Resolving disbelieved trauma

Discussion in 'Reincarnation Questions' started by Jim78, Nov 26, 2018.

  1. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Hi all.

    I have untreated chronic PTSD from my life and past lives journey. I find it intolerable most of the time, the nightmares, the intrusive thoughts, the flashbacks etc. I find every human interaction to be a struggle and all of my fears have been magnified to an unbearable degree. I feel set apart from humanity. I feel like I will never be fully a part of life again. I self medicate to get away from my trauma so basically I'm turning into a fat drunk on top of it.

    I've mentioned it before, but the most intense PTSD experience I've had was when a woman who looked just like my old love sat two feet from me at a tram stop. She triggered me as soon as we broke eye contact. She was initially dismissive of my gaze like beautiful women tend to be with male attention. They are well used to it.

    As soon as she broke eye contact my flashback started. I think I said "I went to war for a woman like that" out loud because during the flashback the lady was facing me, not looking away like she had been previously. I stared at her, only seeing my old love. I relived the machinations of my mind as I fought to protect her. I relived my risking a bullet for her. I looked away and briefly came out of the flashback. Then I looked back and saw my old loves beautiful face and lucious dark hair. My rage at her sociopathic husband burst out of me and I relived breaking a sociopath to gain information on them. I relived the softening of my viewpoint as I realised what sociopaths actually are and the decision myself and others made to cover our tracks. Then I relived being utterly powerless in the face of true evil, I was stunned. I looked away again and somberly nodding my head I most likely said "combating evil creates evil". Then I had a " Huh!?" moment as I realised I was the greatest hero in Irish history and that meant that I was screwed. I relived the vision I had of spiralling towards hell and I looked back to the lady, feeling crippling guilt over bloody Sunday 1920 and overwhelmed by the trauma of Easter week 1916. I was embarrassed and ashamed. Then I looked away again and felt the weight of a millennia of conflict on my shoulders. I looked back to her thinking "All this just cos I met a woman and fell in love?!" Then I came completely back into the present. I was at a quiet tram stop and the beautiful young lady had been staring at me the whole time. She looked like she knew what I'd been through for a woman like her. I was embarrassed at realising I'd just had a flashback, I'd never had an intense one in public before so I made sure she was comfortable and broke eye contact with her.

    I described that because it also gives a rough overview of my journey. It was an edited version of the fight I fought.

    My question is how does one get over PTSD? Therapy, psychology etc isn't helping because past life trauma isn't believed. Indeed if the tram lady knew I was feeling guilty over being Mick Collins she would have thought me mad just like everyone else does.

    I'm just wondering if other past life soldiers have this issue? If so how do you cope with it? Taking alcohol until it destroys your liver can't be the only answer. There must be something else. I fear I've bitten off more than I can chew.

    Any feedback would be most appreciated. I'm sick of being constantly anxious and not feeling fully in control of my mind.
     
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  2. glia21

    glia21 explorer21

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    I can relate to what you write. My way of coping is to listen to music - I`m very verbal so I need lyrics to comfort me. While listening I keep my mind on the words. But that´s just short time comforting of course.
    I once read about a rapid eye movement therapy which should be helpful with PTSD.
    But then, I´m certain there are therapists with a PL believe, just not easy to find. I read lot of landends postings and she seems to have found someone.
    I get to my limits too sometimes.
    Sorry - not all that helpful :(
     
  3. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    I am having unresolved issues myself as you know.

    Writing it all out might help a bit. To get it off your chest. You do not need to show to anybody.
    Creative hobbies? What ever. Singing, playing an instrument, drawing, writing. Can either give you a new means to express yourself on a different level or might keep your mind off the darkness, at least.
    If you are more the thinker, you can try stuff like riddles, hard crossword puzzles, math stuff... to keep the analytical half of your brain busy.
    Go and try to help somebody else, and be it by just listening so that they know that they are not alone.
    Try to find one thing, at least, you are grateful for every day. Sometimes feels like lying to yourself, but can give a more positive feel over time.

    Easier said than done, I know all too well myself. Just listed things that have made me feel better for a short time. When I was able to get myself to do anything, that is.
     
  4. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Hi glia21. I do listen to music at times but I find most songs tend to be about love or war...two things I don't particularly want to be reminded of.

    I'm glad landsend found someone but I can't even find a layman that believes in reincarnation in my life.
     
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  5. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    Jim, I often think of you because you and me both have severe issues thanks to our past lives. Haven't mentioned this before to you, but in my research I found my past selves grandfather was from County Cork and emigrated to St. Louis, America. My past self had an Irish last name which is the same as a famous politician here at the moment (wont go much more detail than that, but he's on the news a lot cus he's a Marxist). I also recall a life in Ireland as a man conscripted to the Brits and sent to fight in the Americas -- don't recall much of it other than I was strongly Irish and against the Brits. That also ended bad as I was a bit of a rebel and refused to die for the Brit's cause. One day maybe I'll recall more. All I know is that that life combined with my last one kinda entwines, and I've always had strong feelings about being Irish that I've wanted to pretty much avoid.

    Anyway, I digress. I'm somewhat allergic to alcohol in this life. Can't stomach whiskey at all without feeling physically sick. Same with the old Mary Jane, can't touch the stuff without spiralling into a panic attack -- in fact it was that and alcohol combined which triggered my most intense panic attack. So I seem doomed to deal with this stuff without a substance escape. I do feel with you on that front, and not sure if you have already but advise you go get help with that if you can. It's often the repression/not being able to express that makes reaching for a drink and numbing the pain so attractive. Drinking to forget, but you can't forget, right?

    Let me explain about the guy I've found. As of yet I'm not sure to what extent he can help me. He's a retired counsellor, not a trained psychologist. He suffers with PTSD himself, has had it all his life. Now he's retired. He's willing to help me as he has an interest in past lives. Might be he can't help me at all, but he does seem to have a lot of information about trauma so I'm willing to see him. He lives in a small bungalow and we were talking in his little Sooty and Sweep van so hardly a clinical setting, but in some ways prefer that. He's just a bloke whose seen a lot, has some background in trauma (has worked with service men) has past life memories himself and knows some hypnosis.

    As I've said, he might not be able to help me at all. But I guess the point is trying, if you get to a point where you need help, you need help and have to admit it to yourself.

    Onto how I cope... music as Glia said does seem to help. Chatting online here. I also am lucky to have a partner who I can talk things over with since he too has past life memories. But sometimes that can be adverse as we live together -- living with someone with young kids is stressful enough. Many folks with PTSD say a creative output helps, be it drawing, painting, writing. Through the years I've done that, too. But when it gets real bad I'm not in the mood for that. In a bad period you sometimes just have to ride the waves, find a distraction. Often the bad periods come because I'm repressing something, be it anger, pain, a memory. Getting it written down helps then, as does meditation. I guess you have to find a way to express it, because if you don't that's when it gets real bad and you get in that cycle of repression/numbing, rinse and repeat.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
  6. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    Sometimes I just have to feel the pain and let myself feel it. It might not work for others, but it works for me. I've found that it's the struggle against the pain that causes most of the problem. For example, during some bad periods I began listening to blues music, the Delta deep stuff, preferably from the 60's. Lightnin' Hopkins, Little Walter and the like. I can listen to that music and feel the pain in their sentiments -- they are feeling the blues, not fighting it. So I let them channel that pain, have that moment of shared pain with the music, and it might not make me feel 'better' but I feel at least understood. In bad moments, that's better than nothing. Feeling the blues, channelling it, converting it into something. I feel those men in the blues get 'it', they get where I am. But you have to not fight it, or you'll miss the point.
     
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  7. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    Sometimes I am having "imaginary dialogs" with a PL self or someone I once knew. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it leaves me confused and/or with a headache, but it always helps me to understand myself a little better.

    @landsend: This is Jim's thread, but somehow... your first post was very helpful for me, helped me to realize something. Thank you very much.
     
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  8. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Hi SeekerOfKnowledge.

    I have wrote a little but I haven't found it very helpful. Its just throws into sharp relief the darkness. I guess I know I have at least one story in me though. Most of my writing I do on the forum though. I find that very helpful.

    I used to write song lyrics and create portraits years ago but I severely lack motivation nowadays. I love films and music and have thousands of DVDs and blu rays but I find I can't get settled enough to watch a film or a concert anymore. Besides....I see the absolute futility in heroism now so my perspective on screen protagonists has shifted drastically. All the fun and interest has been sucked out of music, film, reading, writing and drawing for me. I have a general malaise about everything that once gave me pleasure. Even playing chess my mind is only half in it. The other half remains in a nightmare. So I've gotten worse at chess too. Poker does help to relax me though but I rarely get an opportunity to play it as my circle of friends has shrunken. Also my work is unpredictable so I can't be consistent with applying myself to something.

    I'm not making excuses. I've just lost the will for everything. Every day is an endurance for me. I simply wait for the 'polite' hour to get drunk.

    I'm always helping and listening to my family and friends and even strangers, such as giving up my seat to an old woman on a train even though I was tired and could have done with sitting down.

    I am grateful every day for my home and that my daughter is happy and unaffected by my problems. The only time I can muster any strength anymore is for her.

    Getting myself to do anything is a problem for me. Many times I can't even muster the motivation to get ready for bed. Sleeping in your boots isn't good for the feet but I regularly do it.
     
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  9. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Jim, as a fellow soldier and sufferer, I'm not sure PTSD is something to be altogether 'got over'. Maybe all we can do is learn some strategy to live with it. I don't feel the need to dull it with alcohol etc. For me, facing a particular fear until its power over me is drained is my general method, although there are some fears I still have to keep at bay for now.

    Having said that, I might be unusual in that I'm afraid if the PTSD was completely conquered, then so much of the 'good' part of the PL (that which is worth remembering and celebrating, and makes us feel 'alive') risks getting thrown out along with it. I don't know for sure, but don't want to risk it.
     
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  10. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    Getting myself to do anything is a problem for me, too. Especially during a down phase or during the dark times of the year.
    To make it worse, in my case, despite knowing it better, there sometimes is a deep longing still for having things back I once had. Part of me wants to go back and stay there.

    Anyway, we should focus on the positive, not the negative and try to... what ever. I am having a hard time myself. It is all grey and dark outside and cold and rainy, and I have been lacking energy to do anything lately.

    People have goals, they are striving for something. Be it fame, be it money, be it a career... I am not interested in these things anymore, yet at the same time, I am feeling like there is a vacuum, that I lack a goal. I see nothing that would be worth striving for. Love, yes. Unconditional love, yes. Doing everything I can to make my husband and my cat happy, yes. Yet somehow... maybe you understand what I mean.
    While this should be enough, it feels like there still is missing something. And then the past strikes back. And I do not know how to handle it. Because no one around me would believe me...

    Do not give up. I think you are a nice and friendly person, a beautiful soul. I won't give up either. Just struggling atm...
     
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  11. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Hi landsend.

    My immediate past life was from County Cork too. My great grandfather was conscripted by the Brits to fight in the Boer war. The only thing he kept from that war was a pin. It had two crisscrossed guns and the dates. My grandfather gave it to me when he died and I wore it around my neck for years but I lost it in the move to my home unfortunately. I still look for it periodically but I haven't been able to find it unfortunately.

    So you had an eighteenth century Irish life too then?

    I drink because I have not one person physically in my life to offer me any support. If I mention reincarnation to my family there is a heavy silence....like I've lost my marbles. They all say that they don't want to hear it. I have sought professional help but they didn't believe in past lives either so I found it completely useless.

    I drink to forget yes but I also drink so that I can watch some TV, sleep, talk to people without intrusive, anxious thoughts etc. I drink cos I ain't dead really.

    Your lucky to have such help. My psychologist would literally roll his eyes when I mentioned past lives. My doctor can't understand how I'm showing symptoms of PTSD when he thinks no trauma occurred. He says its 'unusual' which is just another version of a lack of acceptance of my pl memories.

    I've sought help from many different people. They simply don't believe me though so what can I do?

    Mostly I try to express things to members of this forum because you people are the only ones I know who believe in reincarnation.

    I asked to confront my pain, but at the time I thought that we only had one life. I didn't realise I'd been through so much. I was ignorant and foolish. Like you I love listening to the blues...classic rock and traditional Irish too, particularly rebel music, but that means something different to me since remembering reincarnation.
     
  12. briski

    briski Senior Registered

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    Stupid question @Jim78 i dunno how great you are with youtube stuff working on you? There are a few PTSD healing things on youtube, again i dunno how effective they are
     
  13. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Hi tanker.

    My doctor says talk therapy helps in a small number of cases but I've tried talk therapy.

    Here's how that went:

    Me: "I'm feeling guilty over Bloody Sunday. Fourteen civilians were shot by the British because of my actions and I myself ordered the execution of men."

    Therapist: "Tell me about your childhood."

    Me: "I don't want to talk about my childhood. I've more important things to talk about. As Collins I perpetuated evil.

    Therapist: " Well Collins had a lot of admirable qualities."

    Me: "Yeah well..he was wrong."

    Completely useless because as far as the therapist was concerned I was feeling guilty for something a 'great' national hero had done. He only saw the 'greatness'...not the man.

    Even if I could just find some way to live with my trauma. The symptoms have been consistently intense for years. There must be some way to dull them without substance abuse.

    Unfortunately I've seen hell and I fear going there. There's no resolution to that fear until I meet my maker. Its power will never be drained...not in this life.

    I'm curious as to what was the 'good' part of your pl? I see nothing good in my pls.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
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  14. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I'm not interested in those things either SeekerOfKnowledge. I could have become a ridiculously wealthy man with the work I did for the powerful but I did it for the good of everyone else in my country so I did it for free. I didn't have to.

    Only last week I did a job for a shamelessly rich CEO. His kitchen alone was bigger than my home. When I got back to my home after the job I thought to myself "I'm just as happy with my home as that CEO is. I don't feel that I need success and riches. I'm happy with my lot in life. Things like that make me grateful for what I have.

    I think I understand what you mean. I strive to look after my daughter but I do it for her. Doing something for myself feels infinitely less important to me.

    Tiocfaidh ar lar.
     
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  15. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Hi briski. I've youtubed PTSD but didn't come across anything like that. Could you link it please?
     
  16. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    Jim, what you did in your past lives might have been wrong, but your intent was a "good" one, right?
    You truly believed that with your actions you would make this world a better place to live in, and you even were willing to risk your life for it.
    And even if you did it for the one you loved... you were willing to suffer and sacrifice a lot for somebody else, not for yourself.
    Your motives weren't entirely egoistical, if at all.
    You didn't harm others just to enjoy the drug-like feel of having power - or did you?
    You didn't act against your own morals just to please your father or to climb the social ladder - or did you?
    See? You cannot be that bad.
    The only thing that is "bad" about you is you being judgemental. You are judging yourself, blaming yourself, fighting yourself. (I am doing the same all too often, so I know how hard it is... but I still believe that we SOMEHOW could help each other, all we people here...)
    What is "good" and what is "evil" anyway? Who decides that? A question worth thinking about, albeit the answer always will be a personal one.
     
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  17. briski

    briski Senior Registered

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    I dunno how great these are but heres one of them

     
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  18. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    My intentions were always good SeekerOfKnowledge. What I did I did for my country, that was even true in my current life. When I see a wrong I always see change as being imperative.

    My motives weren't egotistical with my old love. Obviously I wanted to be with her and her pet sociopath was in my way but that was far from my primary motivation. My primary motivation was to protect her from evil. Although my ego was bruised that I was up against a 'thick old man'. I expected him to get out of my way but I did risk everything for her at the risk of my life. I thought at the time that was unconditional love, but I had placed a condition on her. The condition that eventually when I succeeded we would live happily ever after. Was I wrong to protect her and to want to be with her? I dunno.

    No. Power was never a drug to me. I used my power to better the lives of my countrymen, unfortunately that always meant that someone got harmed.

    I didn't act against my morals except with one incident. It was the trolley car dilemma. Doing right by my love meant I had to do a wrong. Its my main regret.

    I believe that God decides what is good and what is evil but God showed me in no uncertain terms that what man has lauded my lives for He has seen as wrong.
     
  19. SeekerOfKnowledge

    SeekerOfKnowledge Learner

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    You already told me this.
    If God decides what is good and what is evil, the only thing you did wrong then would be that you didn't know what God wanted. And as you didn't know, you did what you thought would be the right thing to do. Or what humans would think to be the right thing to do.
    Well, all of us are here. Caught and trapped again in the flesh, over and over again. Some of us didn't have as noble intent and motives as you had. Yet still you are being hard on yourself. If you deserve Hell for your past life actions, what about us others? What do we deserve then? Are we all damned and evil?
    Just asking.
    I cannot see anything evil in you. Just a troubled soul who is going through the phase where you begin to see things differently. Just like some others of us. Similar to what I am experiencing (I hope so, at least).
    What is right and what is wrong? What are we here for? All the past mistakes, all the things that happened to us or that we could have done better. I am telling myself over and over again and it probably will take quite some time until it sinks in, but I am telling myself that a new life also is a new chance. To handle things in a different way.
    I... I don't know, but I definitely do not think that you are "evil".
     
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  20. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I said to God once "This is all guesswork for me. I don't know what you want from me." Then I had a mission. I was told what God wanted from me but I wasn't told why He wanted it. It seemed odd to me...but he's the boss and I was His soldier so it wasn't for me to work out his intentions. It was just for me to do it. So I endured yet at the same time I started looking for loopholes so I could resolve my loves situation ( at this point I knew I couldn't be with her so it was completely unselfish ). I tried to save my love and complete Gods mission ( no one told me not to try to save her though ). I tried to find an out. I saw hell after that and I also saw why God had given me the mission He had. Now I don't know if I will succeed and if I do succeed I don't know what will await me. Eternal torment is a lot more terrifying to me than eternal nothingness so I know I will face the afterlife with a lot less strength than in my previous lives.

    I don't think I may see hell because of my past lives or even most of my current one. I fear I will see hell because I tried to find a loophole in Gods mission. I did it with good intentions but like a bumbling clown I may have failed.

    I did handle some things in a different way in my current life but I don't know if that's enough.
     

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