Remembering a past life as a Waffen-SS officer - my story

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by BenjaminFR, Oct 5, 2018.

  1. BenjaminFR

    BenjaminFR Senior Member

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    Hello!

    Thanks for your message!

    As for your question, related to if there is some continuity in our personas... I do feel a very close bond to him. I won't go into details about what I do now, but maybe this "leader" aspect has somehow carried on. I was always the kind of kid to organize games, lead projects as a student and I've been involved in the creation of two businesses already, loving the management and strategy aspects of it.

    On the contrary, I strongly dislike violence, never got into a fight (although I trained for years in a israeli martial art, funny twist of fate), and hate any form of cult or place where you're told how to think. I am very much an open-minded person, kind of a free spirit and I love discovering new cultures, I mean right now I live in a communist state so far away

    And yes, I have the feeling that, somehow, we experience things at the same moment in our lives. I realized the other day that my visions started at the age he joined the SS. And I remember that he went through very tough times throughout his younger years, with a catastrophic economy in Germany from 1916 until Hitler came into power. And yes, I can very much relate because my family was plagued by the 2008 crisis, where we lost our status, comfort and pretty much all belongings. I know the rage it feeds into your heart and mind, I even thought about joining the army (I wanted to go to Sandhurst, British military academy to train as an officer, or Legion if it didn't work out), but I ditched those plans because... I didn't want to stain my life with violence and suffering. It's funny because this happened before I found out the identity I carry inside me.

    I also remember having an "imaginary son", when I was a young kid (you know, some children have imaginary friends, well I had an imaginary son). I'd call him "my boy" and always refused to tell his name. I discovered later in my investigation that this soldier, whose memory I carry, never had the chance to see his second son, as he never got to come home between his son's birth and his death. Is there a link? I don't know but finding out this information revived a lot of sad emotions.

    As for the "SS stuff" you mentioned, I don't think it carried over at all. I never was interested in Nazi Germany at all, from a historical point of view, and still today I have no fascination for the Waffen-SS. I do see it as an elite formation (at least it was so in 1942,1943, before the war it was a joke), but I don't miss it, I don't fantasize about it, it was a copy-paste of every group that ever saw themselves as political elite in history. Take a generation of angry young guys, add some strong words about bringing the country back to its greatness (of course they're better than neighbours), powder with mysticism (take a look at what the SS ceremonies were like) and you've got the recipe for the SS. And pretty much every other group based on hate.

    One thing I remember though, is the unique bond you form with your fellow soldiers. I do remember that it was such a close and strong relation... a very deep and selfless commitment. I knew those men would follow me everywhere, and I'd do everything I could to ensure their safety and well-being. It's hard to describe how deep this bond is.

    On a lighter note, I want to tell you a funny story about the glimpse of another life I saw:
    In a regression, I drifted away for a moments and saw a scene from a much, much older life. I was in a forge, in the medieval times, and yeah, I was putting a lot of care into hammering an armor plate.

    As a kid, I used to ask for a lot of cardboard to my parents. It pleased me much more than toys, as I'd spend hours crafting armors with cardboard and duct tape. I'd do everything. From the helmet to every plate including articulate gauntlets.. my parents loved it. I started super early, when I was 5 I made the base model for my school's show (we mimed a battle so I made shields and body armors) and ended up doing like 20 sets in carboard for all kids... fun times.

    Anyway, I believe there is some kind of repetition or patterns, but I see them more as something you have to break away from. I guess my whole life has been a path to break free from the patterns you inherit from your family and culture
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2018 at 1:21 PM
  2. BenjaminFR

    BenjaminFR Senior Member

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    Hey Kalos!

    Always nice to read you! Hope all is well.

    I find it fascinating that you share such a close bond with your old identity. The memories pre-war you mention are extremely interesting. Mine are somehow more sparse. I told you already that I feel that the memories I was allowed to remember are limited to what was useful. But it doesn't justify why I carry so much military knowledge about the Waffen-SS and it's campaigns.

    So far, I have had visions of streets and buildings when Eugen was very young, and few other scenes, but that's pretty much it. No names, few faces, vaguely aware of a little brother. However the scene of Eugen presenting himself in front of his father in black SS uniform for the first time is etched in my memory. I could draw you a map of the ground floor of the house, I could describe the glasses of his father like if they were in front of me. Once from that on I could pretty much tell you where he went and what he did until 1943. It's surprising and a bit sad to realize that his life -as I remember it- only bloomed when he joined the SS-Verf├╝gungstruppe.

    It's a bit frustrating sometimes to have such a gap -before and after he joined. As of this day I still have doubts as to why he joined the SS. I somehow know that he wanted to become a career officer - now did he join the Waffen-SS for a lack of opportunity in the Wehrmacht, or for attraction towards national socialism? I have memories that support both options: his father was a veteran of WW1, I believe, but as an enlisted, not a career officer. And I don't think Eugen was fitting the standards of the Wehrmacht to train as an officer in 1934, however the SS was known to provide opportunities in their SS-Junkerschule for young men to follow an officer course regardless of social origin. On the contrary, I remember a hatred for the reds down to a young age, and have images of beating up communists while wearig civilian clothes.

    So I am still wondering, as of today, if I don't remember much of his youth comes from the fact that his life pre-SS was very tough. Not many happy moments. Just struggling. I mean I have had moments in my life now where I've struggled a lot for extended periods of time, and I have few memories from it also. I find it, for now, the most plausible answer to my dilemma.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2018 at 10:16 AM
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