Tessa's memory

Discussion in 'Children's Cases - Archive' started by missuJoe, Nov 28, 2006.

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  1. missuJoe

    missuJoe Registered

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    Been putting it off, but now here is my daughter's 'memory'.
    I hate my long posts, but this one will be long, and a few posts, because there are a few parts to it. Also, I should explain a bit about my area, and the people, to be better understood. When Tess was about 18 months old, we acquired 11 acres and a newer mobile in the country, about 20 minutes from town. (Also, a week later, I lost my boyfriend). This area- especially the area west to us- was popular for many Finnish immigrants who came over mainly to work in the bush camps (foresty). This wasn't really the choisest land for farming (and boy, neither was mine!)but it was cheap so they bought up lots of it. It wasn't the nice, rollling pasture type (there was SOME of that but...) had lots of bedrock, heavily wooded with softwood like birch, pine and poplar, ravines, swamps etc. but somehow these tough, resourceful, stoic people set up little farms with SMALL houses, made fromf that wood- a lighter coloured wood. A typical homestead would have a small homemade sawmill, a barn, a few horses, chickens, hay etc. And the husband could be gone long periods in the bush camp, while the wife had to be tough and run it all.

    One spring day, when Tess was almost 2, we were walking back up the long, rocky unpaved road to our home after getting our mail from a group box. I was teasing her about her 'boyfriend' at daycare, as I had a few times before with no incident . I was just being silly with her, as she had just started going for about two months (basically I was just 'working to pay the daycare' because I thought she could use the socialization, being so isolated where we were.
    The workers said she was a real 'leader', probably just being nice, as I had always found her a little bossy:D but that most of the boys really liked her, and that one kept saying he was her boyfriend! . But this time, was different. She sounded just like elderly Finnish ladies I had spoke with (especially ones who had had hard lives on the 'homestead') She 'scoffed' at the suggestion of a boyfriend saying (with a Finnish accent- really) "Ahh, I don't want no more 'boyfriends',- and she laughed- "I already had one..two..threee husbands, yah, and my last husband...hah" and she made one of those hand gestures, half wave, half like 'throwing' that is typical too. "No, I joost want to be alone now, that's ok" I couldn't speak until we got home, she wasn't being my little girl at all!

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  2. missuJoe

    missuJoe Registered

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    (Ugghh! here's the other long post). Later that night, I was laying in bed, couldn't sleep, still thinking of Joe. Tess was down the hall in her bed (unlike Thor, she was very autonomous, independant, almost like she was born grownup, so didn't ever want to sleep with me, quite the reverse.) I don't know why she came to my room because there was no noise to wake her up. But she was still acting like 'that woman'. So I picked up the conversation, careful not to make stuff up. I just said, 'So that's interesting, you being married and all before...did you have any children?" "Oh, dose KITS" she said, like they would be the death of her "Ya, I had kits, those darn boys, RUNNING in and out of the kitsen, that **** dog they got, making a mess all over- shoo!..ya they were always doing that" and she shakes her head. What were their names? "Oh, there was ??, and ?? and ?? and ?? three names I dont remember now, but definately were Finn! I asked her's but didnt' expect an answer- but was told a name that I found out years later is not a first name but..is a very usual Finn last name, like 'Smith'- I won't post it because I don't want to insult any relatives, in case my growing suspician is right. At that time, 'Tess had never met her father's Finnish mother, not til she was 4. At five, we all attended her dad's funeral, and there I saw it- her great grandmother's headstone, had that name on it!! I also asked her where she lived, and doing that 'hand thing' again, kind of brushing it off like it wasn't so important, gestured west of us "oh, just over there a bit, out there.." then she changed the subject, she had come in because she sensed I was sad, and then gave me pat on the back I can't forget, it was kind of a strong, stiff, 'there there,


    be strong' kind of pat. Weird.


    Anyway, Tess is very practical, stoic and no-nonsense herself, sometimes she acts like she is MY mom...so I didn't mention this to her, didn't think she would really be interested. But when Thorin started saying strange things last year, I mentioned it to her. Just told her what SHE had said, not all the other stuff (wouldn't interest her anyway, and she always says I talk to much...hmmm). To my surprise she told me of a dream she has a had a few times. her- "I'm standing in my kitchen, and these three boys come flying into the house, chasing a dog" She is rather embarrassed about the dream, doesn't know what to make of it. I thought that was all there was, but I ask anyway, "I guess you didn't see how they looked, or.." Gradually, I hear that: three boys, 4 to 11 (roughly) very boisterous, short blonde hair and fair, youngest one is very pale, quieter, almost sickly. Brown longsleeved shirts with vests, white buttons, one has thick jean overalls.." Youngest one is sort of holding the dog's tail (dog is gold lab- quite a typical dog for that area/and for Finns). They're shouting and laughing, but not in a language she recognizes now, still somehow she had an idea of what they were saying. They all run into the living room (where her daughter is- fair, shoulder length dirty blonde hair, about 7 years old).


    I way WOW, and did you notice how the walls were, and what were you doing when they ran in etc. "I was standing at the sink washing a bowl"(I ask what kind- it was a wooden bowl, carved). "The walls have like this light wood, in like 'wide' strips' " I guess, pine tongue and groove, guess husband was


    good at carpentry! Then she really blushes, like she doesn't know what to make of it all-and she never blushes, unless about a boy- she says "I'm... FAT!"..I say what? "I'm fat, like big hips- she gestures- and I have a yellow short sleeved cotton dress, white lacy trim,just past the knees a white, dirty apron, worn out grey/blue slippers...I'm washing the bowl with a dirty, grey/blue rag.." I say 'Anything else, like do you have any sense of what YOU were like, were you young or..Unhappily, she says "I feel so OLD..but I don't know if I am old, I feel old though. Now, at first I was thinking, how could she be their mom, if she was like 60 or so, but then I remember that MY old and HER old are different..And, back then forty was old :rolleyes: . Then she mentions there is a window at the sink, so I ask if she can see anything out the window. and she described the window, which also sounded ypical..she saw some chickens, a barn, a few people in the dirt yard, a tractor. I ask her to and she describes (to me anyway) a 1930's style tractor, not old and rusty as they appear now in museums, but 'just a few years old'. She's blushing again, doesn't really want to tell me but I get it out of her, I say 'what are u thinking"...she's thinking that the guy on the tractor looks 'hot' lol. It was EXACTLY how I've seen her respond when teased of guys she likes NOW, so weird. I asked her how she could have 'dreams' like this and not talk about it sheeesh:laugh:


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  3. missuJoe

    missuJoe Registered

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    And...the last one (promise: angel ). Even if I can't prove my suspician, I still feel she definately had a life like that at some other time. When she was born, my mother looked into her eyes and said "She is a very old soul, yes she has been around a lot" And she didn't usually say things like that. I was always a little in awe of her (though I hid it as best I could, after all I AM her mom, and she IS a child, I have to take care of her) . Maybe because it was 'family dynamics' (just her and I alone in the country, so she felt more of a 'roomate', and was always battling for control, to run the place, who knows.) She was like a bossy old 'old country' lady,blunt (not tactful like my mom) even telling me how to wash the dishes, where to put them in the kitchen, got a little trying at times lol.


    She was so serious. Some things I know about her great grandmother: Very bossy (sorry granny) independant,single minded, cheap!, ruled her home and children with an iron fist, (as she continued to do so as a very old, bedridden woman when I met her two years before my daughter's birth) My one and only meeting, she commanded to see me, I stood there beside Tessa's dad (her grandson) nervous, but after 'inspecting' me a bit, pronounced me a 'comeeo dootoo' (apologies to Finnish people, I don't know the spelling!) or 'a beautiful girl'- unless he lied to me:butbut: She too, had 4 kids (three boys, one girl; the girl is Tessa's grandma, and the youngest 'sickly' boy, her younger brother who is still alive. Incidentally, I learned just last year (it was revealed on Great Grandma's deathbed) that his real father was a farmhand..so he is a half-brother. He spent much of his life in a 'sanitorium', for what I'm not sure. And she lived on such a 'homestead' during the depression too. I was wanting to try and get Tessa to see more of her grandma, since, at 81, I don't know for how much longer we will have the pleasure, and she is literally the only relative beside me and Thor that she sees. I have gotten used to her manner- which is so much different than my dear mother's was- and realize that in her own way, she just really cares about everyone, even me, hence her bluntness, criticism etc.and I am a little older, little more secure with who I am, to just let it 'glide over me' lol. My daughter and her though...I thought it was 'MuMu's' manner that put Tess off, but I was startled to hear yesterday, when speaking of my suspician (I waited until she had told me everything I figured she could tell me to tell her my suspician) that she feels it should be HER (TESS) who reprimands mumu, or says 'that was stooopid thing to do/say, how could you be so stoopid, such nonsense!' It drives her wild that she is being treated like the child, when she would rather give mumu a little 'swat' for talking nonsense!


    I never knew she felt that, but it makes sense to me.. Now I have another excuse to 'hang' with mumu, we would like to ask her lots of questions about the 'family tree' (which I wanted to do for Tess anyway, someday she will be curious).


    Like WHERE exactly this homestead was, if they owned a dog, what was 'mom' like, etc. Another thing: Tess was 'born on a horse' (where I was terrified of them) Got on one at 2, didn't want anyone holding her on it or leading the horse- which we certainly did- but she kicked at us and was sure mad about it!


    And took lessons last year, the teacher and others thought she had been riding for years, it came so natural and so much confidence! She likes horses...but not the country. She says if I ever drag her out there again she will run away (we moved to town 3 years ago, I hate it, but she is very popular with dozens of friends and a 'social life'. ha ha). Shouldn't imagine too much until I get some validation, but, I wonder if the great grandmother got sick of that country life and felt trapped out there?


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