So sorry for the serious post!!

Discussion in 'Members Lounge' started by Cassie, Jan 15, 2018.

  1. Cassie

    Cassie Kemetic-Shintoic Pagan

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    I just only feel comfortable here, I hope no one minds, but I'd like some life advice from you fellow old-souls!
    I've been away for a while because I've been juggling life issues, sorry for the absence.

    I've been having problems with my ex boyfriend's best friend.
    Two weeks after I became single (broke up with my ex) his best friend (Dave) started telling me how much he liked me, kept flirting and insinuating he wanted waaay more than I was prepared to give him.
    Dave would complain that he wanted attention from me and get jealous when I gave attention to other people. Send me walls of texts as if we were already in some kind of relationship.

    We hung out once with one of his colleagues from work, we all watched a movie and sat on the couch together and the colleague put his arm around me, Dave got annoyed and left, the moment he'd gone he sent me a string of extremely jealous messages, demanding to know if I was sleeping with the colleague.
    It's been months since then, but Dave has brought it up repeatedly.

    Dave keeps saying he's always liked me, but we've never been close, for years when I'd try to hug him, he'd run a mile, and now he constantly prompts me to give him attention.

    I've spent too long seeing him as the friend of my ex and I've told him that nothing will ever happen between us. But he is extremely persistent.

    When he accuses me of liking his colleague, he says he's only looking out for my ex's feelings, but he also wants to be in a relationship with me himself and expects my ex to 'be okay with that and accept it'.

    It's just that I've told him repeatedly that I'm not interested in him, and that he makes me uncomfortable, and it stops for a while.
    But now and then he tells me I should stay the night, tells me to cuddle him.
    But I do nooot want to do these things.

    Dave has been single for seven years, he's dated lots of girls and has always comes to me for advice, but they all seem to block/ignore him after one or two days. The desperation has made him unbearably relentless, and I can't help him.

    How do I deal with this situation?
     
  2. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    I think you should be blunt with him. There's no good way to reject somebody but if he's that persistant it seem's straight talking is the way to go IMO. If he can't get the hint it's best to cut him from your life.
     
  3. inhaltslos

    inhaltslos Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    He’s exhibiting some very controlling behaviors that, IMO, are not going to improve with time. He won’t listen when you say you’re not interested, so discussing it yet again probably won’t help. My advice is to stay away from him. Just stay away.
     
  4. KenJ

    KenJ Assistant Archivist and Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Cassie, I agree with what has been said about trying to stay clear of him as you will not be able to cure him of his insecurities, and therefore never satisfy his needs IMO. I know that it makes you uncomfortable in making him feel "rejected", but that is something he needs to deal with, not you. Do you worry about your safety? Are you in a situation where you are otherwise in contact with him, like work environment?
     
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  5. Cryscat

    Cryscat Senior Member

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    My advice, Run far away from this guy. He is a guy who will try to control every thing you do. He will emotionally abuse you. He is showing you this, fairly early on. Please believe that what he is showing you, is who he really is. Block his phone number, avoid him. Run.
     
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