Seeking answers, a person, or a therapist

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by VenusUnchained, Feb 10, 2018.

  1. VenusUnchained

    VenusUnchained Active Member

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    Hello, new to this forum....not new to past life experiences (at least I don't think so.)

    Very recently an ongoing feeling I've had since I was about 12-13 has developed into something all consuming and I'm starting to feel like I'm just crazy. It started with a love for a show and what I thought was a vivid imagination in my teen years. I learned all I could about this show, it's back story, and it's characters and found I knew things about it before I read it if that makes sense. Still nothing more than a child's imagination- but I had developed a true relationship with it's characters. Like a lot of things, this faded to the background as I got older but it never quite left me.
    I had always dreamed about the main character and the intense love story that was entwined with her- most girls had Disney princesses and I had this. An alarm in the back of my mind had always sounded that I would not be that fortunate, that I would inevitably relate more to a different character and it seems I should have listened. I would be here for a year explaining how this all relates, but I don't want to do that to anyone that has to read this. I've always been told that there is usually some truth behind myths and legends, which is what this show was based on to its very foundation- so no I am not claiming some show I saw when I was a kid to be real, or the characters or story within it real, but the parallels to what I believe to be some very strong past life flashes appear to relate.
    It started with a recurring dream when I was younger, a somewhat modern but very old setting, and a battle being fought. The most vivid imagery I could remember was finding a safe haven with friends in a cabin in a forest near a field, walking out of the cabin to a clearing and facing the Moon, only for it to be covered with red and I drop to my knees sobbing and screaming. I had this dream several times a month, sometimes week and never understood it despite the many dream workshops and studies I had attended. But I always woke up sobbing, heart pounding.
    Since that young age I have always had empathic tendencies especially regarding romantic love and sexual feelings. I have always been searching for someone too, a very specific someone but I had yet to awaken those memories. Now that somewhat of a background has been established I can move on to current events.
    I've always had flashes, strange flashes of old battles, of romantic sometimes very intimate moments but they were never too vivid or powerful just strange and often between two people. The woman I have identified myself with didn't look too much different than I did in my teen years, just much more beautiful and powerful, a warrior. As these flashes have developed, I realized they centered around a soul mate of sorts. He had pale, almost silver long hair, extremely strong and piercing light eyes and was much older than me but not old by any means despite his hair color. The messages get jumbled as recently during the most unexpected moments of my day, powerful almost dreamlike (though I am awake) visions play out accompanied by the most intense emotions I think I've ever felt. I feel love for this unknown person, a sense of forgiveness, and I can never get a clear image of his face. But in these visions we have killed each other on battlefields (I have felt the stab wounds), and shared an intense love, and fierce betrayal. I am left with an all consuming want for this person and I don't know how to handle it. I have told myself I'm just crazy many times, but it doesn't stop that feeling in my chest or stop what I can only imagine are memories from happening.
     
  2. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Welcome to the forum Venus, and thank you for posting your experiences. I doubt that anyone here would think you are crazy, more likely they would be inclined to speak of similar experiences. You might be interested in the thread about My friend X.
     
  3. VenusUnchained

    VenusUnchained Active Member

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    Thank you for the welcome (and the assurance that I am probably not crazy) - and for sharing that thread. So sad the outcome and yet you're right, very similar experience. I'm glad Tanguerra was able to have that love, even if it was cut short in this life. I relate strongly on her reference to his silver and my gold...I wonder what that means since it seems like so many other people reference that same thing. I just remember being a golden blonde and him with his silver hair, we were always referenced that way...sun and moon, day and night, silver and gold....
    I haven't met this other soul yet, and if I know him like I'm starting to through these lucid dreams and flashes then I'm not sure if I will. I think we're all searching for someone that sets our soul on fire, it's a want ingrained in our human instincts, but when that soul burns across multiple existences and you throw forgiveness in there...there are no words to describe the conflict. I like to think my soul will know his if I ever encounter him, but I don't know how I should react. Shallow as it is, I worry about appearances, that he won't know me if I don't look a certain way (I've always been a bit younger, not that early thirties is old but I was infinitely more beautiful.) I think right now I just crave introductions, conversation, friendship. As I mentioned, I've always had affinity with the love emotion in regards to other people....I just don't think I handle my own love emotions well....
     
  4. Spirit Sword

    Spirit Sword Senior Registered

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    I would be careful about thinking you'll know too much about the meeting, should your paths ever cross. I have a soul mate of sorts in this lifetime and I didn't recognize them at first sight at all. We met in kindergarten, were in some of the same classes, and even the same weekly club for years. It wasn't until high school that the two of us became friends. To us, the other was just kind of there. But once we started purposefully interacting, we became close very quickly. And the very first hint in this lifetime that I should believe in past lives was this bond. Now I know we have had at least one past life together (but probably many, many more) where the two of us were comrades-in-arms and they saved my life more times than I could count. And the two of us are even closer for it. I guess what I'm saying is that it's a grand thing, but it probably won't happen in the way you expect it.

    A problem I'm dealing with, and by the looks of it, you are too, is putting too much weight on that connection. I don't view myself as whole anymore without my soul mate (which would be fine, but they're abroad for half a year, which is unnecessarily painful now). And I also know there is another person from that same lifetime I was closely bonded to who is out there, and I developed a mild obsession with finding them as well (thinking about how it will happen, worrying if they will like me, etc.). The point is that it's going to play out how it's going to play out. You'll meet/recognize each other when the time is right. But it is important, both when the time comes and before, not to put this connection on too high of a pedestal. Life still has to go on without them. It's okay to get excited about it and even to let it motivate you to be your ideal you, but don't let it consume you.

    Also, don't worry about the difference in appearances. Firstly, most people still don't do past life stuff, so this person likely won't know what you looked like back then, and probably not that you even had a past life together, just that you two click for some reason. Secondly, appearances change. My soul mate and I used to be different genders and nationalities and we still recognized each other in the end.
     
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  5. VenusUnchained

    VenusUnchained Active Member

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    You're right..... I have tried not to put too much weight on it (like you said it's been a struggle), and it's really only begun to get very intense lately. I feel like he will remember more than I want him to (I could be very wrong of course.) I haven't built my life around it, I have a good job, I've even been in a relationship for almost 13 years... I'm fairly certain he was somehow related to the previous life but I'm not sure how yet. There's a lot of pieces I'm still putting together, I know my best friend since middle school is an old comrade- I actually remember her well but we've never talked about the whole reincarnation piece. The appearances has definitely been a motivator.... something in my mind trivial but something to assure that he'd hopefully recognize me easier and get me closer to the person that I was (I'm not getting younger! :p ) It doesn't help that I have a solid idea of how he looked, and acted, and it's hard for me to imagine him any other way. I'm honestly hopeful to find that I'm the blind one and I'm already with him, but sad to say it's not likely, I'm just lucky that for the most part he is a good man. We did without a doubt just click immediately and haven't been apart much since. Love's strange that way....so is reincarnation.

    I should know better than to think it will happen a certain time, place, any setting my mind can put together. I don't think it's ever happened the way I'd imagined. I think my memories are becoming more vivid so I'm making rash assumptions. As I said I have an affinity for love except when it comes to my own. It's actually all very hard to talk about.... as some of the visions I've been having are painful, sometimes literally. I worry more about how I will react, if I will forgive and love, or be consumed by resistance. For the most part I forgive, but I know that could change.

    I'm sorry to hear yours is away... I know it will feel like forever but I hope that time goes quickly for you so you can be reunited soon. For me the lucid dreams, memories just came out of nowhere very recently and hit me like a hard blow to the stomach. It's always been there, the memories, flashes of some other time... it's just now connecting on a very deeply emotional and sometimes even physical level and I haven't had a soul to talk about it with. I'm just trying to take a friend's advice (the only friend I have very briefly mentioned it to with no detail....) and live my life to the best. As hard as that is when someone else is trying to squeeze his way into my world.
     
  6. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Your appearance won't matter to you soulmate.

    My past life fiance was pretty in that life but in her current life she's physically more beautiful. It didn't matter when we met. It wasn't about that. It was about clicking immediately as souls. A true soulmate won't care about your appearance.
     
  7. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Just curious Jim, does she look much different or has your/our current description of "beauty" changed?
     
  8. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    She looks very different. You can google Mick Collins fiance to see what she looked like in her last life. In her current life she's married to a high functioning narcissistic sociopath only interested in arm candy, control and impressing other men, so you can bet your house shes among the most physically beautiful of the bunch.

    That didn't mater to me though, when I remember Kitty or who she is in her current life it doesn't feel any different to me. I see the same smile, the same tilt of the head, the same everything. I had showed my sister a picture from both lives but she doesn't believe in reincarnation so dismissed it.

    The main coincidence is that her first name is the same in both lives ( although she is called by different nicknames ). The main difference is that she is sassier in her current life, less reserved, probably because she grew up in more sexually aware times in her current life.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2018
  9. VenusUnchained

    VenusUnchained Active Member

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    I agree appearances don't matter, they never have to me at least in this life. The first incarnation or life was my strongest....im faintly aware of one between that one and this and truly this is the first time it's really changed...for me at least. He's always been the same, as have I. Chalk it up to womanly insecurities of the present day. It's been more motivation for me than anything, feed the fires of the soul so if anything... i shine all the brighter ;)
     
  10. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Actually Ken, its mad that our dreams seem to become manifest. In my old loves last life she helped with family businesses and loved singing and dancing yet she ended up in an unhappy marriage. In her current life she made a career of singing and dancing and was endowed with great beauty yet STILL found herself in an even worse marriage.

    I was the opposite. I was the reincarnation of a "great hero" who found himself to be a homeless jailbird. Life's a funny one.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2018
  11. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    If that's your true picture Venus you look very pretty and you have a charming personality from the little I've read from you, so don't put yourself down. If you meet your love he will be disarmed. You've nothing to fear. :)
     
  12. KenJ

    KenJ Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Jim, I agree with you about Venus, but to get back to appearances between lives, in the book Someone Else’s Yesterday by Jeffrey Keene, he finds himself looking almost exactly as he did in his previous life as well as several others that seemed to reincarnate with him - he proposed the idea of checking DNA to validate reincarnation (there is a thread here on that as well). I have a hard time with the DNA idea and would not like to think of me being a female with my facial characteristics so I hope that appearance varies.
     
  13. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I take people saying they look alike in their various lives with a pinch of salt Ken. I'm the same height and colouring and have a deep masculine voice in my current and last incarnations but I don't look the same. Kitty doesn't look the same either. The others I know of in my soul group don't look alike either but we are mostly all comparable heights in relation to each other as we were previously.

    I hate saying it because it sounds like blowing my own trumpet, but I look more handsome in my current life than my last one according to a few people. I got so incensed with God about endowing myself and my love with looks and not letting us be together in my current life that I thought He was having a joke at our expense ( her sociopathic husband was old and ugly ). I've realised that my being made better looking in my current life was simply to throw into sharp relief my own ego. I was fairly embarrassed when I realised I was just being egotistical. Also, my last incarnation is iconic in his own country. If I was going through life being told I looked like him the penny might have dropped. I have a theory that with the advent of the film camera incarnations will look less and less like each other so as not to give life's games away.

    Even today I transpose my current life look onto my past life memories because I don't have memories of looking in mirrors in my past lives and because I relate my soul to how I look currently.

    I did stare at men who looked like my last incarnation though ( before I remembered reincarnation ). I stared at them because I thought that there's something I should be able to remember.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2018
  14. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    In saying that, I'm now nearly nine years older than my previous incarnation ever lived to and I'm getting fat and bald now, but back when I was fighting for my love I was fitter and I thought about all the advantages God gave me and I wondered why I was put in situations where they were squandered, such as seeing my love being stalked by an ugly stupid old man. My mind turns to anything that gives me the higher ground when I'm fighting. I was just annoyed that God seemed to be extracting the urine out of me. Now though, I let my belly hang out and that's it. In my experience any advantage God gives you of just there to teach you. Its all fleeting anyway.
     
  15. VenusUnchained

    VenusUnchained Active Member

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    Thank you for the sweet words Jim :) Yes that is truly me (camera angles my friends!) about 5 ish years ago? I too am getting rounder with age and contentment, but again the prospect of meeting my pale haired soldier again inspires me to work on that. I tend to be more my previous self in writing, not the charming lively, knock out of a woman I was. (Also working on that.) I try hard not to lose my identity though, I think that's easy to do when you long for a time that has past. I remember arguing with my dad who has blue eyes, that I too had blue eyes (I had in a previous time always had bright blue eyes.) and I kept asking him when my eyes would turn blue, despite how often he told me they are brown and wouldn't change.
    It's funny to me that you put it that way, that I would "disarm him" .... he was a very serious man, stoic, cold, emotionless, the highest ranking soldier - all to everyone but me. It's the exact words his 3 comrades, and the friends/fellow warriors closest to me described what I did to him. Clearly didn't disarm him enough to prevent what had happened....
     
  16. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    That's cool Venus.

    My last couple of posts probably sound incredibly shallow but I did become conscious of how I looked because my old loves line of work meant she was always around good looking, fit young people. Also, I figured that the better I looked the worse her sociopathic husband would look when I ruined him. It was just another weapon to use. My vanity ( as insignificant as it was at the time ) wasn't the only thing challenged by reincarnation. I was brought up being constantly reminded that I was a genius so I put my skills down to my being so 'clever'. It was humbling to realise I'd just had plenty of time to practise my skills in life after life.

    Its not good to compare who you are today unfavourably to your past lives. My own past life fame was undeserved because I'd done bad things. I don't think God wants us living pining for our past lives. The only physical thing I wish I had from my last life is my hairline. Genetics though. I inherited my father's hairline in my current life.

    I was also a soldier in my last life. I wasn't as serious as your old love though. I did have my old love in that life though. She made me forget myself and I was very protective of her. When your love meets you if he has a spark of recognition everything will be rosy in the garden.
     
  17. VenusUnchained

    VenusUnchained Active Member

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    Jim I truly think that physical beauty was all too important in my past lives, perhaps that's why I appear so harsh on myself in that regard now.... why I am not quite as physically beautiful and take pride more in inner beauty now. I can't even compare to what I was, and that is ok.
    I think the only thing I wish I had from my past life is him. I actually believe our paths have crossed- I had a moment the other day, browsing artwork online when I came across a portrait, a portrait essentially of him but not exact of course, but so beautiful and perfect that I wept and remembered such a brief moment many years ago now that I saw him, and he acknowledged me. I was only just talking to the man I have been with for the last almost 13 years at the time, our relationship had barely just begun, too new to be serious and yet I know he was part of my past. I still haven't put those pieces together. But I was at the grocery store of all places, walking into the store from my car when I saw this gorgeous stranger, long pale blonde hair (darker than his but not many people at that youngish age have white/silver hair.) He was walking in at the same time, and when I looked up to notice him, he gave me a knowing smile, a smile not many people aside from myself had seen so long ago. Same dimple on the right side, same eyes, everything. Eye contact was strong, but he never spoke to me (typical). I did what I needed to at the store, I believe I was purchasing money orders, and I looked up in time to meet his eyes again, he looked a little sad but he gave me another smile, and walked out the door. I ran outside to speak with him, but he was nowhere in sight. This was probably 13 years ago this summer.... and I have never seen him again. I stayed hopeful since it's a very local store to me but to no avail. I had no idea how much he would mean to me once I started to remember things, and all I could think at the time was why a man like that would ever pay attention to me....
    I know the sadness in his eyes, the regret. One of my strongest memories to date is my last from that life. I too was a soldier, from a place where women soldiers were not uncommon... more of a diplomat really and as cliche as it is, we weren't supposed to interact let alone fall in love....and dare I say it was one of the great loves history and fiction couldn't write. Love was messy, as it commonly is, and there was a lot of fraternization among the forbidden factions... mostly within the higher ranks of the armies although there was hope of alliances. Long story short, it ended bloody on a battlefield, his sword through me, mine through him.
     
  18. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I never really cared about physical beauty. It was the soul that inhabited the body that I fell in love with.

    Its funny you mentioned seeing a portrait. All this talk of love got me thinking about a film I saw as a child so I ordered it on DVD. It is called Somewhere In Time starring Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour. Its about a man who falls in love with a picture of an actress from a bygone age and travels back in time to meet her. I ain't one for love stories but I figured I'd check it out again.

    Fleeting moments with strangers can carry a lot of meaning. Although the last one I had was PTSD flashbacks because the stranger looked like my old love. She was only sitting two feet from me too. It must have been weird for her.

    My last life ended up with my dying months before the wedding. My love married someone else after that. Your memories seem very vivid. Love and combat have gone hand in hand for me too in my current life.
     
  19. VenusUnchained

    VenusUnchained Active Member

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    It was his raw beauty that attracted me at first, I had the option of many charming men but I think his stone like reputation had challenged me. And when, as you said, I disarmed him with a challenge of my own (he didn't just fall at my feet like so many others which really was the ultimate attraction for me) it was the most raw, devoted, most explosive and wonderful love I had ever known. Physical attraction is important on some level but there was so much more. I was his morning star.
    I'll have to watch that film, I don't think I've ever seen it sounds like something i can relate to in this life. I steer away from love stories now typically myself but that's more of a self preservation thing. Love has always been my element but I've never been able to devote myself to it, not like i did that once.
     
  20. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I know what you mean Venus...but I've had enough of love myself. All loves ever given me is hard life lessons. Its nice to know your still open to it though. It can be a wonderful thing.

    Well the times I've been in love didn't work out. It wasn't a question of not being able to devote myself to it, it was more a matter of bad circumstances and my willingness to keep fighting. It killed me in my last life and ruined my love in my current life.
     

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