Hello everyone, I've never been seriously interested in reincarnation on past lives up until now - although I've never really rejected it. What brought me here is a past relationship which shattered my life and the opinion I had of myself. I'd be really grateful if you could help me with your feedback. If it's too long, go to the tl;dr section below. When I met this girl 7 years ago, I was hit by the strongest "oh sh*t" feeling I've ever experienced in my whole life - as if a piece of my fate was standing right before me and I could do nothing to prevent it from coming to me. I had been in love or fascinated before, but this was different: I was equally drawn to her and plain scared, because of the strenght of what I felt would unite us. I was **** right. I lasted 4 years. It was mutually abusive in any sense. We couldn't be more different. We just split for everybody's sake but never really fell out of love. It's like there were two of us: on the one hand, we were two empathic, resilient people who wanted each other's good but otherwise didn't understand each other and had nothing in common, personality, values, life paths, not even basic sexual preferences since I prefer men and she prefers women. on the other hand, we were almost spiritually joined by something bigger and older than us. We finished each other's sentences, thought the same things at the same time, we really couldn't be split, we felt like we were at home, a home before time that destroyed who we were now. We unconsciously liked destroying each other. I was a shy kid. I stopped practicing karate because I didn't like beating people, not even as a sport. I had never slapped anyone before, and I never did afterwards. I can't forgive myself for the things I did and those I let happen when I was with her. I think I could never deal with this relationship "the right way": I was drawn to her but in a way that trascended who I was. It was dark, but not sexual from my side (and this caused a lot of problems in hindsight). It was more than a love relationship, and not in a good way. It felt, as I said, like a home before time, and it awakened someone I was not, someone I wouldn't be again afterwards. She liked to baby me. We both had a strong interest in the '20s-'30s-'40s. A thing that perplexed me was her lowkey liking for brother/sister incest fantasies, which had no root in her daily life (she and her sister disliked each other like many siblings do) and I had never had any interest in. When it was clear we weren't partners in the proper sense of the term we jokingly called each other "cousins". I think her baggage is bigger than mine and she's repressing a lot right now. tl;dr one could say it's just an abusive relationship, with roots in some childhood trauma, and the sibling fantasy is just a way to make sense of it through imagination. but if she was my older sister in a past life, then many situations, and many precise sensations I couldn't explain then, would perfectly make sense. What do you think? How can I tell an abusive relationship full stop from an abusive relationship caused by the interference of a past life? If this is the case, how can I get hints about said past life? I'm worried we didnt just have sex in this one and the thought disgusts and scares me.