Shtetl (Holocaust)

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by AngeliteBlue, Nov 5, 2019.

  1. AngeliteBlue

    AngeliteBlue Member

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    Hello all!
    Newbie here.


    I must start by saying that I’ve been struggling with finding an active forum where I can openly share this story. I struggle with sharing it in person as well, because well... It’s a difficult subject.


    I bought this book called “Beyond the Ashes” after I had a very vivid, clear and upsetting dream a few years ago. I was desperate to find any answers and I did find many things I got familiar with. This particular dream was like a cluster of many odd personality traits, fears, phobias, recurring dreams and habits since I was a little kid.


    One of the things that makes me doubt is, that I was born in the late 1980’s and many souls reincarnated in between the 40’s-60’s, according to many people familiar with this. I was also born in America, a whole different continent. Would it be possible?


    I should start with my fears as a child. Almost drowned in a friend’s swimming pool when I was 2 (don’t know if this is relevant, however, the age will come up when I relate the dream) I used to be terrified of big, black dogs. A friend of my mom’s had a German shepherd and I cried whenever I saw it and to this day, I feel oddly intimidated by them. My parents also make fun of me when they share a curious habit I used to have as a small child: According to them, I used to walk around the house with a blanket over my head and some sort of tie around an arm. I used to walk around or just sit watching tv like that. I must point out that I am not Jewish and I don’t know anyone who is. In my drawings, I always included a star(s) with six points, used to draw two triangles to make them. At some point during my childhood, I listened to the Hatikvah and thought it was one of the most beautiful songs, made me feel deeply emotional.


    I’m bilingual (English and Spanish) and when it came to choose another language, I always got pulled over by German. Tried French and Swedish but was never consistent. Started (German) when I was a teen, left it and resumed it recently.


    Now to the deep points. I’ve always had separation anxiety. One episode I clearly remember was when I was 3/4yo and my parents left me with a neighbor for the night. I woke up, in the middle of the night and got terrified to find myself sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor, in the dark by myself. I cried and ran around the house while the neighbor was chasing me, eventually calmed down when the lights came on. Whenever my mom left me as a child I cried and asked her not to go. I always found the best spots to hide during hide and seek and always found the “perfect” hiding spot whenever I arrived to a place for “just in case”. I hate getting stomachaches (I used to get those a lot) and I hate being dirty. I hate the heat. Had anorexia when I was a teen and still sail about anxiety. Physically, there are a few birthmarks and was also born with one or two small “issues” that are now gone.


    I’m very empathetic and tolerable and try to be a better human. Also, I’ve always felt like I don’t belong here (place). I’ve always been attracted by Germany followed by the UK- From language, to people and traditions.


    Now to my interest about WWII and the holocaust. It’s been there ever since I got introduced to it at school. I would spend hours reading books about it, later going through internet articles and films and documentaries.
    I remember I even bought a biography of Hitler to try and comprehend the why of such a terrible episode in history (book I had to cover with wrapping paper because it had his face on the front cover). Never finished it, by the way. Even after reading, watching and learning about this, there’s still many information available. For example, I did not know much about Jewish villages, did not know much information about the way they looked and what happened to them, not much information about them in general. I’m still learning a lot to this day, I still learn about a victim everyday.


    Now to my dreams. Many have been about being prosecuted, little bits and pieces about it. Some about being hungry, others about hiding from something/someone. Some include weapons and men in boots. Curiously, my dreams are never about being suffocated, barbed wire, train boxes or camps in general. These dreams have been present since I can remember and I’ve woken up from them trembling and with absolute fear.


    The one that encapsulated everything came years later.


    There was a house that looked more like a hut. The inside was brown so I wasn’t sure if it was brick or wood. The floor was also brown, either dirt or wood. I can tell exactly the distribution of it: The entrance was a wooden door, you’d find a very simple kitchen and a small wooden table on your left, the kitchen had small windows on the two walls. Straight ahead, there was a wide hallway and then the space where the bedroom(s) was/were.

    In my dream, I was a little boy. I remember waking up asking why I was in a little boy’s body. I remember men, in tall boots storming into my dream house and shooting my dream family to death. I was sitting in the kitchen against a wall, I remember the table being knocked over in front of me. I remember the screams and the gunfire and the way the men were shouting, I could also comprehend what they were saying in German (At the moment I’m still learning and can comprehend little things, definitely not fluent German like in the dream). I remember crying and being scared. The last thing that happened was one of those men turning to face me. Could not see his face because from my point of view, I could only see the black boots steering in their place. Then I woke up. I woke up trembling, freezing and scared. I cannot say what happened to me/the little boy after that. Was he shot? Was he taken?


    After I bought the book about reincarnation, I learned about Jewish villages called shtetls and went on a google quest. Many of the houses resemble the one in my dream.


    I’ve never been to any camps and/or ghettos in Europe but I’ve been to exhibitions and local museums (When I go for vacation to another city, I try to go to one, if they have it) Most recently, I went to a newly renovated one. It was longer and much more intense and difficult compared to the previous museum before the renovation. They used to have a train box brought straight from Europe with a short film accompanied by a song I’ve tried to look for and have failed every time but now, they have the train box on the ground and visitors can go in it. It’s not documented that that train box was used to transport people to camps but still, being in it was such a powerful experience. At the end, they have a room with a wide window and white walls. The light is almost blinding and the walls are made with white blocks/bricks, each with a name of someone/a family that died in the holocaust. It was so peaceful and quiet, white, bright and clean.

    I left the museum speechless and with a headache/migraine that did not go away until the next day.


    I haven’t done any past life regressions, haven’t done them myself and I’m not quite sure if it would be the best. In a way, I think that it would help me heal my current life and to also clear out any doubts about what I think was my previous life.


    I’m hesitant and a bit scared to find out more and I have a lot of questions. I’ve read of holocaust reincarnated souls who cannot stand anything related to Germany, who are not even interested in learning the language and who remember lives in other parts of Europe. Cannot find any documented Shtetls that were in Germany, only ones in other places... And like these, so many other doubts and questions. It’s like I’m drawn into German (not Nazi) life as well.


    Anyway, this is my story. Finally gathering enough brave tokens to share it publicly.

    Thank you for reading.
     
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  2. AlteSeele

    AlteSeele Senior Registered

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    Hello Angelite, and welcome!

    There are a number of people here with Holocaust memories and I suspect they will be chiming in shortly.

    You made a good start by reading "Beyond the Ashes". It's a bit on the dry side but I still found it a good read. I enjoyed the sequel, "From Ashes to Healing" much more because of the personal accounts.

    The anorexia you had when you were younger is consistent with some other accounts of reincarnated Holocaust victims I've read about.

    That stetl you described may not have been in Germany but in an area of Europe that had been occupied by the Germans, such as Poland or Czechoslovakia.

    One other plausible scenario in that might explain your draw toward Germany could be that you ended up being raised and adopted by a German family at some point in that lifetime after witnessing your family getting shot. Just taking a guess here.

    It's OK to be hesitant and go slowly with these memories.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2019
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  3. Eva1942

    Eva1942 A Walking Enigma..

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    Hello AngeliteBlue!

    I am a fellow Holocaust Victim too, with my love in that lifetime being the SS officer that Hitler ordered to create what became known as ‘the Holocaust’.

    Anyways... :)

    It is so brave of you to share your story. Like you, it has taken me YEARS to be brave enough to telL my Holocaust story too.

    I have ‘From Ashes to Healing’ from Rabbi Gershom (the one after Beyond the Ashes) and I highly recommend you find a copy too. I found a great amount of validation in it too.

    Yes it is certainly possible, as I reincarnated in 1987 in the small country of New Zealand, far away from Europe. Some chose to come back straight away, others like myself (and perhaps yourself) chose to wait a while in Spirit before they returned. I know friends that returned in the 50’s, 60’s and even as late as the early 1990’s (those ones’s either had another life between WWII and now, or survived and died in their old age)

    I almost drowned as a kid too. I was 6 and on a holiday with my father. I went with my uncle to a public indoor pool. Actually, as a ex-Holocaust victim, I’ve almost drowned a few times. I later discovered, I was trying to return to Spirit because I found life too hard after the Holocaust.

    I’m actually curious about this, because I myself, love German Shepherd dogs and black dogs in particular. Perhaps you had a different experience with the camp dogs than I did?

    In my childhood, I was always fascinated with the Menorah and knew the Hebrew meaning of Chanukah. It wasn’t until later in my early adult years, I had a chance encounter with the local Rabbi that he asked me if I were Jewish (not in this lifetime) and told me ‘only Jews know that meaning of Chanukah’.

    Kaddish brings me peace. I stem it back to listening to it in Shul.

    Deep point 1) I had Anorexia and Bullimia. Right now, I’m kinda porky (well I think so) after being less than 50kg most of my life. I still struggle with comfort eating when I’m upset. Familiar to you?

    Also I have Social and a small touch of Seperation Anxiety. Also I had this fear of showing my left inner arm as I was ashamed of it. Later I found out, that my left inner arm was where they tattooed my serial number. To combat that fear of showing that part of my arm, I designed a gorgeous colourful feather tattoo to put there instead.

    Same here! I don’t feel I belong here (place) either! Do you have a intense wanderlust? I do. Can’t stay living in one city for too long.

    To be continued.....
     
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  4. Tinkerman

    Tinkerman Administrator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Hello AngeliteBlue. Welcome to the forum, thank you for joining and more importantly for sharing your story. The path we each follow in regards to reincarnation is a journey of discovery. That discovery takes many forms: dreams, synchronous encounters, intuition, birthmarks, hazy ideas locked in the back of our minds, and most often, a simple acknowledgment that there IS a past lurking. The biggest challenge for me was simply acknowledging that reincarnation was a reality and not some New Age bunch of mumbo-jumbo. Too often our minds get locked into a binary form of thinking, i.e., this is true and this is not. This comes from our cultural, religious, and parental influences. However, at some point, something happens--the dreams, synchronous encounters, intuition, etc. These things counteract with our binary thought processes and force us to look beyond our cultural and family norms. You are wise to recognize these things and fortunate to have some ideas on where and whom you were in a previous life. For me, it was simply accepting my past life as my great-grandfather; by doing so, another world opened up... it seems like things began to fall into place even when I wasn't looking; there was some kind of force guiding me. So, in short, acceptance is a major factor in serious past life exploration. In my opinion, that exploration is not a recreational endeavor; it is a self-awareness process... who am I today that was apart of the me yesterday? What can I learn and process that will carry my Buddha nature, my compassionate being into the future of my soul? How can I better the world and myself?

    Regarding Germany, the wars, and the Jewish people... I have some very first-hand insight. First, my father and five of his brothers were in the war. Second, my father-in-law was in the German army and a conscripted (forced) member of the SS. I was fearful of him when I first met him. I was a cold war Army MP and worked with the German police... I was very familiar with the German people and the post-war environment. I could never rectify the peaceful, warm nature of the German people with the books and history I was familiar with. What changed that in me was getting to know my father-in-law. He was a deeply religious man, a mountain climber, a loaner, and an intensely compassionate person. The things he told me about the war were heartbreaking. For most of the war, he was an engineer in a factory critical to the war effort. It was only towards the end of the war that he was conscripted and thrown into the fire. It wasn't long after that the war ended, and he was thrown into a special prisoner of war camp for SS soldiers. He was beaten, tortured, and starved. He said they ate grass and sometimes dirt to stay alive. When he was finally released, he walked from Austria, where the camp was, to his home in Bavaria. He recovered, married a refugee from Czechoslovakia and tried to put the war behind him. A long story short... this man became a hero to me. He came to America three times to stay on my ranch and explore America. I named my firstborn son after him. This kind, wise, generous, compassionate soul was and will always be twice the man I am.

    So, how is that a part of your story? I offer it as a first-hand perspective for your journey. You must trust that you are asking for a reason. And remember that everyone in that war was a being worthy of loving-kindness. There were the extremes... the horribly sad ones, and the pure evil ones. One more personal note, I toured Dachau. I stood in that place and saw the aftermath of raw evil. It profoundly changed me. Touching the ovens, standing in the remains of the barracks, breathing air that once filled the lungs of innocent beings in pure hell... well, chokes me up even now. I don't watch the war movies, I won't go to any more museums, I won't go there anymore... I won't. Instead, I offer my soul's energy to their memory, I offer prayers for those people as if somewhere in time they are still, standing and hurting. I trust these prayers and blessings will have some compassionate effect, even reaching back in time.

    Good luck on your journey. I hope you will find many answers. Be wise, compassionate, and persistent.

    With kind regards, ~Tman
     
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  5. Eva1942

    Eva1942 A Walking Enigma..

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    part 2...
    I spent hours reading about the SS and the Sicherheitsdienst. Looooong story.... :oops:

    My Mutti and I were part of a Jewish minority. First in Oppeln, Prussia (now Opole, Poland) then in Wilhelmshaven, Germany.

    I’m still learning about being a victim too.

    Surprisingly, my dreams have only been about hiding or being chased by someone. Some include camp guards. I did have a dream about my journey somewhere (Terezin to Riga).

    Dream: The Gestapo were the ones that came to collect Jews. So you perhaps saw Gestapo men? Also where do you feel this was? The Shtetl that is.

    Recently, I visited a small Holocaust Museum in Melbourne and it took me a lot of courage to walk in there, but I walked in there with my knowledge of the Holocaust. I left feeling disappointed by the lack of information as it only contained things to do with Treblinka, Krakow/Warsaw Ghettoes and a VERY small piece on Auschwitz. But I did find something that I remembered physically knowing about in my past life and that didn’t make the trip a complete waste. I also felt bad for feeling disappointed and consulted with my guides about the visit.

    Next time, I am going to try for the museum in Sydney.

    I guess I’m a little different because I still love Germany as a country — I just don’t like the people. Perhaps that is because I wasn’t denounced until late 1942, and was older or perhaps it was because of what our own people the Germans did to me.

    Love the fear! Send me a PM with your questions and I can help you with them :) I have lots I could share that will help you.

    Hear from you soon,
    Eva x
     
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  6. AngeliteBlue

    AngeliteBlue Member

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    I will definitely give that book a read. Saw it in a bundle when I got the other one but didn’t pick it up.


    I’m still not sure. There are glimpses of blurry dreams about me in the same boy facing a forest nearby. Could be the forest by the shtetl. It could explain it but also, why would they spare a Jewish boy’s life? This guess gives me a bit of peace(?), perhaps he/I wasn’t murdered like that, right then and there.

    It also explains the extreme fear I have of losing my mother in any way, shape or form. I do have a nice relationship with my father but the link with my mother is definitely stronger.
     
  7. AngeliteBlue

    AngeliteBlue Member

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    Thank you Eva!

    Your replies have made me feel less “alone” in this. I certainly see many similarities in your story and mine and it’s comforting.


    About the dogs, they used to and still intimidate me. It’s like I feel they’re going to attack me. Now, as an adult, I tolerate to give them a small and brief pet. I’m always more at ease with small/medium dogs.


    About comfort eating.. It does sound familiar. I struggle or simply can’t/won’t do so.


    Wanderlust, I do have it. I have the urge to leave everything and go off on an adventure and hope I can do so someday. However, I do feel pulled like some sort of magnet towards Europe. Like it’s home.


    I only remember a small group of men storming in. Can’t say what type of uniform they were wearing since I kept my eyes at low level and on the ground so the only items I could notice were the boots. The shtetl, I am only sure it was my house but about a country, I am not sure. I was only a small boy so perhaps the place was only known as home.

    It only makes it even more heartbreaking if this little boy’s life was cut short at such a young age. I remember reading the book called “Auschwitz” and reading about the children in France.. Put the book down and haven’t picked it up again. Documentary and film scenes of children being taken away rattle me so much.


    Regarding Germany, I suppose I’m a little different as well. I do like Germany and even get a bit defensive at times (have been this way since I was young) when people say “Germans are evil!” I used and often say that “No, it was the Nazis. Not all of them are evil. Being German doesn’t mean being a Nazi.”


    Again, thank you so much Eva, will definitely PM you soon.

    Also, I’m interested to read more about your story and would appreciate a link to any threads you’ve written.
     
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  8. AngeliteBlue

    AngeliteBlue Member

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    Thank you and thank you for sharing the story about this man.

    There are many stories about compassionate Germans and I believe that their stories must be remembered and shared as well.


    I feel like I must pay visits to these places but then, I am fully aware on the effect it can have on me. Like this time I visited, it took a toll on me.


    Thanks for your words, Tman.
     
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  9. Eva1942

    Eva1942 A Walking Enigma..

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    I get really mad when Hubby throws food out just because it is one day old or something like that. I think that is because I was used to having 1-4 day old food in the camp and ghetto.

    I think at some point, all reincarnated Holocaust victims struggle with weight and eating. I recently found out that the reason why I can eat mashed potato so much ( I love it and do eat it straight from the pot while I’m cooking sometimes) is because that was the food they gave us after the liberation to help us eat and regain strength again. I prefer to eat it with a tablespoon (another ‘post liberation camp trait’).

    I have an incredible Wanderlust and a longing to return to where I feel comfortable and happy (this place is in Europe). I recently asked my guides why I feel this way. They mentioned it was because as a persecuted Jew (after I was denounced) I had no where to call ‘home’ anymore. The Ghettoes were not my home and neither was the barrack at the camp.

    Being that you were younger than I was and a little boy, perhaps you have this wanderlust because you never felt as if anywhere ‘felt’ like home?

    Google ‘Lidice’ and tell me (via PM) if anything sticks out to you.. ;)

    Eva x
     
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  10. BellonaStrandt

    BellonaStrandt Armageddon

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    Welcome to the forum. Just a brief introduction, I was actually involved in the Holocaust in the form of massacres. I eventually left, thankfully. I hated getting involved because it was too violent and a waste of my talents when I could be more useful for Germany in another area but that’s another story for another day.

    Anyway, I’m not too sure how far are you when it comes to healing from this traumatic experience but I just want to say that those men cannot hurt you anymore. You’re safe from this now. Please remember that. You cannot be persecuted for your religion anymore. Our society is starting to be more liberal so embrace this change and just be yourself. If you have the budget and you feel like you’re ready, I would suggest visiting where you think you got persecuted so that you can conquer your fears. Of course, only do that when you think you’re brave enough. For now, maybe it’s better to expose yourself to more of the Holocaust and in time, you’ll get braver and eventually heal from this traumatic experience.

    Good luck with your healing process and your journey in discovering more about your past life.

    -Bellona
     
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  11. AlteSeele

    AlteSeele Senior Registered

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    Perhaps you weren't murdered and even survived the war. You may have escaped from their clutches. Anything is possible. You just need to keep an open mind and write everything down.

    The exploration of this lifetime will not be an easy one. Bellona made a good point -- none of these people can hurt you any more. When memories get to be too much for you, keep that in mind. :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2019
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  12. AngeliteBlue

    AngeliteBlue Member

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    That’s interesting. Think I saw your thread close to this one so I’ll go ahead to it soon.

    Thank you. That made my eyes tear a little because you’re right, they cannot hurt me/us anymore and I suppose I must pinpoint the root of it to heal even more, including the place where everything happened.


    Yes, perhaps, like you said I was raised by another family. I suppose it is a bit difficult to open doors when the soul in that time was a young one but I will try to open each one of them at a certain pace.
    Thank you :)
     
  13. AlteSeele

    AlteSeele Senior Registered

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    Did a little bit of research on shtetls and learned that there were a number of them in Lithuania. When the Russians invaded them in 1940 Lithuanians were not happy about it. When the Germans invaded in 1941 and drove the Russians out, Germans were viewed as liberators. Have you researched this aspect of history at all?
     
  14. AngeliteBlue

    AngeliteBlue Member

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    No, I haven’t. I’ve read a bit of a book called “Bloodlands. Europe between Hitler and Stalin” but put it down and haven’t picked it up again. It’s a bit hard to digest.

    I’ll search about Lithuanians through other ways.
     
  15. AlteSeele

    AlteSeele Senior Registered

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  16. AngeliteBlue

    AngeliteBlue Member

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    I don’t really remember much about it and haven’t had other memories apart from the chaos. However, this seems familiar:

    “The streets were, for the most part, unpaved, the houses constructed of wood.”
    “Forests and fields often surrounded these small towns.“

    The tiny, modest house was made of dark wood. All of it, it seemed. The other blurry dreams I had where I see through the boy’s/my eyes, show an unpaved street where the house is and the edge of the woods are visible nearby, what makes me thing the shtetl was in a clearing.
     
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  17. soulfreindly

    soulfreindly Senior Registered

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    I have autoimmune, digestive problems, fatty liver, several ongoing infections that do not respond to antibiotics, chronic fatigue, etc. Some things have been healed through homeopathy and biomedical/supplement support, diet choices i.e. avoiding sensitivities ... Severe OCD was cured with homeopathic treatment ... dealing with PANS disease ... Learning about that side of things has been important to getting in touch with my body and feelings. As I now appreciate, I was ill since childhood vaccines and was not labeling it as such.

    I can tie in health concerns to my spiritual experiences, and vice versa.

    I would recommend regression work. And make sure you do some work around your near-drowning. That has been the key to understanding my feelings. I had one at age of 2 or 3, and had suppressed it until in regression. I remembered full details i.e. going through the tunnel and going towards the light where I met my sister. Plus, as well, do some regression through memories of the Bardo state. The Bardo is the state we go to in-between lives. Knowing what I was going through coming into this life helped me to become aware of how I viewed my world. Plus family dynamics, which I was not aware of.. my father had a secret life as a Canadian spy which I was not aware of until my late 40s. SO, don't discount any possibilities. I had no idea whatever, but of course now in retrospect.

    I have remembered three lives in the holocaust. Other traumatic lives also play into my particular difficulties. I am what is called somatizing to the pain I experienced in those lives. The pain is real in this life; PTSD stems from all of our experiences. It has been a journey of self-discovery.
    I am in treatment with a good homeopath who has been trained in homeopathy as well as somatic guidance for trauma, and she is working with my spiritual experiences. https://traumahealing.org/about-us/
     
  18. Eva1942

    Eva1942 A Walking Enigma..

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    Soulfreindly, I have to disagree with you there. Some of my spiritual healing from the Holocaust and connection to this life current health problems were not necessarily done via regression, but via research and reading to find validation for what little memories I had in the beginning.

    Also childhood memories from this lifetime play an important part in piecing together what problems stem from what life. I still have arthritis and dental problems from my Ancient Egypt Pharaoh lifetime (I died riddled with arthritis and dental problems).

    Homeopathy doesn’t always work, nor did it help my C-PTSD or my Fibromyalgia (tried it) so what works for you might not work for someone else.

    Eva x
     
  19. soulfreindly

    soulfreindly Senior Registered

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    I did not say not to look into trauma from this life...

    I shared my experience with homeopathy because it has been essential to my healing. I agree not all homeopaths are equal. This is the first homeopath who has worked with me around my spiritual experiences. She, as well, has had past life memories and near death experiences. I am very lucky to have found her.
     
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  20. KenJ

    KenJ Assistant Archivist and Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I've seen too much of this, too many people that I know have know have been affected.
     

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