. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Mike,

    It would be great if anyone here really knew all of the answers to the questions asked, unfortunately all that we know comes from our own experiences whether they are personal experience or learned from others. I have pondered the question you are asking and have come up mostly with more questions than answers.

    Most explanations indicate that these situations are teaching experiences for the parents while others claim that the spirit of the child wanted some part of the birth experience, either way it creates pain for the parents. One of my daughters lost her first son; he was still-born from being strangled by his own umbilical cord. Some things just don't seem to make sense to us. Perhaps you will understand later. My daughter has toured Heaven with her son; one of several OBE experiences that she has had. I am not aware of any explanation that he might have given her, but she has been healed from those experiences with him.

    I am sorry that you are in pain at this time, but you would probably benefit from believing that it happened for a reason and move on. If it happened for your edification than you will figure it out at some point, do not become obsessed with it.

    My experience with my daughter's loss is/was very unpleasant as I was the one who answered the phone to hear my daughter say "Daddy, my baby's dead" through her tears - I did not know what to say then anymore than I do now - that was hard, thirty years ago and tears still come easily!
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2016
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  4. fireflydancing

    fireflydancing Registered

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    Mike,
    There are no general answers that apply to every single case. I feel your pain, and I feel sorry for you.
    I hope you have the peace and the ability to connect to the spirit of your unborn child in a meditative state (don't ask others to do or interpret this for you).

    I've lived this from another angle. I once found myself pregnant without planning, and I asked in a meditative state this child not to be born, because it was (in my situation at that moment) not possible to raise more children properly. To be honest, I was actually angry when I asked that. At a check at three months in the hospital the docters discovered that the fetus had stopped growing at the age of 6 weeks.... (and not alive anymore)
    Later I discovered that emotions matter most in these cases. If this child hadn't agreed with me about my situation, she wouldn't have left by herself. But she kept on being angry with me because of my flat rejection of her. She had taken that very personally. This goes beyond life and death, just our personal relationship.

    My lesson was that emotions matter most. The soul of an unborn child cannot die, it can be born again and again. but it is always about the love connection, no matter how long or how short (time doesn't count).
    So, the conclusion is not that an unborn child will always be angry. No, it is a soul, and a soul can understand decisions that are made, no problem, even agree with them. Probably they already know on forehand. It is about the respect and the love around the decisions.
     
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  5. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    Hi Mike

    That's very tough! I am so sorry for your loss. If only there was some explanation or comfort we could give to you. Sadly I certainly don't have any definitive answers, except that some things just happen and we don't always have a reason for them.
     
  6. Blueheart

    Blueheart Senior Member

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    Stop right there. Do not beat yourself up over something that was not your fault. And, please, please, do not let your wife doubt herself this way. You two had to make the worst decision a parent could make, and it was made out of love and concern and a desire to end suffering. I, for one, am thankful that at the very least, you were allowed to make the choice you did, as terrible as that was. Of course, you weighed everything carefully and made the best decision you could, given the circumstances. I do not doubt that for a second, and you should not either.

    Like others here, I certainly can not give you a definitive answer. Unlike others here, I do know what you are going through, to some extent. I, too, lost a much-wanted child, although it was earlier in the pregnancy. And I, too, know what it is like to receive a horrible diagnosis about ones baby, although mine happened on the day my oldest was born. I know what it is like to feel all of your expectations, hopes and dreams for your child come crashing down in an terrible, black instant. There are no words for that kind of pain. I am so, so sorry this has happened.

    I asked myself these same questions. All I can tell you is what I believe. I believe your child was there with you when you were weighing the options and made your decision. I believe it is possible he/she "nudged" you and your wife in the direction you ultimately chose. I believe that on the other side, (which I have memories of) the decision was fully understood - and perhaps that soul even had a bigger view of it than you two did here on earth. I believe that there was no ill will felt over it, and that in the fullness of time, you three will be brought together again to heal and dissolve this hurt that you are feeling right now.

    As for what "lessons" could be learned? I really think that "lessons" are a side-effect, and not the purpose of life on the earth plane.

    From what I remember of that other side of the veil . . . "They" very much deal in probabilities. They play the odds. They can sort-of plan ahead and stack the deck, but that is the best they / we can do from over "there". Nothing is certain. That is the price we pay -- we all pay -- when we come here to the material plane, and after all, no one gets out of here alive. Down here, there are other forces at work and sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes the unexpected happens. This is cold comfort, I know, when the "odds" take a big dump on you and your family. And, I agree with you, no one deserves for this to happen.
     
  7. Mr. Mike

    Mr. Mike Registered

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    Thank you for the well thought out responses. I was just speaking to someone from the hospital today and we are going in next week to discuss the science behind it and the odds that it will happen again as well as what the future holds. On the bright side, if we try again and are successful we will be even more mature and in a better position, both financially and emotionally to be parents. I suppose a part of me gets angry when I see parents who clearly don't care about their children: why on earth would a soul willingly choose that incarnation instead of someone who while far from perfect is in a great position to raise and love a baby.

    What I find really bizarre is that I had a very vivid dream in what would have been the week (s)he was conceived: I had a couple of more until they stopped about three weeks later. The doctor told us that three weeks would have been when the defect developed. Coincidence maybe but answers are something I still have few of. Hopefully in the near future I will have more positive news to share and can productively share in the discussion.
     
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  8. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    Namaste Mr Mike,

    Things happen sometimes that defy explanation at the time. All we can do sometimes is live through it and work it out later (if we're lucky). It can be very difficult and confusing. Sometimes we see the meaning right away. Sometimes we see it many years later.

    Best wishes and good thoughts to you. Focus on love as much as you can. That's always good advice.

    T.
     
  9. Leaf

    Leaf Registered

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    Mr. Mike, I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been very painful to have to make that choice.
    I hope you and your wife become happy parents soon, as you wish.
    Anyway, I think there are one good thing you can do... I don't know, maybe you have already done something similar, but just in case, I'd like to share this idea with you.
    I had a miscarriage in my first pregnancy, I know this is very different from what happened to you, your story is much more harder, but I was 38, I didn't know if I had real chances to succeed, we had put a lot of love and hope in that pregnancy and I was devastated, very sad.
    It's a good thing to be able to close cycles, to say goodbye, put things in their places, express what you both feel and what should be said. I felt that we need to do a farewell to this little baby, a kind of small ceremony (only me and my husband). We went to a quiet place outside the city, lit a candle... We needed to cry and to say him/her "we do not know what has failed, but we love you and you will always be our child". So we did so, we gave us a special time to talk to the soul of our baby, and it was good, we felt relieved, in peace. I'm sure that he/she was there with us too, somehow.
    It was like doing this, we gave this baby his/her place in the family and after, we were better prepared for another possible child, a new person, not a substitute. (A year later my oldest son was born ... he is the oldest, but also the second. And soon after, my youngest son.)
    I hope you can heal that wound soon... I wish you all the best.
     
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  10. Mr. Mike

    Mr. Mike Registered

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    As an update to this thread, we just found out we are expecting another child, almost a year to the day when we found out about the first one. Obviously we are both very nervous considering what happened last time but the doctors and specialists assure us we are at about a 1% risk based on her age, no higher than anyone else. Hopefully things will go better this time and I can contribute in a more positive manner in the future. No matter if this child is the same 'soul' as the first or not, it's not going to change how I feel one bit.
     
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  11. Native Son

    Native Son Member

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    It's all part of the illusion of the game of life in the physical world. Pain and pleasure is all in the game. The problem here is when anyone gets stuck in-between knowing and not-knowing that this physical life is just an illusion, and a game. One either plays the game in total ignorance of it being a game, or the opposite, knowing full well that it's a game. However, our game of life has its rewards and penalties. Being stuck in the middle, spells out a ball of confusion. As written, no one can serve two masters, either you serve and love God, or mammon; Matthew 6.24. Ball of Confusion by the Temptations sends out a clear message of the way our game of life is going, and perhaps it's the way it was meant to be. After all, it's God's plan, or as I see it, it's God's fiction novel and He has written every line, and we are all his actors playing out the play. Reincarnation, to be or not to be conscious of It? Which is better? Do not be lukewarm about it. Live by it, or die of it, otherwise Jesus will spit us out of his mouth; Revelation 3.16
     
  12. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    So happy to hear such great news.

    Best wishes and fingers and toes crossed for a joyful outcome. [happy emoticon]

    Only love.

     
  13. Mr. Mike

    Mr. Mike Registered

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    Unfortunately things took a sudden turn for the worse and we have just lost another baby. I think the hardest part is trying to answer questions that can't be answered at least in this lifetime. I will be stepping away for a while but I appreciate the kind words.
     
  14. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Mike, I'm truly sorry to hear that you have not had the outcome that you wanted, I imagine it is even more difficult for your wife. Celebrate what you have, grieve if you must, but avoid the negative emotions and blame that accompanies times like these.

    I know that it makes no sense to you (or me) that these things happen, what is the purpose? What's the message? Will it make you stronger, or weaker? Is it a test of your relationship, or a shared experience to help in the future? All those many questions that you can ask to drive yourself crazy! Been there, done that.

    Trust that there is a reason and that it is part of the life-plan that the two of you created - it makes it a whole lot easier. In thirty years it will all make sense.
     
  15. tanguerra

    tanguerra Administrator

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    Terrible news. So sorry to hear this. That's awful for you.

    Take care.
     

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