Trip to an Air Force Museum/Possible PL

Discussion in 'Past Life Memories' started by Kenz1010, Nov 17, 2018.

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  1. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    Great idea Landsend.
    My panic attack yesterday was insane, I’ve never had one that intense. I don’t even know if you’d call it a panic attack or if it would be classified as PTSD. I actually felt like I was there. I think I also felt the “after math” of what happened. In the beginning of experiencing the scene (I don’t even know what to call it) I felt angry. But then after “I did what I did”, I felt such guilt and sadness and I couldn’t control my sobs. I don’t think my past life self took it well? Or maybe I’m just not taking it well, and maybe my past life self didn’t feel these emotions. I’m not exactly sure, but the emotions were so mixed it was like a million emotions were hitting me at once. It was like my body was taken over and I was totally out of control, it also seriously seemed like everything around me disappeared and there was just me and the scene. It’s very hard to explain in words. I’m not sure if anyone’s had something similar to that, as in feeling such emotions and actually feeling like you’re there. But it was so intense words cannot describe what I felt in that moment.

    I’ll need to start writing down everything, I think that could be a great help of organizing what I’m feeling and the details.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2018
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  2. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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    Hi Kenz. That sounds more like a flashback than an anxiety attack to me. Just my two cents. I have PTSD.
     
  3. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    Hi Jim,
    It was a flashback of some sort. I wrote on another thread how I felt, like how my body was reacting. I was hyperventilating, my legs became weak (don’t know why??) so I sat on the floor since I thought my legs were going to give out and I was uncontrollably sobbing. I don’t even know how long it took for me to come back to reality but it felt like forever.
     
  4. Jim78

    Jim78 Senior Registered

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  5. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    Yes... that sounds like a flashback. I have them, too. If I was you, I would take a break from this unless you can get help from a trained professional dealing with past lives. It’s not something to be taken lightly. You are young relatively speaking and I worry for that.
     
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  6. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    The basic German helmet was darkish green-grey. The colour also varied according to the campaign, or to the season, and some had a particular camo paint marking, or even a bronze paint. Late war helmets were often covered, with a thick cotton camo in various patterns. Soldiers could tuck greenery into the covers for further camouflage.
     
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  7. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    Thanks for further clarification. The helmet he was wearing was not covered with anything, not from what I saw at least, and was grayish in color. So before late war they wouldn’t cover their helmets with those things?

    I keep trying to bury the memory with music and trying to keep myself productive. I became emotional from it during one of my classes today and had to find a way to distract myself. I don’t know who to talk about this, because I know no one I know in person will understand.

    I also felt that specific presence around yesterday, right after I had that incident with the flashback. And I kept feeling like I had to be shown that for some reason, like there was no way to escape it somehow. I was in the shower when it happened and found it quite odd that when I snapped out of my funk, to find it to be freezing cold in the shower. It was so cold, even though the water was warm, so I have no idea what that was about. But it did remind me of what Ben said, when he had the telepathic conversation with his PL self, and that his room temperature changed.
     
  8. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Kenz, do you have any relaxation CDs? Maybe that might help. I find if I get overemotional and do that, it helps.
     
  9. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    I don’t, but maybe I could find something on YouTube. I’ve been so out of it lately. Been noticing that when people are talking to me, I’m totally out of the conversation cause my mind is completely somewhere else. Need to find a way to ground myself to the present moment.
     
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  10. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    I’m not saying for you to bury your memory, and I do understand... you might be surprised at how receptive people can be if you open to them. Suffering alone definitely won’t help. Even if you don’t mention past lives to people and just explain you are having a hard time. Having a receptive ear helps. Know it’s not always possible but we are here, send me a message any time if you need to talk.

    As for the shower triggering you, my memory also has triggered in the shower. This for me is because of the heat/humidity and the fact that it was raining heavily in the memory.
     
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  11. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    I’m not sure why it was triggered in the shower, or if it was even the shower that triggered it. I don’t know why it would? I was in the shower for a while before the flashback even came.

    Also, I don’t have many people I’d feel comfortable talking to about having a hard time. I’ve always been one of those people who doesn’t really show their emotions or hardships. And when I do become emotional, it makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason. Probably because I’m not used to feeling those kinds of emotions in general. I think I’ve internalized a lot of things, and I think it’s become a habit. Sort of like a “I’ll deal with you later” sort of thing, but then I never actually get to the dealing with it part lol.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2018
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  12. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    Join the club -- There's a reason it took me twenty-six years to look into my own knapsack. Internalising things though won't help in the long run. The more you suppress, the more liable you are to blow off the lid. In some ways it would have been better for me to deal with my stuff whilst younger since I would not of had the responsibilities that I have now on top of the underlying issues. Ultimately it's affecting my home life, and I'm afraid I'll end up like my past self: ALONE. I wouldn't blame people for not wanting me in their life when I'm at my worst.

    Am just suggesting you try and reach out to someone. You can listen to that or not -- ultimately your choice (I'm the first person who doesn't like folk telling me what to do).
     
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  13. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Oh yes, I'm another soldier that's spent a lifetime with a lid on it. What a waste. I did end up alone. Believe me, it doesn't work. Please don't end up like me. The Brian Weiss meditations are gently relaxing, I find, if that's any help?
     
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  14. landsend

    landsend Senior Registered

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    Tanker, I always say -- it ain't over till its over. Always time to bring people into your life... and now you have me to bother you, at least ;)
     
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  15. CanSol

    CanSol Senior Registered

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    @Kenz1010 I've only said it to a few on here but if you want to talk, especially about memories you don't want to share on an open forum, my message box is open
    It's hard to shock me given where I've been and what I've heard, seen, done
     
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  16. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Thank God for that! Bless you, brother.
     
  17. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    Thanks so much CanSol, I’ll take you up on that if I have any more flashbacks. It’s the same reoccurring scene that I explained to you earlier that triggered my panic attack (or whatever it was) but this one was so much more real than the ones before.
    It was also like I actually had adrenaline even though I wasn’t even there in real life. It’s really hard to explain, but in the beginning of the flashback, I was literally bashing the soldier on the head with my rifle, that’s when I felt that adrenaline and anger. But then afterwards when it was over I was overcome with so much sadness and guilt from what happened. It felt like the scene switched after I did what I did to the soldier. I’m not actually sure what was going on but after it all happened. I felt like my head was spinning and I kept thinking “I didn’t want to do it like that” over and over and over again. It’s actually making me nervous just typing it out. I’m trying to explain in more detail what happened and what I felt, but it seems too complex to put into words. It also isn’t easy to explain when it’s all too overwhelming for me to even think about, my mind’s continuously racing all over the place. I know there’s definitely so many more instances where it’s so much worse, but I can’t seem to even handle this one that isn’t as ‘gore’ as, I assume, other situations during that time.
     
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  18. Kenz1010

    Kenz1010 Senior Registered

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    I think I only have one close friend I’d feel sort of okay talking to. He’s a pretty understanding person. It’s hard for me to open up like that, but maybe it’ll help.
     
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  19. tanker

    tanker Senior Registered

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    Understand, Kenz, even if it was one of my own you were doing that to. Sorry to say we all did those sorts of things and probably worse, and felt those sorts of things. That's the guilt we live with, and have to find a way of managing it. I don't always manage it, and your story is a reminder of why. No easy answer, except maybe to try and pace yourself if you can.
     
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  20. Totoro

    Totoro Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    There's a museum here that features someone's large collection of private military vehicles and things. It must have cost quite a lot! Each war has their own life sized diorama you can walk through and near the end, one was the deck of a Japanese aircraft carrier. In one of the display cabinets, there was a rising sun flag and I stood and looked at it for a minute and the room seemed to spin around like one of those tunnels that you walk through at a fun house that make you feel disorientated. I felt quite sick and anxious and it didn't subside until we were well into our trip home.

    By that point though, I knew all about my past life and the Japanese occupation, I think it's a completely normal thing to happen with someone that had a traumatic experience in their past life, but I can also see how strange and unsettling it would be for someone who knew nothing about past lives either.

    Have you tried researching the incident at all? Can you identify uniforms, names etc?

    I think what got me over my experience is I knew what happened and for the most part, I had dealt with it already. But all in all, this place is the best place to be.. :) Feel free to open up! All my lives too have bee in the military one way or the other.. Vietnam, Boer war, campaigns throughout Afghanistan.
     

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